Julie in CA Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) Is there any chance at all that I'm feeling this way because my house really *is* ridiculously messy, and because I really *am* disgustingly overweight? Wouldn't working very hard to fix the concrete things that are really wrong maybe fix how I'm thinking? ? If I were busy & productive with cleaning, exercise, etc, I wouldn't have so much time to eat, or think, and it would also solve the problem of my laziness & messy house? Being so busy & productive that I have no time to think sounds like the way to go. Is there any chance that would work? Maybe I'm just feeling badly about myself because *I really am not getting done what I should be, and I should feel badly about that?* :confused: ETA: Again, please don't quote me. I will be embarrassed about this soon, and will want to delete what I wrote. Edited February 27, 2012 by Julie in CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 I could've written what you did. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 When my house gets messy, as was recently the case, I lose all motivation for anything! I get lazier amd eat.more. As soon as I start cleaning, when a room looks good, I am.motovated again. I have to push to get started though. When I don't exercise, I feel awful. 15 minutes on the elliptical and I feel energized again. Try it, it can't hurt. Make yourself exercise for 20 minutes, then set a goal....a time for cleaning. 3+4 15-minutes intervals. Then take a shower and look at what you accomplished in am hour. Then get a good book and find a place to read for 30 minutes. It may not be the only thing you need, but cleaning and exercise can be theraputic. I don't do all of Flylady, but the 15 minutes and the 27 fling boogie make you feel great! I think a lot while I clean and exercise. Write down your thoughts. Sorry if this is incredibly disjointed....I have been interrupted by a six year old a few times ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Sure, it is possible, anything is possible. But the terms you are choosing to use to describe yourself show a bigger issue than a messy house or being overweight. Your use of terms like "disgustingly" make me think that is more of a thing with your own self-worth or self-image or something. Please please please talk to a professional. Talk to your doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) But are you feeling so badly that you can't get to the things you want to do? This is where seeing your doctor is helpful! Lifting depression or whatever you want to call it, helps us have the ability to work on the things that are important to us. Your original idea of a partner for encouragement and accountability (overeaters anonymous does this) and a set amount of time for evaluation sounds good. Also are you feeling bad about yourself and blaming these things? Will getting these things under control change your self image? Or are you in a real slump and need to learn to accept the great things about you? It's all so hard to figure out. :grouphug: I'm in my 50s and I find that there are lots of changes of how woman view themselves, and the world around them. You're great! You can do it! But there is nothing wrong with some professional help. Edited February 27, 2012 by Starr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 No, that's depression thinking. Work on your thinking and your other issues will be easier to work on or a balance will be easier to strike. There are things you can do that will help with both though. Getting out for a walk each day (force yourself), will help to clear your mind and help with weight. Choose a small thing in your house to work on. Allow yourself to feel good about the accomplishment without worrying about everything else that didn't get done. Depression makes you beat yourself up about everything else and never lets you enjoy what you DID do. I recommend cleaning your kitchen sink...just remove any dishes and stack them neatly on the counter and clean your sink. Then step back and enjoy how nice it looks. Skip the to-do list and make a done list. Each day list what you did that day, including every mundane thing that you usually don't give yourself credit for. So far today, I've: Gotten out of bed Taken a shower Gotten dressed Brushed my hair Made my bed Read a couple of small phonics readers to my 4 year old When I was depressed I would never have given myself credit for doing all of that. It wasn't big enough to count. Everything is big enough to count! It all counts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mudboots Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Even if you choose to go this route (fixing the concrete things first), you'll need someone to support you - someone who sees it all and still treats you with dignity. Your core person ought to be treated with the same grace, respect, and dignity that all people should be offered. Having another person treat you that way while supporting your efforts to fix these external issues might really help - if you begin to see yourself differently in the process. Skip the to-do list and make a done list. I've done this before, too. I recorded everything I did during the day. Wow, was that ever a boost! It also helped me stay focused on concrete things and stop overthinking everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 ((Julie)) I just read your previous thread. I think you are a wonderful person, and I encourage you to contact a counselor and make an appointment while you try your plan. It won't hurt to have an appointment on the calendar while you try your personal plan. Being too busy to think WILL NOT fix the negative self talk in your head. It just allows you to hide from it. My DH also has a problem with a negative inner voice. I call it his mugger. It always tells him to do things that will allow the negativity to flourish, just like a mugger gives instructions to the victim that only help the mugger. For example, a mugger will tell his victim, "Don't scream!" Not screaming helps the mugger rob the victim without getting caught - it's the opposite of what you should do. Your inner voice is telling you, "Just get busy and you'll forget that I'm in here waiting to pounce.... no need to call in any help to get rid of me." See how it's trying to mug you? Don't allow it. Please take action and get help for yourself. What if one of your kids was the one feeling this way? You wouldn't tell your child to just get so busy he stops feeling. Be kind to yourself too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Honestly, Julie....this is the ONLY thing that works for me. I try NOT to be compulsive about it...but I stay VERY busy. Anti depressants didn't work for me. They gave me suicidal thoughts...and put me into zombie land. I tried 5 or 6, then gave up:glare: I have chronic pain, and chronic illness, which can be depressing in and of itself. So, now...when I head into the pit of despair.....I clean something, I walk, I scrub, I shower and change, I dye my hair.....I DO something. It really helps me. I clean out the fridge. I donate food to the food pantry, then go to the farm stand and get a shot of wheat grass...and fresh veggies. The nice side effect of my craziness is I have gotten thin...I lost over 80 lbs and have it off over the past 10 years. I still have a messy house because we still have lots of kids......but, it is really not overwhelming anymore. I can clean up pretty fast. Oh, I began to keep a list on my good days of things that make me happy, or things I would like to accomplish. That list has been a balm to me. I am nowhere near where I would like to be. I have terrible anxiety often, and I am not really sure where it comes from or how to fix it. Sometimes a Xanax works wonders:001_smile: Being productive definitely releases endorphins and makes you feel better. Working on concrete goals with obvious results does help..... Maybe a combination of medical and positive steps are just what you need. I know it helps me. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Hope you find your answers. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Cleaning up your house and getting organized will help with a lot of things. Will it make you skinny? No. But it will put you on the path to making necessary changes. You are describing a life of chaos, I don't know who can thrive in that. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 ((Julie)) Being too busy to think WILL NOT fix the negative self talk in your head. It just allows you to hide from it. **:iagree:Feeling like you have accomplished something won't hurt but it won't take the neg self talk away. Rethinking and resaying the negative self talk and putting into something positive helps me. Some people refer to me as energy drainer while others would say I am a go getter and vivacious. One way is negative while the other is postive. I try and take those traits and flip them into something positive. I also have been trying to put some space between me and the person who is more negative. Also, I have to realize not to beat myself up for things that are mistakes that everyone makes. Like, sticking my foot in my mouth. Everyone does it. Get over it. Move on. Obsessing over my imperfection doesn't help. :D My DH also has a problem with a negative inner voice. I call it his mugger. It always tells him to do things that will allow the negativity to flourish, just like a mugger gives instructions to the victim that only help the mugger. For example, a mugger will tell his victim, "Don't scream!" Not screaming helps the mugger rob the victim without getting caught - it's the opposite of what you should do. Your inner voice is telling you, "Just get busy and you'll forget that I'm in here waiting to pounce.... no need to call in any help to get rid of me." See how it's trying to mug you? ****I like this: my inner mugger has replaced my inner me....many times my inner me is fighting to come back but I have to really work at the fear of if I really change what that means in my life.... Don't allow it. Please take action and get help for yourself. What if one of your kids was the one feeling this way? You wouldn't tell your child to just get so busy he stops feeling. Be kind to yourself too. :iagree: :grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 It is not unusual to feel overwhelmed by mess and physically out of sorts because of weight. But no matter how hard we work to overcome those problems, the judgemental words and feelings aren't going to go away without changing *thinking* because we are never ever going to be perfect. I think you are absolutely right that being busy and productive is a great way to keep those kinds of feelings at bay. But using your energy to feel positive and productive is more likely to keep you motivated to *be* busy and productive, and that requires changing your thinking. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Be kind to yourself. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 When I have found myself feeling similarly, I often ask if the things bothering me are symptoms of something larger OR are they the actual problem. Usually, in my case, they are symptoms of the problem, not the problem itself. It has always helped me to talk to a professional. I probably spend more on mental health than I do on my hair and nails. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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