When do kids grow out of being distracted?

[hollyhock]

I tried to do some searches and didn't come up with anything.

 

My 9yo son gets distracted fairly easily, especially while doing math, probably because he spends the most time on that subject. I don't think it's a major issue, just part of being a 9yo boy. But I am wondering, is there a general age where they grow out of this?

 

Anyone have some experience to share with me?

[Critterfixer]

I thought being easily distracted was simply goes along with being male. Not helpful, perhaps. However, I've found that my ds's and my dh CAN focus; when it is in their best interest to do so.:D

[Mommyof4ks]

I think it is just part of some people. I am still easily distracted, but my dd can focus on anything for hours. My ds who is easily distracted during school can focus for hours building Lego creations. Maybe it is just a lack of intrest? Sorry I am not much help, but those are our experiences.

[Renee in NC]

In my house? Never. Not helpful, I know.My 10yo focuses quite well, but meds will do that for you.;)

 

My 9yo is the most distracted boy I have had! His violin teacher tells me that he is at the high end of normal from her experience. He is always going off topic during a lesson. His teacher constantly has to refocus his attention on what they are doing - not about the excavator outside, what her dc eat for dinner, what her dh does for a living, not what his big brother did last weekend...you get the point.:tongue_smilie:

[Karen in CO]

I'm still easily distracted. I've learned to cope; otherwise, I'd never have made it out of Ms. Baldwin's 4th grade class. :D I've never expected my kids to outgrow it.

[Myeightkiddies]

I'm going to agree with the above posts. I, personally, get distracted and am constantly reminding myself to focus. My dh gets distracted when doing things that he doesn't really want to do. If it is something he really enjoys, he stays very focused (meaning we have to jump up and down to get his attention sometimes).

[ezrabean2005]

Look! A chicken! ;)

[Critterfixer]

Look! A chicken!

Where?!

[Ellie]

Um...never. And FYI: it isn't only boys who get distracted. A dear friend of mine leads her boys down distraction's path.:glare:

[Karen in CO]

Where?!

Something shiny. :D

[momtokea]

My ds10 is the King of Distraction. I am seriously considering having him tested. His lack of focus drives me to distraction:D and makes me batty. He has been eating his lunch for the past 2 hours and 20 minutes ... and petting the dog ... and going to the bathroom ... and getting his bionicals ... and.... and... and....

 

My dd12 took all the attention span and by the time he came along two years later there was none left for him. She has always had an incredibly attention span ... even at age 2 people would comment on it.

 

My dd13 is somewhere in the middle.

 

As for when they out-grow it, I don't have an answer for you. It seems to me that some kids have it and some kids don't. With all three of my kids, their ability (or inability) to focus was evident from the toddler years.

[Mommy22alyns]

:lurk5: My 8 yo is the distractible one here.

[hollyhock]

So basically, no one's kids have outgrown it? If they are distractable as children, they just always will be? I acknowledge that some people are just like this but I thought at least some people would outgrow it. :confused:

[macpuffins]

um, not the answer you want, but in this house, the answer is NEVER! Unless it is a book that one of us has been awaiting a while. Otherwise, 30s - 5min.

 

BTW - I can go so deep in reading that in the past I've read through fire alarms. I've had people take my book away from me just to get my attention. It isn't as common now that there's a toddler in the house, but when she's not here, time has no meaning when I'm reading.:tongue_smilie:

[Critterfixer]

I don't think that the goal is to outgrow it as much as learn to manage it.

I think most people do have the ability to focus on something that has a value to them (real or perceived) with training. The exception would be actual situations where there is a cause for the distraction of the mind, such as ADD. Or depression. Stress. Joy. Things that alter the mind's ability to focus.

Part of my job as teacher is to help my boys decide that things like grammar, spelling, math and such ARE worth their while to focus on. It's also my job to track down reasons for not focusing (tired, sad, just needing to get up and run around, the window being open and a vagrant breeze beckoning...) and deal with them accordingly. Some days are tougher than others.

 

Also, distractedness is not always a bad thing. Recently, my distracted son was in a bad mood over a tough reading lesson and Mom was distracting herself by watching the chickens take their dirt baths in the garden. Distracted Mom spotted the hawk, distracted Mom literally knocked over a chair galloping to the rescue, and newly distracted son was jolted out of his lethargy and bad humor, finished the lesson in record time so that he could go stand sentry over the chickens. And no chickens were harmed in the making of this anecdote.

Edited November 17, 2011 by Critterfixer
More thoughts

[macpuffins]

Also, distractedness is not always a bad thing. Recently, my distracted son was in a bad mood over a tough reading lesson and Mom was distracting herself by watching the chickens take their dirt baths in the garden. Distracted Mom spotted the hawk, distracted Mom literally knocked over a chair galloping to the rescue, and newly distracted son was jolted out of his lethargy and bad humor, finished the lesson in record time so that he could go stand sentry over the chickens. And no chickens were harmed in the making of this anecdote.

 

This also points to one other thing I don't recall anyone having mentioned: some folks (kids included), have an innate sense of when "something is wrong" or "something is about to go wrong" and are agitated/distracted for that reason. Methinks that's, at least in part, the Mom's case in this anecdote.

 

Also, MissB (at 2-3/4 yo) picked up on Daddy's stress and became HIGHLY distracted (he had a bad weekend 2 wks ago, this is not the norm). Things she usually enjoyed playing with for long stretches of time - 30s. Heck, didn't even like Daddy reading to her (something she enjoys well enough to beg for more even when she's 90% asleep).

Edited November 17, 2011 by macpuffins
Don't type out posts w/o your glasses on!

[hsbaby]

I don't think some kids ever outgrow it! DS is so, so distractible. Each subject goes like this:

 

Do one problem

Talk to me about how he wants to decorate his room

Me refocusing him

Do half a problem

Problem reminds him of something SO funny that happened at co-op

Me refocusing

Stalling on next problem because there is just something he HAS to tell me

 

And on and on....all day. He's not trying to avoid work, it's just his mind goes a mile a minute and he is just compelled to share everything that enters it:)

[shanvan]

I don't think some kids ever outgrow it! DS is so, so distractible. Each subject goes like this:

 

Do one problem

Talk to me about how he wants to decorate his room

Me refocusing him

Do half a problem

Problem reminds him of something SO funny that happened at co-op

Me refocusing

Stalling on next problem because there is just something he HAS to tell me

 

And on and on....all day. He's not trying to avoid work, it's just his mind goes a mile a minute and he is just compelled to share everything that enters it:)

 

This is my Dd (9-almost 10). At our house it's Ds who is focused. Dd's attention flits around like a butterfly! She is the last one finished meals every night because she becomes distracted even while eating and has to tell us every thought that comes into her head, or get up to see what that noise was, or what just flew by out the window, or go get a book or drawing she was somehow reminded of.......you get the idea.

[abbeyej]

So basically, no one's kids have outgrown it? If they are distractable as children, they just always will be? I acknowledge that some people are just like this but I thought at least some people would outgrow it. :confused:

 

I don't think it's a matter of "outgrowing" it as much as it's a matter of *learning* to be focused. It's a skill that's worth actively teaching and practicing. Sure, some kids will be more or less naturally able to focus than others, but it's not something that's beyond our control completely. ...

 

Think of it more like musical ability. Some kids have a lot of inherent ability. They find music everywhere, explore it constantly with their bodies (humming, singing, tapping, making instruments of everything close to hand), they play and experiment with any instrument that's available, and they pick up instruction quickly. Other kids are simply *not* very musical. They may enjoy listening, but they don't live for music. (And, of course, most kids fall somewhere between the two.) But all kids *can* be taught to play an instrument. They don't "grow into" musicality, but they can, through instruction and practice, become competent -- at least able to follow along with sheet music and figure out how to play a melody, etc. The ones without the natural aptitude and love for music may never quite catch up, but they will make huge leaps if taught.

 

Attention is much the same. Some kids come pre-loaded with a lot. Some kids seem to come with none at all. ;) But instruction and practice make a huge difference no matter one's natural ability.

 

Start by expecting complete focus for short periods of time. For some kids, that may be 30-40 seconds at a time at first. The amount of time to work through one math problem, maybe. They may need you to sit next to them and redirect (in few or no words -- words can be distracting) through the whole problem. When they've finished that one tiny chunk of focus, praise briefly, "Hooray!", give them an outlet for some energy or focus ("Okay, three jumping jacks!" or "*Now* you can ask me that question"), then, after a short period, say, "Okay, now the next one" and repeat. You can't expect an inattentive child to go from 5 seconds worth of attention at a time to 20 minutes, or from 10 minutes to an hour all at once. But you can go from little or nothing to 30-40 seconds. You can go from 30-40 seconds to 3 minutes. 3 minutes can become 5, can eventually become 10, and even 20.

 

Encourage your child to find coping mechanisms. Stretching out one's hands between problems, stretching the neck or shoulders... Look around the room, then find the place again and get started. It's okay to look around, move for a moment, but come back to the work.

 

Talk through goal-setting. In the beginning, it may be as little as, "Get through three problems before I let myself get distracted." Talk about how long a *short* section of work should take. "You've got ten problems here, but they're just two-digit addition. This should go really quickly. Let's have a race -- see if you can get it done in one minute. Okay? Go!" ... I tend to shy away from timing young kids in math when the *math* is hard for them -- but if it's a matter of work that's relatively easy and *focus* that's a challenge, then giving them a comfortable pace and a goal can actually be helpful. They can learn that work goes more quickly when they're focused. But don't make it an overwhelming goal. Something that can *comfortably* be finished in the allotted time and a short time period (1-3 minutes to start with). The focus is on getting-it-done in a period of time.

 

Play some games with focus. Give the child a maze to work or other simple/fun brain puzzle. Give them a stop watch. "Ready, Go!" Then you run around the room trying to distract them in silly, ridiculous ways. Sing a silly song, walk past making faces and wearing a funny hat, tell a joke... It's okay for kiddo to look up and laugh -- the goal is to get him to look up, laugh, get back to work, and hang on to any observations until after the puzzle is finished. Stop the stop-watch when he's done and then talk about all the silliness that went on. Re-enact anything you need to. Enjoy the silliness. Let him have questions or comments.

 

Do read-alouds. When the child has a question or comment, say, "Hold your questions 'til..." (end of page, end of section, end of chapter -- whatever). Then, when you're at the end of the page, etc, look him in the eye and say, "Okay, what did you want to talk about?" Don't engage the questions in the middle of reading. There are times for that, but there are also times when the questions will be answered in the next paragraph, or when the questions have nothing to do with the reading, etc. (If listening with attention is particularly difficult, give the child some questions to think about and listen for answers to *before* you begin reading.)

 

*Some* kids benefit from certain physical stimulus while they work. Others just turn it into greater distraction. ;) It's worth experimenting. Gum to chew. An exercise ball to sit on (there are some with little "feet" that stop them from rolling, and I find that seems to work better). Heavy beanbags to lay across the thighs while sitting at the desk, working. A stress-ball to squeeze. Doodling in the margins. Classical music played quietly in the background. (If they tell you that loud music or music with lyrics helps, they're probably kidding themselves.) Some of these will help some kids. Some will make distraction worse for certain kids. It's worth experimenting to see which help your kid -- just because it worked or didn't work for Billy-down-the-street doesn't mean it will work/not work for your kiddo.

 

Feel free to develop some subtle reminders to refocus. It could be a look, a sound you make, a hand on the shoulder, a gentle reminder to, "Focus, please" or just "You're doing great. Time to move on to the next question."

 

Don't underestimate adequate sleep, good nutrition, and lots and lots and lots of exercise (the kind that leaves kids sweaty, sore, and panting). ... Some kids particularly need exercise before starting school for the day. You might try "walking to school" each morning by taking a brisk walk around the block before school starts (and letting the kiddo sprint to the next mailbox and back to you and few times as necessary). Or sign up for before-school swim team. Or *something. If kiddo does a great job of focusing through math, give him a short break with a specific physical task to complete (run up and down the stairs X number of times; run around the house X number of times; do five pull-ups on the bar in the doorway; do one cycle of stretches from your gymnastics class; whatever). Don't give long breaks -- it's too easy to get caught up in a project or fantasy play that makes coming back to work that much harder. Just short breaks to refresh them.

 

Minimize screen time during the school week. I know a lot of people like to say, "No screens during the school day". Personally, I find it more productive to say, "No screens during the school week". (And make *occasional* exceptions as necessary -- but not daily or weekly.)

[joyfulmomSDG]

maybe it's me but i'm noticing from the posts that the pattern of distraction really shows itself in the math area. glad we're not alone!

 

my problem is that the distractable one is the older (almost 8 yo) who easily carries the youngers (5,4,2) along with him. :glare:

[...................]

And the motivation for staying focused. But 9 years old seems to be when my son really got easy as far as homeschooling.

[macpuffins]

maybe it's me but i'm noticing from the posts that the pattern of distraction really shows itself in the math area. glad we're not alone!

 

 

I tend to shy away from timing young kids in math when the *math* is hard for them -- but if it's a matter of work that's relatively easy and *focus* that's a challenge, then giving them a comfortable pace and a goal can actually be helpful. They can learn that work goes more quickly when they're focused.

 

Oh dear. Everyone (well, lots of folks) seem to have the 'math attention span' issue. I'm thinking it will not be a problem for MissB. She already focuses on counting and recognizing her numbers rather well, and will do so REPEATEDLY all by herself.

We might have the opposite problem. When I was in school, I filled in EVERY spare second from other subjects to do more math, because I loved it. I was the kid who did *every* problem, not just the few assigned.

I was the one who had to be stopped from doing math quite a few times in elementary school, because I finished the curriculum MONTHS before the school year was over, and a bored Pauline is a BAD-BAD thing. Heck, I took a graduate-level statistics course while I was doing my Masters in Psychology. It was not required. I had to talk my advisors into letting me do it. It was mental floss :)

Because of this 'mathiness' anything that was formulaic like that was a cinch for me. Stats, physics, chemistry, etc. Even Latin was easy because it is a regular language!

 

Pauline - REALLY used to being the weird kid in the class who LIKED math! :biggrinjester:

 

If it is any consolation, I really sucked at History and English/Language Arts. If it wasn't what *I* wanted to read, I did NOT like it.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Unless it's legos or XBOX, DS often has the attention span of a gnat. This is one of the many reasons we HS. In 1st grade(at PS) DS's teacher complained about how easily distracted he was, ummm, can we say 6 year old boy, normal? She wanted us to put him on meds.... instead we pulled him from PS next day. That said, he is much better now. I think age and the time I spend keeping him on task has helped. It has taken years of me sitting with him the entire day. Reminding him to move on, showing him where he left off, ect... I don't think we ever grow out of it, instead I think we "adapt" and learn how to work with it.

[Mommy22alyns]

I don't think some kids ever outgrow it! DS is so, so distractible. Each subject goes like this:

 

Do one problem

Talk to me about how he wants to decorate his room

Me refocusing him

Do half a problem

Problem reminds him of something SO funny that happened at co-op

Me refocusing

Stalling on next problem because there is just something he HAS to tell me

 

And on and on....all day. He's not trying to avoid work, it's just his mind goes a mile a minute and he is just compelled to share everything that enters it:)

 

 

:lol: This sounds SO much like a typical day with Rebecca!

[abbeyej]

Oh dear. Everyone (well, lots of folks) seem to have the 'math attention span' issue. I'm thinking it will not be a problem for MissB. She already focuses on counting and recognizing her numbers rather well, and will do so REPEATEDLY all by herself.

We might have the opposite problem. When I was in school, I filled in EVERY spare second from other subjects to do more math, because I loved it. I was the kid who did *every* problem, not just the few assigned.

I was the one who had to be stopped from doing math quite a few times in elementary school, because I finished the curriculum MONTHS before the school year was over, and a bored Pauline is a BAD-BAD thing. Heck, I took a graduate-level statistics course while I was doing my Masters in Psychology. It was not required. I had to talk my advisors into letting me do it. It was mental floss :)

Because of this 'mathiness' anything that was formulaic like that was a cinch for me. Stats, physics, chemistry, etc. Even Latin was easy because it is a regular language!

 

Pauline - REALLY used to being the weird kid in the class who LIKED math! :biggrinjester:

 

If it is any consolation, I really sucked at History and English/Language Arts. If it wasn't what *I* wanted to read, I did NOT like it.

 

I meant my comments to be applicable to any subject as necessary. Math just makes for an easy example -- especially as that's an area where many home schoolers expect younger kids to be able to complete some portion of the work semi-independently and are shocked to find that kids require some training and modeling there. History, language arts... Those often tend to be more directed early on and thus often cause fewer problems (at least in the early years).

[Nikki -TX-]

I don't think some kids ever outgrow it! DS is so, so distractible. Each subject goes like this:

 

Do one problem

Talk to me about how he wants to decorate his room

Me refocusing him

Do half a problem

Problem reminds him of something SO funny that happened at co-op

Me refocusing

Stalling on next problem because there is just something he HAS to tell me

 

And on and on....all day. He's not trying to avoid work, it's just his mind goes a mile a minute and he is just compelled to share everything that enters it:)

:lol: This is my oldest! And he gets so frustrated when his younger, more diligent, sister finishes the math lesson before he does!