Love HSing Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 My step-kids mom keeps telling me what curriculum to use with them. The kids see her every other Friday-Monday and they bring their school work. She has 2 other kids and she uses/switches around curriculum SO much! She's not even nice about suggesting anything, she said what we we're using wasn't good enough? :001_huh: She just called me and said she bought them new math & science and she's having them start it on Monday and they can bring it here (they're with her now) :confused: It's great that she supports homeschooling but it's so frustrating and I'm not sure what to do! Dh says of course I should choose what they're using because I'm helping/teaching them 90% of the time. I've tried to explain to her as nicely as I can why we're using the curricula (learning styles, combining with my other dc, what they like, etc) Or should I let her choose and just try to make it work? She is their mom and she's just trying to be involved but it's so so frustrating! :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 My step-kids mom keeps telling me what curriculum to use with them. The kids see her every other Friday-Monday and they bring their school work. She has 2 other kids and she uses/switches around curriculum SO much! She's not even nice about suggesting anything, she said what we we're using wasn't good enough? :001_huh: She just called me and said she bought them new math & science and she's having them start it on Monday and they can bring it here (they're with her now) :confused: It's great that she supports homeschooling but it's so frustrating and I'm not sure what to do! Dh says of course I should choose what they're using because I'm helping/teaching them 90% of the time. I've tried to explain to her as nicely as I can why we're using the curricula (learning styles, combining with my other dc, what they like, etc) Or should I let her choose and just try to make it work? She is their mom and she's just trying to be involved but it's so so frustrating! :bigear: I understand it must be terrible frustrating for your as the teacher to have to use a curriculum you didn't choose and possible don't like. But I think you hit the nail on the head. It must be hard for her to be the non-custodial parent. And like many non-custodial parent she is trying to find ways to remain integral to her child's life. Choosing a curriculum is just one of those ways. I think if it doesn't totally disrupt your day/school I would try and use hers but let her know you cannot keep switching. Let her pick the one for the year and that is it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I wouldn't have the kids take over work for Friday -Mon when they are at her house. I would take the curr and say thank you, and then maybe use a page once in a while, but I would do my own thing. I think the person teaching should have deciding vote on what she teaches. Saying that, I could understand how, like another poster said,she might be just trying to stay involved...so I wouldn't confront her on it and say no..I would just try to be kind but keep doing what I am doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brett_ashley Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 i would hear her out--WHY does she feel the need for a change? If her reasons reasonably well-thought out and she is genuine in motives (not making a power play) I would try and incorporate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 You should let dh handle this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Would it be possible to work out a blend? We use Singapore M-R & Life of Fred on Fridays, for ex. Even just talking to her about something like that might help her to feel validated. I do think you have the right to choose the curric since you're w/ them for so much of the school time, but...what's fair & what's wise aren't always the same thing. Really...the situation doesn't sound like it *can* be completely fair for anyone involved. I feel for you both--I'd hate to be on either end of that situation! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 My step-kids mom keeps telling me what curriculum to use with them. The kids see her every other Friday-Monday and they bring their school work. Dh says of course I should choose what they're using because I'm helping/teaching them 90% of the time. I've tried to explain to her as nicely as I can why we're using the curricula (learning styles, combining with my other dc, what they like, etc) I'm trying to follow here - My understanding is your dh has custody, and she has visitation? I assume your dh was being sarcastic when stating you should use her curriculum since you do 90% of the teaching. ultimately, what does your dh think of your curriculum choices? is he supportive of your using what you have been using and not changing to fit the ex's whims? If you are confident in your curricula's rigor, I'd just never send "homework" when they go to her house - or let them do her current favorite curriculum while they are with her. If you have them most of the time, let the kids know you aren't concerned about how much of that curriculum they get done (especially as it may change in the near future), it's to try to include their mom in their education, but you will continue to use the curriculum you have been using at your house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azmomx3 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I understand it must be terrible frustrating for your as the teacher to have to use a curriculum you didn't choose and possible don't like. But I think you hit the nail on the head. It must be hard for her to be the non-custodial parent. And like many non-custodial parent she is trying to find ways to remain integral to her child's life. Choosing a curriculum is just one of those ways. I think if it doesn't totally disrupt your day/school I would try and use hers but let her know you cannot keep switching. Let her pick the one for the year and that is it. :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love HSing Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Thanks for the responses. She got dsd13 & dss11 Apologia Astronomy. We only do science 3 days a week with God's Design for the Physical World (they've never brought it to her house) so we can do a blend of both. She got Math-U-See for dss11 I'm not sure how it will go Math brought him to tears until we got Rightstart Math (and LoF as supplement) and We already spent money on Rightstart Math. She also got Apologia Physics for dsd16. Dsd16 picked Marine Biology this year (we let her choose she's already done Physical Science, Biology & Chemistry) So I don't know why she would get it? :confused: She got dsd13 & dsd16 Math-U-See too. Dsd13 is using Video Text Algebra with dd14, and we got dsd16 Video Text Geometry. The biggest thing that bugs me is we already bought the curricula and we can't return it now.. Dh said to stay with our Math we're using, because we already bought it and we really like it. He's going to talk to her..but sometimes that doesn't work out. :glare: We can't stop sending work there or we'll get behind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Thanks for the responses. She got dsd13 & dss11 Apologia Astronomy. We only do science 3 days a week with God's Design for the Physical World (they've never brought it to her house) so we can do a blend of both. She got Math-U-See for dss11 I'm not sure how it will go Math brought him to tears until we got Rightstart Math (and LoF as supplement) and We already spent money on Rightstart Math. She also got Apologia Physics for dsd16. Dsd16 picked Marine Biology this year (we let her choose she's already done Physical Science, Biology & Chemistry) So I don't know why she would get it? :confused: She got dsd13 & dsd16 Math-U-See too. Dsd13 is using Video Text Algebra with dd14, and we got dsd16 Video Text Geometry. The biggest thing that bugs me is we already bought the curricula and we can't return it now.. Dh said to stay with our Math we're using, because we already bought it and we really like it. He's going to talk to her..but sometimes that doesn't work out. :glare: We can't stop sending work there or we'll get behind Ugh. Co-parenting can really stink sometimes. My thoughts.... I think it's a good idea to try to blend what you can. Apologia Astronomy is solid, and we used it as a supplement to our self-guided astronomy study. It really did make a nice pick-and-choose supplement. You're very gracious to consider it. In your shoes, I'd stick with the math that works. And I'd acknowledge that I have no control over what happens at mom's house, so prepare for the eventuality that the math might not get done while the kids are there. Dh should handle any curriculum conversations, whether they go well or not. You are not obligated to switch just because another person bought the kids something else. Sometimes the choosing (whether it's curricula, bedtimes, allowed activities or shows, etc.) is more about control than it is about the actual issue. Maybe their mom will be open to something like, "We already bought this curriculum and sds is really developing his confidence. Let's discuss math next year to see if a switch to MUS might be helpful." And I know this really depends on the kids' relationship with their mom, but (for example) can dsd16 say to her mom, "I really want to pursue Marine Biology right now. Can we save the physics until I've finished?" As a teen, she's really old enough to have quite a bit of say in her studies, and if her mom is able to listen then it will be less about power struggle if it comes from her dd. That said, let me share something that happened with my teen dsd. She'd go visit her mom and say, "Yes, I want to come live with you, but they won't let me. Yes, let's tour this school. Yes, I want to go here, but they won't let me." Then she'd come home and say, "My mom wants me to live with her; I don't want to. She keeps taking me on school tours; I don't want to go to that school." We didn't know about this until dd's mom threatened to take us to court to sue for custody, so dh sat down with dsd and her mother. Dsd is very much a people-pleaser, and dsd's mom was hearing something very different from what we were hearing. Is it possible that something similar is happening on a smaller scale? :grouphug: I'm sorry. It really stinks to have someone second-guessing you and sticking fingers in the pie. I hope you're all able to work it out peacefully. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alyeska Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Can you get her to agree to keep the math program you are currently using if you let her choose the science? Is it possible to sit down with her at a coffee shop over pastries and come up with a plan? I understand why she is doing what she is doing...she wants some say. And I don't think that is bad in itself. Yes, you are teaching 90% of the time and you are frustrated. But the best way to NOT be frustrated is to understand the point of view she is coming from and being willing to work together for the benefit of the children. The children shouldn't get stuck in the middle...either behind in their education or confused in what is going on. What she chooses may not be your standards and vice versa...but there has to be a way to work it out calmly and rationally for the benefit of the kids. My parents divorced when I was nine. There were a whole lot of disagreements going on that affected us kids negatively. <saying this gently> Agreeing to give up a science choice or math choice is really small potatoes when it comes to the well being of the children involved. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love HSing Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 I definitely understand where she's coming from. The biggest thing is I think this is more of a power play.. but I'm trying to work together for the kids :001_smile: Our school year is now from Jan-Nov because we got very behind this past year and we just decided to finish what we we're using before moving to something else. So when she drops of the kids later today I'll ask her if she wants to go over a plan for her dc next year over coffee or something. (and I'll try to have dh come too) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alyeska Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I definitely understand where she's coming from. The biggest thing is I think this is more of a power play.. but I'm trying to work together for the kids :001_smile: Our school year is now from Jan-Nov because we got very behind this past year and we just decided to finish what we we're using before moving to something else. So when she drops of the kids later today I'll ask her if she wants to go over a plan for her dc next year over coffee or something. (and I'll try to have dh come too) :hurray: and :grouphug: No doubt this is very stressful (and no doubt some power/control issues are going on from her side), but the fact that you are going to work with her speaks volumes about your character. I pray that the outcome will be what is truly best for the kids and will alleviate stress for you and her both. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Your homeschooling 9 children at once? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the evolving homemaker Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 that is tough. i grew up living with my mom and going to my dad's on weekends. luckily they didn't home school! it would have just been another thing to feel in the middle of. i would have to agree with the posters who suggest your DH talks to her about it. it is great that she is supportive of homeschooling, and i would say, as many others have, that she is probably feeling like she wants to be involved in what her kiddos are doing and the choices being made. in all honesty, if you all were deciding on schools to send the kids to she would obviously have a say maybe a discussion about the curriculum choices beforehand each year would help? kuddos to you for trying to work through it. divorce and blended families are hard, especially for the kids who go back and forth. good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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