cin Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 First off, this is NOT a 'homeschoolers don't get socialized' thread. DH is a MAJOR introvert. I do okay in situations when I know the people, but I'm not good at introducing myself and starting conversation with strangers. We went to a pool party this weekend. Our kids play with their kids, but we've never really met. (live 4 or 5 houses down). Our kids played all evening with all the other kids, but DH and I knew nobody and we sat at the table and sort of had a date night while everyone else wandered and socialized. They knew other people there. I have friends, but I don't have a clique that I hang with. So my kids aren't with the same group of kids on a regular, or even semi-regular basis. They don't get invited to birthday parties, even as a reciprocal invitation with the kids they invite to THEIR party. Now, we're talking about moving 'out to the country.' We are talking 5 acres, and a few animals. But there won't be any neighbors to play with. What adds to my concern is the fact that oldest DD is aspie. Younger DD is starting to pick up some of her sister's behaviors, and she's with other kids periodically. FWIW, I would LOVE to have a BFF, a person who I can talk to any time I need to, but it just hasn't happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I am sure others will chime in about how you guys will be just fine, but it would be a valid concern for me. My husband and I are both introverts. Thankfully, our extended family has a lot of kids, and I have long friendships with women who have similarly-aged children. This is where my son's friends come from. We have gone to many, many, MANY social events for kids/families over the past 6 years and we have not made a single friend that way. Neither of us is able to start those conversations that lead to friendship. :( Additionally, our son needs a lot of coaching in social situations that we so far haven't been equipped to provide. The socialization issue is a real one for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 You won't have neighbors around your 5 acres? I'm an introvert too. My kids could wander across the road and play with our neighbors kids though and I know that out here, that would be ok. I also encourage my kids to go to the church activities here as I know that they will be interacting with the same kids every time and have a better chance of making friends. I send them to the camp that our church sponsors as well for the same reason. It's definitely something that is a concern for our family. I'm hoping that my pushing the kids pays off somewhat, but I do worry about it. We don't have much for kids their age within family that's safe to socialize with either so they get nothing there. I can understand the longing for a BFF. I keep telling myself that friends are highly over rated, just to make myself feel better about my lack of one. lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garddwr Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I'm a moderate introvert--pretty content to be by myself, but I also really enjoy one-on-one interactions with other people. I struggle with large group--or really even small group--settings. I have both introvert and extrovert children, and I find the extrovert really, really needs regular social interaction to be happy. So far the best solution I have found is to find another homeschooling family or two that we get together with at least once a week--this could be for some kind of class run by the moms or just for a play date, meet at the park or pool or something, but it needs to happen regularly. Seeing the same kids on a regular basis allows friendships to develop, and seeing the mom(s) on a regular basis allows me to develop stronger friendships as well. At the least I would find a regular activity in a small-group setting that your child(ren) can participate in--small group so that they have a chance to really get to know the other participants. --Sarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Well I have no friends and like you I have a hard time introducing myself to people etc, though I usually find someone to talk to at things like that, but my kids learn socialization by normal everyday interactions with people, and they play with other kids everywhere so I guide them with that. Just because I have no friends now, doesn't mean I never did or that I never learned proper social skills kwim. It is more challenging with a kid that doesn't "get" social things naturally when I don't have friends around all the time to model these things, it just means putting in more effort on my part. Going to more things, forcing myself to talk to 1 person new etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I do have friends - but my friendships have absolutely nothing to do with my kids' socialization. One can keep these two things separate. Your kids could join activities where they meet other kids: homeschool playgroup, choir, 4H, sports team, community theater (We live in a small town, and people travel long distances for their children to participate in activities. ). There is no need for you to be friends with the other parents. You just need to make the effort and take them. You don't even have to like any of the other parents (although it helps, otherwise these playgroups are terribly loooong). My son participates in a weekly homeschool playgroup. We are an area wide group, families travel up to an hour to get together and have the kids play. He has friends there. When I joined, I did not know anybody. It took some time feeling part of the group, but over the years, I have gotten to know the other moms and it is no longer painful to hang out for 3-4 hours. (My introverted DH has nothing to do with the whole thing. He hardly knows the others and probably would not recognize most of them, but this is my task, not his.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiobrain Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 If your kids need to be with other kids you will make it happen, it will just take a bit more of a concerted effort. As long as you pay attention to when they want/need to see other kids, they'll be fine. So, they might not be able to just go outside and play with whatever neighbor kids are around, so what? That is likely more about conveinience than actual need. You can also invite kids over to enjoy your place.... It can be done. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I've had to make a concerted effort for DD's sake. Joining a co-op helped a lot. I'm much more confident with kids than adults (which, I think, was one reason I went into teaching as a profession), so being part of a co-op meant that I could volunteer to teach and basically hide behind the kids while getting to know the adults and it wasn't obvious I was doing so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 I forgot to add that DH and I are both only children and all the grandparents are gone. We do see one of his cousins once a year, and they have a little girl. So the big family get togethers are not there either. We MIGHT have neighbors when we move, that is an unknown, but something that we are taking into account. During the school year the girls do go to a coop 1 day a week. But that only meets 24 times a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 First off, this is NOT a 'homeschoolers don't get socialized' thread. DH is a MAJOR introvert. I do okay in situations when I know the people, but I'm not good at introducing myself and starting conversation with strangers. We went to a pool party this weekend. Our kids play with their kids, but we've never really met. (live 4 or 5 houses down). Our kids played all evening with all the other kids, but DH and I knew nobody and we sat at the table and sort of had a date night while everyone else wandered and socialized. They knew other people there. I have friends, but I don't have a clique that I hang with. So my kids aren't with the same group of kids on a regular, or even semi-regular basis. They don't get invited to birthday parties, even as a reciprocal invitation with the kids they invite to THEIR party. Now, we're talking about moving 'out to the country.' We are talking 5 acres, and a few animals. But there won't be any neighbors to play with. What adds to my concern is the fact that oldest DD is aspie. Younger DD is starting to pick up some of her sister's behaviors, and she's with other kids periodically. FWIW, I would LOVE to have a BFF, a person who I can talk to any time I need to, but it just hasn't happened. sports. My kids have met most of their friend on sports teams. Also, join a pool club. You can relax, and the kids can play with other kids. You may meet some nice moms too.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beezus Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I do have friends - but my friendships have absolutely nothing to do with my kids' socialization. Same here. We tried homeschool groups when my daughter was younger, but none of them really worked out for us. One was an established group where everyone had religious convictions that we didn't have. Another group would advertise play dates, but then no one but us showed up. What worked better for us was to get my daughter involved in sports, art classes, and after school events at our library. It seemed like we kept running into some of the same people over and over. My daughter is fairly outgoing and was able to make friends doing these kinds of activities. I'm an introvert, but I did manage to make friends with a few of the parents. Not close pals, but comfortable acquaintances where I felt okay with my dd going to their house or their kid come to our place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I might try and involve my kids in at least a few activities to give them the opportunity to be with others. It might be a community play, 4H, a homeschool group, etc. If your children express an interest in getting together with other children, then I'm sure you will find a way to act on that. Are you and your husband confident and happy as introverts? That says a lot, I think. Your children will pick up on that and they will have the confidence to either make friends ...or be very content to be home-bodies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 This is us. Thing is, we are all similar. My kids actually prefer to be very selective in how they spend their free time. Each has a couple good friends, and each other. WE try to spend a lot of family time as well. And, I really, really like my DH :D. We are like best buddies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 We are exactly like this. I stopped worrying about it. I cannot change the way I am in this department. So far my kids display no anti social behaviors nor do they have any trouble getting along with just about anyone. I do try to get them out to various activities, but beyond that I don't fret about it. We're the same way. Add in lack of daytime transportation and being broke and it's been fun this summer. :glare: I'm bored. Ds is truly an introvert, as am I, and he loves alone time. Someone else in the house keeps harping on the friends issue and I want to slap them. I can't make plans with no car and no money. I've had some friends out, but they're in a similar boat as they live further away. Dh is the extrovert and tends to freak ds about the friend thing. It's getting old, really. Ds is happy with his online friends and dh isn't helping in any manner. He thinks ds can just waltz into a room and have friends, he so doesn't get introverts and has no desire to learn. Ds can socialize, he hates sports and has no interest in scouts and there is nothing organized for teens outside of that. I think there is benefit in the fact ds can spend time alone and enjoy it. I consider this a season of life. To the OP: I get it. I wish I had one good friend and kid who could come over once a week or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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