Food issues in a larger family

[2squared]

My 6yo HF Aspie has a limited list of foods that he eats. The list changes over time, but it is always a slim list. I don't understand the criteria, but it revolves around sensory issues and not taste. In an "eat it or go hungry" scenario, he consistently chooses to go hungry even though he is truly hungry.

 

His pickiness wouldn't be such a problem if he wasn't an older dc in a larger family. His preferred foods are either too expensive to buy en mass or they aren't a varied enough diet for the other dc. I have too many dc to cater to the dietary whims of everyone else, and my youngers take cues from their older sibs.

 

If you have a larger family, how do you give preferential food to one dc and not others? As an example. how do I explain why one dc gets cold cereal while everyone else has to eat eggs (something ds would NEVER eat)? If you have this problem, how do you handle it? How do I reconcile ds's needs/issues with managing a larger family of littles?

[kdeno]

When I read the title of your post I thought "I know this one!:party:".

This is pretty much the only area of parenting I feel successful at right now.

 

Then I read your post and realized that I don't know how I would handle it.

My 6 year old son has diabetes so if he is having a low bg he will get to have a sugary snack when everyone else can't. I just say very matter a factly that Oliver has diabetes and he needs a snack. Could you tell your children that your son has sensory issues and needs to eat such and such? They may grumble a little. I have noticed that some children with oral sensory issues can grow out of the limited diet. :grouphug:. Hang in there!

 

Kariann

[Dobela]

My parents would reward my aspie brother for trying new things. Maybe something like that would work? Now that he is grown he will eat most anything - as long as he can smother it in hot sauce first.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

zach has a pretty limited diet too....mashed potatoes (sometimes)--hash browns--cereal--main staple lately is PBJ or just jelly sandwiches (BLAH)-funny when he was a toddler he would usually eat whatever I gave him--even chicken nuggets/fish sticks---now he won't eat meat--except for the RARE ham/cheese sandwich he might get 1/2 the ham down him....

[Spellbound]

WoW!!! It's the same in our house, except it's a small family. I'm not a short order cook! I can't believe that I didn't think of JUST EXPLAINING THE DIFFERENCE! Head slap here. By the way, mustard goes on everything here-:lol:

[asta]

By the time DS was 8, he'd had to eat plenty of things that squicked him completely out. So had I at that age.

 

Not to sound harsh, but when it is sensory, not allergy related, you would be amazed what a starving Aspie will choke down. Sure, there are things that are just... gack (ever try canned fish Waterzooi or Belgian Americain?), but, in general, a kid, even an Aspie kid, will follow your lead. If you cater, they'll take advantage of it. If you say "this is the food", they'll eventually start eating.

 

Once they get older, they'll find something else. Kid (17) announced to me the other day that he loathed peanuts. That he would only eat them if he was in a survival situation and needed the calories. OK. He has money from a job. He can go on with his bad self. I don't ever again want to eat escargot. I had to eat it once as a child (no option). I also never again want to eat sheep entrails. But then again, I didn't cause an international incident by *not* eating them.

 

And THAT is the lesson I have taught kid all of these years: there are many things in the world that he will deem gross or disturbing to his sensory system. However, it will *not* always be possible to avoid such things, and he needs to learn how to "push through" situations to the best of his ability. Food is fuel. That is all it is. Some of it is more enjoyable than other bits. Sometimes one has to do the trick of closing off one's nasal passages from the inside so as not to taste something. Sometimes one cuts things very small and doesn't chew. Somethings just have to be "chased" with a pleasant tasting beverage.

 

As Aspies, we have to learn how to operate in the world. The world isn't going to shift its paradigm for us. Even if our family tries to make our life all nice and comfy, eventually, we'll have to leave that cocoon, and then what? Might as well learn early, as harsh as that sounds.

 

 

asta

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I only have 2 kids and I'm single, so obviously the dynamics are different. My ds goes through phases where he will not eat. Pediasure has always come to my rescue! Mine will lose weight during these no eating times, and he doesn't weigh enough for this to be ok.

 

So for dinner he knows we are having X meal, and he can choose the food or have 2 pediasures. I'm not going to cater to his limited diet, but I do have to keep his health in mind. Maybe you could find some kind of nutritional drink he likes.

 

Have you considered doing a behavior assessment to figure out why? In our case, ds will choke/gag on something and then stop eating. One week we had baked ziti and he loved it. He ate more in one sitting than I'd ever seen in the past. Baked ziti went on the menu for mondays. The following week he gagged on a piece, and has not touched baked ziti since. On my FBA, this goes down under sensory and medical with a ? and the charts will go to his Dr in a few months. (we are looking for a medical cause, but there may not be one)

[rafiki]

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[MilkMaid]

When I read the title of your post I thought "I know this one!:party:".

This is pretty much the only area of parenting I feel successful at right now.

 

Then I read your post and realized that I don't know how I would handle it.

My 6 year old son has diabetes so if he is having a low bg he will get to have a sugary snack when everyone else can't. I just say very matter a factly that Oliver has diabetes and he needs a snack. Could you tell your children that your son has sensory issues and needs to eat such and such? They may grumble a little. I have noticed that some children with oral sensory issues can grow out of the limited diet. :grouphug:. Hang in there!

 

Kariann

Funny, I had the exact same thought for the exact same reason. My dd has type 1 diabetes. Is your son on shots or pump?

 

And as for 2squared, I am so sorry for you, as I to have a child with very similar food issues. Not the one with diabetes though.

It is hard to feed her. I am @ a loss most of the time as well. I try to not worry about it too much but as mom thats my job. Right?

Tonight, for instance, I offered left-over chicken (which she gladly eat last night & complimentd me on how good it was.) & I offered Manwich. (BAD supper option but Mom gets tired of cooking homemade meals sometimes. LOL) She tried Mnawich @ MIL house & liked it. So I made ti @ home, she doesn't like it anymore, before she tastes it. She also doesn't want the left over chicken that she, surprisingly loved last night.:001_huh:

I feel like a crazy person trying to feed her.

I try to always inforce a fresh fruit or veggie @ every meal @ our house. She limits herself to apple or carrots. That's it!!!!!

I'm not sure how to handle the fair/unfair situation with your other kids.

i am not sure that I would 'label' him with a kid with sensory issues within his ear shot. Sometimes labeling something that you are trying to discourage may only make it seem more normal to him. Maybe not though. I know it definitely would my dd. She would take that & run with it. "I have sensory issues, I can't eat that." Oh yeah, I could hear her now.:lol:

 

Without just simply explaining to your kids that there are times that you have done certain things for them that you didn't do for all of the kids. This just happens to be one of the things that you need to do for him as an individual. Everyone IS different & it's hard to not treat them as so.

Hope things get easier soon. My dd is 12yo & has always been this way. Practically refused baby food! Yes, I do consider this a sensory issue, but it is ever changing. UGH!

Blessings!;)

[asta]

But the OP didn't say her kid had all of those issues: she said it was sensory issues.

 

As an Aspie myself, I understand sensory issues and food (not saying others don't - please don't misunderstand me). But I don't lump them in with allergies, food preferences, diseases, et al.

 

 

asta

[MilkMaid]

But the OP didn't say her kid had all of those issues: she said it was sensory issues.

 

As an Aspie myself, I understand sensory issues and food (not saying others don't - please don't misunderstand me). But I don't lump them in with allergies, food preferences, diseases, et al.

 

 

asta

The OP didn't say her kid had all of what issues?

[asta]

The OP didn't say her kid had all of what issues?

 

Sorry, these:

 

This is a sensitive topic to me. I have sensory issues, food intolerances, food allergies, a geographic tongue, and eosinophilic esophagitis myself. I was one of those kids who were told to sit there until I cleaned my plate and I would just sit there as long as I was made to. I tried to tell the doctor about my issues, but they were brushed off. These issues are VERY real to someone who has them. One can't truly understand what it's like until THEY experience it themselves. It's not a matter of prefering one thing over another. Somethings literally make me choke, break out in hives, upset my stomach, or make me want to toss my cookies.

 

I have three boys who have these issues as well, two have had anaphylactic reactions. Each of us has a different combo of things are body handles. I make one meal (pretty much for dh) meat, starch, veggies. The kids eat that, can help themselves to leftovers, or make their own dinner.

 

I don't stress over food, it's a stressful situation enough. My kids are all very lean, one also is carb sensitive and needs protein regularly or he can't control himself emotionally. I encourage things to go right and try to take the emphasis off food as a social thing and focus on what it should be - fuel for the body.

 

 

a

[2squared]

Thanks everyone for the viewpoints. I have been mulling this over the past few days. Food is a constant, all day battle with my ds due to the sensory issues and trying to keep things relatively "fair" among the dc, and I just don't think we should be spending this much energy on this one issue. My ds is hungry, so very, very hungry all.the.time. That's a miserable way to live, and I can't in good conscience let a 6yo be so hungry in a battle over food.

 

Friday we were at a play date type-event that served snacks, and he was absolutely devouring the snacks. When I told him he had to stop eating, he calmly said, "no." My ds NEVER disobeys, and I was shocked that he said no. He did stop like I told him, but his response was a big red flag to me. I need to change our food system for him. I don't want food issues to be such a big part of his life. He has plenty of other issues that can pop to the top if I semi-resolve this for him. :tongue_smilie:

 

I think we will continue with the status quo with our meals. He will have to struggle through them. However, I will start stocking snacks that he will eat, and preferrably things the others don't like as much. :sneaky2: My grocery budget will just have to change. Maybe I can find a silver lining here. If I change up our food selection, maybe my two oldest can be in charge of making and serving lunch. Now that would be great!

[MilkMaid]

I so wish you luck & will remember you & yours in my prayers. This is such a hard struggle for a mom to have to watch her kid NOT eat do to this sorta things. It hurts me when we have meals that we are truly enjoying & my dd just has a bologna sandwich, crackers & an apple.

As if she enjoys that all the time. I am a health freak since we have a type 1 diabetic but I have had to make allowances for the other dd to eat things that the rest of us do not eat a meal. I want her to enjoy meals like we do but she can't.

The devouring of the snacks things...my MIL buys way more junk than I do & isn't picky about what ones they are either. Unlike myself who doesn't buy things with high-fructose corn syrup in them or things that have ingredients in it that I cannot pronounce or don'y know what it is. As you can imagine we are limited on the junk. But wehn she goes to my MILs she gets this stuff. I hate it that she gets it but I also secretly am glad that she has the opportunity to have what I wont but. Odd I know. Can't help it.:tongue_smilie:

[rafiki]

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[kdeno]

We have been pumping for a year. Please shoot me an pm and we can exchange emails, it would be nice to email with someone who gets the worries, sleepless nights and that he really *CAN* have that piece of cake occasionally. :001_smile:

[gingersmom]

Have you taken him for any kid of therapy to address the feeding issues?

[MilkMaid]

Oops!

Edited March 28, 2011 by MilkMaid

[Paige]

I have kids who used to be sensory food refusers. They would die before eating something off "the list." Seriously. They would go so long they were in blood sugar crisis and had to be slowly refed or they would vomit and get even more dehydrated. And like you, the list was not completely predictable and changed frequently. There were weeks where they only ate peanut butter with a spoon and some crackers. I would very, highly, cannot stress enough how highly, encourage you to work diligently on desensitization. It is rough. It is so hard to stick with it. But, you will see results, and it will be worth it to get to the other side.

 

As for your question, we would bring our own food for them or allow them to go hungry. I never expected others to cater to their issues and I would never let them eat more than their share of an approved dish if there was not plenty to go around.

 

With the other kids, we would tell them that the girls had a problem and that was why they got to eat whatever, and why they didn't have to eat as many bites of something as the other kids.

 

For desensitization, you can google it, or search here, but you basically insist that he first kiss every bite he refuses and put it in the trash. It is not wasteful because you have a purpose and goal for that food and you will not get to the eating stage until you go through the trash stages! Once he will kiss it without much fuss, make him put it whole in his mouth and spit it in the trash. Once that happens with little gagging and crying, make him take bites and spit them in the trash without chewing. Then, make him chew and spit, and then finally, swallow one bite and spit the rest. Around that step, you will eventually quit having to force it and he should eventually eat some on his own. Start with things he likes- find a common feature of what he likes and change it slightly. My girls, for example, would eat boxed orange mac n cheese of one brand and nothing else. Our first step with that type of food was to try a different brand. We changed the food so slightly until we are now at the point where they will eat spaghetti with sauce without crying. They still don't like it, but they eat and do not cry and I think it is growing on them. There is a huge range of foods between the mac n cheese we started with and the spaghetti we are doing now that have been introduced into their diets and they actually do like!

 

Desensitization is hard and takes a long time (maybe a good 9months before we saw significant progress), but now we do not stress about food. It used to be the one thing we had to think and stress and plan about more than anything.

[asta]

For desensitization, you can google it, or search here, but you basically insist that he first kiss every bite he refuses and put it in the trash. It is not wasteful because you have a purpose and goal for that food and you will not get to the eating stage until you go through the trash stages! Once he will kiss it without much fuss, make him put it whole in his mouth and spit it in the trash. Once that happens with little gagging and crying, make him take bites and spit them in the trash without chewing. Then, make him chew and spit, and then finally, swallow one bite and spit the rest. Around that step, you will eventually quit having to force it and he should eventually eat some on his own. Start with things he likes- find a common feature of what he likes and change it slightly. My girls, for example, would eat boxed orange mac n cheese of one brand and nothing else. Our first step with that type of food was to try a different brand. We changed the food so slightly until we are now at the point where they will eat spaghetti with sauce without crying. They still don't like it, but they eat and do not cry and I think it is growing on them. There is a huge range of foods between the mac n cheese we started with and the spaghetti we are doing now that have been introduced into their diets and they actually do like!

 

Desensitization is hard and takes a long time (maybe a good 9months before we saw significant progress), but now we do not stress about food. It used to be the one thing we had to think and stress and plan about more than anything.

 

I never knew there was a name for this. It is essentially what the lunch ladies in Belgium did with all of the children and how my son was exposed to some *very* strange foods that his very sensory oriented self would NEVER have touched without a fight.

 

Huh - learn something new every day! :001_smile:

 

 

a

[ange]

I have 4 children, all but one have had various food allergies (all different ones) and for 1 of them we did the Feingold diet for awhile. I also have severe food allergies (also different foods from the kids). I also have kids w/ "sensory issues" specifically w/ foods. One of my kids went through "feeding therapy" because he would not eat solid foods after age one (he couldn't because he would gag, his jaw muscles were underdeveloped). Okay, so that's the brief background. This is what I have done. For each of my kids "sensory" issue foods, I have allowed them to have some foods they just don't have to eat, and we treat it just like a medical condition (like how we treat the food allergies). For example, my oldest has *never* been able to eat mashed potatoes without gagging and throwing up. He is not allergic...it is purely a texture thing. I have tried to make thicker potatoes, thinner potatoes, instant and real, you name it, we tried it. It always got the same result. Finally, (after the poor kid had obediently tried and tried and always threw up) I told him he was never going to have to eat mashed potatoes if he didn't want to. I think there is nothing wrong with that. If you think about it, every person has food dislikes, and is allowed to have food dislikes, so I don't make a big deal of it. I understand the limited food issues...we had at one time the following food allergies among 4 of the family members at once...egg, peanut, tree nut, wheat, dairy, soy, oranges. You can imagine trying to come up with food that *everyone" could eat *without* making 3 different versions was at times impossible. So we allow kids to have different foods, obviously due to allergies. In the case of sensory dislike, my usual reaction is I tell them they have to try a bite. If they try a bite, and can't stand it, I let them have another option (that does not require major effort to make). The next time they complain, whether taste or texture, and its the same food, I say - 2 bites, or 3 bites. So I gradually increase what I require them to try, and then they get to eat something they "like". I understand some texture issues, and some kids, are so stubborn that they won't take a bite. That's okay. I think its okay to "pick your battles" and sometimes the battle over food is just not worth it. As for the other kids whining "that's not fair"...I'm a mom that usually tells them, hey that's real life, it's not always (hey never) perfectly "even" or fair according to your perspective. I also treat a true sensory issue as a medical issue, just like the food allergies. My kids have gotten used to special diets because of the allergies. Hope something here helps, and I wish you best as you work on this! ~Angie

[ClassicMom]

For desensitization, you can google it, or search here, but you basically insist that he first kiss every bite he refuses and put it in the trash. It is not wasteful because you have a purpose and goal for that food and you will not get to the eating stage until you go through the trash stages! Once he will kiss it without much fuss, make him put it whole in his mouth and spit it in the trash. Once that happens with little gagging and crying, make him take bites and spit them in the trash without chewing. Then, make him chew and spit, and then finally, swallow one bite and spit the rest. Around that step, you will eventually quit having to force it and he should eventually eat some on his own. Start with things he likes- find a common feature of what he likes and change it slightly. My girls, for example, would eat boxed orange mac n cheese of one brand and nothing else. Our first step with that type of food was to try a different brand. We changed the food so slightly until we are now at the point where they will eat spaghetti with sauce without crying. They still don't like it, but they eat and do not cry and I think it is growing on them. There is a huge range of foods between the mac n cheese we started with and the spaghetti we are doing now that have been introduced into their diets and they actually do like!

Desensitization is hard and takes a long time (maybe a good 9months before we saw significant progress), but now we do not stress about food. It used to be the one thing we had to think and stress and plan about more than anything.

 

This actually makes sense! I think it could work with my aspie son. He eats pb&j and cereal... :tongue_smilie:

Edited April 3, 2011 by ClassicMom

[Ravin]

If it was me: our household tends to be informal for breakfast and lunch, and dinner, when it isn't leftovers, is a meal fixed for everyone. If your son is at least 5, I'd say give him his preferred foods at breakfast and lunch in a combination that will hopefully give him somewhat balanced nutrition, then at dinner give him a small portion of what everyone else is eating, with the ground rules that he needs to try at least a bite of each item, esp. if it includes something he hasn't tried in a while. Then, let him go make the sandwich of his choice if he doesn't want the dinner. My mom would use this strategy also with teen foster kids who didn't want what she was serving--except their only alternative was to fix themselves plain bologna sandwiches.

 

This would work for us since breakfast tend to be things like bagels or cereal, and if someone (an adult) wants something like eggs or pancakes, it's offered to the kids; if they want some they say so and a portion is also prepared for them. If they say no and change their minds when the food's done, too bad. In your son's case, he'll say no, not a problem if his preferred breakfast is handy and takes little work. Ditto for lunches around here--they tend to be leftovers, or things like a tray with fruit/veggies/cheese/crackers etc., or sandwiches, which can vary by person pretty easily.