Christian mommies....do you have any advice?

[mommy25]

I wondered if there were any other mommies out there that have/had this issue. I am a homeschool mom of 5, ages 4 to 15 (all girls one boy) and have homeschooled from the beginning.

 

My issue is with my 13 yo dd. It seams in the last year or two that my dd has lost all motivation for education/learning/school. I have given her every reason under the sun as to why it is important and why she must do it. But it is NOT changing her heart towards it. The only thing that seems to interest her or motivate her is basketball. I have tried punishment and taking away things (even basketball) but nothing works.

 

I can see where I may have gone wrong in the past and have allowed the "love of learning" to die. Stress, finances, more than one kid to school, etc. have contributed to me not doing more for/with her here at home. But it has gone on for so long that I am afraid it is too late.

 

I have considered outside classes. The co-op that meets in our area is okay. I am not too crazy about the other children and influences there, though, but they do have academic classes. Private school is too expensive as we are a low income family. Public school is out. I have thought of charter or online schooling but she says that will not help. She simply doesn't care if she gets a bad grade. Or should I say that she does care, just not enough to do anything about it.

 

We attended that co-op I mentioned earlier for 6 mos but I ended up quitting as I couldn't keep up with it. She says that gave her some motivation as she had to turn something in every Friday to someone else in another place but home.

 

And I will add that I have always been somewhat of a relaxed homeschooler in that I don't think she is burned out from doing too much school. I have always tried to give her interesting things to work on or study along with lots of books in our library. She does read A LOT which is good.

 

So I am mainly concerned about her heart because I know that it is where the motivation comes from. I am so busy with my 3 littlest ones (4, 7 and 9) that I don't know what I can do for her.

 

And advice/recommendations/encouragement would be great. :001_unsure:

[Parrothead]

She has to be interested in something. What?

 

Where does she want to go to college? If she is 13 does that mean she is a freshman in high school? Have her look into what is required for the colleges she wants to go to. If she doesn't know, have her research colleges and find out which has the best programs for her goals.

 

What are her goals? Have her write them out. Have her come up with a plan to meet her goals.

 

At her age I don't think you can punish away not doing school. It is the age that one should start more adult-like behavior. She needs to realize that and start working toward more adult-like ways.

[TravelingChris]

YOu said she did do work for the co-op. I would then do co-op and try to find other ways for her to do work for others. Try a low cost online program for things you can't get a co-op. Maybe something that is by month.

[texasmama]

I would put her in the co op for the accountability factor.

 

FWIW, my oldest dd went through a bad and similar stage in 8th and 9th grade. She has always been in private school and was going through a time of "finding herself", having low self-esteem and some depression. She is in 11th grade now and is doing very well. It was a hard time for us because it was very difficult to pay for her to attend a good private school where she was only marginally applying herself. She joined the drama/musical group in 9th grade, which helped, and last year was much improved. Her schooling is very important to her now, and she realizes that what she does today will affect her future choices/options. I share that as a bit of encouragement.

[mommy25]

She has to be interested in something. What?

 

Where does she want to go to college? If she is 13 does that mean she is a freshman in high school? Have her look into what is required for the colleges she wants to go to. If she doesn't know, have her research colleges and find out which has the best programs for her goals.

 

What are her goals? Have her write them out. Have her come up with a plan to meet her goals.

 

At her age I don't think you can punish away not doing school. It is the age that one should start more adult-like behavior. She needs to realize that and start working toward more adult-like ways.

 

She just turned 13 and is in 7th grade. The only thing she is really interested in is physical fitness and basketball. Oh and she loves to read and would do that all day if I let her.

 

As for college, she has no idea what she wants to do. If I asked her to write out her goals, she would just say, "I don't know."

[mommy25]

YOu said she did do work for the co-op. I would then do co-op and try to find other ways for her to do work for others. Try a low cost online program for things you can't get a co-op. Maybe something that is by month.

 

Yeah, I think this will have to be a consideration for next year. This years materials have already been purchased. Sigh.

[mommy25]

I would put her in the co op for the accountability factor.

 

FWIW, my oldest dd went through a bad and similar stage in 8th and 9th grade. She has always been in private school and was going through a time of "finding herself", having low self-esteem and some depression. She is in 11th grade now and is doing very well. It was a hard time for us because it was very difficult to pay for her to attend a good private school where she was only marginally applying herself. She joined the drama/musical group in 9th grade, which helped, and last year was much improved. Her schooling is very important to her now, and she realizes that what she does today will affect her future choices/options. I share that as a bit of encouragement.

 

Thanks, Carol. I hope it is just a phase. Glad to know others have experienced this too. :)

[Parrothead]

She just turned 13 and is in 7th grade. The only thing she is really interested in is physical fitness and basketball. Oh and she loves to read and would do that all day if I let her.

 

As for college, she has no idea what she wants to do. If I asked her to write out her goals, she would just say, "I don't know."

Okay, sorry. The brain is still not running on all 8 cylinders.

 

What does she read? How about a great books curriculum?

National Great Books

 

Great Books Foundation

 

The Great Books

 

 

I don't know anything about any of those links other than they advertise as great books. The second one struck my fancy for a second look, but maybe not yours.

[Starr]

Can you intersperse some basketball between subjects to get her going. I find it helps my teens to get some exercise off and on all day long when they aren't motivated. Don't give up! :)

[Danestress]

and this time, make it a priority over other things in your life. If her education isn't important enough for you to make sure it gets done, you are sending the wrong message. She might just be a kid who is motivated by deadlines, peer comparison, and the expectations of other people.

 

I have two boys this age, and I have had to set them up with some outside resources (online classes, a class that meets locally). Yes, it's not free. And it does require a different kind of energy from me (and them). But I can see that it's beneficial because there ARE deadlines, and I was sort of relaxed about deadline and finishing things up. It demotivated my sons a bit too. In the end, I feel like I have more time because I am not burning energy planning classes. Someone else does it, even though I have to oversee things and provide some tech support and transportation.

 

Every child and every age is important. But I tend to think that those preteen and early teen years are especially important in the life of a homeschool. Getting her on track to be competitive for college starts now.

[Josie]

and this time, make it a priority over other things in your life. If her education isn't important enough for you to make sure it gets done, you are sending the wrong message. She might just be a kid who is motivated by deadlines, peer comparison, and the expectations of other people.

 

I have two boys this age, and I have had to set them up with some outside resources (online classes, a class that meets locally). Yes, it's not free. And it does require a different kind of energy from me (and them). But I can see that it's beneficial because there ARE deadlines, and I was sort of relaxed about deadline and finishing things up. It demotivated my sons a bit too. In the end, I feel like I have more time because I am not burning energy planning classes. Someone else does it, even though I have to oversee things and provide some tech support and transportation.

 

Every child and every age is important. But I tend to think that those preteen and early teen years are especially important in the life of a homeschool. Getting her on track to be competitive for college starts now.

 

 

I agree with everything Danestress said. We have done online courses since 8th grade and they really have helped with accountability and willingniess to work.

 

Also, and I don't have four children, but I do know that I have to spend at least as much time with our teen as I do our pre-teen. I spend time with her just talking about life, her thoughts, my thoughts, her concerns, teen angst, etc. I spend time talking about things she does right. I tell her I am proud of her. Now, don't get me wrong, I also mention how she can do things better. I just always try to praise twice as much as I criticize. (Yes, sometimes I don't succeed at this. :sad:) I used to think that parenting would get easier as they got older, but I now know that it really gets more intense. Teens need unconditional love, and they need it to be actually shown to them very frequently through talking, notes, hugs, taking an interest in their interests, etc. I call it talking to and respecting their heart. I often talk to her at night before bed. We have had conversations while doing laundry, or cooking dinner. It really is time conusuming to raise a teen. Teens really are going through a hard time, and society does not make it easy for them. I really feel sorry for teens left to their own devices these days. Anyway, my $.02.

[Ellie]

One thing I would caution you about is making a child's enthusiasm or lack thereof into more of a spiritual issue than it really is.

 

Your daughter's relationship with God cannot be judged by her willingness to do schoolwork. She should do it because it must be done, but to make this a heart issue is, IMHO, an error.

[Greta Lea]

She just turned 13 and is in 7th grade. The only thing she is really interested in is physical fitness and basketball. Oh and she loves to read and would do that all day if I let her.

 

If she likes to read classics, she might like AO. You could also just follow TWTM. Sonlight might be another option.

 

My 14yo son reads a little, orally narrates, then does his own thing for a bit, reads some more, orally narrates again, then does his own thing for a bit. This continues all day.

 

His "own thing" is sometimes going out to shoot hoops (he loves bb too) or playing his drums or guitar and lately he's back to drawing some.

 

As for college, she has no idea what she wants to do. If I asked her to write out her goals, she would just say, "I don't know."

 

I think this is a completely normal response for a teenager! Some days my 14yo talks about being an engineer like his dad, then a few days later he's gonna have a rock band, THEN a few days or weeks later he's gonna just be a rock band manager. Every time we go to Game Crazy he comes out saying he's gonna own one of those when he's grown. I love that the possibilities are ENDLESS to him.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

How good is your library? If you have a really good library system why don't you find historical fictions/living books for her science and history studies? Get more real books for her to read since you said she loves to read. Also, does she like school work on the computer? There are alot of free sites for english, math and other school subjects. Spice things up a bit?

 

 

What curriculum do you use with her now?

[Greta Lea]

I try to remember that I wouldn't want my dh to think I had a "heart issue" when I go through a spell of slacking on my household duties.

 

AND sometimes I actually slack on those household duties because I'd simply rather be reading a book OR taking a nice long walk at the park (like your dd wants to be out playing bb).

 

When I get in a "slump" like this, I try to look at the things I enjoy doing as a "treat" between the things I don't enjoy doing as much. I'll do a little housework, then give myself permission to read for 15 or 30 minutes.

[sassenach]

We had a similar spell in 7th grade with dd. For us, we chose to send her to public school in 8th. She really, truly needed to be taught by someone other than myself. We spent her entire 7th grade year praying about it, and I have no doubt that it was the right choice. My big lesson in all of that was to not be afraid to outsource. That doesn't necessarily have to be ps. When my younger kids get to that stage, I know that I will more actively seek out classes and opportunities where they can learn from someone else. What I won't do is let the struggle over school work threaten to destroy my relationship with them.

 

Dd is now in 9th grade at a private Christian high school and thriving. We both look back at 7th grade and agree that it was the worst year ever. I told my dh the other day that I am so happy, because I really like her again.

 

My advice to you would be to get back to that co-op, or even look into possible scholarships at private schools. We wouldn't be able to send our dd without a scholarship.

[happypamama]

If she just wants to read all day, what about taking a few months and just letting her do that? Have her choose a variety of books -- classic literature, history, science, whatever, as long as it's a decent challenge -- and just let her focus on that for a while. Maybe she needs some time to find what is interesting to her.

[mommy25]

I agree with everything Danestress said. We have done online courses since 8th grade and they really have helped with accountability and willingniess to work.

 

Also, and I don't have four children, but I do know that I have to spend at least as much time with our teen as I do our pre-teen. I spend time with her just talking about life, her thoughts, my thoughts, her concerns, teen angst, etc. I spend time talking about things she does right. I tell her I am proud of her. Now, don't get me wrong, I also mention how she can do things better. I just always try to praise twice as much as I criticize. (Yes, sometimes I don't succeed at this. :sad:) I used to think that parenting would get easier as they got older, but I now know that it really gets more intense. Teens need unconditional love, and they need it to be actually shown to them very frequently through talking, notes, hugs, taking an interest in their interests, etc. I call it talking to and respecting their heart. I often talk to her at night before bed. We have had conversations while doing laundry, or cooking dinner. It really is time conusuming to raise a teen. Teens really are going through a hard time, and society does not make it easy for them. I really feel sorry for teens left to their own devices these days. Anyway, my $.02.

 

Thanks for your advice; there is much truth is what you are saying :)

[mommy25]

We had a similar spell in 7th grade with dd. For us, we chose to send her to public school in 8th. She really, truly needed to be taught by someone other than myself. We spent her entire 7th grade year praying about it, and I have no doubt that it was the right choice. My big lesson in all of that was to not be afraid to outsource. That doesn't necessarily have to be ps. When my younger kids get to that stage, I know that I will more actively seek out classes and opportunities where they can learn from someone else. What I won't do is let the struggle over school work threaten to destroy my relationship with them.

 

Dd is now in 9th grade at a private Christian high school and thriving. We both look back at 7th grade and agree that it was the worst year ever. I told my dh the other day that I am so happy, because I really like her again.

 

My advice to you would be to get back to that co-op, or even look into possible scholarships at private schools. We wouldn't be able to send our dd without a scholarship.

 

Yeah, I have a 15 yo that had similar issues at age 12 or 13. I opted to send her to public school and it was a disaster. Worst mistake I ever made. So, for us, it isn't an option.

 

I love what you said about not letting school work destroy our relationship. I will have to think on that some more. And the outsourcing seems like it might be the answer for next year. I just have to figure out how to do it w/o the particular co-op in our area. I just don't like the standards set by the families in morals and character and even on an education level.

 

And I didn't know about the scholarships available for private schools? Do you just call and ask if they offer that? What are some of the requirements to be awarded a scholarship?

[mommy25]

Okay, so now that I am thinking about online schooling, what are some of those options? Anybody heard of any they can share? This may need to be another post. thanks!

[Momto3indians]

...I found as my kids got older they pulled away more and that is normal...and for us homeschoolers I saw that in our 'homeschooling day' routine. They all wanted to be homeschooled but that mindset of obeying 'mommy' for every part of their education started to wane. I was not a co'op fan but had to go down that road for their middle school years. They all worked their tails off for the teachers and learned tons! As they got older if we didn't do co'op, I found a mom to privately tutor. I couldn't afford this until I was down to my last child but it made a world of difference. I also just found small groups where a mom opened her home to up to 12 kids for say...biology ...and one year it was for 'english/writing'...and it worked out great! I also changed curriculums and found a math (teaching textbooks) that all my kids loved and could work on rather independently.