How does rules of inheritance work? (morbid thoughts)

[BlueTaelon]

My mother divorced my dad about 13 years ago and got everything in the divorce. 8 years ago she remarried to a much older man with a couple grown kids of his own who do not like my mother. She sold her paid off house to pay off his which in turn will be sold to pay for retirement property out of state (they are moving there)

 

I have no idea if they have a will and I feel weird bringing it up. I watched an episode of Monk the other day and its got me wondering. My mother is about 20 years younger but she's got poor health and genetics against her so even though he's in his late 70's it would not surprise me if he outlives her. In the episode basically the guys son killed the step mother making it look like an accident after finding his father dead from a heart attack, the reason being who ever died last's children would inherit and since the step mother was alive after his heart attack he would get nothing and the step sisters would get it all so he had to make it look like the father died last.

 

Does it really work that way? Google has not been helpful in figuring this out. I don't really care if I get nothing but I would rather his kids not get anything because of the way they have treated my mother the past 8 years and the house/property they own was paid for by selling the house my father paid off when he sold grandmas house after she passed.

 

Beyond that, any thoughts on how to ask if they have a will and their wishes without looking like I'm digging? I mean I am but not as in "gold digger" digging.

[amy g.]

It depends on how their wills are written.

 

I have a family member who married a very wealthy man after their first spouses died. When he died, his children from his first marriage received nothing because he left everything to my family member in his will.

 

His children asked if they could at least have a piece of their mother's jewelry, but she said no, "If he had wanted you to have it, he would have given it to you."

[freesia]

I don't have any ideas of how to approach it but I do know that it has often happened that the one who dies last's children inherit everything. Your mother would have to write her will in a way that leaves money to you and not her husband.

[LaxMom]

I think, in that episode, they each had a will that left the estate first to their surviving spouse or, if their spouse pre-deceased them, to his/her own children only. In other words, it was explicit.

 

If its not, I think there are too many variables in state laws to say for certain.

 

I don't think it is out of line to ask if one's aging parents have wills. If you need a lead-in, that Monk might be a good one.

[kalanamak]

M

 

Beyond that, any thoughts on how to ask if they have a will and their wishes without looking like I'm digging? I mean I am but not as in "gold digger" digging.

 

You could bring up the (?) TV show to your mom, or something in the news about quarreling step children etc. Maybe she'll tell you she and he have worked out a nice, tight equitable will.

[freesia]

It depends on how their wills are written.

 

I have a family member who married a very wealthy man after their first spouses died. When he died, his children from his first marriage received nothing because he left everything to my family member in his will.

 

His children asked if they could at least have a piece of their mother's jewelry, but she said no, "If he had wanted you to have it, he would have given it to you."

Yikes!

[amy g.]

I forgot to tell the end of that ugly story.

 

When my family member died, her daughter inherited everything, and did give the step siblings their mother's jewelry.

 

She was so morally opposed to her mother's behavior, that she refused to spend any of the money that she inherited, even though she lived an extremely frugal life.

 

The money has multiplied many times over, and will be inherited by original family member's grandchildren.

[specialmama]

My family is in a similar situation. My dad died in '89 and my mom remarried and he has 3 dds. Without making this a really long and boring response, let's just say that it is fair and everyone will be happy. Each parent is guaranteed care and life on their property and for those that do not get a property, there is a nice sized life insurance policy to be cashed. All will be fair. It absolutely is up to them in the writing of their wills and they must be explicit in every piece of material goods. A lawyer, not a DIY kit, is strongly encouraged in these complicated situations.

[StephanieZ]

In general, laws only come into play if there is not a will.

 

Laws also vary from state to state.

 

In general, so long as their children are no longer dependent, people leave things to the surviving spouse, and if the spouse is no longer living, then they split it among their living children.

 

Of course, it would be nice if the surviving spouse left it all to ALL the surviving children, but even if the wills were written that way originally, they could change their will at a later time.

 

If there is a large estate (say, over 1-2 million), then most estate planners would encourage a person to have a more sophisticated plan to direct assets to their children in addition to the surviving spouse. In fact, if the estate is large enough, they would often begin to pass assets to their children and/or grandchildren while they are still living. Thus, if you think their assets approach this amount, then you could encourage her to consult with an estate planner.

 

IMHO, I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole unless the assets are >$2 million. Even in that case, if she is happy in her marriage, and you feel he is a decent man, I would stay out of it. It's her money, her marriage, her life, and it is really not your business. (If there were a family farm or similar emotional thing involved, then I guess that might be a bit different.)

 

I like to tell my mom that I hope she plans well enough to die (close to) broke. It's her money. I want her to enjoy it.

[besroma]

I forgot to tell the end of that ugly story.

 

When my family member died, her daughter inherited everything, and did give the step siblings their mother's jewelry.

 

She was so morally opposed to her mother's behavior, that she refused to spend any of the money that she inherited, even though she lived an extremely frugal life.

 

The money has multiplied many times over, and will be inherited by original family member's grandchildren.

 

That is wonderful!

[freesia]

I forgot to tell the end of that ugly story.

 

When my family member died, her daughter inherited everything, and did give the step siblings their mother's jewelry.

 

She was so morally opposed to her mother's behavior, that she refused to spend any of the money that she inherited, even though she lived an extremely frugal life.

 

The money has multiplied many times over, and will be inherited by original family member's grandchildren.

Thanks for finishing the story. What a wonderful person she is!

[Danestress]

old age is sooooo expensive. All but the very most wealthy have to assume that their resources will be needed for old age care. Do you know what it costs to care for an elderly person in a first class Alzheimer's unit for a few years?

 

So in your Mom's case, she and her husband may actually not want to leave money to their kids outright because of the concern that the other will actually need that money - and few of us would want to leave money to our children if we thought out spouse would then end up with scary options for elder care. Spouses do tend to come first.

 

A good attorney could help them plan for this. They may have already done so. If you are close to your Mom, you could ask.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Dh's grandmother re-married. She sold her house and moved out of state with him, and took care of him when he got really sick and lost a foot to diabetes. He left everything to his daughter from a previous marriage with the understanding that GG was suppose to be able to live in the house for as long as she wanted, rent free. But the step daughter was so miserable to her, counting china and furniture and deciding what was "hers" and what was dh's grandmother that it was intolerable for her. Her 2nd husband had 2 life insurance policies. The large one and the house went to his daughter, the $3,000 one and the only-half-paid-off-car went to GG. :glare: That was all based on what was in his will.

 

I don't think there is any good way to talk to someone about their will, unless you're asking about how/where they want to be buried/cremated/interred. And then they get the message that you think they're near death's door. :tongue_smilie: Sorry, I don't think that was any help to you.

[Pegasus]

When my dad remarried after my mom died, he went ahead and distributed family items that he wanted his kids to have. He had his new wife's name added to accounts that he wanted her to have and had my sister's name added to accounts that he wanted his kids to have. He had the names he wanted listed as beneficiaries on life insurance, annuities, etc. None of this required a will and everything went smoothly after his death. It was his last gift to all of us. No courts, no lawyers, no probate.

 

It's ok to carefully broach the subject with a parent. Better now than when it is too late.

 

:grouphug:

[Crimson Wife]

In many states, if there is no will and children from a previous marriage, the estate is split between the surviving spouse and her stepchildren. The split varies by state. Massachusetts does 50/50 and California does 33/67 but that only applies to separate property.

[brehon]

And know that some states have what's known as an "omitted spouse" clause [Alabama is one state I know definitely has this]. Although each of those states which have such a clause may be slightly different, the general idea is that if a spouse is not specifically mentioned in the other spouse's will, the surviving spouse could automatically inherit X% (each state defines X differently) of the estate, regardless of the terms of the actual will. My FIL remarried a few years after his first wife (dh's mother) passed. At the time of dh's mom passing they were living in TX and had wills.. After FIL remarried he and his 2nd wife moved to AL (where both were from), but neither bothered to update their wills. FIL died last April and, because of the omitted spouse clause in AL, his widow was entitled to half of his estate. [because of their differing life circumstances FIL brought more assets to the marriage. Dh's stepmother & her 1st husband didn't or couldn't save as much.] After all was said and done she ended up with substantially more than FIL's children.

 

Although both dh and his siblings planned to financially take care of their stepmother, they were/are (depending on the sib) very upset that their stepmother received most of the assets that their parents worked 40+ years for. To be fair even if FIL had updated his will to include his 2nd wife AL inheritance laws are just screwy -- there is another provision which basically allows a probate judge to decide whether or not the will is "fair" to the surviving spouse. Also, I need to say that dh's stepmother is a very sweet lady.

 

Anyway the point of this is simply to say that each state could have rather obscure inheritance laws which might override previously written wills.

[Catwoman]

Beyond that, any thoughts on how to ask if they have a will and their wishes without looking like I'm digging? I mean I am but not as in "gold digger" digging.

 

If you want to know, just ask your mom. She may very well be glad you asked her about it, as she may want you to know her wishes and what is in her will, to be sure you aren't cheated in any way.

 

If you have a good relationship with your mom, I think you should discuss these things with her. Also, it might be a good idea to suggest that you become the executrix of your mom's will, if there's any suspicion that her dh or his kids might be less than honest about the estate.