Teaching children to pray

[Staceyshoe]

What suggestions do you have for teaching children to pray? My oldest really struggles with prayer. We model it for him, pray with him, and ask him to pray. He hates it. He feels awkward. He wants us to tell him exactly what to say and drags his feet about saying it. We've tried a variety of things to try to help.

 

How would you handle this situation? We had a heart-to-heart about it today, and he said that he really wants to pray but feels like he doesn't know how. What would you do? Any resources you recommend?

[Starr]

I would give him some prayers that are written or a Psalm and have him read out loud until he gets comfortable and then add in a one line prayer and build on it. Jesus did give us "The Lord's Prayer". :) I think he'll grow into it.

[BakersDozen]

 

Jesus did give us "The Lord's Prayer

No better prayer!

[The Girls' Mom]

Do you expect him to pray out loud?

 

I'm a grown woman, married to a future pastor/minister. I STILL do not pray out loud unless it's just me and the kids. I just have a thing about it.

 

Does he know that he can have a conversation with God in his head, and prayer isn't about what you say aloud?

[TN Mama]

I think you're doing the right thing by modeling prayer for him. I agree with teaching him the Lord's Prayer - something he can memorize until he feels comfortable enough to say his own. I didn't "learn how to pray" until I was an adult and still feel uncomfortable praying in front of others (kids & dh aside).

 

I have one dd who doesn't love praying outloud, but has memorized the Lord's Prayer and other scriptures. I've also taught her she can pray silently and just talk to God like she was sitting with him having a conversation.

[TN Mama]

Do you expect him to pray out loud?

 

I'm a grown woman, married to a future pastor/minister. I STILL do not pray out loud unless it's just me and the kids. I just have a thing about it.

 

Does he know that he can have a conversation with God in his head, and prayer isn't about what you say aloud?

 

:iagree:

[4Hisglory]

I was given an article this summer about kids and prayer(unfortunately I don't remember where it was from.) They had suggestion on making prayer more real to your children. Some of the ideas were to tell them "Tell God one thing you are happy about", "tell God one of your fears","Ask God for help in not being afraid","Listen for his answer"one was"Tell God a joke"and so on.The kids would not answer out loud but privately and nod when they were done answering. I tried this with my kids and they really enjoyed it. It might help your son because it shows that prayer is really just sharing our hearts with God even funny awkward things. Some really just don't like to pray out loud though (my dear husband is one)and I think that is OK. If I find the article I'll let you know. It gives much more information.

[Ellie]

I wouldn't force it. I say this as someone who does not like to pray aloud in a group.

 

If you were Catholic, I'd say help him memorize the Morning Offering, the Evening Offering, the Our Father, and more. :-) You can still teach him some prayers that he can memorize; there's nothing wrong with that. It's much better than forcing him to pray aloud and make up his own prayers, IMHO.

[ChristusG]

We're dealing with something similar over here. DD6 likes to pray, but she rushes through this exact same, word-for-word prayer each time she prays. I try to gently explain to her that she should talk to God as though she's talking to a friend. I don't want her prayer to be a habitual thing that she just absent mindedly recites without even thinking about it. I want her to actually learn to talk with God, share her desires, fears, needs...worship him, thank him, etc.

 

I just keep gently talking to her about it. I never correct her prayers or anything. I just model it for her when I pray and I try to discuss it with her at other times.

[ChristusG]

I was given an article this summer about kids and prayer(unfortunately I don't remember where it was from.) They had suggestion on making prayer more real to your children. Some of the ideas were to tell them "Tell God one thing you are happy about", "tell God one of your fears","Ask God for help in not being afraid","Listen for his answer"one was"Tell God a joke"and so on.The kids would not answer out loud but privately and nod when they were done answering. I tried this with my kids and they really enjoyed it. It might help your son because it shows that prayer is really just sharing our hearts with God even funny awkward things. Some really just don't like to pray out loud though (my dear husband is one)and I think that is OK. If I find the article I'll let you know. It gives much more information.

 

I love this!! I think I'll try this with my girls!

[4Hisglory]

I had another thought concerning teaching them the Lords Prayer and Psalms to pray.Make sure they understand what they are saying and how it relates to them and God. I taught my children a scripture prayer that they pray at the end of their prayers. I asked the kids after they memorized it if they understood what it meant and they both had parts that they didn't understand so we talked about it so they could pray from understanding. It was a great conversation and I think you could have one great discussion when the Lords Prayer becomes real and alive to your son and how it pertains to him and his personal relating to God.

[Staceyshoe]

Thank you for your responses! I totally understand what many of you have said about praying aloud because I also feel uncomfortable praying in front of others. I do have ds pray aloud because otherwise it won't happen. I never ever criticize, interrupt, or otherwise suggest that he's doing it wrong. There's really no pressure. I try to have him think about things he would like to share with God. I think that's the heart of my concern--I'm not seeing that he's feeling any connection to God, and he's been stuck in the same place for about 3 years now.

 

We try to do different things with prayer--I start a sentence and have him finish. Before praying, we brainstorm--what were the good/bad parts of your day, etc. We have used prayer suggestions from his little devotional. When he makes something and is excited, I point out how much he loves to create things and that God is the same way. He craves scientific knowledge, so we talk about how God gets really excited about science too. Ds and I do little "I Love You" rhymes together at bedtime, and they are very meaningful for him. I've suggested that he do one of our rhymes with God (which would be fun and take out the "what do I say" aspect). We did a prayer poster with cards in envelopes and prayer lists or notebooks. He loves these ideas when they are presented but never uses them.

 

The bottom line is that I just want him to WANT to talk to God and feel connected to Him. I want him to desire God and have a relationship.

 

I do like the suggestion of giving him an idea and having him say it silently to God. Somehow I feel like we just need to get un-stuck. I think we'll start doing little one sentence prayers throughout the day when we're in the moment too.

 

Please continue sharing and thoughts and ideas. I'm all :bigear:.

[Sophia]

I think this is something you just have to be consistent with in modeling and providing opportunity.

We started our older dc praying aloud during family devotions. We then did family bible studies where they and other children took turns praying aloud.

My oldest now expects and is prepared to be called on to close us in prayer during various activities/classes we lead.

 

It was very uncomfortable for them when we began this. We gave them no choice and just kept encouraging them, just as we did when they didn't want to ride a two wheeler, swim, do schoolwork~whoops, they're still not crazy about that one, lol.

[mom31257]

:lurk5: I deal with this same issue, but it's both my children, even my 13 yo. I know she has a relationship because I see her growing and her desire to learn about the Bible. Because of that I assume she prays on her own, but she doesn't even like to say grace over our meal. The younger one is like that, too, but I wonder if it's because she's always been that way.

 

I feel it's almost a fear of doing it "wrong" issue, which to me is really a pride issue.

 

I hope to find some help here.

[Year Round Mom]

The bottom line is that I just want him to WANT to talk to God and feel connected to Him. I want him to desire God and have a relationship.

 

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

My kids are still young, but the Sunday School teacher of my older DD commented that she really did pray in class (DD was 3 or 4 at the time). I think DD "really prays" because I've prayed over her, outloud, when I hold her 1. after discipline; 2. when she's sad; 3. when she's got a "big question", etc. It's so subjective, but I feel like she is feeling the prayers...if that makes any sense...for DD, she's not just saying words, but she is really talking to God...and that's not something that can be taught :)

[sheryl]

Apryl,

 

I do agree with you that you can pray "in the Spirit" and not utter an audible word. However, I believe prayer is talking with God. Now, it's talking with Him and listening to Him....His Spirit guiding, directing, convicting us, etc.

 

Speaking God's Word back to Him is prayer. But, just as our Lord hung on the cross and audibly uttered words, I do believe most prayer is "conversing with God". Now we won't hear God speak audible words to us, but His Spirit convicts us.

 

Not to get side-tracked, but another reason for "speaking" is to hear how we pray to God. We learn much (there is much insight) to be gleaned from listening to our tone, word choice, etc.

 

Sheryl <><

Edited February 1, 2011 by sheryl

[Chris in VA]

Maybe he doesn't mind sharing his heart with God, but he doesn't want to share his heart out loud with you. I don't mean that to be as harsh as it may sound! I just see him as perhaps being rather shy about it all. Giving him total control and permission to connect to God as he sees fit would be paramount, imo. You say it would never happen--maybe it IS happening, and he just isn't telling you.

 

One thing that may help is having him take the Meyers-Briggs test online, then looking up the book, Prayer and Temperment. It can help you show him different ways to pray and connect with God. For example, some people like to use their imaginations--using Scripture and putting themselves in that scripture by imagining themselves there can lead to a connection. Lectio Divina is another technique some use. The book is very good, and shows some more uncommon ways to connect to God.