What to do with a back talking 5yo?

[melissad2]

Help! My 5yo has developed quite the sassy mouth and I have no idea where he got it from! He always has a snippy remark when disciplined or corrected and I am at my white end with it. The worst thing is that my 2 yo is imitating him grrrr! Creative solutions needed please!

[mommy5]

I have no good suggestions but I've dealt with this a bit and have figured out it was tv shows that I didn't realize had that as part of the plotlines/characters. Even seemingly "good" tv shows have some sassy talkers on it. It actually annoys me a lot and we've recently cut out tv and computer privileges because of this very issue.

[WishboneDawn]

I often ignore stuff like that. If my kids get no reaction from me they lose interest pretty quickly. Maybe that's an unusual response (or non response), but it works for me.

 

Yup. The more reaction they get, good or bad, the worse it seems to get. When they learn it gets them exactly nowhere they get bored with it.

[Dory]

I make my son reword his remarks. He is welcome to give feedback on how things make him feel, but he can word it nicely. He doesn't enjoy having to re-say things a few times over and it's limited how often he says snippy, rude remarks now. I keep telling him that if he can't say things nicely that he must be lacking in conversation skill and he will just have to practice more (hence the repeating).

 

My oldest was never sassy like that, but my 5 year old is pretty quick with words when he wants to be.

[melissad2]

I make my son reword his remarks. He is welcome to give feedback on how things make him feel, but he can word it nicely. He doesn't enjoy having to re-say things a few times over and it's limited how often he says snippy, rude remarks now. I keep telling him that if he can't say things nicely that he must be lacking in conversation skill and he will just have to practice more (hence the repeating).

 

My oldest was never sassy like that, but my 5 year old is pretty quick with words when he wants to be.

 

Good idea! I will try ignoring too...but gosh that's hard to do!

[Parrothead]

I make my son reword his remarks. He is welcome to give feedback on how things make him feel, but he can word it nicely. He doesn't enjoy having to re-say things a few times over and it's limited how often he says snippy, rude remarks now. I keep telling him that if he can't say things nicely that he must be lacking in conversation skill and he will just have to practice more (hence the repeating).

 

My oldest was never sassy like that, but my 5 year old is pretty quick with words when he wants to be.

:iagree:It would be reworded and said nicely or said at a level I can't hear.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Re-Do is the main method of discipline here. With a 5yo, it can depend. You could either:

 

1) give him the correct way to say something such as "the correct answer is...." or "You mean, 'I'll get right on that'?"

 

or

 

2) ask him to "take two" or "try again" and come up with something better himself.

 

Thinking is a good idea so #2 works well; but some kids really need you to give them the pat answers for a time before they can do it. Some kids will freeze or do just as poorly on take two so giving them the answer is helpful.

[happi duck]

Re-Do is the main method of discipline here. With a 5yo, it can depend. You could either:

 

1) give him the correct way to say something such as "the correct answer is...." or "You mean, 'I'll get right on that'?"

 

or

 

2) ask him to "take two" or "try again" and come up with something better himself.

 

Thinking is a good idea so #2 works well; but some kids really need you to give them the pat answers for a time before they can do it. Some kids will freeze or do just as poorly on take two so giving them the answer is helpful.

 

:iagree:

[kalanamak]

Have you looked at Raising a Thinking Child?

It gives them plenty of chance to express themselves. Kiddo started behaving better rather than having to "go over it" again.

[justLisa]

I sometimes try the "can you say that again to me?" As in, try again buddy. But sometimes it's a mood and it would turn ugly, because they would not want to repeat it, and then I'd have to somehow make them (not sure how) or punish, etc....and then everyone would be miserable. I ignore mostly. But with my kids, my disapproval is enough for them. The feel really bad already about that.

[SKL]

"Isn't there a nice way to say that?"

 

If that doesn't work or it continues, I take things or privileges away.

 

On the other hand, one of my kids does a lot of that when she's hungry, and she really just needs to eat. If it's that time of day I might just say "you're hungry. You'll feel better after you've had something to eat."

[Soror]

Have you looked at Raising a Thinking Child?

It gives them plenty of chance to express themselves. Kiddo started behaving better rather than having to "go over it" again.

 

Can you elaborate?

 

My dd1, who is also 5, is more prone to sassiness. I think in part due to her personality, she is just intense kind of kid. I've done a few different things- ignoring, making her repeat in a nice manner, sending her to her room until her attitude improves but I don't know that we've reached the perfect solution yet and I'm excited to hear other options.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Soror,

 

Raising a Thinking Child is a fun thinking skills curriculum (don't worry, just a book with activities to teach them; but it is systematic). It starts out with some word play, very simple. It works to considering how other people feel, how they feel, finding solutions to problems, working together, evaluation of solutions, etc. It is FOR the preschool age child, 3-6yr olds easily but you could adapt it for a toddler or 1st/2nd grader. There is also a preteen one.

 

Anyway, so then, kiddo would be able to think, "if-then" and "how can I best get my need met" and "will this work?" and such. Kid is likely not to be sassy because he knows how to express himself appropriately. Additionally, he'd be less likely to because many times he'll think how it won't meet his needs afterall, make you frustrated with him, get him punishment, etc. A lot of the things we think instantaneously can be taught to young children, allowing them to "think on a dime" also :)

[Soror]

Soror,

 

Raising a Thinking Child is a fun thinking skills curriculum (don't worry, just a book with activities to teach them; but it is systematic). It starts out with some word play, very simple. It works to considering how other people feel, how they feel, finding solutions to problems, working together, evaluation of solutions, etc. It is FOR the preschool age child, 3-6yr olds easily but you could adapt it for a toddler or 1st/2nd grader. There is also a preteen one.

 

Anyway, so then, kiddo would be able to think, "if-then" and "how can I best get my need met" and "will this work?" and such. Kid is likely not to be sassy because he knows how to express himself appropriately. Additionally, he'd be less likely to because many times he'll think how it won't meet his needs afterall, make you frustrated with him, get him punishment, etc. A lot of the things we think instantaneously can be taught to young children, allowing them to "think on a dime" also :)

 

Very interesting, thanks for sharing. I'll have to see if my library has it.

[melissad2]

Soror,

 

Raising a Thinking Child is a fun thinking skills curriculum (don't worry, just a book with activities to teach them; but it is systematic). It starts out with some word play, very simple. It works to considering how other people feel, how they feel, finding solutions to problems, working together, evaluation of solutions, etc. It is FOR the preschool age child, 3-6yr olds easily but you could adapt it for a toddler or 1st/2nd grader. There is also a preteen one.

 

Anyway, so then, kiddo would be able to think, "if-then" and "how can I best get my need met" and "will this work?" and such. Kid is likely not to be sassy because he knows how to express himself appropriately. Additionally, he'd be less likely to because many times he'll think how it won't meet his needs afterall, make you frustrated with him, get him punishment, etc. A lot of the things we think instantaneously can be taught to young children, allowing them to "think on a dime" also :)

Thanks! I will grab this book! It sounds exactly what I am looking for :)

[kalanamak]

Very interesting, thanks for sharing. I'll have to see if my library has it.

 

There is a workbook, which I have never seen, but this is the book I meant:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Thinking-Child-Everyday-Conflicts/dp/0671534637/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b

 

which teaches the parent how to query a child into coming up with better ideas for behavior.