KristinaBreece Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Whew-- it's been a long day. I would NEVER say this out loud. But my DS is a crybaby. There, I said it. I don't quite know how to handle him most of the time. He's so easily frustrated, and his frustration always comes out in tears. Immediately. After a few minutes, he can generally calm himself down (he takes three deep breaths, and it's like he's flipped a magical internal switch-- the world is at peace again), but this is happening 7,8,9 times a day... and sometimes MORE. And the things that upset him are mind boggling. (Little sister asked for a peanut butter sandwich? Time for a good cry. :confused:) He's intelligent, articulate, and as loving as any child I've ever met. He just has these intense reactions to everything. It's not even like a tantrum... it just feels like tears are the only way he manages to express any emotion other than joy. Anyone BTDT? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shannon in TN Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Haven't BTDT to the extend you have, but it isn't a "normal" school day here if my DD doesn't cry at least once. I'd love to hear how others handle this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Don't know. Mine never cried like that. I would find it frustrating as I'm sure he does, poor thing. I hope he grows out of it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewpeaceful Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 My ds is 6.5yo and is JUST NOW coming out of this. Sorry to give you bad news. I did some reading and read that boys' estrogen levels are particularly high when they are young and then taper off as they enter adolescence. Girls are opposite. We are all well aware of how weepy and tween and teen girl can be. Boys get it early and it wares off. This is what I've done (for better or worse but a PP asked how others delt with it): If he cried for a valid reason, I let him and gave him appropriate consolation. If he cried for a illogical reason, I tried to help him see the flaw in the logic (this was fruitless btw, but I tried). If it was a tantrum because he didn't get his way, I found creative solutions. For example, one day he pitched a fit because a section of math was hard. I gave him a choice, calm down and do it or I would assign more because if it was that hard, he needed more practice. I did this with a couple of subjects consistently and I haven't had a school meltdown in 2 months. When he would cry because it was time to stop watching tv he was given a choice: calm down or lose tv for the rest of the day and the next. Chores? I gave more. Tantrums have ceased and now we talk through our emotions. It takes time. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 Don't know. Mine never cried like that. I would find it frustrating as I'm sure he does, poor thing. I hope he grows out of it. :grouphug: It's funny that you used the group hug smiley. That's what DD does when he starts crying. She grabs my hand and says, "Group hug for Aaron!" (Which usually just p*sses him off more when he's already upset.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 My DS does this. At 8. You seriously can't look at the kid funny without him bursting into tears. If I speak in a somewhat strict tone (or even not, just telling him something he doesn't want to hear), I'm "yelling" at him, and it sends him into full meltdown. I'm seriously losing patience with it. We're working on "drying it up." He starts to cry, I give him all of 10 seconds to dry it up, before punishment is enforced. Now, that's only when I know something isn't REALLY wrong... no serious physical pain, the dog isn't dead, something like that. At 8, he should start being able to control himself, IMHO. At 4... with my 4 year old, we're working on dry it up, but it's not something I expect him to "get" every time, and he doesn't receive punishments for not being able to. Coming from a family of ridiculously intense emotional outbursts, controlling your emotions is HUGE for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 And the things that upset him are mind boggling. (Little sister asked for a peanut butter sandwich? Time for a good cry. ) I'm sorry, that made me LOL.:lol: I don't think I have any good advice but I can sympathize. When my DD was 3 she was very emotional. We called it "melty" because it was when she was having a melt-down. She did grow out of that but now she's more likely to get grouchy for no apparent reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 He's young. :) He will grow up some more and the coping techniques he's learning, the deep breaths and self-calming, will get easier. Hug him if he's being reasonably upset, and if he's not let him know you'll be glad for him to rejoin you when he's calmed himself. Hang in there. If he's already taking deep breaths and self-calming at age 4, he's doing great. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m0mmaBuck Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 No advice but another mom to a cry baby boy here. It makes me crazy. I've been told he'll grow out of it. I ask "When?" because he may not live long enough to "grow out of it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 (edited) Yes. I have one son and 6 daughters. The tightly wound/loosely controlled male emotions turned out to be my biggest learning curve challenge. I didn't expect that! I found that labeling emotions was a big help. If I thought he was frustrated or sad or jealous, I would tell him so. Not judgmentally, just in an informational way. For example, "You sound so frustrated; maybe next time you can try taking a deep breath *before* you get so upset and ask me to give you a whole piece of toast instead of just a half. Then I'll know how to help you/what you need/what you would prefer to happen, etc." Repeat every time. It didn't seem like it was working until suddenly I noticed he was rarely melting down anymore. (ETA: actually on second thought maybe that isn't true. He went through a transitional phrase where he didn't cry as much but he would growl...loudly, "You make me so FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!) He's almost six and almost never cries or throws a fit for trivial reasons unless he's overtired or getting sick or hasn't pooped in a while. Then he regresses. Barb Edited March 27, 2011 by Barb F. PA in AZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 My girls are almost 7 and are the same way except they don't get over it in a few minutes. I was over it years ago- my 3yr old doesn't cry as much. I send them away when they cry. I'll tell them there is no crying during school and they have to go to their rooms until they feel better. This is not ideal as half the time they are happy to go to their rooms, but any work that doesn't get done because they spent it crying must be made up on the weekends when everyone else is playing. It seems to be helping a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 We were never that bad, but I just sang a little happy tune inside and thought "he isn't biting, he isn't kicking, he isn't ripping things apart" (not that he did that, but kids DO do that). My son can be kidded out of it. I can say "look, 2 crows are carrying off that pesky raccoon!" and he'll look and I'll get my "tag you're it" in (an ongoing game with us) and he'll laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Poor bunny. Some days (weeks? lol) are like this. They will pass. Gather him up in your arms. Hold him. Read him a story? Let him snuggle? Listen to some nice music? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Oh good!! I thought my son was crazy :) It's NORMAL ;) perfect!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Poor bunny. Some days (weeks? lol) are like this. They will pass. Gather him up in your arms. Hold him. Read him a story? Let him snuggle? Listen to some nice music? :iagree: I know it doesn't seem that way when they're the oldest, but 4 is so little. I wish I had realized how little 4 is when my now 17 yo was 4 (and SASSY! :lol:). It does pass, and sometimes I wish I could snuggle his little 4 yo self again--mouthiness and all. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 :iagree: I know it doesn't seem that way when they're the oldest, but 4 is so little. I wish I had realized how little 4 is when my now 17 yo was 4 (and SASSY! :lol:). It does pass, and sometimes I wish I could snuggle his little 4 yo self again--mouthiness and all. :sad: Isn't it funny how you can grieve for your lost children even though you can be looking right at the current version? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 At 4 we let it slide. It was easy to let the crier slide because his twin brother had the wonderful beat on the floor and swing and anyone in his paths types of meltdowns. We could handle crying. Twin brother has matured out of (and mommy has figured out how to defuse the situation before it gets there) his meltdowns, but the crier now drives me insane. I have instituted a new rule that goes for every age, if you cry for no good reason, then you must be tired and need to go to bed early. Then they go to bed 15 minutes early per unnecessary crying. Obviously I am more lenient on the current 4yo, and even the crier gets a warning and 10 seconds to calm down, but they know I mean business. The other day the 4yo and crier got to go to bed an hour early because they had been crying off and on over the littlest things all day long. The next morning they were changed little boys. It really is amazing how much a little extra sleep can do a child. Oh, and you don't punish the crier by sending him to time out, you just give him a good old stink eye stare and he knows he is in big trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Big emotional reactions over tiny things get you in trouble at our house. There are appropriate and inappropriate emotional reactions and it was important to me to teach the difference between the two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Big emotional reactions over tiny things get you in trouble at our house. There are appropriate and inappropriate emotional reactions and it was important to me to teach the difference between the two. :iagree: I wouldn't cuggle a child who was crying because his sister wanted a peanut butter sandwich. At the very least, I'd completely ignore him. I like the "you must be tired" idea. But no coddling & doting to reinforce unreasonable behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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