Annie Laurie Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 that my 5 1/2 month old will not be scarred because he's crying and screaming his head off with his dad holding him, he's not crying alone. I just feel guilty when he does this. He will only have me lately and has a huge fit when dh tries to rock him to sleep, hold him, etc, at night. When I take him he stops crying instantly like a switch was flipped. But then he wants to nurse and he's already nursed too much tonight and spit up, so dh needs to get him to sleep now. But the baby is SO upset about this. I hate hearing him literally scream and sob about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 He'll be fine. Remember, you're the parent and baby, while adorable, is not the master. If you're sure he's dry, full, and not in pain for whatever reason, then he's crying because he's mad. He'll get over it. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Can you give your DH a t-shirt or something with your scent on it to hold while holding the baby? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy Jo Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 He won't. I ended up pregnant when my oldest was 9 months, and I hurt so bad it was hard to let him nurse. He is a great kid now. And you'll be a better mom with a little break. Is he teething or not feeling well? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 He'll survive and he won't be scarred in the least. I promise. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 Thanks for the reassurances. He has just now finally stopped crying. He's just a baby, so I don't feel like he's being manipulative, he really does sound like his little heart is broken when he can't have me. But I know it's healthier for all of us if he learns to accept comfort from dh too. I just feel physically upset when he cries like that. He's not sick but he may be trying to get some teeth in, that's the only reason I can think of for his obsession with nursing all the time lately. I see no teething signs but my babies all got their first tooth by 6 months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Poor little guy, poor little mama, you'll both make it. :grouphug: Maybe he'll learn quickly to nurse and go sleep through the night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GypsieFamily Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: He'll be fine, you need some space occassionally too no matter how beautiful he is. He needs to have time to form that relationship with dad, too. :grouphug: Susan cried 14 hours a day as a baby. She's not scarred. I am, but she's not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I have a child who wouldn't let ANYONE hold him except me before he was 4 months old. Then only Daddy and Mommy could hold him. The first time his grandma got to hold him without him fussing she nearly cried. ;) You know, this child is the most social outgoing child who will willingly let any of them hold him now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 We decided early on not to give dd back to me just because she was crying. It took grandparents a while to get used to it, but it really didn't take long for her to learn not to cry just because I wasn't the one holding her. If she really started throwing a fit whoever was holding her would put her on the floor for a little while. She is now 10 1/2 months old and doesn't mind being held by anyone who will hold her, unless she is busy and wants to play on the floor. She is a pretty happy kid to the point that a lot of people comment on it including those who are around her on a regular basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 :grouphug: He'll be fine, you need some space occassionally too no matter how beautiful he is. He needs to have time to form that relationship with dad, too. :grouphug: Susan cried 14 hours a day as a baby. She's not scarred. I am, but she's not. My baby cries a lot more than my others did, so good to hear that your little one was a crier and is fine now. One thing that's helped recently is he is getting mobile and he'll now stay content for longer periods just scooting around the living room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 that my 5 1/2 month old will not be scarred because he's crying and screaming his head off with his dad holding him, he's not crying alone. I just feel guilty when he does this. He will only have me lately and has a huge fit when dh tries to rock him to sleep, hold him, etc, at night. When I take him he stops crying instantly like a switch was flipped. But then he wants to nurse and he's already nursed too much tonight and spit up, so dh needs to get him to sleep now. But the baby is SO upset about this. I hate hearing him literally scream and sob about it. I think taking a break so that you can be refreshed is a good thing. Letting Daddy learn what it takes to soothe baby is also good. However, if he keeps getting more and more worked up, I'd take him back after a while. It is one thing for daddy to spend 20 minutes trying to calm him down while you eat dinner. It's another thing to let him scream and turn purple for an hour or so. If he doesn't calm down then take him. It's tag team parenting at it's finest, lol. And don't worry too much about the nursing, just keep him on the same breast and the flow will slow down and he won't get over full. You can keep him on the same breast for a few hours if need be, and that will help. Also, if he is spitting up, nursing a ton, and screaming, he may have reflux. Gripe water works wonders for that. Finally, don't worry that by him always wanting to be held by you that you will create a dependent monster. My daughter would ONLY be held by me in the evenings for her first 6 months or so, but now at a year old is totally fine to play with Daddy in the evening. In fact, she loves EVERYONE and is very social, depsite the dire warnings everyone gave me that if I held her whenever she cried i'd spoil her. I knew better, because they told me the same thing about my son. He had to be held 24/7 as an infant, but once he was crawling wanted nothing to do with me, lol. And now at 11 years old won't even give me a hug most nights. The "mommy only" phase is over SOOOOOOO fast, that I just go with it and respect it as their need at the moment. They want to know that food is right there if they need it, lol. So, take a break if you need one, but realize this phase is normal, and you will not be creating a spoiled monster if you hold her when she wants her. The only thing she will be learning is that Mommy is there for he if she needs her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Thanks for the reassurances. He has just now finally stopped crying. He's just a baby, so I don't feel like he's being manipulative, he really does sound like his little heart is broken when he can't have me. But I know it's healthier for all of us if he learns to accept comfort from dh too. I just feel physically upset when he cries like that. He's not sick but he may be trying to get some teeth in, that's the only reason I can think of for his obsession with nursing all the time lately. I see no teething signs but my babies all got their first tooth by 6 months. Of course his little heart is breaking, he doesn't have you. The thing is, it's OK for him not to have you. There is another parent who adores him that is loving him, and you are *supposed* to feel like that. It's the way you are made. Moms are supposed to get upset when they hear their babies cry-it ensures that the little creatures live. :001_smile: I had to do the same with my twins when they were about the same age. They were the first babies that I had no choice but to let cry it out. Being a pacifier to two is not fun, and at the time I was pregnant again so ...yeah. It was not fun. But they were the first kids I had that *slept* and actually prefer to sleep and have no sleeping problems. ;) :grouphug::grouphug: It will get better. Really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookfiend Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 No long term memory until three, so really there are lots of decisions we agonize over that, frankly, mean little in the life of the child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Your baby will be fine. Some babies are like that and some are not. I've had both and all my kids are perfectly well adjusted and happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 I think taking a break so that you can be refreshed is a good thing. Letting Daddy learn what it takes to soothe baby is also good. However, if he keeps getting more and more worked up, I'd take him back after a while. It is one thing for daddy to spend 20 minutes trying to calm him down while you eat dinner. It's another thing to let him scream and turn purple for an hour or so. If he doesn't calm down then take him. It's tag team parenting at it's finest, lol. And don't worry too much about the nursing, just keep him on the same breast and the flow will slow down and he won't get over full. You can keep him on the same breast for a few hours if need be, and that will help. Also, if he is spitting up, nursing a ton, and screaming, he may have reflux. Gripe water works wonders for that. Finally, don't worry that by him always wanting to be held by you that you will create a dependent monster. My daughter would ONLY be held by me in the evenings for her first 6 months or so, but now at a year old is totally fine to play with Daddy in the evening. In fact, she loves EVERYONE and is very social, depsite the dire warnings everyone gave me that if I held her whenever she cried i'd spoil her. I knew better, because they told me the same thing about my son. He had to be held 24/7 as an infant, but once he was crawling wanted nothing to do with me, lol. And now at 11 years old won't even give me a hug most nights. The "mommy only" phase is over SOOOOOOO fast, that I just go with it and respect it as their need at the moment. They want to know that food is right there if they need it, lol. So, take a break if you need one, but realize this phase is normal, and you will not be creating a spoiled monster if you hold her when she wants her. The only thing she will be learning is that Mommy is there for he if she needs her. I don't think I've ever let any of my babies scream and turn purple. He cried for about 20 minutes last night before he went to sleep, and dh was wearing him in a Mei Tai carrier the whole time. Crying it out alone isn't something I can do. Reflux is something we're looking into, I'm on an elimination diet right now for dairy too. I completely agree! I teach my babies they can trust me, which is why I don't do CIO. I have no concerns that he'll be a monster. My last 2 babies before him were similar, with wanting me a lot, constant nursing, and having sleeping difficulties. They've all coslept and then become wonderful sleepers when they were ready to move into their own beds at around 2 or 3. And they're both very confident and independent now, at almost 7 and 9. My issue is just that sometimes he will not go to sleep, he will just nurse and nurse, and I need a break sometimes. And he does seem to stuff himself and spit up after awhile. He is very high-needs, and it's just a season, but I'm really strung out at the end of the day sometimes. So when dh tries to wear baby for awhile or rock him and baby cries, I feel terrible, but lately it's been the only way baby will go to sleep, and I think it's good for him to be able to accept comfort from dh too. And I know that the mom guilt thing is something I have to manage, and not let that rule my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: It will get better. Really. You are so right. And isn't it funny how we can have been through babies before, but when we're right in the thick of it, it's easy to forget how fast it all went by before! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 No long term memory until three, so really there are lots of decisions we agonize over that, frankly, mean little in the life of the child. I'm really curious about this. I guess I feel like it makes an impression on their psyche, if they had that feeling of trust with us, their parents, or felt like they couldn't trust us. Even if they can't remember exact situations, I wonder if that feeling stays with them and if the way they're treated as babies influences their personalities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Wanted to add that baby had to go into the carrier with dh again tonight, since he wasn't going to sleep with nursing and we were repeating the whole scenario with him. But he fussed for about a minute and went right to sleep. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmgirl70 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 You have my sympathy! So hard to hear crying and not respond. It helped me to leave for a little bit--go to another room or just outside for a few minutes. I think it helped them (my babies), too, because I wasn't in sight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newday Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 No long term memory until three, so really there are lots of decisions we agonize over that, frankly, mean little in the life of the child. I can't see how you can say this... I know people who were adopted at 18 months and around 12 months of age who suffered the affects of non-attachment for years. I believe that it doesn't take a study to say that the first three of the first formative six years of a person's life are, well, formative. Wanted to add that baby had to go into the carrier with dh again tonight, since he wasn't going to sleep with nursing and we were repeating the whole scenario with him. But he fussed for about a minute and went right to sleep. :001_smile: It sounds like there may be a reason for the sadness which you just can't comprehend. I agree that you may need to let someone else take over, even when it leaves you with a sad baby, sometimes that is just how it is. You are looking into reflux and dairy issues. Your little one could have some sensory issues or could just be a mama's boy. It makes life more demanding for you, no doubt, but it doesn't mean you are doomed to it. I think it is a great idea to nurse well, potty babe (if you EC or change the dipe), and then pop babe on dad's back. He will probably get used to it in a few days (although, maybe even only one or two it sounds) and you will have a nice "system" down. If it doesn't seem to work after a few min, maybe try a repeat... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 . Your little one could have some sensory issues This is another thing I've wondered about. He likes the weight of my hand on his chest when he sleeps and he startles easily, has a huge need to suck, and other things that have made me think of sensory issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I don't think I've ever let any of my babies scream and turn purple. He cried for about 20 minutes last night before he went to sleep, and dh was wearing him in a Mei Tai carrier the whole time. Crying it out alone isn't something I can do. Reflux is something we're looking into, I'm on an elimination diet right now for dairy too. I completely agree! I teach my babies they can trust me, which is why I don't do CIO. I have no concerns that he'll be a monster. My last 2 babies before him were similar, with wanting me a lot, constant nursing, and having sleeping difficulties. They've all coslept and then become wonderful sleepers when they were ready to move into their own beds at around 2 or 3. And they're both very confident and independent now, at almost 7 and 9. My issue is just that sometimes he will not go to sleep, he will just nurse and nurse, and I need a break sometimes. And he does seem to stuff himself and spit up after awhile. He is very high-needs, and it's just a season, but I'm really strung out at the end of the day sometimes. So when dh tries to wear baby for awhile or rock him and baby cries, I feel terrible, but lately it's been the only way baby will go to sleep, and I think it's good for him to be able to accept comfort from dh too. And I know that the mom guilt thing is something I have to manage, and not let that rule my heart. Aww. hugs to you!!! I get it, I didn't mean to imply you would let him scream like that, but i've known people that say "let them cry" without realizing that some babies DO get that upset. But 20 minutes of fussing while Daddy wears him down sounds reasonable and necesary. Certainly you need a break! And I get it, this baby needed daddy to put her to sleep for about a month because she just wouldn't/couldn't fall asleep while nursing. Then she went back to nursing to sleep and it all went back to normal. Hugs! You sound like a really really good mom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Aww. hugs to you!!! I get it, I didn't mean to imply you would let him scream like that, but i've known people that say "let them cry" without realizing that some babies DO get that upset. But 20 minutes of fussing while Daddy wears him down sounds reasonable and necesary. Certainly you need a break! And I get it, this baby needed daddy to put her to sleep for about a month because she just wouldn't/couldn't fall asleep while nursing. Then she went back to nursing to sleep and it all went back to normal. Hugs! You sound like a really really good mom! I knew where you were coming from, I always feel sad for babies who are left to get so upset. I think my ds must be going through some kind of developmental milestone I can't see yet, because his behavior at night has been so different. I keep expecting to see a tooth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I have a child who wouldn't let ANYONE hold him except me before he was 4 months old. Then only Daddy and Mommy could hold him. The first time his grandma got to hold him without him fussing she nearly cried. ;) You know, this child is the most social outgoing child who will willingly let any of them hold him now. This is my dd, only it lasted until she turned two. Grandma was so happy on the last visit that dd would actually sit in her lap without sobbing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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