Word Nerd Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I really don't think most people are trying to be hurtful or make anyone feel bad. I believe they truly have not considered that what they are saying is rude or would be perceived as an insult. It's just making brainless conversation. On the other hand, people can't seriously believe they are not being insulting and are just making conversation when they say something like, "OMG you are SOOOO skinny! I hate you!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Around here people weigh a little more than they have in other places I've lived. I have a naturally muscular build, but not what I would consider thin. I'm a size 4. When I was buying clothes a couple months ago, the dressing room attendant told me I was the first skinny girl she had seen that didn't look like an addict. She told me that most of the girls my size were doing heroin and meth, but I looked nice and healthy. I just needed to eat a little more and I'd be fine. People are strange. I do get uncomfortable when people comment on my children and their weights. When you've had to deal with a failure to thrive diagnosis and lots of anxiety about how much your children weigh, it isn't "cute" to have small children. It's frightening and frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 I'm 5"2, weight varies between 97-105 usually, and I look young. I have 4 kids and am so tired of the random comments too. Turns out, the reason I can't gain weight is because I have autoimmune diseases and hyperthyroid. I get all the time that I'm not old enough or big enough to have 4 kids. I appreciate the comments that I look good, but not the ones about being so skinny and what not. I would love to have the energy to work out, and I look super skinny also b/c autoimmune diseases eat away at muscle mass. So, I'm skinny fat basically...I'm flabby b/c I have no muscle. I have floppy arms and a muffin top waist b/c I'm all skin. And for some reason, they're jealous?! LOL I cna't find clothes that fit b/c I'm not big enough for women's sizes, and I fit in junior sizes but they look like kid clothes and I already look young. It's pathetic. I can't wait to work out for the health benefits you mentioned and gain some muscle and weight. And maybe finally fit in "real" clothes. I have actually gained some weight and muscle in the past couple months. I was very sick over the summer and lost weight. I was down to 92 lbs when I was diagnosed with celiac. Now, that I've fixed my diet I've gained my weight back. I've always exercised, but for awhile I was too sick to do so. Once I started to feel better and could exercise again, it felt so good. Exercising is my mental break and stress relief. It's nice to see muscle develop and replace the floppy skin. :001_smile: I hope you can start working out soon and you start to feel better. Oh, and Ann Taylor Loft has a great petite section. I'm 5'1" and the petite length pants are perfect so they should be for you as well. There are often 50% off sale prices on the site so keep your eye out. Their jeans are my favorite. Oh, here's a new comment. My kids were playing outside with the neighbor kid. The mother was in the yard watching. My oldest told me she asked where I was and he told her I was cooking dinner. She said, "Good, now make sure your mom actually eats the food too. Ha, ha." My ds said he looked at her and just said, "Why would she not eat dinner with us?" I found out about this conversation because he was confused by her comment and asked me what she meant. :glare: What am I supposed to say to him? I think I just mumbled something about how moms are always so busy they don't take time to eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 I do get uncomfortable when people comment on my children and their weights. When you've had to deal with a failure to thrive diagnosis and lots of anxiety about how much your children weigh, it isn't "cute" to have small children. It's frightening and frustrating. Oh, don't get me started about comments regarding my "skim breast milk" because some of my babies were in the 3rd percentile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 On the other hand, people can't seriously believe they are not being insulting and are just making conversation when they say something like, "OMG you are SOOOO skinny! I hate you!" I hear that frequently and believe the people are not trying to be insulting. They don't really hate me, or at least I think they don't. I believe they think they are being funny, cute, ironic, teasing, whatever. It's not funny, but it rarely bothers me anymore. What does bother me, however, is the doctors who don't believe me when I say I am fine, or the whispered comments behind my back of "concern," or people who feel the need to make sure I'm not going to the restroom to puke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SorrelZG Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I believe they truly have not considered that what they are saying is rude or would be perceived as an insult. It's just making brainless conversation. I was the first skinny girl she had seen that didn't look like an addict. Aah .. another lovely comment that is common in some areas along side those about imagined anorexia and obsessive dieting and exercise. I happen to be almost 5'10 and a size 4. I'm within my healthy BMI range. I have four young and closely spaced children. Yes, some comments are not mean spirited at all but plenty have no friendly intention whatsoever. Plenty from childhood had the specific intent of humiliation and unfortunately, as much as I've grown, I'm still working through that to some degree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Aah .. another lovely comment that is common in some areas along side those about imagined anorexia and obsessive dieting and exercise. Or "you look like you're dying of AIDS." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 You're supposed to be secretly gratified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SorrelZG Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 You're supposed to be secretly gratified. Well, it's one thing to be thankful for one's metabolism but I imagine it's a rare person (hopefully) that get's satisfaction out of frequently hearing comments on their weight that include phrases such as, "I hate you", "you make me sick", or "shut up" let alone "drug addict", "AIDS", or "anorexic". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Or "you look like you're dying of AIDS." Someone once said this to my best friend at a grocery store when we were there together. She had just lost her baby at 23 weeks and she was gaunt and pale. That's why we were together - I didn't want her shopping alone. That %$#@% then looked at me and rolled his eyes. I was 41 weeks pregnant. We can now laugh about that guy. We call him Satan. Because only Satan could possibly be so vile. It did make us both wonder what the heck happened to him to make him so very vile as to say something like that to a stranger!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Well, it's one thing to be thankful for one's metabolism but I imagine it's a rare person (hopefully) that get's satisfaction out of frequently hearing comments on their weight that include phrases such as, "I hate you", "you make me sick", or "shut up" let alone "drug addict", "AIDS", or "anorexic". :iagree: These are not compliments. I don't buy for a second that the speaker's intent in saying such things is good--especially since these words are usually said with a sneer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 My SIL is very petite and thin. She has to buy clothes in the little girls department as a result. I, OTOH, have been at war with my weight since I hit puberty. I've never been obese, but I'm constantly battling 10-15lbs. One day she opened up to me and sadly told me how she wished she was shaped like a 'normal' woman so she could just once buy something in the Junior sizes. It really put into perspective how the grass really isn't greener on the other side. OP, I'm sorry that people are so mean and thoughtless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I've had variations of all those things said to me, and I didn't take offense. In every case it was obvious the person was being jovial to come degree. I've gotten the "I hate yous" but no one sounded like they REALLY hated me, iykwim! I do find it unnerving that our public perception of weight is shifting. Women who once upon a time would have been considered "thin but normal" now will be called "unhealthy." Look at films/ news footage from 1970s or earlier... it's incredible how thin people look. I was watching the 1973 Jesus Christ Superstar... almost every person in the cast looks ghostly thin by today's standards. I'm not even sure I would be consider thin by the standards of 50+ years ago. I'm 5'8" and between 135-140. I think I would have been considered average weight in the 1950s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SorrelZG Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I've had variations of all those things said to me, and I didn't take offense. In every case it was obvious the person was being jovial to come degree. I've gotten the "I hate yous" but no one sounded like they REALLY hated me, iykwim! There is a wide spectrum. I'm glad your experience is limited to the positive end of it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Well, it's one thing to be thankful for one's metabolism but I imagine it's a rare person (hopefully) that get's satisfaction out of frequently hearing comments on their weight that include phrases such as, "I hate you", "you make me sick", or "shut up" let alone "drug addict", "AIDS", or "anorexic". I've been thin all my life and have heard the occasional "I hate you," I really haven't heard any of the rest. So, maybe I'm not thin enough to warrant the AIDS/drug addict/anorexic comments. Maybe just a rude group of people? I dunno, if I were hearing that type of thing, I'd either ignore it or work on my return volley. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Commenting on people's weight - whether thin or thick - is rude, impolite, and inappropriate. Just my opinion. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I get all the time that I'm not old enough or big enough to have 4 kids. Yeah... :glare: You know, people say this is a compliment, too... but I am SO SICK of it. Strangers come up to me and say, in a shocked voice, "You're not old enough to be his mom!" I can get that they *mean* it as a compliment, but you know, it's really not. It just doesn't feel nice when you hear some variation of that over and over for YEARS. Maybe I'll be happy to hear it when I'm 80. I don't know. Ask me then. When my oldest was a toddler I took him to the mall and some weird stranger came up to me and actually asked me if I was his Swedish nanny. "Ummm... No. I'm his MOM." And yes, I would actually like the CREDIT for being the mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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