Rhonda in TX Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Her teacher (lady in her early 70's) pulled me aside recently and told me she's been having some problems with DD in class. Talking too much, not raising her hand, etc. Apparently it's been a real problem. (This is Wed. night class, which is divided by age and sex and is conversation based. It's more of a teen issues class than a heavy Bible study class.) We talked to DD (who does tend to be loud and boisterous) about the problems she's having and DD, while agreeing she needs to change these things, tells us that she feels picked on by the teacher because she's homeschooled. I decide to talk to the teacher after class night last night. I told her that we fully support her in making sure DD's behavior is appropriate (she told me DD was much better last night), but that DD's perception is that she's singled out because she's homeschooled. Teacher denies it for the most part (does admit to making one comment one time and promises not to do that again), then proceeds to grill me on DD's social interaction opportunities and then tell me how every homeschooler she has known can't make it in the workforce. They can't work in a group, think they're better than everyone else, don't have social skills, etc., etc., etc. She went on, and on, an on. Then she says, "I understand why people homeschool, and support it to the end, but blah, blah, blah". ARGH! This is what my DD faces every Wed. night. Holy cow. When I told DH about this conversation, he said, "We need to tell DD that while she does need to show respect, and behave appropriately, this woman is a whack job." :lol: For now, we are approaching this as a learning experience for DD in dealing with difficult people. We'll see what happens in the future. Teachers sometimes change at the quarter (end of January in this case), so I'm hoping she will get a new teacher then. I've never been faced with such a blatant attack on homeschooling, so I'm pretty stunned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Her teacher (lady in her early 70's) pulled me aside recently and told me she's been having some problems with DD in class. Talking too much, not raising her hand, etc. Apparently it's been a real problem. (This is Wed. night class, which is divided by age and sex and is conversation based. It's more of a teen issues class than a heavy Bible study class.) We talked to DD (who does tend to be loud and boisterous) about the problems she's having and DD, while agreeing she needs to change these things, tells us that she feels picked on by the teacher because she's homeschooled. I decide to talk to the teacher after class night last night. I told her that we fully support her in making sure DD's behavior is appropriate (she told me DD was much better last night), but that DD's perception is that she's singled out because she's homeschooled. Teacher denies it for the most part (does admit to making one comment one time and promises not to do that again), then proceeds to grill me on DD's social interaction opportunities and then tell me how every homeschooler she has known can't make it in the workforce. They can't work in a group, think they're better than everyone else, don't have social skills, etc., etc., etc. She went on, and on, an on. Then she says, "I understand why people homeschool, and support it to the end, but blah, blah, blah". ARGH! This is what my DD faces every Wed. night. Holy cow. When I told DH about this conversation, he said, "We need to tell DD that while she does need to show respect, and behave appropriately, this woman is a whack job." :lol: For now, we are approaching this as a learning experience for DD in dealing with difficult people. We'll see what happens in the future. Teachers sometimes change at the quarter (end of January in this case), so I'm hoping she will get a new teacher then. I've never been faced with such a blatant attack on homeschooling, so I'm pretty stunned. Wow, Rhonda! Hugs to you and your dd for dealing with her! Maybe this "whack job" will see what a delight hsers can be and will change her opinion! Folks who are loud and obnoxious like that could be very beneficial if they're on our side! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I am so sorry! She has obviously not met too many homeschoolers has she? And, this is MHO, but, I don't WANT my children acting like their social peers! :tongue_smilie: Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 And, this is MHO, but, I don't WANT my children acting like their social peers! :tongue_smilie: Dawn Me, either! DD is amazingly self-confident for being 12. I feel that a big part of that is because of homeschooling. She struggles with her weight, and I know she would be picked on in a school setting for that. Instead, while she doesn't like it, she knows it doesn't define who she is. She's a great kid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommee & Baba Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 WOW. I would feel completely knocked down for a minute on that one! I would have to def. be a good example for my children and act appropriately but I know I'd have a difficult time not wanting to go in 100% defense mode! :lol: I think you handled it very mature! WTG! As for the hand raising, talking out of turn and ect...my oldest dd has that "blessing" and although it does annoy her Sunday school teacher and he does look at her as though she "homeschooled" and she's not TAUGHT to wait her turn or raise her hand, we'll try to understand....:confused:...so I feel you! However in time she'll adjust to her Sunday school class and her teachers rules about raising hands ect...so I just felt that it's only my part to try and let her know that she needs to respect the teachers rules. And she's done ALOT better. I hope the same happens in your situation. However I know many say to my face that they wish many more kids were homeschooled....it's apparent by the body language and the awkward tone in their voice while saying as much that they have a hidden opinion on it. So I just stay neutral and supportive of our families decision. :grouphug: Def. have felt "picked" on myself for my kids being home all day but as the years have come and gone and our kids have developed into respectful little children with a HUGE imagination and in depth conversations about things that PS kids wouldn't even consider.....I've slowly gained the support of those that once thought it was just a "wacko" decision on our part. AND a huge big fat DITTO on not wanting my children to act like their peers that are in PS. Heavens NO!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 (edited) :grouphug: Your dd needs to behave in class, but I would be sure to only allow your dd, to be held accountable for her actions in class, not any others. She isn't the first to be loud, boisterous, disrupt, talk and not raise her hand, but she needs to learn. kwim? She's still a work in progress, learning, but she shouldn't be belittled in front of her classmates. That conversation would have flummoxed me to have, but do regroup and don't allow her to spoil your dd's experience in class. Imo, she is way out of line to make those generalizations, and project them onto your dd, and homeschoolers in general. Lots of people from public school to homeschool fit the criteria she mentioned, and your dd was simply being 12;). You may need to talk with someone in leadership, because my feelings are the teacher will continue. Edited January 13, 2011 by Tammyla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 To tell you the truth, this woman is so out there that she does not belong in this position. She has shown her biases and inability to see both sides of this issue. She will continue to subtly cause problems for your daughter. I would go to church leadership on this issue. Her comments to you were clearly uncalled for and unprofessional. Leadership should know what kind of nut jobs they have teaching the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 You may need to talk with someone in leadership, because my feelings are the teacher will continue. Leadership should know what kind of nut jobs they have teaching the kids. For now, we're going to keep our eyes and ears open. The longest DD will have to deal with her is until the end of May, but the teacher may rotate out before that. We will definitely go to leadership if it continues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I would sit in the back of the class for a few weeks and see what's going on. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 I would sit in the back of the class for a few weeks and see what's going on. :) I teach preschoolers on Wednesday night so that could be difficult. It's an idea, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I understand your position. Just to be prepared, document the conversations and such in case you need them later. Hopefully, your dd will feel welcome in the classroom. That teacher sounds pretty set in her beliefs, and adept at making them known. For now, we're going to keep our eyes and ears open. The longest DD will have to deal with her is until the end of May, but the teacher may rotate out before that. We will definitely go to leadership if it continues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 {{hugs}} I am sorry that has happened to your family. In my experience, it's pretty rare in Texas but if it happens to you, it's 100% likelihood. ;) I think an informed "wait and see" is age and developmentally appropriate. Are there many homeschoolers in your church? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 {{hugs}} I am sorry that has happened to your family. In my experience, it's pretty rare in Texas but if it happens to you, it's 100% likelihood. ;) I think an informed "wait and see" is age and developmentally appropriate. Are there many homeschoolers in your church? No, there are not many homeschoolers. I think there are only two other families (and this is a pretty large congregation - about 800 in attendance on Sunday morning). There aren't any other homeschooled kids in DD's class, but there are others in the youth group. We are definitely the odd ones, but then we've always been different and are comfortable with our decisions. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I do think your child is plenty old enough to know to raise her hand and take her turn talking in a class. Is this the first class she's ever been in? I would sit and watch a class. Find a substitute teacher and observe your daughter and this woman for a few weeks. I would not entertain a lot of this woman's conversations on homeschooling. If she has a legitiamte complaint about your child's behavior, then I would say, "Yes. I will discuss this with my daughter at length. If there are any further problems, let me know." Then, if she drifts off into the socialization issue, I would cut her off and say, "Do you have any other specific complaints about my child's behavior in your class?" If she doesn't, then I would end it with, "If you do, let me know." Then I would turn around and walk away. Some annoying older woman (a physical therapist from Pakistan) told me the reason my daughter had migraines (it was a prayer request) was because she was homeschooled and that she needed more socialization. She went on the same tirade this woman did with you. I smiled and told her, "We're not going to do that. Keep her migraines in your prayers." Then I walked away. There's no point in arguing with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Sherry Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Well, you are doing a good job in discussing with your dd how she can do a little better in the class, things like raising her hand etc. (such an important life skill :tongue_smilie:according to some people, I hear ). I guess we should send our children to ps for 12 years so they can practice those all important skills each and every year until they graduate high school. I would not want my dd in that class with that woman. I think your dh is right. The woman is acting whacko. Would your dd like to help you with the younger children ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Poor kiddo, I feel for her. We also had a similar issue with our dd's Sunday School class. The teacher was very often making snide little comments about homeschooling. I can't tell you how many times we left church with her in tears. There was another home schooled young man who corroborated each incident. After two years of this, she finally has a new teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Unfortunately, the teacher's opinions are to be found in a great many places. I'm not sure that she is a nutjob, so much as she really firmly believes this, is in her 70s, and not likely to change her opinion. This would be a good time for your dd to learn how to live, work, and study around people that have these ironious assumptions about hsing, especially the ones whose minds cannot be changed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I do think your child is plenty old enough to know to raise her hand and take her turn talking in a class. Is this the first class she's ever been in? I would sit and watch a class. Find a substitute teacher and observe your daughter and this woman for a few weeks. I would not entertain a lot of this woman's conversations on homeschooling. If she has a legitiamte complaint about your child's behavior, then I would say, "Yes. I will discuss this with my daughter at length. If there are any further problems, let me know." Then, if she drifts off into the socialization issue, I would cut her off and say, "Do you have any other specific complaints about my child's behavior in your class?" If she doesn't, then I would end it with, "If you do, let me know." Then I would turn around and walk away. Some annoying older woman (a physical therapist from Pakistan) told me the reason my daughter had migraines (it was a prayer request) was because she was homeschooled and that she needed more socialization. She went on the same tirade this woman did with you. I smiled and told her, "We're not going to do that. Keep her migraines in your prayers." Then I walked away. There's no point in arguing with her. I don't want to give the impression that we're not taking the teacher's concerns with DD's behavior seriously. We are. We talked to DD about it and the teacher even mentioned DD was much better this past week. This is not DD's first class at all. She just tends to be loud, boisterous, and talk too much. It's her personality, and this is a conversation-oriented class. I like your methods for dealing with people like this. I was so stunned, I didn't really know what to do. I knew I didn't want to get into a debate with her about it. I'll keep your suggestions in mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Would your dd like to help you with the younger children ? DD really does enjoy class, so I don't want to pull her out if she wants to stay. I did, however, give her the option of helping me if she wants an "out". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 To tell you the truth, this woman is so out there that she does not belong in this position. She has shown her biases and inability to see both sides of this issue. She will continue to subtly cause problems for your daughter. I would go to church leadership on this issue. Her comments to you were clearly uncalled for and unprofessional. Leadership should know what kind of nut jobs they have teaching the kids. :iagree: Sounds like your dd has the confidence to deal with her idiocy. Honestly, if my dc were game I'd approach with the whole host of armor, belt, shoes, shield, sword. I approach it as a character training exercise for your dd. She is on her best behavior, gives a weekly report, you discuss and align your strategy for the next week. In her 70s she is unlikely to change her overall opinion of homeschoolers, but she may end up saying your dd will be that one exception. :lol: I'm not sure I'd want this woman giving spiritual training to my child, but I still might use the opportunity to help dd deal with difficult people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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