Tranquility7 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I have a sweet friend who is dying of cancer. She hasn't said directly, but I think she only has a few months left. She is a homeschool mom to two boys, about 8 and 10 years old. One of the things I’ve heard of parents doing in this situation before is getting a present for their child for every big occasion that will come up that she will miss. They prepare the presents before (wrapped, with cards) and the other parent gives the child the gift for each occasion when it comes up. The presents don’t have to be something valuable or really profound, but just something kind of special to let the child know the parent who passed away loved them and thought of them and wanted to be there for that special moment. First question – Is this an ok idea to suggest to my friend? I think I would like to do something like this if I were in her situation. I was thinking I would offer her the suggestion, with lots of possible gift ideas included (to make it easier to come up with something), and then offer to help her collect and prepare the gifts for her boys. What do you think? Is that a good idea? Second question – do you have any good gift ideas? Remember they have to be for boys…. I don’t really know the boys, so I don’t know what they are “into†but that is likely to change anyway... Possible events: Birthdays to 18 or 21 Driver’s license High school graduation College graduation Wedding First baby ? Possible gift ideas I’ve come up with: Journal/diary (high school grad) Engraved pen set (college grad) Favorite book Special keychain (drivers license) Framed art or quote that is special to her CD of music that is special to her Wedding – something that had been hers and her husbands, and something for the son’s wife that had been hers (special dish, etc.) First baby – special toy, blanket, or outfit from when he was a baby himself *what else??* Thanks so much for your help!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 This is so sweet of you! And what a wonderful idea. I am not sure if it is something you should mention or not! How close are you? Do you talk about her concerns about the kids after she's gone? If so, and she talks about worrying how they'll handle it, etc., it would probably be ok to suggest. If these are not topics you've discussed with her or that she brings up, I probably wouldn't. If the two of you have not discussed her concerns about the kids missing her, what life will be like for them and all - you might make the gift suggestion to her husband, depending on how well you know him. This must be a really hard time for you as well. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I would suggest letters rather than gifts. That's what my friend who died of breast cancer did. She wrote a letter for her dd for all those important milestones. Very sweet, and something her dd will treasure always (and look forward to for years to come). Words from the heart are priceless and something those kids can hang onto...much better than a gift, imo. Ria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I would suggest letters rather than gifts. That's what my friend who died of breast cancer did. She wrote a letter for her dd for all those important milestones. Very sweet, and something her dd will treasure always (and look forward to for years to come). Words from the heart are priceless and something those kids can hang onto...much better than a gift, imo. Ria :iagree: The gifts would be nice but a very big undertaking and your friend might not be up to it health wise. She could also do video messages - might be easier then letters and the kids would get to see/hear their mother speaking to them. You could offer to help her make the videos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I have always thought that the lady I read about who made "occasion" tapes for her kids was sweet and wise. She did birthdays, first boyfriend/girlfriend, graduation, etc... Stories of her childhood... and more. What a treasure they must be! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I would suggest letters rather than gifts. That's what my friend who died of breast cancer did. She wrote a letter for her dd for all those important milestones. Very sweet, and something her dd will treasure always (and look forward to for years to come). Words from the heart are priceless and something those kids can hang onto...much better than a gift, imo. Ria :iagree: The gifts would be nice but a very big undertaking and your friend might not be up to it health wise. She could also do video messages - might be easier then letters and the kids would get to see/hear their mother speaking to them. You could offer to help her make the videos. I was coming to suggest this. Words from Mom can never be duplicated or replicated by anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 That is a wonderful idea. Its a shame many people out there aren't more like you. You could maybe make them a keep sake book. If she has pictures of herself with the kids. It might be a tough gift to give but they will appreciate it later on down the road. Trust me. My mom died when I was 18 yrs old ( I'm 35 now) and I wish I had pictures of her. Some of them got distributed to others so I really don't have one. Plus my memories are fuzzy too. At their age they may or maynot remember much at all as they grow up. I see video messages were suggested to. I think that's a great idea too :>) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 A best friend of my friend is also entering the end stage of life. He has made the video diary for his childrens. He has included the simple things like how to change a tire (well not really simple) but you get the idea. It has been really hard on my friend to help him video tape these keepsakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 How heartbreaking. When I became pregnant, dh was really freaking me out. He started tape recording all the 'life lessons' he thought our dd would need, just in case something sudden ever happened to him. It was very important to him. This sort of thing reminds me of the movie (I think it was called My Life) where Michael Keaton plays a man dying of cancer and he records videos for his son. I think either videos or tape recordings put onto cd/dvd form and then put with a letter would be the way to go. My dad lost his mom when he was 15. He has very little from her. There are only a handful of pictures. So, I think getting pictures should be a priority too. I'm so sorry for your friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I have a sweet friend who is dying of cancer. She hasn't said directly, but I think she only has a few months left. She is a homeschool mom to two boys, about 8 and 10 years old. One of the things I’ve heard of parents doing in this situation before is getting a present for their child for every big occasion that will come up that she will miss. They prepare the presents before (wrapped, with cards) and the other parent gives the child the gift for each occasion when it comes up. The presents don’t have to be something valuable or really profound, but just something kind of special to let the child know the parent who passed away loved them and thought of them and wanted to be there for that special moment. First question – Is this an ok idea to suggest to my friend? I think I would like to do something like this if I were in her situation. I was thinking I would offer her the suggestion, with lots of possible gift ideas included (to make it easier to come up with something), and then offer to help her collect and prepare the gifts for her boys. What do you think? Is that a good idea? I think this sounds like a great idea, but it also sounds completely overwhelming. There is no way my mom could have taken this on in her last few months, nor my dh. If you are close and she tells you she is dying in the near future, I would bring up the subject and see if she is interested. In my family, we keep the spirit of people alive by telling stories, especially during the holidays and family get-togethers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I would suggest letters rather than gifts. That's what my friend who died of breast cancer did. She wrote a letter for her dd for all those important milestones. Very sweet, and something her dd will treasure always (and look forward to for years to come). Words from the heart are priceless and something those kids can hang onto...much better than a gift, imo. Ria I have always thought that the lady I read about who made "occasion" tapes for her kids was sweet and wise. She did birthdays, first boyfriend/girlfriend, graduation, etc... Stories of her childhood... and more. What a treasure they must be! :) These. Yes. I remember reading about a woman who knew she was dying and made tapes for her children for each occasion - milestone birthdays, college, wedding, etc. I will always remember that and if, God forbid, this ever happens to me, I will do it. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yellowperch Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I think the letters would be invaluable, and gifts might be too hard to pull off. The isn't what you asked but I thought I'd offer it up anyway, since this is something you can do. When my friend's husband died, my friend asked all the people who knew him--friends, grandparents, cousins, co-workers, former teachers, etc To write stories about him. She asked for funny stories, crazy stories, little slice of life stories, tales of adventure and small events. She knew there would come a day when her two year old son would want any scrap of info, any anecdote, any memory others had about his dad. She asked for people to send the stories right away because sheknew that soon most people would turn their attention to other things in their own lives. Her son is 14 now, and she gives him a few stories every year. Only you know when the timing would be right for a project like this, but I think the sons would treasure anything about their mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I would suggest letters rather than gifts. That's what my friend who died of breast cancer did. She wrote a letter for her dd for all those important milestones. Very sweet, and something her dd will treasure always (and look forward to for years to come). Words from the heart are priceless and something those kids can hang onto...much better than a gift, imo. Ria :iagree: My aunt recently died from a brain tumor. She has five children. While she was still able, I sat with her and helped her write letters to each of her children. Those letters are treasured and will be for the rest of their lives. The other thing my aunt did was to write on five pieces of pretty paper, "I love you" and signed, "Mom." I framed those for the kids--they too are treasured. I also took close-up photos of the letters and the love notes so that if anything should happen to the originals we have the electronic backup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 How horrible! I love the letters idea and the pictures. Maybe a small gift for some very important moments might be easier than for many special moments...like something for a child's wedding day along with a letter (something mom might have worn for a daughter or something she could give a son...maybe something of hers for him to give his new bride?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeDaKT Posted November 19, 2023 Share Posted November 19, 2023 I’m now 53 years old, and was diagnosed on New Year’s 2023 with stage 4 metastatic lung & brain cancer. So far, so good. Last week they believed I’d had a stroke, but it wasn’t. Seems to be an endocrine issue instead. All quite frightening just the same! And as my previous employer decided to terminate my employment as soon as he learned I was sick, life and money have been much more than difficult. My husband and I have 8 children between us we’ve raised, with the youngest now almost 17. I want a special & meaningful gift for what may be our last Christmas together. I’m just blank when it comes to that! But the suggestions of letters and video messages seem perfect! Any ideas for my artistically gifted girl are appreciated greatly! Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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