Dolphin Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I have been reading this all weekend, and I am over half way through it. WOW! I feel less scared about things, which is good. I can not believe how many things that I have been doing totally wrong. Usually, I read a parenting book and I might find one or 2 things to change. I am shocked and how much I learnt from this. I should add that I was a sociology minor with a focus on criminology and worked in a criminal half way house while in college (that housed sexual offenders among other clients) We sat and I made some changes to our rules this morning. The kids loved it. I said to them, you know how we have a rule that you are not allowed to talk to strangers? That is gone, you can talk to whomever you feel comfortable talking with. If you don't like the person, and don't want to talk, then don't. I won't say to not be rude anymore, go with you gut. They thought it was great. Mom sitting down and saying "I was wrong, we are changing some rules." We just did 3 today, I will add 1-2 a week until we have caught up. Anyway, I REALLY recommend this book. The world seems like a less scary place than it was on Friday. Nicole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 The trick, he stresses, is trusting and acting on intuition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I can't remember if Gavin mentioned it in his book, but you're suppose to teach children "Don't leave with a stranger" rather than "don't talk to strangers." That one word makes a huge difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I can't remember if Gavin mentioned it in his book, but you're suppose to teach children "Don't leave with a stranger" rather than "don't talk to strangers." That one word makes a huge difference. :iagree: Yes sorry, in my excitement I forgot to mention that. We talked about talking to strangers, but never leaving with one. Also, we have a "safe person" they know that there is only one person other than mom and dad that they can trust and leave with. We have the rule that you stay with the grownup that mom and dad gave you to. If someone they know (or a stranger) asks them to leave with them, they are not to go. I used the example straight from the book. I said if we were at the mall and mom was shoe shopping and you were talking to someone while I was shopping, they asked if you wanted to go to game shop while I looked at shoes, would you go? We do role playing on that already. My ds went to private K and they took a field trip to the zoo. So before he went my role play was; "I am Auntie X(real name) and I come up to you at the zoo and say "your mom and dad have been in a car accident, come with me and I will take you to the hospital." Ds, "i would go straight to Miss. Teacher and tell her, ... would she take me to the hospital." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Sounds good. Thanks for the recommendation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravinlunachick Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I was really struck by the difference in how he approaches teaching children what to do when they are lost in a public place. DD and I have had some good discussions about that, as it is pretty much the exact opposite of what is generally taught to kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perogi Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm just starting this and having a bit of a hard time getting into it...sounds like I should persevere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I felt this book was well-worth reading. Twice. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I was really struck by the difference in how he approaches teaching children what to do when they are lost in a public place. DD and I have had some good discussions about that, as it is pretty much the exact opposite of what is generally taught to kids. Doesn't he say to approach a mom with child? It isn't what's generally taught? I have to re-read it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravinlunachick Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Doesn't he say to approach a mom with child? It isn't what's generally taught? I have to re-read it. Yes, that is what he says, but I have only ever heard kids cautiond against speaking to strangers, and told that they should approach and employee or a police officer. He discusses the statistical likelihood of being harmed by the person you are asking for help, and concludes that moms with kids are least likely to hurt you, but most likely to help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravinlunachick Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Oh my. Sorry for all the typos in that post! I am late night typing on my iPad, with no contacts! Maybe I should just go back to reading only! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I need to read that book. We do have the 'go with your gut mentality,' but I am sure there are more things we can do to make the world less scary. We have a rule that they don't leave with anyone we don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamauk Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I just picked up the book at the library this afternoon. I can't wait to dive into it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I've just begun teaching my children the portion from his book about finding a woman with children if they should get lost. I think that's a great idea. It's hard for a child to find someone who works in a store since all uniforms are different. I'm afraid that my children are *so* shy that they wouldn't even seek out a woman with a child though. They'd be that kid standing in the middle of the store, crying, and refusing to talk to anyone that approaches them because they are so shy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I was really struck by the difference in how he approaches teaching children what to do when they are lost in a public place. DD and I have had some good discussions about that, as it is pretty much the exact opposite of what is generally taught to kids. I am curious now. What does he recommend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yes, that is what he says, but I have only ever heard kids cautiond against speaking to strangers, and told that they should approach and employee or a police officer. He discusses the statistical likelihood of being harmed by the person you are asking for help, and concludes that moms with kids are least likely to hurt you, but most likely to help you. :lol: My neighbor used to tell her kids to approach a Mom with lots of kids since it's unlikely she'd want more and kidnap them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolphin Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I am curious now. What does he recommend? So he says keep it simple, go to a woman. That statistically, men are more harmful than woman. He also makes a big point of teaching your children to approach someone. That the person you approach to ask for help is far less likely to cause harm than the person who approaches you. The book is really empowering. It has helped me already to let go of a lot of worry. Today we had great conversations about safety. We practiced yelling (they loved that), it has changed our discussions about safety, and I like it. The world is not a scary place, and there are so many things we can do to make our kids navigate in a safe way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 :bigear: I've been wondering about getting this book. Thanks for some more info. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ksol Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I felt the same way after reading this book. Totally changed my parenting in some ways and allowed me to give my older kids some more freedom without stressing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 That was a great book! As a follow up, I highly recommend reading the following book to/WITH your kids: http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Zone-Guide-Personal-Safety/dp/0688153089/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1316554862&sr=8-1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breadnbutter Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm another one who's reading this book.... only a couple chapters in, but I'm enjoying it immensely. Dh and I are reading it together and it's spurring some great conversations. Thank you Hive for the rec! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Great book! We also like a "Safe Side Superchick" DVD. It's very silly (annoying to me, the kids of course love it). They use pretty much the same principles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 So he says keep it simple, go to a woman. That statistically, men are more harmful than woman. He also makes a big point of teaching your children to approach someone. That the person you approach to ask for help is far less likely to cause harm than the person who approaches you. We also do better if we are in trouble (lost our keys, have a flat tire, are lost, are scared) to choose who we went to ask for help. If you stand by your broken down car looking perplexed, the person who stops and offers to help is unlikely to hurt you. But if you go inside and find a person and initiate the request for help, that person is even LESS likely to hurt you because you chose them. Good advice. The best advice to me, though, was to just learn not to care if you hurt someone's feelings. If someone gives you the creeps or seems 'off' to you, you don't have to stand there making pleasant conversation in order to not hurt their feelings. Yeah, it's true that if you say, "Leave me alone" and walk away, you might insult someone (maybe the person is just in the beginning stages of dementia, or has a mild disability). But you know what? Too bad. Protect yourself from what doesn't seem right to you, and let the chips fall where they may. Instead of emphasizing to our daughters how they have to be "nice" to everyone, tell them that they don't have to respond to conversation with anyone they don't feel comfortable talking to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 This book is on my list of Top 5 Books that have changed the way I think and live my life. I love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I believe it should be a must read for contemporary parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Mine just came in the mail last week. I knew not to order that one for my Kindle as I'll be doing a lot of writing in it. I found out about it here.:001_smile: I'm sure I'll find mistakes I've made, but I had a freak befriend our family. We all thought he was SO nice. We felt sorry for the "poor guy" who was separated from his family and alone on the holidays. We have almost no extended family so we invited him to spend holidays with us. My boys considered him an uncle. Thank God my mommy gut saved my kids from being his victims. He finally figured out that I was a little too over protective so he moved on to another family in our church........... and that boy was not so lucky. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becca211 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I read that book when my 12 year old was very young. I really enjoyed it and need to re-read it. My youngest got harmed this summer when I allowed my self to ignore my intuition and to not speak up because I didn't want to hurt someones feelings. I will never make that mistake again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blossom'sGirl Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I have been skim reading this book this week also. My oldest has a hobby that mostly older men are involved in (RC Flying) . One man in particular, who also attends our church, has been emailing him. Dh and I think it is an odd sort of friendship, but I have not really got an intuition either way on this man. Although I am not going to stop this friendship, I feel as though my eyes are more open and I will be watching. Because of the book, I have discussed with ds that NO ONE (except for our neighbor,their grandma) is to be allowed over when we are not home. DS asked, "Even our pastor?" Which I am glad he asked because I was able to relate to him that he should not have any reason to be there when we are not. I wish the book had more practical ways to open ds's eyes to dangers without scaring the carp out of him. The story of the boy who's parents developed the friendship with the man at Little League is the one that most opened my eyes. It is hard not to become a helicopter parent when I read this, but I also want my boys to develop their own intuition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Dh and I love this book and highly recommend it! Also his other book The Gift of Fear is a great read. One of dh's coworkers was murdered at her workplace by her ex-dh, who then shot himself, and pretty much every mistake he warns against in domestic violence situations was made in her case. I wish more people were aware of his recommendations. Thanks for posting this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Another chime in for loving this book. And I loved how it helped me frame what I needed to convey to the kids in a way that didn't make me feel like I was exposing them to the world too soon. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 It is hard not to become a helicopter parent when I read this' date=' but I also want my boys to develop their own intuition.[/quote'] Speaking of intuition, DD4 was in a Sunday School class at church with a particular teacher when she was 2 years old. For some reason, whenever she was with this one teacher (who was a lady), she cried and cried. Now, DD was a crier in the nursery....with anyone....she was/is very attached to me. But she would actually tell me that she didn't like that teacher after we picked her up from class. She didn't say that about any other teacher (although she would still cry when we left her). I pulled her out of the class and began taking her with me after she told me she didn't like that teacher. It didn't matter to me that she was only two years old....I wanted to trust the intuition of my child and have her know that she could trust me whenever she voiced something like that. Especially since she didn't voice that about any other teacher. Now if she had told me she didn't like *any* teacher, then that would have been different and I would not have pulled her out. But it was just that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 I believe it should be a must read for contemporary parents. :iagree: Borrowed it from my library and will be getting my own copy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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