If you were just starting with an Aspie teen... (long)

[Night Elf]

UPDATE in post #24.

 

Ds15 (almost 16) was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 9, depression at age 14, and OCD at age 15. He seems to struggle with the amount of work he has on a daily basis so I try not to schedule more than he can handle. There are some days we don't even finish because he reaches the point where his mood becomes really bad. He feels frustrated, everything is too hard, work is taking too long, he'll be sitting here forever, etc.

 

He got his dx from a child psychiatrist at Kaiser and they don't offer any help for it. I was told he was quirky and he would learn to adapt. I tried getting him evaluated when he was about 11 years old at an autism center. I've told this story before. I filled out a very long questionaire and they sat with him for a few minutes. From this, they produced a report that was lots of pages. As I read through the first few pages, I saw my son's name. After that, it was another boy's name. I couldn't trust anything in that report. The only thing they could offer, besides the report that I didn't yet know was bogus, was a social skills class that they were trying to put together. I was on the waiting list and never got called. I didn't bother either, after I was so angry about the report.

 

So... where do you suggest I go from here? Someone suggested neuropsychological testing. Someone else gave me the list of tests her children had, so I have that. I went online and found 2 places that offer testing, and Aspergers is one of their specialties. What do I ask when I call these people? Do I just make a general appointment for an interview with me and my son and ask about testing during the appointment? Should I know ahead of time what tests I'm thinking of? Is it okay to go in with no idea and hope for their suggestions to be right?

 

My son has no friends. That's not his fault. We don't have opportunities to make friends. Every avenue we've explored has come up empty. He acts shy in public but can interact with people when he needs to do so. I'm not terribly worried about the social aspect, although if they can offer a social skills class, it certainly couldn't hurt.

 

I guess I'm mostly worried about his feelings about school. I don't know if his struggles are valid concerns or if he's just too ingrained in the habit of thinking everything is easy. I'll confess I've coddled him. It's always been too easy to accommodate and modify. We're used to it. I sit with him while he does all of his schoolwork. He can work on some of the coursework independently, but he prefers to have me present and a participant.

 

He's not the most coordinated person. When he was little, he gave up trying to learn to use scissors, crayons, or tie shoes. I never pushed the issues because I had bigger battles to fight. But I now wish I had helped him learn these things. At the time, they just weren't worth the meltdowns.

 

He's always hated timed tests, but as an upcoming 11th grader, he will have the opportunity to take the SAT. I just don't see that happening though. He can get by without taking it if he goes to a junior college, but they have COMPASS tests which are placement exams, so he cannot escape testing for college. Someone told me about special accommodations, but he needs to go through some qualification requirements, of which I have no clue.

 

Can anyone help me know what to do next? I don't want to call and go in without a clue of what I'm doing there. Is there testing that can help me figure out my son's issues? He's smart. He makes A's. But his work pace is so very slow and he loses control when he reaches his melting point. I truly believe that I must do something. I just have no idea what it is I'm supposed to do!? His age bothers me. Whenever I see resources or suggestions, they are usually for elementary school age children. What do you do with a 16 yr. old young man? Is it too late for him?

Edited June 27, 2012 by Night Elf

[Tokyomarie]

:grouphug: to you, Beth. It is so hard to know you need to do something but not know what exactly to do. Yesterday, I wrote a long response to you on your other thread and it got sent who knows where in cyberspace.

 

A good neuropsychologist will be open to all diagnostic possibilities. While previous diagnoses may be one factor in guiding his choice of tests, a full battery of cogntive ability, academic achievement, attention, memory, visual-motor, and other testing will be done.

 

I would consider interviewing at least two nps to find someone who will set your mind at ease about testing and who respects who you are as parents and the struggles you've dealt with to try to get some help. A good np will talk about undertanding a students strengths and weaknesses and finding resources to help a student develop his talents and to overcome weaknesses. I would encourage you to interview these people without your son. Wait until you've found someone you feel is respectful to you, professional, and efficient. In addition to these qualities, you want someone who has a network of community resources he/she can connect you with.

 

The kind of evaluation a neuropsychologist does will generate all the information you need to get accommodations on college testing and/or for college classes, if they are warranted. The COMPASS test is untimed and uses adaptive software to generate the next question based on how well the student answers inital questions. The actual testing is pretty short compared to the ACT/SAT.

 

Don't despair! Because your son is a good student, even if slow, I think what you really want to find are resources that will help you with the social and life-skills pieces. You need someone to help you work through the issues of what kind of work your son may be best suited for and how to help him develop independent living skills. It's hard to know where to turn but a good np should be able to help you get started.

[Night Elf]

A good neuropsychologist will be open to all diagnostic possibilities. While previous diagnoses may be one factor in guiding his choice of tests, a full battery of cogntive ability, academic achievement, attention, memory, visual-motor, and other testing will be done.

 

Thank you Marie. So when I call, I should just ask to set up an appt. for me to come in and discuss options? I didn't realize they could do that without the child present. Well, my son is a young man which is why I wasn't thinking along those lines. :)

[TippyCanoe]

.

[Laurie]

 

He's always hated timed tests, but as an upcoming 11th grader, he will have the opportunity to take the SAT. I just don't see that happening though. He can get by without taking it if he goes to a junior college, but they have COMPASS tests which are placement exams, so he cannot escape testing for college. Someone told me about special accommodations, but he needs to go through some qualification requirements, of which I have no clue.

 

?

 

I've just been through the COMPASS testing with my ds. I think it would be helpful for your ds to have the COMPASS math and English test prep books so he'll have a better idea of what to expect and can start practicing now. You could also call the nearest community college and see if they offer free test prep sessions. It might also be a good idea to start visiting the campus if you think he'll be going to cc and start checking out their website just to take away some of the fear of the unknown.

[TippyCanoe]

.

[Night Elf]

I think it would be helpful for your ds to have the COMPASS math and English test prep books so he'll have a better idea of what to expect and can start practicing now.

 

That's a super idea. I have an SAT prep book that my oldest dd used and I was actually flipping through it today and wondering if I should start him on some kind of test prep program. I'll look into the COMPASS as well, that might work even better.

 

It occurs to me that maybe you're looking for a kind of script, to rehearse more specifically what to say on the phone? You could start with something like this:

 

If you were next to me, I'd give you a big old hug!! This is exactly what I need. I wouldn't have thought to state my concerns in such an organized manner. But you reached the heart of what I am trying to say. Thank you!!

[8filltheheart]

He seems to struggle with the amount of work he has on a daily basis so I try not to schedule more than he can handle. There are some days we don't even finish because he reaches the point where his mood becomes really bad. He feels frustrated, everything is too hard, work is taking too long, he'll be sitting here forever, etc.

 

 

 

So... where do you suggest I go from here? Someone suggested neuropsychological testing. Someone else gave me the list of tests her children had, so I have that. I went online and found 2 places that offer testing, and Aspergers is one of their specialties. What do I ask when I call these people?

 

My son has no friends. That's not his fault. We don't have opportunities to make friends. Every avenue we've explored has come up empty. He acts shy in public but can interact with people when he needs to do so. I'm not terribly worried about the social aspect, although if they can offer a social skills class, it certainly couldn't hurt.

 

. I sit with him while he does all of his schoolwork. He can work on some of the coursework independently, but he prefers to have me present and a participant.

 

He's not the most coordinated person. When he was little, he gave up trying to learn to use scissors, crayons, or tie shoes. I never pushed the issues because I had bigger battles to fight. But I now wish I had helped him learn these things. At the time, they just weren't worth the meltdowns.

 

Someone told me about special accommodations, but he needs to go through some qualification requirements, of which I have no clue.

 

Can anyone help me know what to do next? I don't want to call and go in without a clue of what I'm doing there. Is there testing that can help me figure out my son's issues?

 

He's smart. He makes A's. But his work pace is so very slow and he loses control when he reaches his melting point. I truly believe that I must do something. I just have no idea what it is I'm supposed to do!? His age bothers me. Whenever I see resources or suggestions, they are usually for elementary school age children. What do you do with a 16 yr. old young man? Is it too late for him?

 

Beth,

 

I've shared our experience w/you before, but I want to again b/c I know exactly how feel and b/c your ds sounds very similar to our ds. My experience and answers are not the same as others though.

 

I do recommend getting him tested, though my reasons are not for college accommodations (which the testing would be required for) but instead I recommend it so that he will qualify for SSI and assistance from the state of GA. THe dept of rehabilitative services would be one of my main contacts if I were in your situation. http://www.vocrehabga.org/ They have vocational services for high school students in GA, so that might even be something that would be helpful now. (our state doesn't offer services until adulthood, so I am unfamiliar w/services for teens through rehabilitative services.)

 

I cut parts of your post and highlighted others. THose are the character traits that I am familiar w/. Our ds is very intelligent and can go into classes and make the highest grade in the class (and has done so repeatedly at the local CC). However, he gets overwhelmed when he has multiple things due simultaneously and he needs support to help him manage his time and focus on prioritizing and to keep from shutting down.

 

He is better in classes like history, math, English, etc where it is mostly memorizing and regurgitating what he has been taught. The classes he struggles in (and I use that lightly b/c the lowest grade he has made is a low B) are ones where he has to design projects that require unique thinking/application outside of what he has done in the classroom (like designing a business proposal).

 

But what we have learned the most over the last 2 yrs of CC classes is that academics are not the problem nor are the classes going to enable him to hold a job. For him, the issues that impact his ability to function as an adult are the ones in red. Having education does not automatically equate to functioning in a job and that is where we are currently.

 

We have met w/our state's dept of rehab services and have been blessed by a wonderful counselor. (free, btw. DRS is state/county funded.) He told us that he has several Aspie clients who have multiple bachelors degrees that cannot hold jobs. His description of those clients match what we see in our ds exactly:

 

• need for supervision for staying on task for long periods of time,

• hyper-focus on details that may not be that important in the larger picture (ds tends to not look at the big picture, but get lost in the details),

• lack of ability to move beyond specified task (iow, is completely capable of doing task assigned but does not go beyond that assigned task and start working forward on what comes next.)

 

 

Those are just a few that he mentioned that hinder the employment of the clients he works w/. It isn't lack of academic intelligence, but the lack of employability skills that is the problem. Employers want employees that function independently and take initiative to move their companies forward. They don't want employees that require supervision, assistance, or work too long/slowly on narrow tasks while missing the bigger picture. Unfortunately, we can completely relate to the discussion we had w/him b/c those are our ds's issues. He is personable (though makes many inappropriate comments) and he is outgoing. He is smart. But, his reality is that he is most definitely handicapped in terms of employability.

 

If we were back at 16 vs almost 21, I would seek vocational training. I would focus more on skill training and not on academics. I would not spend all the $$ on CC classes that we have. I would not have spent all the $$ on college-assistance training for Aspies that we did. (that was hugely expensive). I would have used that $$ to help establish ds in his own entrepreneurial business that we managed. (ds is a talented artist. We could have established an art studio)

 

We do not foresee ds ever living completely independently b/c he is so short-focused (he does not manage money well at all. He does not refrain from instant gratification well, either) We will probably end up managing and assisting him for the rest of our lives (and a sibling after us.) We hope that he will be able to partially fund his expenses from work and that SSI will provide a portion. The *what* he is going to do is still a huge question mark b/c we have taken so many wrong turns. We do know that at this pt going back to school is no longer an option b/c it is just wasting our $$ w/no long term feasible outcome. Right now we have him working on an art portfolio and we may take him to local fairs to see if he can sell some of his art work. (that will provide huge motivation for him.) He is going through evaluation for job training at DRS.

 

Unfortunately, we do not have any long-term answers. :(

Edited June 26, 2012 by 8FillTheHeart

[Night Elf]

I do recommend getting him tested, though my reasons are not for college accommodations (which the testing would be required for) but instead I recommend it so that he will qualify for SSI and assistance from the state of GA. THe dept of rehabilitative services would be one of my main contacts if I were in your situation.

 

Thank you, your post was very helpful indeed. I have heard about SSI but I assumed it was something only severely impaired people get. I feel like my son is capable of doing more than he does. But that is why I want to get him tested. I can't trust my own judgment anymore.

[8filltheheart]

Thank you, your post was very helpful indeed. I have heard about SSI but I assumed it was something only severely impaired people get. I feel like my son is capable of doing more than he does. But that is why I want to get him tested. I can't trust my own judgment anymore.

 

To give you an idea, DRS ranks clients into 3 levels of assistance: low (meaning needs minimal help) to high (meaning the client qualifies for their highest level of intervention.) Even though ds is on the dean's list at the CC (and has been every semester), he qualifies for their highest level of intervention.

 

That is my biggest regret.......not recognizing that academics is actually a much lower level qualifier than skills that are necessary for employment. Employers are NOT going to make accommodations for employees when the pool of applicants is a stack high and those in the stack are going to do the job independently. (How many college graduates are unemployed right now?? how many experienced workers are unemployed?? Your child will be competing w/them for jobs)

 

There is a distinction between accommodations for physical handicaps (required by law) and mental disabilities. Employers are not required to provide job coaches and constant supervision. DRS does provide job coaching (coach goes on-site of employment and works w/individual until they master the job), but we are not discussing high levels of employment here. These are going to be routine repetitive jobs b/c high level jobs require constant and swift changes.

Edited June 26, 2012 by 8FillTheHeart

[PrincessAriel]

I wish you all the best! :grouphug:

[AngieW in Texas]

It isn't lack of academic intelligence, but the lack of employability skills that is the problem.

 

This is what I worry about with my 19yo. In her case, I think the OCD is even more of a problem than her Asperger's. She is continuing with college now because she has a full tuition scholarship. We are hoping that with the supports we have in place for next year that she'll be able to keep on going. We also hope that she'll have able to get an internship for next summer. If she can get an internship, that will help a great deal in terms of figuring out her employability. She is taking social skills classes now, but she has NO friends at all.

 

My 16yo Aspie isn't as severely affected, even though she started off looking full-blown autistic rather than Aspie. At least she doesn't have OCD complicating matters like my 19yo does. She does have friends and is much better at talking with people. She has more difficulty with time-crunch situations than my oldest does though.

[8filltheheart]

Here are some links that address what employers are looking for in employability skills.

 

http://www.psywww.com/careers/skills.htm

http://www.lboro.ac.uk/service/careers/advice/applying/skills.html

http://www.transitiontocollege.net/percpubs/EmployabilitySkillsChkList.doc

http://www.conferenceboard.ca/topics/education/learning-tools/employability-skills.aspx

 

It is these types of skills (personal management, adaptability, problem-solving, etc) that makes our ds's disability so pronounced.

 

This link http://www.face.edu/cms/lib/CA01000848/Centricity/Domain/189/employability-skills.pdf addresses the topic towards teachers. Unfortunately, pg 3's teaching suggestions are completely unrealistic for our ds. On the chart, he has mastery of basic skills, a few of the higher order skills, but lacks the majority of the personal qualities (the ones that are going to make the difference in long-term employability.)

 

Hope the links help someone.

Edited June 26, 2012 by 8FillTheHeart

[8filltheheart]

I didn't have time to fully read all of the responses, but as a parent of a young college age adult with aspergers, I highly encourage you to get whatever testing, counseling, etc., in place now before he turns 18. After that time it is much more difficult to remain a part of the process in helping your son. My son did not want to get a diagnosis at age 16 in spite of a lot of sensory issues interfering with his life, social issues, anger, etc. I know some have worked around this but my son just doesn't want us overly involved in his issues. He was not diagnosed until age 19.

 

I would really stress looking at the social piece, which we never addressed. My ds is very lonely, no friends and it's not like I can set up a play date for him now. He seems to function fine at times but when things get stressful he gets totally overwhelmed and he is not fun to be around. at all. He has gone to counseling which has helped but sometimes the ocd (not diagnosed but very much there) and other things get to be too much for him. He has the head knowledge, is very smart (A's in most of his college courses) but sometimes those emotions are just too strong.

 

Whatever route you choose, I just encourage you to get going on it now if you want to be a part of the decision making process. Once he turned 18 they wouldn't even let me make a counseling appointment for him. Sometimes those waiting lists to see various specialists can be months long. I wish you all the best!:grouphug:

 

FWIW, age has not been an issue w/our ds and DRS. We went w/him for the inital appt and once it was established just how lacking in independent initiative and how much guidance ds needs, directly conversing w/us has not been a problem. (We do make ds have the conversations first, but the counselor also makes contact w/us so that we are definitely in the loop.)

[butterflymommy]

I could have written your post. And our sons are about the same age. Right now, instead of trying to do a full curriculum, we're going to try having him take CLEP tests 1 or 2 at a time. He's a history buff to he should be able to pass all the history tests. Once he gets X number of transferable credits we're going to enroll him in our state college's distance learning program. Somewhere along the line he might need SAT tutoring but we'll deal with that when we get there. I'm also not opposed to a GED if it would make dealing with the state colleges easier. If your main concerns are about his feelings concerning school, you might want to reconsider trying to do a full curric with him each year. We are trying to lean toward interest-led at this point. Is he still depressed? What are his OCD triggers? Thankfully our son isn't depressed but he is very, very eccentric and quirky.

[Verity]

It occurs to me that maybe you're looking for a kind of script, to rehearse more specifically what to say on the phone? You could start with something like this:

 

I am calling because I am considering a full evaluation for my son _____. He's 16. When he was ____ years old, he was diagnosed with ________ at an autism clinic. Not only was the evaluation process distressingly brief, but I was told I didn't need to pursue any interventions, that he would be fine and/or outgrow his issues.

 

Now that he's sixteen, we are homeschooling through an online program. He's doing particularly well in some areas, but I am growing more concerned about the extremely slow pace at which he works. He also has frequent meltdowns when frustrated. I'm worried that he will need to have some kind of accommodations or help in college but I don't know what sort. I also don't know how best to work with him in the time we have left, to help him gain independence and control his frustration level.

 

How can an evaluation at your clinic help us? What will it entail? What sorts of things will I receive that will help me understand and work better with my son? What will it offer him, separately from how it will help me?

:iagree: Doodler you are gifted! I have a 13 year old son with a similar background and am looking at more insurance options in my near future so we could get more help. I will have to save your script!

:D

[TippyCanoe]

.

[Night Elf]

If your main concerns are about his feelings concerning school, you might want to reconsider trying to do a full curric with him each year. We are trying to lean toward interest-led at this point. Is he still depressed? What are his OCD triggers? Thankfully our son isn't depressed but he is very, very eccentric and quirky.

 

Well, that's why we're only doing 4 courses at a time, to make it manageable. Keystone is flexible with pacing even allowing you to pay for an extension if you need longer than 13 months to finish a course. But there is no other educational option because we really want him to have an accredited diploma. DH and I just feel that life is hard enough and we don't want our children to look behind. And believe me, my oldest dd has already felt it. She only earned her diploma a few days before her 20th birthday and she had friends that constantly nagged her about her lack of an education. She acted like she didn't care, but I know that she did. She has friends who are finishing their sophmore year in college with long term plans ahead of them, and she's working as a server in a restaurant. She's not happy at all right now. She has applied to the closest cc and it's the kind of place where anyone gets in, she just doesn't know what she wants to study. She hates the idea of paying all that money to pursue some unknown goal. But she has no other career interest either. And she's not SN at all. I am afraid my son will be in the same boat so we're trying to guide him.

 

My son's OCD is heavy on obsessions and very light on compulsions. He is on medication for OCD. His doctor just changed his med in fact, because he was on Zoloft for depression and OCD, but his obsessive thoughts were causing him a lot of grief. She took him off Zoloft and started him on Anafranil which is for OCD only, so now his depression is coming back. I'm not sure he's better off with this new change.

[Night Elf]

I'm glad it helped. Whatever coherence is there now comes from having totally fumbled my way through our first experience.

 

It helped me make an appointment for tomorrow in fact. It's an appt. for me only to discuss my son and my concerns. I got a good vibe from watching their introduction video on their website and the woman I talked to was very kind and helpful. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Hopefully I won't go in and lose all my marbles. But I'll admit, I'm terribly afraid we won't be able to afford testing. I have no idea how much it really costs but if it's in the thousands, we just can't do it. But I also keep thinking that we can't afford to not do it. I guess we'll see what they say tomorrow and if they feel they can even help.

[TippyCanoe]

.

[8filltheheart]

It helped me make an appointment for tomorrow in fact. It's an appt. for me only to discuss my son and my concerns. I got a good vibe from watching their introduction video on their website and the woman I talked to was very kind and helpful. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Hopefully I won't go in and lose all my marbles. But I'll admit, I'm terribly afraid we won't be able to afford testing. I have no idea how much it really costs but if it's in the thousands, we just can't do it. But I also keep thinking that we can't afford to not do it. I guess we'll see what they say tomorrow and if they feel they can even help.

 

I hope it goes well. :grouphug:

[Tokyomarie]

It helped me make an appointment for tomorrow in fact. It's an appt. for me only to discuss my son and my concerns. I got a good vibe from watching their introduction video on their website and the woman I talked to was very kind and helpful. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Hopefully I won't go in and lose all my marbles. But I'll admit, I'm terribly afraid we won't be able to afford testing. I have no idea how much it really costs but if it's in the thousands, we just can't do it. But I also keep thinking that we can't afford to not do it. I guess we'll see what they say tomorrow and if they feel they can even help.

 

Wishing you the best, Beth. And, yes, unfortunately, the reality is that you probably can't afford NOT to do it. One thing to check on is how much insurance might cover. The most important aspect of whether or not you can get insurance coverage (assuming you have coverage generally), is to stress that the evaluation is NOT specifically for the purposes of academics only, that you want to have it done because of many concerns that affect everything about your son's life. This is how we got our evaluation covered and was 100% true, even though there were significant academic concerns. The challenge is whether you can float the upfront cost of the evaluation in some way or another while you wait for reimbursement since many np practitioners do not bill insurances.

 

As for being prepared for tomorrow, make a bullet point list of your son's strengths and weaknesses as you see them and your primary concerns for your son's future. Formulate some questions that you would like an evaluation to answer about your son's functioning: cognitive, academic, social, and emotional.

[Night Elf]

UPDATE on my meeting.

 

It didn't go quite as I expected. It was really nice to talk to someone who understands Aspergers at least. However, we determined that there really isn't anything to be done right now except what I'm already doing. Apparently all the books I read on Aspergers really helped because I followed them when parenting my son. The main thing is that I need to find him more social opportunities. I already knew that. It's not easy. People suggest volunteer work but the only volunteering I know about is the Humane Society and that isn't interacting with people. We belong to an Aspie teen group that meets about once a month and that's all the socializing outside of our family that he does.

 

However, when we go out, he interacts with people. He knows how to order food, ask questions, buy things with money, shake hands as part of greeting and goodbyes, listen attentively to the person talking. He has learned not to talk about his focused interest except with other people who also love video games. He helps around the house and doesn't complain about doing so. He follows the schedule I've set for showers, bedtime and waking up time even though he doesn't agree with them. He'll spend time with us in the living room if we ask because sometimes he is in his room too much.

 

She basically reassured me that I'm doing fine and that I'm not coddling him. She said that he's not unmotivated, but that he doesn't have the same type of internal motivation that other people have. He has always been the kind of person to do what he has to do because it has to be done. There are times when he feels things get stressful. His schoolwork is an example of that. I'm still trying to get him to understand that I need him to give me feedback so I know how everything is going. If he feels we have too much schoolwork in a day, he needs to tell me and he doesn't always do that. The last time we talked about it was when he was feeling especially depressed. I listened to him and we talked about a plan to make changes. And I did make the changes. My DH is worried I'm enabling him to be lazy and he had me worried about that too. But this lady today helped me see that my son isn't being lazy if he's doing the things he's supposed to do when he needs to do them. If that makes sense.

 

We talked about my ideas for the rest of high school and after high school. She agrees with my thoughts, but said I was already on the right track. She told me of another client who had a dd that went to the technical college. The mom and dd worked with the instructors to help them understand Aspergers and they didn't encounter any problems. That's good to know because that school is one that we are considering. She told me that I might need to help ds narrow down choices for careers if he really has no specific goal in mind. She said he might be the kind of guy who works because he has to, and that he'll go to work, do a great job, and go home to do the things he likes to do. He may not express feelings of great joy because he just doesn't feel that way about things. I mean really, getting a smile out of him is sometimes challenging. He barely smiled when he opened up his Christmas gifts, but I knew he appreciated and liked them.

 

So bottom line is that I'm not going to pursue anything else right now. I'm going to make sure he's prepared to do what he needs to do to live independently, but it's nothing I'm not already doing. I could seek a second opinion but everything she said made sense to me. I guess testing would have made sense when he was a little guy, and having someone help me understand how to parent him would have been helpful. But with the help of books and internet research, I have already been doing it all. That makes me feel better.

[8filltheheart]

UPDATE on my meeting.

 

It didn't go quite as I expected. It was really nice to talk to someone who understands Aspergers at least. However, we determined that there really isn't anything to be done right now except what I'm already doing. Apparently all the books I read on Aspergers really helped because I followed them when parenting my son. The main thing is that I need to find him more social opportunities. I already knew that. It's not easy. People suggest volunteer work but the only volunteering I know about is the Humane Society and that isn't interacting with people. We belong to an Aspie teen group that meets about once a month and that's all the socializing outside of our family that he does.

 

However, when we go out, he interacts with people. He knows how to order food, ask questions, buy things with money, shake hands as part of greeting and goodbyes, listen attentively to the person talking. He has learned not to talk about his focused interest except with other people who also love video games. He helps around the house and doesn't complain about doing so. He follows the schedule I've set for showers, bedtime and waking up time even though he doesn't agree with them. He'll spend time with us in the living room if we ask because sometimes he is in his room too much.

 

She basically reassured me that I'm doing fine and that I'm not coddling him. She said that he's not unmotivated, but that he doesn't have the same type of internal motivation that other people have. He has always been the kind of person to do what he has to do because it has to be done. There are times when he feels things get stressful. His schoolwork is an example of that. I'm still trying to get him to understand that I need him to give me feedback so I know how everything is going. If he feels we have too much schoolwork in a day, he needs to tell me and he doesn't always do that. The last time we talked about it was when he was feeling especially depressed. I listened to him and we talked about a plan to make changes. And I did make the changes. My DH is worried I'm enabling him to be lazy and he had me worried about that too. But this lady today helped me see that my son isn't being lazy if he's doing the things he's supposed to do when he needs to do them. If that makes sense.

 

We talked about my ideas for the rest of high school and after high school. She agrees with my thoughts, but said I was already on the right track. She told me of another client who had a dd that went to the technical college. The mom and dd worked with the instructors to help them understand Aspergers and they didn't encounter any problems. That's good to know because that school is one that we are considering. She told me that I might need to help ds narrow down choices for careers if he really has no specific goal in mind. She said he might be the kind of guy who works because he has to, and that he'll go to work, do a great job, and go home to do the things he likes to do. He may not express feelings of great joy because he just doesn't feel that way about things. I mean really, getting a smile out of him is sometimes challenging. He barely smiled when he opened up his Christmas gifts, but I knew he appreciated and liked them.

 

So bottom line is that I'm not going to pursue anything else right now. I'm going to make sure he's prepared to do what he needs to do to live independently, but it's nothing I'm not already doing. I could seek a second opinion but everything she said made sense to me. I guess testing would have made sense when he was a little guy, and having someone help me understand how to parent him would have been helpful. But with the help of books and internet research, I have already been doing it all. That makes me feel better.

 

I can't help but tell you that I think you were given incredibly bad advice. Even if you don't need testing to tell you what to do to help him now, w/o testing he is completely ineligible for any possible services. W/o testing, he is just like any perfectly normal high functioning individual walking through the door. Period. The school will not simply work w/him based on your discussing Aspergers w/them. Testing results cannot be older than (I think) 3 yrs (it might be 2) in order for them to qualify for assistance. You have to submit the results accompanied by a letter from the professional stating what accommodations are requested and why.

 

I don't know if DRS could guide you to free services, but I would call and ask. Where you are right now, he wouldn't even be able to ask for a thing.

[Tokyomarie]

I can't help but tell you that I think you were given incredibly bad advice. Even if you don't need testing to tell you what to do to help him now, w/o testing he is completely ineligible for any possible services. W/o testing, he is just like any perfectly normal high functioning individual walking through the door. Period. The school will not simply work w/him based on your discussing Aspergers w/them. Testing results cannot be older than (I think) 3 yrs (it might be 2) in order for them to qualify for assistance. You have to submit the results accompanied by a letter from the professional stating what accommodations are requested and why.

 

I don't know if DRS could guide you to free services, but I would call and ask. Where you are right now, he wouldn't even be able to ask for a thing.

 

I have to agree with this. It's good to have validation that you've done well so far with what you've learned from your own reading and research. That's great!

 

But I'm going to ask you this: In your gut, do you feel like you are able to keep going without any further outside resources? Your son has learned a lot about appropriate social behaviors, it seems, which is great! But you need to have information to guide you in decision making for the future.

 

Also, do you feel like there is nothing else you can do for helping him with dynamic thinking? I'm going to suggest a resource you might consider if you feel like you would like to fight for him to have further development in in the social, emotional, and dynamic thinking realms. Check out RDIConnect.com. These folks have a respectful, hopeful view of the possibilities for people on the spectrum to continue to develop in these areas, whereas some professionals have a much more pessimistic view.

 

I know this is overwhelming and it's hard to sort out where to go from here. You have just a couple of years before your son is a legal adult, and you need to have a plan in place for what will happen when you are no longer legally able to make decisions for his care, education, and/or vocational training. You're bumping up against a hard deadline that will be a game changer for what you can on his behalf do if you haven't planned for it.

[8filltheheart]

Marie has stated far more eloquently than I could what I am thinking. Over the yrs your posts have been seeking help and answers. They are the nagging gut. Especially if you have a young man willing to work hard on developing himself, seek out resources like she posted.

[Night Elf]

This is the 3rd professional, knowledgeable in Aspergers, who has told me that there is nothing more to be done and that my son just needs to learn skills. He's learning those. If someone can tell me exactly what we need to do I could look specifically for that. Otherwise I have absolutely no idea what to do. There are only two school related things that he cannot do well. One is to write an essay in one sitting and that is a skill that he is learning throughout the course of high school. The other is taking notes. It's another specific skill I have planned to work on. I never taught dd14 how to take notes either. It just wasn't on my radar, and she'll be starting public school in the fall. He doesn't have test anxiety. He's taken standardized tests and has done fine. When he was really little he didn't like the timed aspect, but he had no problem with it when I tested him a year ago. He even finished every section before the time was up.

 

I'm reading an article online about the kinds of testing that can be done for Aspergers and I just don't see anything that will be helpful. He has learned to get humor, or at least what we have in our home. He communicates well. He knows how to read body language. He has become empathetic and says nice things to the person who is hurt or upset. His IQ has been tested and he's in the low range of gifted. His vision is great. His fine motor control is pretty good, at least from the things I've seen him do. (What fine motor skills should he display?) He didn't learn to cut with scissors as we never had a need for him to cut anything. He didn't like coloring because he missed the lines but that was when he was 5 years old. Okay, this is funny. I put this down and asked him to do a few things. He colored in the lines. He tied a shoelace after being shown one time.

 

He suffers from OCD and depression. So do I.

 

Seriously, what exactly am I looking for? When I shared my concerns, she helped me feel reassured. So what did I say?

 

1. He feels stressed about schoolwork. I'm not sure if it means he's not capable of doing it, or if he just prefers easier work. He has to write in all his high school subjects, and while it takes him a while to figure out what to say, his writing is excellent. Today he wrote a two paragraph essay in 15 minutes. That's the first time I've seen him do that, but it's a good thing.

 

2. He doesn't have any concern about what to do after high school. Well, neither does my dd20 and she doesn't have Aspergers. The counselor told me that my son's mind just works differently and he may never have any specific passion about a career. We should help him choose something where his skills and strengths will be utilized. The only test we could think of for that is an aptitude test and she didn't know where to have that done.

 

3. His depression bothers me, but that's not the fault of Aspergers. I wasn't sure if it was common for Aspies to feel depressed or not.

 

And I didn't have anything else. What was I supposed to ask? I've worried about him since he was 3 years old because he's not like other kids. DH thinks I'm worried about things because it's my nature to worry. What kind of testing would benefit him? What kind of modifications does he need? What if he is fine and just needs to learn the skills that I just haven't yet taught him? Do I really need a therapist to teach him how to take notes?

 

I really would continue seeking help if I knew what he needed.

[Night Elf]

Here is another thing I've found: "This evaluation will likely include observing your child and talking to you about your child's development. You may be asked about your child's social interaction, communication skills and friendships. Your child may also have a number of tests to determine his or her level of intellect and academic abilities. Tests may examine your child's abilities in the areas of speech, language and visual-motor problem solving. Tests can also identify other emotional, behavioral and psychological issues. "

 

None of these tests look like they would be helpful? I guess this is why I'm at a loss for what to do. It just seems like the things they can help with are not things we need help with. Why am I not seeing what you guys are seeing? This is frustrating.

[Night Elf]

But I'm going to ask you this: In your gut, do you feel like you are able to keep going without any further outside resources? Your son has learned a lot about appropriate social behaviors, it seems, which is great! But you need to have information to guide you in decision making for the future.

 

I guess so because I keep reading online about resources and help and I don't see anything that will be helpful. His future does worry me, but I'm also reading that some teens who don't have any idea of what they want to do at age 16 find interests when they are older. What if this is just a case of him not being able to look ahead that far? Can't we say that is sort of typical for many teens, not just sn teens?

 

Also, do you feel like there is nothing else you can do for helping him with dynamic thinking?

 

I've never heard this term before. I looked at RDIconnect and from what I can tell, it helps parents help their kids form relationships? I don't know if my son has a problem forming a relationship because I can't find many opportunities for him to meet people. We went on a hike a couple of weekends ago with another family that has an Aspie son and the two of them got along fine. They were quite talkative to one another. The only problem is that they don't share the same passion. My son loves video games. The other boy loves movies. They found a little common ground when they found some games and movies they both have played/watched. What can RDI do to help with that?

 

I know this is overwhelming and it's hard to sort out where to go from here.

 

Yes it is. It doesn't help that I don't know what I'm looking for. I feel like someone set me in a foreign country and expect me to have meaningful conversations with the people who speak a different language. I've been looking online for hours today and I can't find anything that is helpful. I'm beginning to think I'm the one with the problem.

[8filltheheart]

Here is another thing I've found: "This evaluation will likely include observing your child and talking to you about your child's development. You may be asked about your child's social interaction, communication skills and friendships. Your child may also have a number of tests to determine his or her level of intellect and academic abilities. Tests may examine your child's abilities in the areas of speech, language and visual-motor problem solving. Tests can also identify other emotional, behavioral and psychological issues. "

 

None of these tests look like they would be helpful? I guess this is why I'm at a loss for what to do. It just seems like the things they can help with are not things we need help with. Why am I not seeing what you guys are seeing? This is frustrating.

 

Did you follow the employability skill links that I posted earlier in this thread? Here is a link w/the top 10 necessary skills: http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/top-ten-skills.htm (team work, self-initiative, drive, planning/organization, flexibility, time-management, etc) If your ds possesses all of those skills and does not require any assistance to pass college level classes, then you are probably correct that you do not need to pursue anything else.

 

However, if your ds does not possess those skills and is unlikely to develop them on his own, then these are serious issues that will hinder his functioning as an employee as an adult.

[TippyCanoe]

.

[Night Elf]

Did you follow the employability skill links that I posted earlier in this thread? Here is a link w/the top 10 necessary skills: http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/top-ten-skills.htm (team work, self-initiative, drive, planning/organization, flexibility, time-management, etc) If your ds possesses all of those skills and does not require any assistance to pass college level classes, then you are probably correct that you do not need to pursue anything else.

 

However, if your ds does not possess those skills and is unlikely to develop them on his own, then these are serious issues that will hinder his functioning as an employee as an adult.

 

Hmm.. I can see some that I can help him with, but how do you teach motivation? Can you give me an idea how this is worked on? I mean, he's been motivated sometimes like when he was working to earn a toy. But I wouldn't say he's motivated to do everything. He just does things because they need to be done. He doesn't have routines but he is a rule follower. He'll never be good in a high pressure environment. His style is methodical and accurate.

 

We've been working on time management and planning/organizing. For example, he knows how to plan an assignment that takes multiple steps.

 

I'm a little stumped on the commercial awareness. I would think that such a thing is important when you are applying for top positions like high level management in a corporation. I'm surprised to see that make the top 10.

 

Thank you for the link though. It's interesting. I don't have all of those skills. Reading that list makes me afraid to try to work again! :tongue_smilie:

[Night Elf]

But you began this thread because you were really worried about his processing/work speed and his meltdowns. If he's going to receive any accommodations in college, like a note-taker or extended writing time for essay exams, he's going to need a recent evaluation. If he's going to lessen his anxieties or develop more coping mechanisms, he's going to need more help. These issues still need addressing.

 

Yeah, I was worrying about how he is slow, but maybe I'm overreacting. He spends at least an hour on each subject so that's about 4 hours a day. Some days are less and some more, of course. He's on track to graduate when he's 19. Maybe I should save all of these notes and seek an evaluation when he's 17 so it will be more recent when he applies to college. And did I use the word meltdowns? He used to have those when he was much younger, but I wouldn't use that word to describe him now. Oh he gets frustrated but I've only seen him really upset a few times over the past several years. The last time was last month and it just broke my heart to see him so upset. But it wasn't all because of school. School was only a part of it. But I do like the idea of some modifications such as extended test time and making sure he can use a laptop in all his classes for taking notes.

 

-- What about individual or group or therapy for anxiety/OCD?

 

I have considered pursuing talk therapy for his depression but not for anxiety. I've taught him some coping techniques that seem to help him. He doesn't have anxiety in the same way I do though. Mine just comes up without it being based on anything. His, OTOH, is because of his OCD, IMHO. When he can't do the things he wants to do, he naturally feels anxious.

 

--What about an OT to work on processing speed in different areas?

 

This is one of the things I don't understand. I need to research more about what processing speed is and how it's considered normal and abnormal. I've used the term because I worry he doesn't do his work more quickly. I've got to stop reading the high school board. Those kids seem to be doing amazing things. Do you think that's because they are being educated classically or are they representative of the average teen? I think I've been comparing him unfairly. That's kind of embarrassing.

 

--Perhaps an educational therapist could work on speeding up the writing process as well as work on lessening anxiety associated with school. Here's some basic information:

http://www.aetonline.org/about/whatisET.php

 

This is helpful, thank you!

 

I really appreciate you ladies helping me think this all through. I just wish I didn't sound so dumb!

[NASDAQ]

My brother is autistic. He went to a JC rather than directly to university (his high school performance was _awful_. Amazingly bad.) The JC really did the trick. He got a couple years older, matured a lot, college agreed with him. He started doing well, and then doing _really_ well. He moved to a regular uni program and majored in accounting. He finishes his CA this summer. Now he really enjoys being the twenty-something with a good job and his own apartment whereas many of the guys who were way ahead of him in high school, socially and academically, are not there yet.

 

Two things that really helped him out (besides just having time to mature): he did a coop program through the JC. They worked one term and did academics for two terms. He got a chance to work with a safety net, as it were, and learn how to navigate an office. The other is that he has had to learn manners and office behaviour in a fairly formal fashion. When he feels like a social interaction hasn't gone the way he would like it to, he finds someone whose judgment he trusts and walks through it, figuring out how he could have handled it differently and what he will do next time.

[8filltheheart]

Hmm.. I can see some that I can help him with, but how do you teach motivation? Can you give me an idea how this is worked on? I mean, he's been motivated sometimes like when he was working to earn a toy. But I wouldn't say he's motivated to do everything. He just does things because they need to be done. He doesn't have routines but he is a rule follower. He'll never be good in a high pressure environment. His style is methodical and accurate.

 

We've been working on time management and planning/organizing. For example, he knows how to plan an assignment that takes multiple steps.

 

I'm a little stumped on the commercial awareness. I would think that such a thing is important when you are applying for top positions like high level management in a corporation. I'm surprised to see that make the top 10.

 

Thank you for the link though. It's interesting. I don't have all of those skills. Reading that list makes me afraid to try to work again! :tongue_smilie:

 

Motivation in employment terms means the ability to not wait to be asked to do the next step but to determine the tasks that need to be done and do them.

 

FWIW, low level, methodical, routine jobs are going to require different skill sets. These are the skills that are associated w/higher level jobs associated w/college graduates. (that was my pt. Academic successes do not equate to employability.)

 

For example, my ds does not have the ability to function in "team work" decisions. He would not be considered a team player simply b/c he lacks those "soft" skills.

 

He doesn't see the bigger picture enough to recognize that when w, x, and y are finished that the obvious z should be progressed to. He stops at y and only sees z when someone tells him. College graduates are expected to be able to work w/o constant supervision and direction and be self-directed.

 

Ds is a hard worker, but he is methodical. Employers see that as a negative b/c time is $$. If ds gets the job done and done well in 3x the amt of time as another employee, it cost them 3x more than it needed for the job to get done.

 

Ds is not easily adaptable to swift-changing circumstances. He does not possess the skills required to be flexible and adaptable to shifting conditions. (rigid, routine, scheduled)

 

The list of life-skills for functioning as an independent adult for an Aspie is far more complicated and long than the simple list described via the blurbs you posted. Normal people pick up the skills on their own or w/"seminar" type training. Aspies are going to require significant coaching/interventions to develop these types of skills.

 

Our ds refuses to exert the effort to develop the higher order skills necessary. If you have a child willing to work and change, follow Marie's advice and help him develop soft skills. But.....intrinsic motivation does have to play a part. Once they are the ages of our sons, they have to be willing to take some sort of ownership over developing the skill sets.

 

Once your ds is 18, you will only be able to assist where he gives you permission.

 

(ETA: I meant to mention that having commercial awareness is what is likely to get a person hired for the job in the first place. Researching a company and knowing what impacts their profits/sales/product development, etc.....knowing those answers during an interview means that you cared enough to find out (or at bare minimum generate questions to ask about those issues) helping prove that you would be an asset to the company.)

Edited June 28, 2012 by 8FillTheHeart

[dsmith]

:bigear:

Just listening in on this thread. Lots of good information here!

[Night Elf]

Aspies are going to require significant coaching/interventions to develop these types of skills.

 

Yes, I understand this. You make all great points and give me lots to think about. It comes back down to understanding what a counselor can do for an older teen or adult to help them. When I'm trying to look for resources, I keep finding information that pertains to kids through age 12, not for older teens and adults. I don't think the woman yesterday gave me bad advice, she just reaffirmed things I was already thinking and said there wasn't specific testing that could be done to address the concerns I have. She has some adult Aspie clients and I think she helps them learn how to see things and make plans. Since I"m doing that without the help of a counselor, I guess she didn't feel like she had anything to offer me. However, she said she would be happy to meet with us again, this time to talk directly to my son. She was very nice and left the ball in my court for me to decide.

[Night Elf]

I'm going to suggest a resource you might consider if you feel like you would like to fight for him to have further development in in the social, emotional, and dynamic thinking realms..

 

Marie, the actual website didn't help me too much. I did find another article that seemed to sum up what RDI is. Can you check this out and see if you find it accurate? RDI A Treatment for Autism I did find a specialist located about an hour away, but I'm not quite sure what she can help with, since the program is parent led. Does it involve helping him navigate social interactions? Remember, our problem is that we have very few social opportunities, and those are with other Aspie teens. There is a group that offers homeschool classes and I put him in one of those to provide him a chance to work with others. It didn't work out that way. There wasn't much interaction between the students. The teacher talked, the students worked, the class ended and we went home. I didn't feel that experience was worth the expensive fees.

[Tokyomarie]

Marie, the actual website didn't help me too much. I did find another article that seemed to sum up what RDI is. Can you check this out and see if you find it accurate? RDI A Treatment for Autism I did find a specialist located about an hour away, but I'm not quite sure what she can help with, since the program is parent led. Does it involve helping him navigate social interactions? Remember, our problem is that we have very few social opportunities, and those are with other Aspie teens. There is a group that offers homeschool classes and I put him in one of those to provide him a chance to work with others. It didn't work out that way. There wasn't much interaction between the students. The teacher talked, the students worked, the class ended and we went home. I didn't feel that experience was worth the expensive fees.

 

The current website's lack of detailed information about how RDI works is indeed frustrating. The bulk of the development of the RDI approach to relationship and "dynamic intelligence" development was happening during the early 2000s. At that time, there was much information available on the website and through chats led by Dr. Gutstein himself. He was also doing a lot of speaking at 1 and 2 day conferences for parents and professionals around the country. It was at that time that I was most invested in learning about it because lots of things resonated for me with respect to my younger two children. Though neither of them actually have an autism diagnosis, I was experiencing some of the same difficulties with them that are common to kids on the spectrum. During that time, I did attend one of the seminars and came away with lots of good information.

 

Later, as Dr. Gutstein was getting to the nitty-gritty of fine-tuning the approach and developing the online system for those who are actually engaged in the program with a consultant, the information flow pretty much stopped. There was something that happened that was a catalyst to stopping the information sharing, but it did become more difficult for interested parties to get a good view of what RDI is all about.

 

The article you read is pretty accurate, but it is old (about 4 years).

 

Reading The RDI Book and/or viewing the Going to the Heart of Autism DVD, both of which are available on their site would be good places to begin. It might be do that before contacting a consultant so you understand something of the approach, unless the consultant has a lot of information on his/her website that explains if for you. It is a primarily parent-led approach, which aims to help parents begin to feel more competent as guides for their children's development. This is especially so in the younger years and contrasts with the ABA approach which relies on having outsiders in the home for hours every day. However, I am aware that RDI is used with older adolescents and young adults, and in those situations, the consultant will often work with the young person directly as well as with adults who live in the home.

[TippyCanoe]

.

[Barbara H]

It is all so much to sort out. I just wanted to bring up one thing I didn't see addressed in the thread. The biggest challenges I've seen for many older teens and young adults with Asperger's is: the ability to identify when they have a problem and the ability to seek out and accept help from others.

 

To me these is the crucial set of skills for life. Just to explain how it comes into play in different life situations.... It is the thing that keeps a student from flunking out of college. They need to identify that they are in trouble in a class and they need to ask for and accept help. Instead some students will either just totally check out or they will misinterpret the situation thinking when they failed a test that the professor is mad at them and won't help. Sometimes even minor situations will get an anxious student fleeing instead of asking "what is happening here? What should I do?"

 

Similarly in the work environment these are the skills that keep a worker employed. Being able to accurately assess situations, know what you don't understand, ask for help when you need it - that's all crucial.

 

Finally, I see this skill come to play in person life. Being able to identify - I am anxious, I am depressed, I am lonely, etc. is really important. Being able to take the next step to ask for and accept help is also crucial.

 

For some kids in the teen years there still needs to be a lot of focus on stuff like being polite, following social rules in a restaurant, making phone calls, hygiene, etc. If your kid is past that stuff that's FANTASTIC. Next I'd look at their ability to accurately self identify problems and seek and accept help and support from others (not just mom). Even if you can't find the ideal social network or Asperger's activity, I'd try to work to help him build connections with people outside the family. New people and novel situations will raise opportunities for him to continue to learn and grow.

 

Any positive experiences he can have with seeking help and receiving it are good. For some people therapy is a good way to start that process. You'd want a therapist who understands OCD, but it doesn't necessarily have to an Asperger's specialist if there isn't one in your area.

 

Also, it may be worth googling Asperger's coach even if you aren't going to hire one. It may give you some ideas of the sorts of skills and activities coaches work on so you can see how you can incorporate them into your life now.

 

Finally, I wanted to echo the other poster who mentioned that the 18th birthday is a turning point. Some kids will continue to allow lots of Mom involvement and support after that age, but some flat out won't. It is a pretty common situation that young people will totally deny the diagnosis and the need for help and your hands can be tied at that point. For that reason, it makes sense to try to build some of those outside helping relationships now.

[8filltheheart]

Beth,

 

it all comes down to that your ds does not have an official diagnosis. Since Aspergers is a spectrum disorder, how much it impacts individuals is going to vary signficantly. Some people are going to be like KarenAnne's dh and be a college professor. Some might be like Barbara and Nasdaq describe and need to know how to ask for guidance and help. Some are going to be like our ds and shut down when overwhelmed and only be able to cope when everything is predictable and orderly. Some are going to be like the rest of Aspie young adults that are part of our Asperger social network and function on a much lower level. (Most of the young adults in our group are impacted intellectually and are not even passing remedial college courses.)

 

I personally would hold suspect any professional that is willing to offer advice w/o any patient interaction especially when your ds is almost legally an adult. (the advice she gave you via discussing Aspergers w/the school was inaccurate.) We have btdt w/a neuropsy who diagnosed our ds as bipolar based on a parental survey w/o even talking to us or our ds. (our ds is most definitely NOT bipolar. That dr was an idiot.) W/o evaluation (which for an older teen should include life skills evaluation, psy testing, etc) your ds is limited to whatever he manages to do on his own. Obviously, many manage. But, considering how many posts you have made about your ds over the yrs, it does seem like he would be more successful w/interventions/help.

 

Have you tried contacting a university's psy dept and asking if they offer evaluations? (often grad students do testing at reduced costs.) But, I also wonder if your health insurance would pay for it. Since he is OCD and had an evaluation at 9, you should be able to argue that issues have arisen during puberty and you need an evaluation for understanding how things have changed. Our insurance wouldn't pay for the testing for educational purposes, but they would for psy purposes.

 

I guess I just really want to encourage you to not let complacency leave you w/no more time. :grouphug:

Edited June 28, 2012 by 8FillTheHeart

[Night Elf]

It might be do that before contacting a consultant so you understand something of the approach, unless the consultant has a lot of information on his/her website that explains if for you.

 

This lady doesn't have a website, only an email and a phone number. I'm too spoiled by the internet. I prefer seeing information before I just cold call someone. But yeah, I'd really rather know exactly what I'm calling about it. I'd hate to just call and say, "So what is that you do exactly?" :)

[Night Elf]

I know what it's like to have some days when your child's characteristics appear to be enormous obstacles or potentially huge problems, and then other days then seem not to loom large at all.

 

This exactly. Thank you for understanding. I'm also prone to conclusion leaping so a minor concern will escalate to a major issue in my mind within a short period of time. This is one reason why I have such a problem trying to determine if there is anything I can do or even should do. He had a great school day today. He's flying through his Trig/PreCalc class and leaving me in the dust. I actually got tears in my eyes trying to understand today's dumb lesson. Argh! I look at him doing that work and see a very bright young man with excellent problem solving skills. Then we do English and I see him drift off to procrastination land and take so long to write a paragraph. I thought of a way to possibly help this though. He always chooses subjects that have writing as his last subjects to do. I think by then he's tired. I'm going to try having him work on writing first thing and see if he can focus better.

 

I've also contacted the group where we used to do homeschool classes. I know the director so I've emailed asking if she has a high school level course that requires student interaction and participation. The classes are very small, usually only 3 or 4 kids. The last class he tried was middle school level and he was the oldest one there. Maybe being in a class with peers will help a little bit with the social aspect. I'm waiting to hear back from her.

[Night Elf]

Finally, I wanted to echo the other poster who mentioned that the 18th birthday is a turning point. Some kids will continue to allow lots of Mom involvement and support after that age, but some flat out won't. It is a pretty common situation that young people will totally deny the diagnosis and the need for help and your hands can be tied at that point. For that reason, it makes sense to try to build some of those outside helping relationships now.

 

Thank you for your response. You do make lots of good points. I'm definitely his GoTo person. He even comes to me when he knows only dad can help. But I do feel lucky that he does come to me. He talks to me about lots of stuff, usually late at night when the house is quiet and things are calm.

 

I'm still usually the one who suggests he contact a teacher when he has a problem with schoolwork. This happened today in fact. His Japanese teacher took some points off an assignment and only said the words were misspelled but didn't make it clear how they were misspelled. He compared his answers to the lesson pages and neither of us saw an error. He was going to let it go but I told him if he was doing something wrong, he needed to know or he would keep doing it wrong. If the teacher is wrong, he will get full points on his assignment. It's a win-win for him. He said he didn't want to do it because it took too long. Good grief. It was all of 3 minutes.

[Night Elf]

it all comes down to that your ds does not have an official diagnosis.

 

Wait, I thought that an official diagnosis was made by a psychiatrist. Although it was only the GAD scale and a short interview, he was given a diagnosis of Aspergers that is still on his paperwork through Kaiser. What else do they have to do to make it official?

 

W/o evaluation (which for an older teen should include life skills evaluation, psy testing, etc) your ds is limited to whatever he manages to do on his own.

 

And this is where I keep losing. I cannot find nor am I ever told the names of tests that are supposed to be helpful. The most recent person I saw, not my son's psychiatrist, didn't think any of the neuropsychological tests she did could be helpful to him at this age because all of the things they check for are things that I've handled throughout the years. We didn't discuss the names of the tests. I was busy processing information and it didn't occur to me to ask. I can call her back and ask what tests she does that she doesn't think would help.

 

But, considering how many posts you have made about your ds over the yrs, it does seem like he would be more successful w/interventions/help.

 

I realize I'm supposed to be an advocate for my son but I keep turning up a whole lot of nothing. I really wish I knew what i was doing. You ladies make it seem so easy.

 

Have you tried contacting a university's psy dept and asking if they offer evaluations? (often grad students do testing at reduced costs.)

 

I phoned the nearest university and they don't offer those services.

 

I guess I just really want to encourage you to not let complacency leave you w/no more time. :grouphug:

 

And I truly appreciate that. I am just not good at knocking my head through a brick wall. I haven't yet met a professional that has felt they had anything to offer. I've talked with a pediatrician (who first referred me to behavioral health), two child psychiatrists, a child psychologist, a board certified behavior analyst, and most recently an LPC who is the clinical director of a counseling center who says that ASD's are one of her specialities. Who do I contact next?