Do you have a spouse who smokes?

[plain jane]

My dh has smoked cigarettes for years (and years :glare:) and I absolutely hate it. I'd really like to talk to others who are in a similar situation. I'm not out to bash dh, just needing to talk to someone who understands what things can be like when married to someone who's life affected by addiction. I'm in need of fresh perspective. :)

 

Again, not out to bash or rip apart my dh, we love each other and have a strong relationship, but I'd like to take this PM. Would you mind posting here or PM'ing me? It's been weighing heavily on me lately and I sure could use some support.

[JoyfulMama]

My dh has smoked since he was 13 years old. That's longer than I have known him. He has always known it bothers me. I tried to use it as a reason not to date him, but he was too irresistable.

 

He has tried to stop, many times. It is not something that is in my control.

[Tohru]

My dh smokes and has since we met years ago. It doesn't bother me because I respect that he's an adult, it's part of who he is, and he can make his own decisions. I'm not his mother... I'm his friend. I don't see the point of being bothered by anyone's bad habits when I have plenty of my own.

Also, he doesn't ever smoke in the house. If he did smoke in the house, it would really bother me and be a huge problem.

 

I worry about his health, however as we get older, we've found that even super healthy people have health problems. We've lost several good friends to cancer, none of which ever smoked.

 

Does that help?

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I too have a DH that smokes.....though I have begged him to stop.

[elegantlion]

My dh smokes, I used to smoke. I quit fairly easily. Dh has quit before and will again ;), but imo smoking is a very hard habit to break, even when you desire to quit. For years after I quit I'd want a cigarette when I saw someone smoking, especially after dinner. And it wasn't a conscious craving, it was subtle, like oh, it's time for that after dinner cigarette. :glare:

 

In my dh's case the timing has to be perfect for him to quit. It has to be when he can stay busy and frankly have some excuses to be away. He goes through a period of irritability, which is sometimes hard to be around. In his case there has to be almost no outside stress. He has needs to not be around people who are smoking.

 

Smoking is an addiction, He doesn't keep smoking because he dislikes you or wants to affect his health. My dh is kind and smokes outside, hardly ever when we are in the car (and only if he holds the cigarette out the window).

 

He's quit a few different times over the years. But scare tactics (reading about lung cancer) and logic (smoking is an expensive habit) don't help release the addiction.

 

I see smoking as a chronic illness. You'd still love your dh if he were sick, right? I've found bugging dh about it only creates more stress and makes him less likely to be successful in his attempt to quit.

[LidiyaDawn]

My husband is a pack-a-day smoker and has been that way since his teens, pretty much. (He's 37)

 

I don't really have any complaining room though, as I also smoked until a couple of months ago. :tongue_smilie:

[dancer67]

My dh smokes, I used to smoke. I quit fairly easily. Dh has quit before and will again ;), but imo smoking is a very hard habit to break, even when you desire to quit. For years after I quit I'd want a cigarette when I saw someone smoking, especially after dinner. And it wasn't a conscious craving, it was subtle, like oh, it's time for that after dinner cigarette. :glare:

 

In my dh's case the timing has to be perfect for him to quit. It has to be when he can stay busy and frankly have some excuses to be away. He goes through a period of irritability, which is sometimes hard to be around. In his case there has to be almost no outside stress. He has needs to not be around people who are smoking.

 

Smoking is an addiction, He doesn't keep smoking because he dislikes you or wants to affect his health. My dh is kind and smokes outside, hardly ever when we are in the car (and only if he holds the cigarette out the window).

 

He's quit a few different times over the years. But scare tactics (reading about lung cancer) and logic (smoking is an expensive habit) don't help release the addiction.

 

I see smoking as a chronic illness. You'd still love your dh if he were sick, right? I've found bugging dh about it only creates more stress and makes him less likely to be successful in his attempt to quit.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I am a smoker and all of those things do not work for me. Smoking is an addiction and a disease.

 

 

I quit once successfully, and going to do it again. Seeing my PCP tomorrow to see if I can do the patch or Chantix.

 

He has to WANT to stop. No amount of pleading, or begging will make him do it.

 

I now understand how hard it is for someone to quit drinking or doing drugs.

 

I hate myself for smoking or for even starting. And I am at the point now where I am sick of it because it has a hold on me. And I am a control freak by nature, so I am going to put that to good use.

[Hockey Mom]

Because I'm not clear on what I can post here, I'll just say, check into electronic cigarettes.

 

I was a 2-pack a day smoker. I'm one of those who actually enjoys smoking. I wasn't looking to quit (especially after numerous failed attempts). Since picking up e-cigs, I haven't smoked a single cigarette. My last cigarette was October 16, 2010. My Dh was a pack a day for 20 years. Same thing with him; he hasn't touched the analog cigarettes since October.

 

While I can't say they are a smoking cessation product, I can tell you that that's exactly what happened when I switched. I no longer cough all night long, I'm not winded when I'm walking, and I don't smell bad anymore. :) The whole reason I went with e-cigs was to reduce costs. It's a 75% decrease!

 

And since we didn't have anyone in our area that was stocking supplies, we decided to invest some money into them and we sell a variety of kits, liquids, and accessories.

 

If this is something you're interested in, please, do not buy kits from your mall or flea market. In fact, if you are spending over $100 on kits, and over $15 on cartridges, you're being ripped off.

 

If you want to try it out, you can walk into any 7-11 now and pick up a "disposable" kit. They're made by a company called NJOY. The kits are $20 (I think?), and it's good to 'try before you buy'. But they are by no means the type of e-cig to fully wean yourself off analogs.

 

HTH, and I hope I'm not offending anyone or breaking any TOS. :) Mods, feel free to delete this post if I'm out of line.

[Hockey Mom]

Dancer, please be very careful with Chantix. I used Chantix when it first came out and it was awful. Horrible headaches, nausea, and uncontrollable feelings of rage and depression. Unfortunately, my insurance wouldn't cover the prescription, and I lost $150 as a result. :(

[Trish]

I feel for you, new report out that says even minimal exposure to smoke can be damaging to nonsmokers. My parents grew up smoking and both quit, so it IS possible!

[The Girls' Mom]

My dh was a heavy smoker for over 20 years. I had tried from the time we met to get him to quit, but finally came to the conclusion that it would NEVER happen until HE wanted to.

 

And yes, it drove me crazy. He would stop a movie halfway through to go smoke. (he didn't smoke in the house) Or he would get up in the middle of the night to smoke. Car trips...yuck. I got resentful about it, and would get mad if he asked me to go to the store for cigarettes for him. :glare:

 

He DID finally quit, with the help of Chantix and a lot of prayer. He's been smoke free for almost 4 years now, and has no desire to go back. But it would have never happened until HE made the decision to quit.

[Mabelen]

My dh smokes and has since we met years ago. It doesn't bother me because I respect that he's an adult, it's part of who he is, and he can make his own decisions. I'm not his mother... I'm his friend. I don't see the point of being bothered by anyone's bad habits when I have plenty of my own.

Also, he doesn't ever smoke in the house. If he did smoke in the house, it would really bother me and be a huge problem.

 

I worry about his health, however as we get older, we've found that even super healthy people have health problems. We've lost several good friends to cancer, none of which ever smoked.

 

Does that help?

 

This is pretty much us too. My dh however only smokes one cigarette a day, 2 at the most if we are having company or with others and there are other smokers in the group.

 

My dh has given up smoking a couple of times before. For him it was just a matter of strong will. He wanted to show himself that he could do it. The first time was rough, he was moody for a while, then he went back to smoking but much less. The second time was much easier, but at the end of the day he found he likes having that little smoke with his one a day bottle of beer when he comes home from work. For him is a little pleasure that helps him unwind just like getting changed into comfy clothes or staring at the sky, I guess.

 

I would definitely be happier if he decided he didn't need that one cigarette a day, but I have to respect that he is an adult and he makes his own decisions. At this point in time I don't consider him to be addicted to cigarettes. I would very likely feel differently if he smoked in the house or heavily however.

[Caitilin]

DH smokes and works at a tobacco outlet, so he is able to smoke on the job. I absolutely hate it, but I also absolutely know that Dancer is right:

He has to WANT to stop. No amount of pleading, or begging will make him do it

So I am waiting for him to want to. It stinks--literally and figuratively. This is my one really big worry in life.

 

ETA: DH never smokes in the house EVER, or in the car with me or kids. His car does smell OF smoke, but he never smokes while we're in it.

Edited December 13, 2010 by Caitilin

[JoyfulMama]

My dh smokes on the job, too. :glare: That means he smokes more at work than any other time. When he is not working (day off) he smokes less. He doesn't smoke inside - ever. And he doesn't smoke in vehicles.

 

When he comes home from work he immediately hops in the shower. He does his best to minimize smoking near me and the kids, which I appreciate.

 

The kids have started to get on him about smoking. They have been hiding his lighters (they get them out of his coat pocket). Dh thought he was going crazy.:willy_nilly: And I was getting perturbed, as he was stealing my kitchen lighter (not a pocket model). :glare: The kids fessed up to their stash - on top of one of the kitchen cabinets. :lol: Clever kids!!!

[k2bdeutmeyer]

My dh smokes on the job, too. :glare: That means he smokes more at work than any other time. When he is not working (day off) he smokes less. He doesn't smoke inside - ever. And he doesn't smoke in vehicles.

 

When he comes home from work he immediately hops in the shower. He does his best to minimize smoking near me and the kids, which I appreciate.

 

The kids have started to get on him about smoking. They have been hiding his lighters (they get them out of his coat pocket). Dh thought he was going crazy.:willy_nilly: And I was getting perturbed, as he was stealing my kitchen lighter (not a pocket model). :glare: The kids fessed up to their stash - on top of one of the kitchen cabinets. :lol: Clever kids!!!

 

Awww!! That's cute!

[dancer67]

Dancer, please be very careful with Chantix. I used Chantix when it first came out and it was awful. Horrible headaches, nausea, and uncontrollable feelings of rage and depression. Unfortunately, my insurance wouldn't cover the prescription, and I lost $150 as a result. :(

 

You know, I was also told this is NOT a good thing to try if you are on anti-depressents. So I think this is going to be out.

 

I have the E-cigarette. Thank you to the other person who posted about this. I dont have the cartrdiges for it, so I am going to pick those up. I think this could work for me.

[dancer67]

PlainJane:

 

:grouphug: to you and your husband. I hope he is able to quit. I am hoping I can do it too!!

[plain jane]

PlainJane:

 

:grouphug: to you and your husband. I hope he is able to quit. I am hoping I can do it too!!

 

No, he doesn't want to quit. I know he'll never want to. The farthest we've got is him quitting for a couple years because *I* wanted him to.

 

I am trying to change my way of looking at it, but I'm not sure how. Some days are easier than others.

[Tylianna]

DH smoked when I met him, and I told him at the beginning that I cannot have a serious relationship with someone that smokes. It was and has always been his choice to smoke, like it was my choice to be with him.

 

He has struggled with it since we have been together, however. Today is actually the anniversary of the day we met! 11 years!

 

I knew he was still smoking when he would be off of work for more than a day or two and he would get grouchy, or make up a reason to go back to work.

 

It got to the point that he was NOT a closet smoker, but a regular smoker hiding it only from ME! He would ask anyone we know that smokes for a cigarette, and they would hide it from me. I always suspected, but I felt guilty for accusing him of something that I was not 100% sure of. When I would finally catch him, he would be sorry. But, I would say that he was just sorry that HE GOT CAUGHT, because he would go right back and do it.

 

After he 'quit' he never smoked near me. Never smoked in the house, which is good since our oldest has asthma.

 

Now, he will tell me if he has a cigarette (maybe a few times a year). He knows it is a lying issue with me, not just the smoking. He knows I will just roll my eyes if he tells me he smoked, but I will be flaming mad if he lies.

 

I want him to be around for a while. With my father's family health issues with the heart, I don't look to be living much longer than 55 years or so. Unless my mom's side kicks in (they live to be RIPE!) and I die of a female cancer at 80-90 years ;) Someone has to be there for the kids!

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that as long as he knows that you feel so strongly about it, he is thinking about it more. Ultimately it is up to him to quit. You didn't say if he smoked in the house or car, or not. Unless you posted later, and I didn't see it. If he smokes in the house or car while you are in it, then that is an issue that needs to be taken seriously. That is the air YOU are breathing. I don't fart in front of my dh (if I even farted at all... :001_huh:) so I expect him not to contaminate my air. lol

[k10coon]

Smoking came up here on the boards a while back. Peela recommended a book that change my life. The Easy Way to Quit Smoking by Allen Carr. I never in a million years thought that a book would help me quit. After I quit my husband read it and he quit. From a book!

 

See the reviews on Amazon.

[AnitaMcC]

My dh has smoked cigarettes for years (and years :glare:) and I absolutely hate it. I'd really like to talk to others who are in a similar situation. I'm not out to bash dh, just needing to talk to someone who understands what things can be like when married to someone who's life affected by addiction. I'm in need of fresh perspective. :)

 

Again, not out to bash or rip apart my dh, we love each other and have a strong relationship, but I'd like to take this PM. Would you mind posting here or PM'ing me? It's been weighing heavily on me lately and I sure could use some support.

 

 

My Dh smokes about a pack a day (he started around age 13).... outside only even in subzero temps!!!! The kids and I have asthma. It is a sore spot for me with him smoking. He has tried to quit several times but he admits he really doesn't want to quit so he never made it for more than a month of no smoking. The bugger is that he smokes in the car... with window down but the smoke still gets in the car. Yuck. I complain when it gets to me.

 

He has smoked since before we met and when he asked me to marry him I made sure he knew how I felt about his smoking. I flat out told him that if he got cancer from smoking to not expect me to watch him die, and if we had kids (again this was when he asked me to marry him) and he died due to smoking before the kids were grown... I didn't think I could forgive him for depriving his kids from having a father growing up.

 

So he knows exactly where I stand on smoking. We have been married for 23 yrs and thankfully he is relatively healthy. He knows to stay away from me after he smokes until he cleans up... I hate the smell.

 

Some how we are still going strong in our marriage. He doesn't drink alcohol/do drugs (that would have been a no-no for me... I would not have married him if he did). He doesn't go out with his buddies all the time and leave me and the kids alone (he is a homebound type of guy).

 

Figure I have lots of "vices" myself that he has to put up with-LOL.

Edited December 14, 2010 by AnitaMcC