I'm cracking....(vent of "when it rains....)

[Pamela H in Texas]

So it seems to be raining...not just a little, but pouring with no signs of stopping. And I think I'm cracking. I've been in tears twice this morning. Each time, it was about something that normally wouldn't phase me.

 

The first time: I went to drop the girls at school. There are 3 girls on each side of the driveway to help kids out of the cars. I had to use the big van this morning (reason below). The girls couldn't open the door from the inside. NONE of the girls on the driveway helped open my van door so I got out of the van, opened the door, and told the girls to have a good day. When I walked back around the van, the teacher at the crosswalk fussed at me "If you are going to get out of your van, please park so you won't hold up the line." I did, to myself, say, "well, if someone would have helped my girls get out of the van, *I* wouldn't have had to!" I cried all the way home.

 

The second time: I got an email asking if I had had an opportunity to speak to our gymnastics place about the way that a funding source wanted to pay for S's gymnastics. I immediately thought, "I was just asked about this Friday and gymnastics is Wednesday and when on earth would I have time to check into considering!" But basically, I was upset I wasn't perfect, that someone had to ask me about something, that people were waiting on me, that I simply could not imagine when I would have done this other than Saturday morning but I was so lazy I didn't.

 

Both seem very minor....but I really am upset.

 

But I'm STRESSED!

 

First, of course, I have a houseful. That part isn't hard.

But then I'm constantly running and have documentation for all of that.

Today would not be possible if my hubby weren't home. Seriously.

But he's home because he has a bad medical situation I can't explain on here.

But that too requires me to stay on top of some gross and involved stuff.

Last Wednesday, I was in a hurry and hit another vehicle (though going about 3mph no not bad that way).

But my van has about $1500 of damage (on top of the hail damage it was going in the shop for this week anyway).

I hate my rental (I'm paying extra for an SUV, but they gave me a tiny jeep that is no bigger than a small car).

There is something wrong with the baby (genetic, just being realized) and I'm just plain worried.

I ticked off someone and they called CPS on us so we are under investigation for doing exactly what that person did!

We can't progress with the kids' adoption because of the investigation.

Our new 6yo has some issues I don't think I *want* to deal with (probably can, but...).

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted.

I'm not afterschooling the way I want to and summer (schooling and parenting) has me worried.

I haven't made ANY progress with my own schooling in a long time.

I'm having physical issues I can't ignore. I can't stand being in pain. And it scares me.

Hubby has moved lines TWICE since being back at his company (after a 17month lay off). This line is also moving to another country.

Job uncertainty is driving me batty.

Foster care stipend ends when the kids are adopted. No big deal generally, but doesn't go well with job changes.

Dumb things like toys around and tons of clean clothes are driving me crazy.

 

I don't know....These are the same things as always really. Most of the time, I can handle them just fine. But right now, I just am DONE. I'm *positive* it is the few extra things just making it too much so small straw like a teacher getting onto ME instead of the 12yo with her thumb up her rear just put me over.

 

So now that I vented....

DEEP BREATH

 

The investigation will end.

The kids will be adopted.

Adoption means I don't have to do all the documentation, can take all three to the dentist at the same time, etc.

The baby will see the specialist who will tell us what to do.

Hubby will find another job (and thankfully has one in the meantime).

My van will be done this week and good as new.

 

And then normal things like the busy-ness of a big family, the laundry, etc won't bug me so badly.

 

Deep Breath....deep breath....DEEP BREATH...

 

Maybe I can take a tiny nap or just quiet breathing time between the baby leaving (for visit) and having to go pick up the boys (one gets out of school half day because the school can't handle him and the other has a doctor appointment).

[NorthwestMom]

:grouphug:

 

Wow, that is a LOT of stress. Big hugs to you.

[BatmansWife]

Poor Pam. I would be like this: :willy_nilly: :crying::willy_nilly: :crying: .

 

:grouphug:'s to you!!

[swellmomma]

:grouphug:

 

You want us to deal with the person that put in the false claim on you with CPS? SHe has not faced the wrath of the hive yet, but we could make her so scared that the mere thought of calling CPS on your for carp like that will give her a panic attack. A little hive based PTSD maybe.

 

You have too much on your plate right now, so time for shifting. Ditch the afterschooling for the rest of the year. When the kids are home focus on just playing and being together, if that means doing the same all summer so be it. Plan on a summer of forts, sprinklers, picnics and nature study forget all the rest. Find out whatever you need to finad out about gymnastics, pass on the info and then go fill the tub and have a nice soak reading brain candy or just dozing and relax. When the kids are done school today do not go home, call up a friend and head for a park. Let the kids play while you and friend chat.

 

In the meantime I will be praying here that CPS sees that this investigation is unfounded. For pete's sake they must know that given that I am sure you have regular contact with them because of all the kids and documentation etc. I will also be praying that your dh's medical stuff resolves and he finds a new job that is more stable so you don't have to worry about that. All the rest will fall into place but you have to take care of you, Let some things slide, don't worry about being perfect and recharge your batteries.

[kwickimom]

:grouphug:

[Starr]

I agree with Swellmama, take a break from things you don't have to do right now. And you deserve many big :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Deep breath (yes, still)....

 

Thanks for the support.

I know it'll get better.

 

I also have been on the verge of making certain decisions.

I think this is just proof of what direction to go with those.

 

It'll be okay. It'll be okay. It'll be okay.

 

I can't wait til I have a much closer to calm, quiet, even "boring" life :)

 

BTW, PLEASE deal with this person for me. She is *still* using her access to my son (age 5 as of April) to question him, tell him stuff that isn't true, coach him, etc.

He is unable to stand up to her because she is so harsh every time he has tried. He generally likes her and desperately wants to please her since he has to see her

everyday; but what she is doing is WRONG, trying to pit a kid against his family!?!?! Now he is asking not to go, even feigning sickness. But I have to make him go every day :(

Edited May 1, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[LaxMom]

Poor Pam. I would be like this: :willy_nilly: :crying::willy_nilly: :crying: .

 

:grouphug:'s to you!!

 

Me, too!! :grouphug:

 

:grouphug:

 

You want us to deal with the person that put in the false claim on you with CPS? SHe has not faced the wrath of the hive yet, but we could make her so scared that the mere thought of calling CPS on your for carp like that will give her a panic attack. A little hive based PTSD maybe.

 

You have too much on your plate right now, so time for shifting. Ditch the afterschooling for the rest of the year. When the kids are home focus on just playing and being together, if that means doing the same all summer so be it. Plan on a summer of forts, sprinklers, picnics and nature study forget all the rest. Find out whatever you need to finad out about gymnastics, pass on the info and then go fill the tub and have a nice soak reading brain candy or just dozing and relax. When the kids are done school today do not go home, call up a friend and head for a park. Let the kids play while you and friend chat.

 

In the meantime I will be praying here that CPS sees that this investigation is unfounded. For pete's sake they must know that given that I am sure you have regular contact with them because of all the kids and documentation etc. I will also be praying that your dh's medical stuff resolves and he finds a new job that is more stable so you don't have to worry about that. All the rest will fall into place but you have to take care of you, Let some things slide, don't worry about being perfect and recharge your batteries.

 

All of that, and I'm especially on board with a little deserved PTSD, courtesy of the Hive. That's just obnoxious.

[swellmomma]

BTW, PLEASE deal with this person for me. She is *still* using her access to my son (age 5 as of April) to question him, tell him stuff that isn't true, coach him, etc.

He is unable to stand up to her because she is so harsh every time he has tried. He generally likes her and desperately wants to please her since he has to see her

everyday; but what she is doing is WRONG, trying to pit a kid against his family!?!?! Now he is asking not to go, even feigning sickness. But I have to make him go every day :(

 

Is this a person working with him in a professional capacity? If so I owuld be filing a formal complaint about this behaviour. I would assume as well that if she is working with him professionally that it would illegal for her to be doing this (more so than for the neighbor for example). Why does he have to go see her daily? WTH is wrong with some people.

[Pamela H in Texas]

She is mad because I called her out for excessive discipline. Of him. But since *I* am the foster parent, I am the one with the target on my back. Since she is the professional, we have to put up with her. Five more weeks.

[swellmomma]

She is mad because I called her out for excessive discipline. Of him. But since *I* am the foster parent, I am the one with the target on my back. Since she is the professional, we have to put up with her. Five more weeks.

 

What does CPS have to say about it? Do they feel it is a retaliation case from her? Is there someone you can report her to for unprofessional conduct?

[Pamela H in Texas]

The investigator's supervisor said they can tell it is retaliation but they have to follow through. I don't care as much about that; but my kids are stressed (and so am I) that this is another set back. My five year old asked his regular CPS worker to ask the judge to hurry and get him adopted.

[Mommyfaithe]

Poor Pam. I would be like this: :willy_nilly: :crying::willy_nilly: :crying: .

 

:grouphug:'s to you!!

 

:grouphug:me too....

[swellmomma]

The investigator's supervisor said they can tell it is retaliation but they have to follow through. I don't care as much about that; but my kids are stressed (and so am I) that this is another set back. My five year old asked his regular CPS worker to ask the judge to hurry and get him adopted.

 

Aww poor little guy, breaks my heart to hear him saying that. I hope this part of things passes quickly so that the adopt can be finalized and we can get on with celebrating with you.

[katilac]

She is mad because I called her out for excessive discipline. Of him. But since *I* am the foster parent, I am the one with the target on my back. Since she is the professional, we have to put up with her. Five more weeks.

 

Do what the dad on the news recently did: send him to school with a wire!

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug:

 

You want us to deal with the person that put in the false claim on you with CPS? SHe has not faced the wrath of the hive yet, but we could make her so scared that the mere thought of calling CPS on your for carp like that will give her a panic attack. A little hive based PTSD maybe.

 

You have too much on your plate right now, so time for shifting. Ditch the afterschooling for the rest of the year. When the kids are home focus on just playing and being together, if that means doing the same all summer so be it. Plan on a summer of forts, sprinklers, picnics and nature study forget all the rest. Find out whatever you need to finad out about gymnastics, pass on the info and then go fill the tub and have a nice soak reading brain candy or just dozing and relax. When the kids are done school today do not go home, call up a friend and head for a park. Let the kids play while you and friend chat.

 

In the meantime I will be praying here that CPS sees that this investigation is unfounded. For pete's sake they must know that given that I am sure you have regular contact with them because of all the kids and documentation etc. I will also be praying that your dh's medical stuff resolves and he finds a new job that is more stable so you don't have to worry about that. All the rest will fall into place but you have to take care of you, Let some things slide, don't worry about being perfect and recharge your batteries.

 

 

Maybe crazy dinner lady and crazy stroller lady could pay her a visit ...

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you Pamela. Maybe what you need is a break. There's nothing wrong with starting your summer off with a good long break before diving into schooling. :grouphug:

 

Editing because I hadn't read beyond the above post ... Pamela I'm so sorry all of this is going on. I'm praying for all of you. :grouphug:

Edited May 1, 2012 by Teachin'Mine

[mumto2]

:grouphug:Please take care of you too!!!

[Reflections]

All of this would just break my heart. And make me irrationally MAD.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

In this situation I would pick something I can control, like the laundry and forget the rest for the day.

[ktgrok]

Didn't you just have a hysterectomy like a week ago??? Hormones honey, hormones...they will make you crazy as they settle.

[Pamela H in Texas]

And it gets worse. My (step)dad (of 22 years) said he is leaving. How? I can't stop crying today.

[swellmomma]

Good grief you just can't get a break right now can you.

 

Okay new plan of action, we will send crazy dinner lady and crazy stroller lady to take out crazy CPS lady. That will leave the hive to shake some sense into your step dad and to bribe a judge to finalize the adoption quickly.

 

While we take care of all of that I want you to do 3 things.

 

Get the big kids to watch the little kids.

 

Go soak in that tub like I mentioned before but include at least 1 glass of wine

 

Repeat the Serenity prayer over and over and over and over

 

Either the short version:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

 

Or the full length translated into English which I think is way better

 

God, give us grace to accept with serenitythe things that cannot be changed,Courage to change the thingswhich should be changed,and the Wisdom to distinguishthe one from the other.Living one day at a time,Enjoying one moment at a time,Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,Taking, as Jesus did,This sinful world as it is,Not as I would have it,Trusting that You will make all things right,If I surrender to Your will,So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,And supremely happy with You forever in the next.Amen.Give it all to Him because right now it is far too much for you to shoulder on your own. The last thing you want is a nervous breakdown holding up the adoption.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Hysterectomy was a little over two months ago. Seems like a lifetime ago now.

 

This last bit of news has done me in. I feel abandoned and hurt for myself and all my children. How could this happen?

[jennsmile]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Swellmomma, thanks for posting the full length serenity prayer. I never saw that before....and sure needed it today!

 

 

:grouphug:Pam.