Another post from me, I should go to bed, but

[Nakia]

I want to ask this one last thing. If your children are given money, such as for birthday or Christmas, do you let them spend it on whatever they want? Each of my girls ended up with about $75 for Christmas. I took them shopping at Charming Charlie and Barnes and Noble, and they each spent about $30-35 on things like hair accessories, ear rings, a necklace, etc and a book. So they didn't waste their money. I know if I gave them the money and took them to Target or Walmart, they would spend it, no problem.

 

The thing is they don't need anymore stuff. I told them I think they should save it for when they find something they really love or when we go on a little weekend trip, and they are totally fine with that. We are definitely not the kind of parents who buy the kids something every single time we go to the store so buying something would be a treat. My oldest actually wants to save up to buy a corn snake (we already have one snake), and I'm fine with that.

 

I guess I just wonder if I'm being unfair. It is their money after all. I haven't forbidden them to spend it; I've just encouraged them to hang on to it. We really haven't been to very many places for them to spend it since Christmas, so it hasn't been a real issue yet.

 

Thoughts?

[Mrs Mungo]

It depends.

 

My mom sent my middle dd a $40 Target card for her seventh birthday. She bought princess underwear, an umbrella, a book and some other random items that she wanted. But, they are older now. I encouraged them to spend their Christmas money on a big thing or something they needed instead of lots of little stuff. Eldest is buying an ukulele. Middle bought clothes and books. Ds bought the Lego kit he had been coveting.

[JessicaLady]

I read this great article and it suggested that you have several jars and put a percentage into each one. I forget the exact percentages, but I believe the Savings jar was 50%, and there was a Spend Now and a Give Away jar, too.

The give away one to teach you children the value of doing something for someone else. The author's children didn't just give the money away, rather they bought something for someone who couldn't afford it themselves. The jars helped them learn how to save up for something and the value of waiting and thinking on something before impulsively purchasing. And, of course the savings one was to instill in them early the concept of saving money as oppesed to spending it all. This is an important lesson that many people I know still don't quite understand.

 

The above would only work I think if 1)you demonstrated it yourself and 2) if it was universal for all children regardless of where the money came from. No exceptions.

 

I don't think you're unfair at all and are actually teaching them something that they can and will probably ONLY be able to learn from YOU. Good Job!

[cjzimmer1]

Well you are a lot more generous than I am. With 5 kids as well as 2 December birthdays, the amount of stuff that is trucked into my house is absolutely insane. So money my kids get for birthdays they can spend some (maybe half) and the rest is saved. Money for Christmas is all saved. But then again, the money they receive for Christmas is usually from my parents and grandma and they want it to go to the kids college fund. They would actually be upset if I let them spend it. But on the occasions they do get money from someone else, they all know that Christmas money goes in the bank.

[scrappyhappymama]

I love the idea of spending/saving/giving jars, but personally I don't think it is appropriate for money received as a gift.

 

If my mom sends me a sweater for my birthday, I don't feel compelled to tithe the buttons. If it's a gift card for a spa, I don't kick in a percentage of that to my charitable donations fund. If she sends me money to spend on myself (because she knows most of our expendable funds are spent on the kids or schooling or giving), then I try to honor the spirit of her bequest. So, I'd feel wrong to compel my children to give or save a part of their "special" money.

 

On the other hand, we do have allowances and use those as an opportunity to teach budgeting and saving and giving and spending thoughtfully. Just as we try to model with our own personal funds.

 

My boys have often chosen to save the money they receive as gifts, usually so they can save up for a special game or lego set that they don't have enough for yet. They've even gone in with each other a few times, pooling their saved money to buy a particularly desired object. But even if they've planned to save and then decide later to make a smaller or more frivolous purchase, we let them.

 

I think the OP handled it well. They spent some and you've encouraged them to save the rest for a special treat later. Sounds ideal to me!

[angela in ohio]

If it is for birthdays or Christmas, they spend it on something and then write a note to the gift-giver letting them know and thanking them. It's a gift, free and clear, and I want them to use it the way the giver intended.

[myfunnybunch]

Depends on how much it is. My winter birthday boys end up with over $100 to spend between my mom's and my dad's birthday and Christmas gifts. I do treat it as their money, and allow them to spend it as they wish, but I also try to remind them of a big thing they've been saving for and/or encourage them to wait until they think of something they really want. (They can't put it in savings because it's actually Amazon g.c. not cash.) So far I've been pretty pleased with the thoughtful choices they've made this year.

 

I don't think you're being unfair. You're encouraging good habits and thoughtful spending, not forbidding them from spending their money.

 

Cat

[StephanieZ]

I let my kids spend or save their gift or earned $$ as they wish, so long as it isn't on something I actually object to them having.

 

I.e., if I wouldn't let ds have a hand-held video game thingy, then he couldn't buy it with his own money either . . . They aren't allowed to buy piles of candy . . . Etc. But, if they wanted to blow it on more legos (BTDT) or more silly junk (BTDT), I'd discourage it but not prohibit it.

 

Over time, with more practice having $$, my kids have each become hoarders, lol. I'd say 90% of their earnings or gift money has also accumulated in their accounts. The only things they spend $$ on are holiday or birthday gifts for each other and other family, or occasional treats. Ds12 recently spent half of a month's wages ($40 once a month guitar gig) to take his entire volunteer group out for frosties at Wendy's.

 

I think they are wise with their $$, and I think having practice being in control of $$ has helped them get there. Once they've each accumulated significant savings, it seems they each become MORE responsible. Once they have that nice feeling of "I can buy whatever I want." they don't WANT to spend b/c they don't want to lose that feeling. At least that's my theory.

 

When our kids are small, we have a "Family Bank", and we pay the kids 1% interest PER MONTH on their savings in the bank. We just used a nice cardboard box and a ledger book and put some cash in the box. They can make withdrawls or deposits whenever the wish. LOL, they learned to really enjoy savings when their $200 in birthday money grew by $2 every month! Free money! Who doesn't love it? Once the amounts started getting bigger, they really get into it!

 

(Once our kids got close to $1000 in the family bank, we open them each their own bank account, both so we can avoid going broke paying them interest, and so we can also be sure not to spend their money! Alternately, you could do this at an arbitrary age such as 14 if your kids aren't accumualting major $$ sooner than that.)

 

I think the family bank is a great way to motivate kids to save. It is also nice that they have a safe place to stash their $$. If they actually physically LOSE money by leaving it around their room or the house, they'll be demotivated to save it next time. The family bank takes away that issue.

Edited January 6, 2012 by StephanieZ

[Dolphin]

I think it is our job as parents to teach our children about money. It doesn't sound like you told them what to do. You advised them and they went with that. I remind my son of what he is saving for whenever he gets money, sometimes he spends it, sometimes he saves it.

[littlebug42]

I help guide the spending but they get to spend it also. Boo-Boo just had some money to spend this week and all I really told her was that she couldn't spend it all on Pokemon cards. My daughters have saved their money before though to get things they really want. They each have two American Girl dolls that they purchased with their own gift money, including the first ones they ever got. We had told them that the AG dolls were too expensive to purchase outright for us but that we would give them the money that we would have spent on a gift and they could save the rest. They did this happily. This year we are planning a trip to Disney World for their birthdays and they are planning to take any money received for souvenir shopping at DW.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I let them spend it as thery wish, with in reason, $50 worth of candy at one time will be discouraged. However, before shopping we discuss what they want to buy so they have a plan and are not spontaneously spending.

[Donna]

For me, it depends on the amount. If it is under $50 and a gift, I will generally allow them to spend it as they wish. My kids have always chosen well when spending and haven't ever "wasted" money so I trust they will make good decisions. If over $50, they put some, usually half, in their bank account then are able to spend the rest as they wish...though now that my boys are older even this rule does have exceptions.

 

However, if it is money they have made from a music gig then they get 10% to spend as they wish and the rest goes in their bank accounts.