msjones Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 My sweet son is pokey. He has always taken things slooooowly -- he was born late, nursed slowly, walked late, walks slowly, runs slowly, swims slowly, even kind of smiles slowly and takes his own sweet time all the time. He is doing very well academically, so that's no concern. And, I must say, such a mellow person is generally very easy to have around. But...it's chores. I can hardly stand watching him sometimes. Right now, he has been raking leaves for about 20 minutes. I could have raked those leaves in 5 minutes! He never refuses to do chores. He doesn't complain about how long it takes him. He gets them done eventually. But I could stand behind the boy threatening him with a blowhorn and it wouldn't speed him up. (Or, maybe he's have a burst of intensity and then slide right back into his usual glacial pace.) So, moms who have btdt: is this just the way it is? Should I just force myself to look away and appreciate his mellow, kicked-back approach to life? Or have any of you managed to instill a little speediness in your pokey child? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I have a boy *exactly* like that. I am sorry to say I often criticize him. Which does *not* speed him up! This has been going on for > 10 years! He is *extremely* bright, does amazing writing work, very good at math, great at science, wonderful stage actor, brilliant musician... But EVERYTHING is done very slowly... The criticism doesn't work... And he is good-natured and sweet, also *very* hardworking. It is actually such a relief to hear there are others out there like this. Sometimes I worry when he is out in the real world...what would an employer say or do? I have no answers except don't do what I do...it is useless...and he is such a good kid... J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I will be watching this thread, but I blame my pokey little puppy on genes. My husband/his father isn't pokey, necessarily, but he just has one speed, and it's medium, maybe on the low side of medium. If we are running late, he cannot, for the life of him, go any faster. And neither can my son. We work a lot on organizational skills. My hope is that at least when he (finally) gets there, maybe he'll have all of his stuff??? Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
posybuddy Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Heh... yep. This is just the way it is. I've got one JUST like this, about to turn 18. Underneath the sweet, mellow, pokey exterior is an unwavering stubbornness. He has not and will not ever go any faster than he is going to go, no matter what I say or do. Nagging, bribing... nothing is going to change that boy. I've learned to focus on the positive - he is determined, deliberate and a stickler for excellence - and take a lot of deep breaths about the rest. I occasionally pray for his future wife's patience, lol. I figure he will find his way in the world, and figure out how to follow a career that makes him happy and allows him to be reasonably self-paced. The best I can say is to just make peace with who your guy is (and try not to look out the window when he's raking ;)). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 I feel a little better just reading about other boys like him. It has been my suspicion for some time now that the paint has dried. I used to think that once he was older (he's 12) the peer pressure would kick in and help speed him up. Nope. He just comments on how fast so-and-so runs and how so-and-so laps him at swimming and it doesn't bother him one bit. He admires those speedy kids, but doesn't feel the need to be one of them. He is quite content. I am going to try to say nothing to speed him up for a whole day and see how that goes. Starting now. I'm going to go out near the kitchen where he is loading the dishwasher (one well-rinsed fork at a time) and say nothing about his pace. I'll let you know how that goes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 #4 did a wonderful impersonation of a glacier. drove us nuts. Now I know that, for him at least, it was part of his SPD and they way his brain engaged. #5 is also SPD, and boots up slowly in the morning. To help him we found gentle things that would stimulate him in the morning to help him get going. He does have a hard tiem settling down at night - and when he's out, he's OUT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 We have a pokey little princess here! The only thing she does fast is read. :D No strategies at teaching her to be quick have made even the slightest change, so far. Some things come hard-wired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
learningmama Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 :lurk5: We've had some issues with this lately at our house too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovin Learnin Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 My sweet son is pokey. He has always taken things slooooowly -- he was born late, nursed slowly, walked late, walks slowly, runs slowly, swims slowly, even kind of smiles slowly and takes his own sweet time all the time. He is doing very well academically, so that's no concern. And, I must say, such a mellow person is generally very easy to have around. But...it's chores. I can hardly stand watching him sometimes. Right now, he has been raking leaves for about 20 minutes. I could have raked those leaves in 5 minutes! He never refuses to do chores. He doesn't complain about how long it takes him. He gets them done eventually. But I could stand behind the boy threatening him with a blowhorn and it wouldn't speed him up. (Or, maybe he's have a burst of intensity and then slide right back into his usual glacial pace.) So, moms who have btdt: is this just the way it is? Should I just force myself to look away and appreciate his mellow, kicked-back approach to life? Or have any of you managed to instill a little speediness in your pokey child? This is just the way it is and I don't think there is a thing you can do about it. My ds#2 is exactly the same way. He's a thinker and a bit of a dreamer. I hate to admit that it used to frustrate me to no end but over time I realized this is who he is. Even when he tries to rush to please me it really is no faster. And it certainly is no better, whatever he is rushing to do. But he has so many positives that I just have to leave it alone. Like your son he never refuses to help with anything. I just give him plenty of time to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I have one too. After learning about Dressing Your Truth I am more accepting of it, though it still is frustrating dealing with my slow son. He is type 2 and slow is just his nature. Nagging won't speed him up, though Goldfish do for math worksheets. :D Thanks to the Hive for that one. I had him pegged and my husband before I figured out mine...We are all different and it can be fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
posybuddy Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I feel a little better just reading about other boys like him. It has been my suspicion for some time now that the paint has dried. I used to think that once he was older (he's 12) the peer pressure would kick in and help speed him up. Nope. He just comments on how fast so-and-so runs and how so-and-so laps him at swimming and it doesn't bother him one bit. He admires those speedy kids, but doesn't feel the need to be one of them. He is quite content. I am going to try to say nothing to speed him up for a whole day and see how that goes. Starting now. I'm going to go out near the kitchen where he is loading the dishwasher (one well-rinsed fork at a time) and say nothing about his pace. I'll let you know how that goes... Yeah, I've often been fairly amazed at how content he is with himself (at least in this respect - he's pretty self-critical in other areas). He's perfectly happy to let other people win the races while he just soldiers slowly on. Good luck with biting your tongue. :) I know it's hard, and I go through seasons of not being successful at keeping my mouth shut. But he's so sweet and amiable that for the most part he just lets my nagging roll off his back, for which I am thankful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 My sweet son is pokey. He has always taken things slooooowly -- he was born late, nursed slowly, walked late, walks slowly, runs slowly, swims slowly, even kind of smiles slowly and takes his own sweet time all the time. He is doing very well academically, so that's no concern. And, I must say, such a mellow person is generally very easy to have around. But...it's chores. I can hardly stand watching him sometimes. Right now, he has been raking leaves for about 20 minutes. I could have raked those leaves in 5 minutes! He never refuses to do chores. He doesn't complain about how long it takes him. He gets them done eventually. But I could stand behind the boy threatening him with a blowhorn and it wouldn't speed him up. (Or, maybe he's have a burst of intensity and then slide right back into his usual glacial pace.) So, moms who have btdt: is this just the way it is? Should I just force myself to look away and appreciate his mellow, kicked-back approach to life? Or have any of you managed to instill a little speediness in your pokey child? This is why I can't watch when DS5 does anything. :lol: I would be going insane!! Just hurry up already! But he actually does a REALLY good job at the things that he does - I just let him go with it. He's still really young, I know, but I'll probably just keep it that way. He'll know when it is necessary to hurry up, and when he can just take his time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 DD1 is like this. There are some things where I light a fire under her because there are six people living in this house and we can't all wait around for her to take an hour or two to do the dishes. Some things I have found that help: 1. Pair the slow mover with a more motivated sibling. I almost always make DS and DD1 do dishes together. DS is a "get it done and move on" kinda kid so he keeps things moving. 2. Gentle reminders. I'll go in and encourage her to keep a decent pace. 3. Few distractions and clear goals! "Go clean up your room" doesn't work. "Put away your clothes neatly and come back for further instructions" usually works. :) 4. Reward. Make sure there is something fun scheduled for after they get a chore, etc done. That usually motivates. 5. A timer. Yes we have resorted to this at times. Like I said the dishes shouldn't take two hours. Be respectful of others and FOCUS. Get it done and move on. In general I let her move at her pace but when it hurts others I make her pick it up! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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