3browneyedboys4me Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I've recently started a group for our local homeschool community. I wont get into the details of what it is, but it is super, duper cool and the kids LOVE it. However, there are a handful of mom's that just seem bent on causing negative feelings about the instructor. It makes me sad and honestly, I'm embarrassed by their behaviour b/c I feel like it's a reflection on homeschooling. I know I shouldn't feel that way. But, these mom's are just being very picky, difficult and negative. The organization is great. I will admit that things could be 'better', but it's really just a matter of letting go 'control' over the class and letting the teacher do the work that seems to be the real issue. I'm just a bit perplexed by the situation. I've created co-ops before and I know how difficult it is to work with different personalities and all. I just had hoped this might be a bit different. Thanks for letting me vent. Just typing this out makes me feel better! lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 :grouphug: I wish we could come, I wouldn't be difficult :001_smile:. Actually, I wonder if it's just some moms in general. I remember when mine went to school and there was always a huddle of moms each morning and each afternoon complaining about various teachers, the way things were done, the low standards, etc, etc. It was wonderful not having to listen to them anymore once we started homeschooling. I imagine it was partly just anxiety about their little darlings, and partly they really enjoyed a really good moan :D. I used to wish they would be a bit more appreciative of the excellent jobs some teachers were doing, sometimes in quite difficult circumstances. Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 :grouphug: I wish we could come, I wouldn't be difficult :001_smile:. Actually, I wonder if it's just some moms in general. I remember when mine went to school and there was always a huddle of moms each morning and each afternoon complaining about various teachers, the way things were done, the low standards, etc, etc. It was wonderful not having to listen to them anymore once we started homeschooling. I imagine it was partly just anxiety about their little darlings, and partly they really enjoyed a really good moan :D. I used to wish they would be a bit more appreciative of the excellent jobs some teachers were doing, sometimes in quite difficult circumstances. Cassy You're so sweet! Thank you! I think it probably is just moms in general. I know we always want the best for our kids. And, the majority of these moms are great! Today, as I drop off my guy, I am going to focus on the positive and not the negative. I'm going to thank the teachers and give the mom's in the huddle a big smile and wave as I walk right past them and get into my van. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 :lol::lol::lol: :iagree: I have uttered those exact words many times. Thank you... I am NOT alone! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 There are two issues: One is that there are moms in general like this. We see it in non-homeschool activities, too, though never to the extent we see it in homeschooling circles. Two is that I think that homeschooling draws a large percentage of them, because homeschooling is ultimately about taking charge of your dc's education yourself. So it draws those moms who want to control things in a higher number than other educational methods, imho. I always laugh when people are picky like that. Like there aren't any bigger problems in the world. :lol: I'd also like to see them run something perfectly. Usually the pickiest ones are the worst when they actually do get the chance to be in charge. ;) Hopefully if you just keep talking positiviely, eventually you can shame a few of them into getting over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 :grouphug: Currently not in a coop for this very reason. Pondering whether I want to try to form a coop with new people or join with the group that splintered or just enjoy being unattached to pettiness... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 There are two issues: One is that there are moms in general like this. We see it in non-homeschool activities, too, though never to the extent we see it in homeschooling circles. Two is that I think that homeschooling draws a large percentage of them, because homeschooling is ultimately about taking charge of your dc's education yourself. So it draws those moms who want to control things in a higher number than other educational methods, imho. I always laugh when people are picky like that. Like there aren't any bigger problems in the world. :lol: I'd also like to see them run something perfectly. Usually the pickiest ones are the worst when they actually do get the chance to be in charge. ;) Hopefully if you just keep talking positiviely, eventually you can shame a few of them into getting over it. Yes, yes and YES! I do believe these are major contributors to what I've seen. I was pleased today that the moms from yesterday apologized for stressing me out. Everyone seemed to be more relaxed and happier than yesterday. I'm hoping the positive attitudes will be a permanent new thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LillyMama Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Two is that I think that homeschooling draws a large percentage of them, because homeschooling is ultimately about taking charge of your dc's education yourself. So it draws those moms who want to control things in a higher number than other educational methods, imho. :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: I was going to say the same thing! And I myself can be SOOOO guilty of this! Sometimes I have to remind myself that even "less than perfect" situations are still good experiences for my kids. Usually that reminder comes in the form of hearing the words in my head come out of another mom's mouth. ;) Plus there's the whole tendency of all women to think if someone does something differently than us, then it is a criticism to the way we do things. I think we all have this in varying degrees, but some women I've met have it WAY more than I understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Complaining is a way to feel like a Tiger Mom without all the work. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnrmom Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I stopped organizing activities for the greater homeschool population because of this. The parents made me nuts. I mean, I have met some wonderful moms homeschooling - one of them has become a really close friend of mine. A few of them are some of my favorite people to hang out with, just truly lovely and fun. However, as a group, I just couldn't deal with the control/entitlement issues. I get that we are homeschooling in order to have control over our child's environment (to put it simply). So ]iIf there is a class or event that didn't work for us, we just didn't go. Other homeschool moms, however, will complain and hound and do whatever it takes to get it changed to meet THEIR kid's needs. It really makes me crazy. I never saw anything like it in the school environment (not to say there weren't other issues there, lol). If this isn't working for you, arrange your own class! We were part of a co-op for 1.5 years - I was one of the 4 founding families. One of the parents that joined later on complained about the teacher the whole time, but never withdrew her kid. She would always ask me if I would be willing to switch teachers. I finally told her that if she would find some other candidates, I'm sure the other parents would be open to meeting with them. Oh, she didn't want to find the other teacher. She wanted the GROUP to find the other teacher. She just wanted to complain the whole time until the rest of us fixed it to her satisfaction. She was the one who ultimately caused the demise of the co-op, over an issue unrelated to the teacher. I find many homeschooling parents to be flaky and entitled. Not all, but many. It's really frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokea Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I think you will find difficult moms in any group of moms. But you will find more difficult moms in a homeschool group because we are, well …. weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 :grouphug: Currently not in a coop for this very reason. Pondering whether I want to try to form a coop with new people or join with the group that splintered or just enjoy being unattached to pettiness... I sure hope you find something! I know it can be so stressful, but there are some wonderful opportunities out there. I vote for 'give it a shot'. :) I have had some rough moments in groups, but there have been really good opportunities for my kids. This group that I've got going now is one of those good moments. My son loves it and he is so happy I started it. So, I will continue to organize it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 My kids and the the daughter of a good friend of mine attended a two week fine-arts day camp together last summer. For a number of reasons -- none of which were the fault of the camp or the child -- it wasn't a good fit for friend's DD. Friend wrote a huge email to the director only two days into the camp, with myriad suggestions for improvement of both program and organization, and included my name without my prior approval (the email was BCC'd to me). I was livid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 My kids and the the daughter of a good friend of mine attended a two week fine-arts day camp together last summer. For a number of reasons -- none of which were the fault of the camp or the child -- it wasn't a good fit for friend's DD. Friend wrote a huge email to the director only two days into the camp, with myriad suggestions for improvement of both program and organization, and included my name without my prior approval (the email was BCC'd to me). I was livid. Ugh! What a nightmare! I just don't get that type of personality. If there is something serious, I will be the first to address it, but if we are talking about how things are scheduled, ran, organized, nope...I'm not getting involved. I might offer some minor input, but I am not sending page long emails about how to restructure programs! Good grief! In my experience, this type of input is rarely received well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 I stopped organizing activities for the greater homeschool population because of this. The parents made me nuts. I mean, I have met some wonderful moms homeschooling - one of them has become a really close friend of mine. A few of them are some of my favorite people to hang out with, just truly lovely and fun. However, as a group, I just couldn't deal with the control/entitlement issues. I get that we are homeschooling in order to have control over our child's environment (to put it simply). So ]iIf there is a class or event that didn't work for us, we just didn't go. Other homeschool moms, however, will complain and hound and do whatever it takes to get it changed to meet THEIR kid's needs. It really makes me crazy. I never saw anything like it in the school environment (not to say there weren't other issues there, lol). If this isn't working for you, arrange your own class! We were part of a co-op for 1.5 years - I was one of the 4 founding families. One of the parents that joined later on complained about the teacher the whole time, but never withdrew her kid. She would always ask me if I would be willing to switch teachers. I finally told her that if she would find some other candidates, I'm sure the other parents would be open to meeting with them. Oh, she didn't want to find the other teacher. She wanted the GROUP to find the other teacher. She just wanted to complain the whole time until the rest of us fixed it to her satisfaction. She was the one who ultimately caused the demise of the co-op, over an issue unrelated to the teacher. I find many homeschooling parents to be flaky and entitled. Not all, but many. It's really frustrating. :iagree: It's really sad, but one person really can destroy a group. :glare: It drives me nuts b/c the parents making the noise NEVER do anything to improve the situation. The good news for me is that I will always be supportive of the groups my kids are in from now on!! I realize how important it is to show your appreciation and support!;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 :iagree: You bet! I stopped organizing activities for the greater homeschool population because of this. The parents made me nuts. I mean, I have met some wonderful moms homeschooling - one of them has become a really close friend of mine. A few of them are some of my favorite people to hang out with, just truly lovely and fun. However, as a group, I just couldn't deal with the control/entitlement issues. I get that we are homeschooling in order to have control over our child's environment (to put it simply). So ]iIf there is a class or event that didn't work for us, we just didn't go. Other homeschool moms, however, will complain and hound and do whatever it takes to get it changed to meet THEIR kid's needs. It really makes me crazy. I never saw anything like it in the school environment (not to say there weren't other issues there, lol). If this isn't working for you, arrange your own class! We were part of a co-op for 1.5 years - I was one of the 4 founding families. One of the parents that joined later on complained about the teacher the whole time, but never withdrew her kid. She would always ask me if I would be willing to switch teachers. I finally told her that if she would find some other candidates, I'm sure the other parents would be open to meeting with them. Oh, she didn't want to find the other teacher. She wanted the GROUP to find the other teacher. She just wanted to complain the whole time until the rest of us fixed it to her satisfaction. She was the one who ultimately caused the demise of the co-op, over an issue unrelated to the teacher. I find many homeschooling parents to be flaky and entitled. Not all, but many. It's really frustrating. Complaining is a way to feel like a Tiger Mom without all the work. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I don't get the bad attitude at all. If you've organized something and my kid likes going to it, I'm happy! If my kid hates it, that doesn't necessarily reflect badly on you, it's more likely just not a good fit. I understand if someone is having a true problem, but I'm not a fan of people's "constructive" criticism. You didn't organize a class to make all their dreams come true, it would be nice if they'd realize it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 My kids and the the daughter of a good friend of mine attended a two week fine-arts day camp together last summer. For a number of reasons -- none of which were the fault of the camp or the child -- it wasn't a good fit for friend's DD. Friend wrote a huge email to the director only two days into the camp, with myriad suggestions for improvement of both program and organization, and included my name without my prior approval (the email was BCC'd to me). I was livid. Wow. People Got a Lotta Nerve! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Homeschool moms as a group tend to be very independent. You have to be to go against the public school flow. I have led some great groups of moms, but there is that aspect that makes you feel like you're herding cats. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Yep, it can be a nightmare. I love the ones that complain, tell you how to do it but then won't help. I say I will do it how I want if I'm putting in the work and I care little about what others want unless they pony up some effort and time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookfiend Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Did families pay big money to be part of the group/hire the teacher? This may be why they feel entitled to direct the content or structure of the class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Complaining is a way to feel like a Tiger Mom without all the work. :D Excellent observation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 How old are there kids? Maybe they're just not past that early phase where every class Johnny takes must be specifically designed to meet all of Johnny's needs? Any chance they'll get tired and relax any time soon? I'm of the school where, unless you are doing the lion's share of the work, your job is to say "Thank you" and "How can I help?" The only way to get everything you want in a class is to teach it yourself. If someone else teaches they get to do it their way. You may stay or go but, for the love of all that is decent and holy, staying and whining should not be an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherriag Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 I agree, I think that is a problem everywhere!! IT is sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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