worried about K

[faiths13]

my ds3 is going to be 5 this Sept. I cannot get him to sit down and do anything that resembles school work and its hard to even get him to let me read to him. I want to hs him (as I do his two older brothers) and he has expressed that he really doesnt want to go to school (I tried letting him go to preschool per his request and he decided he hates it). Im not sure he is going to do anything school workish. workbooks or whatever it is i would have for him to do. maybe i am just looking at the idea of K all wrong - maybe I need to try a different approach - but I am very concerned that he just will not want to listen to me.

 

am i just panicking for no reason? help!

[ondreeuh]

Most k skills can be worked on through games. Check out Carson-Dellosa's Basic G.A.M.E.S. series. You can let him play with Legos while you read aloud or play an audiobook. The Scholastic sale includes a lot of early childhood themes that include play-based activities. The Starfall website is great, especially more.starfall. You can download all the sing alongs songs and he will pick up a lot through music.

[momtoamiracle]

my son was five this past sept. This time last year there was NO way he would sit to do schoolwork. Around about July I told him that soon we'd be starting kindy and he'd have to do some work. He was fine with that.

 

 

 

He still resists sometimes, but I rarely make him sit any length of time. Usually only to do his math problems. And even then I will call out the problem and he tells me the answer - I write it down. We dont' do a lot of writing or worksheets. Phonics is mostly oral work. We often do school work outside, or in the tub. It's a lot of reading and things like that.

 

 

It won't be that bad. You can certainly work around his activity level. You dont' need to do much in a day - we spend probably about 2-3 hours for the whole day, depending if we have a project of some kind, and we take many breaks.

 

There's a huge difference in 4.5 and 5. And then another difference in 5 and 5.5, I have found. Don't stress!!

[Sara in WA]

Just take a deep breath :) Your son is still young. If he's 5 in the fall, he must only be 4 1/2 right now. That behavior is age appropriate! K age can be 5 or 6 and that is fine. Actually the flexibility on that is the beautiful part of homeschooling! Enjoy your wiggly worm for now and read The Well-Trained Mind's section on K. It really is so freeing! Your whole job is to prepare him for first grade work. Read lots of books, teach him to read, teach him to write, listen to beautiful music and let him run around outside!

 

I also really like the idea to let him play with something while you read to him. My son has to have his hands on Legos or PlayMobil or something. I let him do that as long as he is quiet. Or maybe your son could make a Fruit Loop necklace (string cereal on a piece of yarn). My son had to concentrate so hard on that he was quiet as a mouse while I read!

 

Yet you can also work with him on his self control of his body! Start out small. He could sit on a couch or a stair or a mat while you read to him for 3 minutes. Talk to him about self control, holding still, etc. Then you can increase it a bit each time. Reward him for this as it sounds like it's hard for him!

[boscopup]

So is he before or after the cutoff date for your state? You may want to just delay K a little bit.

 

You do have several months to go though, so he might be a totally different kid by then!

[raceNzanesmom]

Well, I wouldn't even consider him K until fall '13, so....

 

Don't worry. Keep playing games, read short books together, look for things that interest him, go for walks, limit things like TV and video game, be silly and enjoy this time. It is so precious.

[Sctigermom]

My dd 4 is just like your son. She will sit still for some books, but she has to be the one to pick it. I also read to her while she takes a bath. I can get her to do some things by disguising it as helping mommy. Example: Our FIAR book this week is The Story About Ping. I printed out an outline of China and asked dd if she would help me by coloring it in. As she coloring I told her that it was China and some other little tidbits.

 

Fat Brain Toys has some really cool hands on learning toys. I am slowly trying to build up our selection.

[SailorMom]

He needs to be "Waldorf-y" for a while :)

 

Let me use this analogy - there are some kids who are exceptions to this of course, but roll with it:

 

At 18 months, some parents get all excited about potty training. They work for months with stickers, treats, Pull-Ups, etc. Finally, a little while after they turn 2 yo, the kid gets it! All that hard work pays off, right?

 

Same kid, different method... Parents decide to wait until the kid seems ready. At about 2 yo, they show him the potty and hand him a sticker every once in a while. About a month later, the kid gets it! In a month - not 6 or 7 months.

 

If you give him a little more time to get ready for K, you'll both be a lot happier :)

[besroma]

At 18 months, some parents get all excited about potty training. They work for months with stickers, treats, Pull-Ups, etc. Finally, a little while after they turn 2 yo, the kid gets it! All that hard work pays off, right?

 

Same kid, different method... Parents decide to wait until the kid seems ready. At about 2 yo, they show him the potty and hand him a sticker every once in a while. About a month later, the kid gets it! In a month - not 6 or 7 months.

 

If you give him a little more time to get ready for K, you'll both be a lot happier :)

 

:iagree:

[ssavings]

I cannot get him to sit down and do anything that resembles school work and its hard to even get him to let me read to him.

 

What if you found a way to make learning not resemble school? Think... Lots of hands-on, crafts, activities, fun. Check out the Timberdoodle K curriculum for ideas - lots of fun, hands on. Just because he's not ready for seat work doesn't mean he's not ready for learning!

[Ellie]

Unless your state requires accountability for children who are just 5, I wouldn't worry about it. Do as much with him as he's able to do, of course, but don't worry about not being able to do more with him academically.

[MerryAtHope]

I would try a more casual approach and not consider him K until the following year. There are lots of things you can do besides workbooks that will hold his attention more. I would also not call the things you try "school," since he seems to have a negative association with that word. If he is usually obedient in things like chores, brushing his teeth and other little things you tell him to do, but balks at things you try for school, he's likely not ready or the approach isn't the right one for him. You may have to experiment a bit. If he doesn't usually obey for things like chores and so on, then I would spend the next year working on that, because it will make school go much better when he is both ready to try things and ready to obey.

 

HTH some! Merry :-)

[faiths13]

thanks for all the responses :)

Im pretty sure he is would be in K this year if I were to go by the districts dates. His bday is Sept 6. I never thought about holding off K until next year. That seems kind of scary, lol. I always have this fear of not doing good enough or the kids not learning enough - I know that is totally something I put on myself though.

 

I have tried to get him to do crafts and other things, but usually I cant. As a matter of fact he wont do anything really that involves him sitting at the big table with his older brothers because to him that means school.

 

He def has a hard time listening and I need to work on it. He is still a bit of a wild child and I feel like Im having a hard time finding time to work with him and the older kids. I am feeling pretty lost in trying to find a balance between the two age groups and give everyone what they need.

 

I have been getting books from the library about animals and things that he gets very interested in, but only for one reading. After that he looses interest. Also I was trying to read him a story and then act out parts of the book, but then he wants to play and play and play with me and gets mad if I need to go do something else. The child is so used to having someone play with him 24/7 that he doesnt like to not have someone to play with.

 

And one of my biggest problems is his 2 year old brother. Those two fight like crazy. I will try to do something like read or play blocks with them and it turns into a huge competition - for my attention and for the best item or whatever (like the best blocks). So then Im just struggling to keep them from hurting each other because they start hitting or throwing things!

 

sigh...

[boscopup]

Many states have a Sept. 1 cutoff, but yours may be different. In my state, he'd be K fall of 2013. And around here, it's VERY common to â€redshirt†boys that are just before the cutoff (like August birthdays, or even any summer birthday).

[FairProspects]

Many states have a Sept. 1 cutoff, but yours may be different. In my state, he'd be K fall of 2013. And around here, it's VERY common to â€redshirt†boys that are just before the cutoff (like August birthdays, or even any summer birthday).

 

Or May b-days, or even a couple of January b-days, or on parent whim apparently. :lol:

[boscopup]

Or May b-days, or even a couple of January b-days, or on parent whim apparently. :lol:

 

:iagree: :lol:

 

When my June birthday kid went to K at school, he was one of the few boys NOT redshirted. It made for a very awkward social structure, because there is a huge difference between 6 year olds and 5 year olds when it comes to maturity. Academically, he was ahead of all of them, but socially, he was not that mature. He gets along better with kids a year younger than him, but redshirting him in school would have been disastrous due to the academics issue. Hence why we homeschool now. :D

 

Anyway, redshirting is almost becoming the NORM in many places when it comes to boys.

[FairProspects]

When my June birthday kid went to K at school, he was one of the few boys NOT redshirted. It made for a very awkward social structure, because there is a huge difference between 6 year olds and 5 year olds when it comes to maturity. Academically, he was ahead of all of them, but socially, he was not that mature. He gets along better with kids a year younger than him, but redshirting him in school would have been disastrous due to the academics issue. Hence why we homeschool now. :D

 

Anyway, redshirting is almost becoming the NORM in many places when it comes to boys.

 

We had the same dilemma and chose to redshirt, going for social reasons over academic. That was a disaster as well. So, now we homeschool after making the opposite choice. For these kids whose academics don't line up with the social early on, I'm not sure either way works out. It kind of becomes a "lesser of two evils" choice.

[faiths13]

what is redshirting? in my area a child has until Nov 1 to turn 5 for K that year.

Edited March 27, 2012 by faiths13

[FairProspects]

what is redshirting? in my area a child has until Nov 1 to turn 5 for K that year.

 

It means holding a child back who meets the cutoff, and not registering them for K until they are 6. Ds's b-day is July 26 and the cutoff date in our district for K is 5 by Aug. 31. I put him in K when he was 6 rather than 5, even though he met the age requirement to begin at 5 by 1 month.

[faiths13]

hmmm...i guess i need to start thinking about that then. it could be possible that he shows readiness by then. when i wanted to potty train him at about 2.5 he resisted alot - he refused to let me even change poopy diapers. then one day all of the sudden he wanted to go on the potty. he went by himself and practically potty trained himself that day.

[FairProspects]

hmmm...i guess i need to start thinking about that then. it could be possible that he shows readiness by then. when i wanted to potty train him at about 2.5 he resisted alot - he refused to let me even change poopy diapers. then one day all of the sudden he wanted to go on the potty. he went by himself and practically potty trained himself that day.

 

Honestly, it partly came down to national trends for us too. Nov. 1 is a late cutoff nation-wide and most kids his age across the country would be in Pre-K next year, not K. It may not matter so much now, but when you get to the PSAT in 11th grade, kids with an additional year of math and maturity would be at an advantage in testing for National Merit Status and gaining college scholarships. Go ahead and flame me, but there it is.

 

We can debate the merits and ethics of redshirting all day long, but at the end of the day if it becomes the national trend, it may have an effect on standardized test results.

Edited March 27, 2012 by FairProspects

[Ellie]

thanks for all the responses :)

Im pretty sure he is would be in K this year if I were to go by the districts dates. His bday is Sept 6. I never thought about holding off K until next year. That seems kind of scary, lol. I always have this fear of not doing good enough or the kids not learning enough - I know that is totally something I put on myself though.

 

Here's the thing: There's not a thing wrong with saying that your ds is "in kindergarten" while continuing to do the things he's ready for, whether they are kindergarten-level or not. If you're sure that your ds would be entering kindergarten this fall (you need to know the cut-off date for your state; you can call the local school to find out, if you don't know), then when someone asks if your ds is "in kindergarten," you say brightly, "Yes. :D"

[Tanikit]

We had the same dilemma and chose to redshirt, going for social reasons over academic. That was a disaster as well. So, now we homeschool after making the opposite choice. For these kids whose academics don't line up with the social early on, I'm not sure either way works out. It kind of becomes a "lesser of two evils" choice.

 

Oh dear - my DD 4.5 is due to start K next year - academically she is far ahead, socially well, she's almost a year younger than many of those who will be starting with her - and I still have not figured out if she is normal for her age or behind there. And I do think boys, perhaps, have more problems than girls in adjusting, but it does still worry me especially since my daughter is not one to sit still at all. We are still trying to decide whether to try her in a K class next year or just to homeschool.

 

As far as K though - can you not get him to do the work in another room or outside or anywhere that would make him not feel like he is doing "school" - where did he get the negative connotations from? The only thing I feel that actually requires traditional seatwork is writing as they need a good posture - anything else can be taught without having to sit at a table (or even sit at all) - even crafts.

[NanceXToo]

Please don't be worried yet. 4 1/2 is VERY young, especially for a wiggly boy, so I would drop ALL efforts to do anything remotely school like yet unless he asks to do it and just let him play and do interest-led things. Any teaching things can be conversational, game based, interest-led, physical and don't have to be formal, academic "school stuff" at this stage at all. I wouldn't bother doing it, talking to him about it or stressing over it. Just let it go and have fun with him and let him do his thing.

 

When the fall rolls around if he's still digging in his heels and not wanting to "do school" I wouldn't hesitate to shrug and go "no problem" and have another informal year of "preschool," letting learning take place in an informal, play based, conversational, physical sort of way- playing games, talking, going outside a lot, letting him help you around the house, doing field trips, and not worrying about sitting down and doing formal seatwork kind of stuff until the following year.

 

You'd be surprised how much they'd learn that way, informally, and you'd be surprised how much difference a year can make with a kid like that if you start K with them when they are closer to 6 instead of barely 5.

 

I know because my son was the same way and I had to do exactly that- give up on K after my initial attempt just before his 5th birthday, drop it for a year, and try again this year just before his 6th birthday, and it went SO MUCH BETTER this year. Less stress on both of us. He's more willing to sit and do what I ask of him, he's less resistant which is less frustrating for me and for him. And he still learned tons informally that first year anyway. Maybe not to read or write...he's learning that this year at 6 instead of 5, but I'm fine with that (1st grade was time enough for that stuff when I was a kid and I've been an avid reader my whole life)! He DID pick up a lot of math skills somehow and other sorts of things.

 

Anyway, I blogged about it here in an entry I called "A Kindergarten Dropout" if you want to check it out. :)

 

http://nancextoo.livejournal.com/190076.html

[Bluegoat]

I consider K optional, and it is in most provinces here as well, though people don't realize it. School starts in grade one, at six or even seven.

 

That is to say, I would wait. There is a good reason five year olds are not considered reliable schoolwork material.

[faiths13]

Please don't be worried yet. 4 1/2 is VERY young, especially for a wiggly boy, so I would drop ALL efforts to do anything remotely school like yet unless he asks to do it and just let him play and do interest-led things. Any teaching things can be conversational, game based, interest-led, physical and don't have to be formal, academic "school stuff" at this stage at all. I wouldn't bother doing it, talking to him about it or stressing over it. Just let it go and have fun with him and let him do his thing.

 

When the fall rolls around if he's still digging in his heels and not wanting to "do school" I wouldn't hesitate to shrug and go "no problem" and have another informal year of "preschool," letting learning take place in an informal, play based, conversational, physical sort of way- playing games, talking, going outside a lot, letting him help you around the house, doing field trips, and not worrying about sitting down and doing formal seatwork kind of stuff until the following year.

 

You'd be surprised how much they'd learn that way, informally, and you'd be surprised how much difference a year can make with a kid like that if you start K with them when they are closer to 6 instead of barely 5.

 

I know because my son was the same way and I had to do exactly that- give up on K after my initial attempt just before his 5th birthday, drop it for a year, and try again this year just before his 6th birthday, and it went SO MUCH BETTER this year. Less stress on both of us. He's more willing to sit and do what I ask of him, he's less resistant which is less frustrating for me and for him. And he still learned tons informally that first year anyway. Maybe not to read or write...he's learning that this year at 6 instead of 5, but I'm fine with that (1st grade was time enough for that stuff when I was a kid and I've been an avid reader my whole life)! He DID pick up a lot of math skills somehow and other sorts of things.

 

Anyway, I blogged about it here in an entry I called "A Kindergarten Dropout" if you want to check it out. :)

 

http://nancextoo.livejournal.com/190076.html

 

thanks so much for your post, and the great blog post you wrote. it is exactly what i need to hear :)

[NanceXToo]

thanks so much for your post, and the great blog post you wrote. it is exactly what i need to hear :)

 

Glad it helped! It's been a year this month since I wrote it. My son is 6.4 now and like I said, much better success with K this year. We're doing more reading lessons this year and he's picking them up really well and has SO much more patience and willingness to sit and actually do them, and neither of us get frustrated with it the way we would have last year...it's just a much more pleasant easy-going experience overall, and there has been absolutely no harm done by waiting that extra year that I can see. He needed that extra year to just play and develop and be ready and there was nothing wrong with my giving it to him. I don't regret it at all. But if I had spent that year fighting with him and pushing him and losing patience with him and that had been a year of me getting frustrated, him being miserable? I would have hated that. That is NOT what I want Kindergarten to be like. No way. Just, no way. I want K to be sweet and fun and happy. Think about what you want your K year to be like and if it is best suited by waiting another year, don't even hesitate. Seriously, it's just not a big deal at all. You know your kid best. :)

[ktgrok]

Here he wouldn't be old enough for Kindy until the following year. They have to be 5 BEFORE Sept.1st. So I'd wait another year. Trust me, he will be a different creature by then.

 

If it helps, my son's birthday is in July, but we still waited that extra year. Best decision I EVER made as a parent. he was NOT ready before that. Not even a little bit. He couldn't sit still, he couldn't grasp phonics, couldn't blend, etc. A year later he was ready to do all those things.

 

Wait a year. Really. Make this year PreK and do hands on fun stuff.

[ktgrok]

Oh, and read the book "Boy's Adrift" to find out more about how wiggly boys learn best.

[Terrilth]

He needs to be "Waldorf-y" for a while :)

 

Let me use this analogy - there are some kids who are exceptions to this of course, but roll with it:

 

At 18 months, some parents get all excited about potty training. They work for months with stickers, treats, Pull-Ups, etc. Finally, a little while after they turn 2 yo, the kid gets it! All that hard work pays off, right?

 

Same kid, different method... Parents decide to wait until the kid seems ready. At about 2 yo, they show him the potty and hand him a sticker every once in a while. About a month later, the kid gets it! In a month - not 6 or 7 months.

 

If you give him a little more time to get ready for K, you'll both be a lot happier :)

I couldn't agree more. This is what we did and I'll never ever regret it.

 

The Enki Kindy curriculum is what we used. I still have it because it holds so many fond memories for me - all those fun circle time songs and fingerplays and crafts. Just what kindy SHOULD be.

[Ecclecticmum]

Coming in a bit late here, but I have a wiggly boy too.

 

He's much more a "charggggeeeee!" with a sword type boy, LOL. He also until about 1 year ago, mostly communicated in shrieks and screams.

 

Wtih my kids, I tend to pull in a more interactive type program, and I try to include all of the children wherever possible. Videos, games, computer stuff, arts & crafts are all my top priorities for "type".

 

There's a book I have heard of, called something like "Get your child off the refridgerator and on to learning" that was recommended to me a couple of times, I have yet to look at it, as we found the niche that suits us, but it may be a worthwhile read for you.

 

What about focusing (not necessarily buying) on Oak Meadows Kindergarten? They tend to use nature to find the letters, so instead of your son sitting down with worksheets, he can be out collecting and making letters from nature. This is way I am looking into Oak Meadow for DS for next year.

 

I have found for Wiggly's, literature based programs like Sonlight (even if you add the hands-on stuff from Handle on the Arts) usually do not go down well. Before one story is up, the child has disappeared to build and knock down blocks or terrorise his sisters.

 

Don't underestimate the value of role play/dramatic play either. Children learn a lot from play i.e. Grocery shop - Maths, Tea Party - Manners, Post Office - Alphabet, Police Station (with "experiments" like fingerprinting etc) - science, Museum - History.

 

The best thing I have found is to have a period of about 1-2 weeks, where you just "watch" the child, figure out the sorts of things that hold his interest, and what he ignores, then you can tailor the program to his likes/dislikes.

[faiths13]

thanks so much for all the great replies! they are very helpful and make me feel much better! i can tell my ds is on the way to hating school, and i absolutely dont want that! im glad to know its OK to wait and let him just be who is without forcing school at him. :D