Which scenario would you choose?

[Donna]

If I was feeling brave...#1. If I was going for comfort...#2.

[Renee in NC]

I would look closely at #1 and see if we could make it happen. If you could work fulltime and dh finish his degree in 3 - 4 years, he could pick the kids up from school and watch them while he studies. Hopefully the class schedule would allow this. Could you interview with a company where you are now that has a location where # 1 is and then have a job to move to? A company such as H and R Block might do this. I wouldn't be too picky about my first job back into the field and would not think it's a big deal to change jobs in a couple of years. In other words, as desperate as you are to move, the exact accounting position I had would not matter as much as some other variables. Of course, you want a good paycheck and a stable employer.

 

Have you looked into if you would qualify for some sort of government med. insurance for the kids and what it would pay for? In my state the medicaid type programs actually pay for more OT, etc than the typical insurance company does, if you qualify of course. You would want to find out if the good therapy places take the govt. insurance if you go that route.

 

I really don't think H & R Block would work - they don't pay much and I am way overqualified. I did take their test online to see if I could skip their "training class" and easily passed. If it is all I can get, it is what I will take, but it is more likely that something like that on my resume would hurt more than help.

[Renee in NC]

Yes, she has a little one. She also has 5 other children. The six children range from age 1 up to age 16.

 

Actually the 6 dc range from 1 to 12 - the other is 17, but he lives in #2, not here. I have 7 dc total.

 

The fact that my oldest is in #2 is a big draw as well, but we have promised not to make decisions based on that since he is going to college next year.

[Renee in NC]

If I was feeling brave...#1. If I was going for comfort...#2.

 

#1 is still my choice. Dh is saying #2 because he isn't brave.:D

 

His fear is that something will happen and we won't have any help. For example, right now we are having vehicle problems that we cannot afford to fix. A generous relative gave us $500 towards the repair, but it still isn't enough. (I will freely admit that had we had the money to do some routine maintenance over the past couple of years, we might not be facing a $1500 repair bill right now.:tongue_smilie:) In #2, if something happened and we had no car, there is family and friends that could help us out. In #1, we would be on our own.

 

He doesn't like change - he hates it here (#4), but would rather go to #2 because it is familiar. He knows where things are, how to get around, etc. (He has ZERO sense of direction and has a very hard time going places he hasn't been a few times before.)

 

And honestly, #1 was only important because I wanted him to be happy in his job, not have to do manual labor, and make more money. If I am working full-time, he can have that because now jobs that he wasn't going after before because they were so low-paying are options for him. He isn't someone who is defined by his career - he is a father first and foremost. If it hadn't been for his extreme extrovertedness, he would have made a great house-husband.:D

[2squared]

Another persepctive.....I think I am going to vote for #3. I'm familiar with Dubuque, and it's a really nice smallish city to raise kids in, especially if the schools are better than the other choices (I think that's what you said?).

 

You mentioned that you would have a place to live for 6 months or so - is that for free, at minimal cost, or without a contract? If so, that seems like an easier immediate transition. If you can live for free or low-cost while looking for jobs, what a stress reliever! I would think your dh would be able to find a job immediately in Dubuque so your housing expense would be next-to-nothing and you would have some money coming in. You will find a job, but higher paying jobs do take longer to land (generally). I would sit it out in Dubuque for a while, get your feet underneath you, and then in a couple years re-evaluate where you would rather be.

 

Yes, school is only for four years, but I get that your family needs to be financially viable NOW. Before moving for college for your dh, I would make sure that he really wants to go, and you can pay for it while maintaining your minimum standard of living. Just out of curiosity, could your dh support your family with this degree? Would that be the goal of getting the education or is it for him to make more than he is now? How much more? Will the degree get you there? I am all for higher education, but not all higher education puts you in the spot you desire. KWIM?

 

This is probably the worst time of year to move north (even though Dubuque isn't that cold!). It's kinda like when I moved to Texas in April. The first summer was difficult, but after that the summers just were what they were.

[Catherine]

I may be mixing things up, but I thought I remembered you mentioning in the past he had some learning issues. If that is the case, it may not make sense to stake your family's future on a college degree that he can't get after all. Is it possible for him to test the waters educationally before money and time are committed to that path?

[Renee in NC]

I may be mixing things up, but I thought I remembered you mentioning in the past he had some learning issues. If that is the case, it may not make sense to stake your family's future on a college degree that he can't get after all. Is it possible for him to test the waters educationally before money and time are committed to that path?

 

I am definitely not staking my family's future to his education. There are some definite learning issues and college may not be the place for him. I just want him to be happy and content with what he does and for him to be around people everyday.

 

I will be working regardless. His going to college might increase our future earnings by $10-20K per year (in today's dollars.) I figure I can make $80K+ within 5-7 years as I gain more experience and get my MBA (also in the plans right now.) His working will be more for his sense of self-worth and sanity than family support. Our financial future is going to be based on my earnings, not his.

 

Honestly, it would be easier for me if he were in school as his schedule would be less full than if he were working a regular full-time job. We'll have one in daycare next year and 5 school-aged children. He would take on more of the child care duties. However, staying home, even if it meant savings in child care and other expenses is not a good idea. He *needs* to work outside the home.

[Renee in NC]

Another persepctive.....I think I am going to vote for #3. I'm familiar with Dubuque, and it's a really nice smallish city to raise kids in, especially if the schools are better than the other choices (I think that's what you said?).

 

You mentioned that you would have a place to live for 6 months or so - is that for free, at minimal cost, or without a contract? If so, that seems like an easier immediate transition. If you can live for free or low-cost while looking for jobs, what a stress reliever! I would think your dh would be able to find a job immediately in Dubuque so your housing expense would be next-to-nothing and you would have some money coming in. You will find a job, but higher paying jobs do take longer to land (generally). I would sit it out in Dubuque for a while, get your feet underneath you, and then in a couple years re-evaluate where you would rather be.

 

Yes, school is only for four years, but I get that your family needs to be financially viable NOW. Before moving for college for your dh, I would make sure that he really wants to go, and you can pay for it while maintaining your minimum standard of living. Just out of curiosity, could your dh support your family with this degree? Would that be the goal of getting the education or is it for him to make more than he is now? How much more? Will the degree get you there? I am all for higher education, but not all higher education puts you in the spot you desire. KWIM?

 

This is probably the worst time of year to move north (even though Dubuque isn't that cold!). It's kinda like when I moved to Texas in April. The first summer was difficult, but after that the summers just were what they were.

 

My FIL has offered to let us live in his home as long as we needed to. It might be a little diffficult (especially at first) but he does have the room and there is a separate living area.

 

Dubuque is a nice city, but the opportunities for me would be pretty low. Dh could find a job pretty easily (he grew up there and knows many people there.) I would not be able to pursue a career there that would lead to further advancement. I could probably get a job as a bookkeeper, staff accountant, and/or office manager. There just aren't many jobs there for me due to the size. He doesn't particularly want to go there, either, as he doesn't like the cold.:tongue_smilie:

 

No, dh would not be able to support us with the degree he is after. I don't think that he would ever be able to earn even 150% of the poverty level. At first, the idea was for me to work to support us while he went to school and then come back home when he was done. When crunching the numbers, however, I had to face the reality of our situation. I don't want much, trust me.;) But to provide basic shelter (that doesn't leak, smell, freeze, swelter, aggravate my allergies), medical and dental care, educational opportunities, vehicle maintenance, and a debt-free lifestyle, we will need more than $35-40K per year.

 

And, just to make it absolutely clear - I value my dh for WAY more than what he can earn. Yes, being at home with the dc and homeschooling was our dream, but the reality is very different. I didn't expect that wages for dh would go DOWN over time. I didn't expect to have dc with special needs. I am very okay with the way things are going, but if I am going to go to work, I want it to be worth our while, KWIM?

[Denisemomof4]

I just want to say that your concern for his well being and the fact that you're such a loving, supportive wife shine through your posts. You are a good woman!

 

Having to deal with feed stores several times per week, I can see why that would be a desired place for him. People are MORE than happy to help me out, they love to share experience. I learned SO much about running my farm by the workers at the feed store. And, there's one man in particular that my family adores. I am always SO mean to him, joking all the time. We have become friends and I'm hoping to have his family over to dinner. This is in a somewhat small town (the feed store) but really, it's more of a commercial one.

[RoughCollie]

I would go with #2. It sounds like you have the best chance of finding a good job there, and your employment is key.

 

:iagree:

[Denisemomof4]

I was just listening to the news as I replied to your post. FL has the 4th highest unemployment rate in our nation, and the 2nd highest foreclosure rate.

 

I hope things turn around for you soon!

 

Will you be changing your name again?

[Renee in NC]

I was just listening to the news as I replied to your post. FL has the 4th highest unemployment rate in our nation, and the 2nd highest foreclosure rate.

 

I hope things turn around for you soon!

 

Will you be changing your name again?

 

The unemployment rate in our county is 12.5%, but the jobs that are available (and the ones that have many applicants) pay minimum wage or slightly more. My dh has an IDEAL job for someone who has no degree who live in this area - benefits, regular daytime hours, etc. When he puts in his notice, there will be 1000 people more than happy to take the job he has.:tongue_smilie: It is really bad here and has been for several years.

 

I will have to change my name, won't I?:D

Edited October 24, 2010 by Renee in FL

[zookeeperof3]

What about Greensboro? There are a lot of colleges, lowish cost of living and available jobs.

Kim

[Renee in NC]

OK, for those still reading:lol::

 

#3 is out. We weighed the pros and cons, and we just don't want to do it.

 

The main goal is to be financially secure where ever we are. I did the math, using Dave Ramsey's guidelines for mortgages (20% down, 15 year mortgage, payment no more than 25% of our income) and looked for the type of house we would buy in the future. I went with 4 bedrooms, 2 bath, and modest size, looking at the lower end of the "good area" homes. (Obviously we could live in a 3 bedroom, but 4 is a better fit and this is the future, KWIM?)

 

I was a little surprised at the results. While researching before, I had looked at rents to see which would be most affordable for us. Of #1 and #2, #1 had the lowest rents (at the low end - trailers mostly.) BUT, when it came to houses with 4 bedrooms, Raleigh won hands down! Within 20 miles of Raleigh there are a LOT of 4 bedroom houses at a moderate price. (I also saw that the area we moved FROM is getting more expensive.:tongue_smilie:)

 

It seems that really, from a future perspective, #1 and #2 are both about the same COL wise. The commute would be about the same mileage wise, the schools are about equal, and the areas are comparable. The Asheville area is by far more beautiful, though. Wages are slightly higher in Raleigh, but the commute might take longer.

 

So, still trying to decide - this is not easy.:tongue_smilie:

[chiguirre]

However, staying home, even if it meant savings in child care and other expenses is not a good idea. He *needs* to work outside the home.

 

How long could he stand being at home without going stir crazy? If he could manage 6 months, you could be settled into a routine before he had to find a job. Do you think he'd be content with a part-time retail job in the evenings? Perhaps something like Starbucks would satisfy his need to be out without requiring you to look for childcare?

[Renee in NC]

How long could he stand being at home without going stir crazy? If he could manage 6 months, you could be settled into a routine before he had to find a job. Do you think he'd be content with a part-time retail job in the evenings? Perhaps something like Starbucks would satisfy his need to be out without requiring you to look for childcare?

 

Okay, I giggled at the image of my dh working at Starbucks!:lol: I read it to my dh and he said, "You really need to post a picture of me on there." My dh looks like a bouncer or a biker - he is 6'2", 245, goatee/beard, no hair, and tattoos. His shoulders and arms are HUGE - he wears a 2XL shirt. So, picture that behind the counter at Starbucks - it's good for a laugh!:D

 

He could stay home for about 2 weeks before going crazy.:tongue_smilie: No, he said he could stand it longer. It isn't the dc that would make him crazy, but rather the isolation. He could always go to park days, right?;) Actually, once people get past how intimidating he looks, they really like him - he is WAY more a people person than me.

[Renee in NC]

What about Greensboro? There are a lot of colleges, lowish cost of living and available jobs.

Kim

 

This *is* a good option that we were just discussing. That's what made me look at houses where we used to live (it's about 30 miles to Greensboro from the town we used to live near.) Looking in Greensboro, we could have a much higher standard of living and salaries aren't far off. It really comes down to housing - we could easily find a very nice, large 4 bedroom, 2 bath for $140K.

 

It is still close to family and friends, too!

 

We'll add that as Option 3!

[RoughCollie]

My dh looks like a bouncer or a biker - he is 6'2", 245, goatee/beard, no hair, and tattoos. His shoulders and arms are HUGE - he wears a 2XL shirt.

 

So he looks like Mr. Clean with tattoos and a goatee.

 

Greensboro sounds like a good place. I've found that the cost of housing (and utilities) accounts for most of the COL differential between places.

Edited October 24, 2010 by RoughCollie

[bettyandbob]

I haven't read any of the posts. I would tell dh to go get a job in place 1 or 2, and then follow when he had a job. If I recall correctly you were going to be working, I don't know if that means you would have dh quit and school fulltime. If the plan would be for dh to school fulltime then I'd start sending my resume out and apply for jobs in both place 1 and 2. The first place I'd got an offer would be where we'd go.

[Alyce]

I still think I would stick with #1. Mostly because the COL is lower. Don't know as much about WCU but have heard its a good solid school. I think it would be a good area for your husband to try his hand at farming. They do farm differently there mostly fruit and Christmas trees but there are other things he could do. From the sounds of it you would still have a rather long commute but the gas prices are actually cheaper in the mountains than in Raleigh so that would also be a bigger help. Don't know how much the housing is. If you're really set on Raleigh because of the job opportunities for you look at some of the smaller communities that I suggested or that are around. As you already now special Ed programs vary quite wildly. You may find what you need in another smaller area. I don't like the Raleigh area because of the size and difficutly getting around. They are currently doing a lot of road projects that are supposed to make it help decrease traffic and get around easy but personally I think they are making things worse. Raleigh is a great place to visit but I don't think I'd want to live there.

[Nakia]

See, everyone, well almost everyone wants you to move close to me!!! :D

[Nakia]

And by the way, if you do move to the Asheville area, I will help you in any way I can. I mean that!!

[zookeeperof3]

We live just south of Greensboro in Randolph County. To give you an idea of real estate prices, we are currently selling our Victorian style house, half an acre w/ fruit orchard, 4 bed, 2 living rooms, a sun room,dining room, eat in kitchen, plus mud room, 2 baths, full basement, garage, 2600 sq ft.hardwood floors throughout, registered in historic district....for $160,ooo. It's very affordable here. Our utilities are reasonable for the size of our house, gas bill is $195 all year ( equal payment) electric is $165 on equal payment.

 

This is a nice area to consider. The schools are pretty good. You have a lot of good options to think about!

Kim

[LizzyBee]

Okay, I giggled at the image of my dh working at Starbucks!:lol: I read it to my dh and he said, "You really need to post a picture of me on there." My dh looks like a bouncer or a biker - he is 6'2", 245, goatee/beard, no hair, and tattoos. His shoulders and arms are HUGE - he wears a 2XL shirt. So, picture that behind the counter at Starbucks - it's good for a laugh!:D

 

He could stay home for about 2 weeks before going crazy.:tongue_smilie: No, he said he could stand it longer. It isn't the dc that would make him crazy, but rather the isolation. He could always go to park days, right?;) Actually, once people get past how intimidating he looks, they really like him - he is WAY more a people person than me.

 

We live NE of Raleigh and my dh is now a stay at home homeschooling dad; if you move here, maybe they could be friends. :001_smile: The COL is low here even though it's an easy commute into Raleigh for work. I drive 21 miles and it takes 30-45 minutes depending on traffic. We go to a great church that welcomes everyone regardless of hair, no hair, suits, shorts, tatoos, leather, whatever. Oh, I just remembered you're Catholic; I hear good things about the Catholic church that is about 9 miles/15 minutes from us.

Edited October 24, 2010 by LizzyBee

[LizzyBee]

Thanks! I have been researching in the Raleigh area and there seem to be several different headhunters out there. In my perfect world, I would work for a CPA firm for a few years to broaden my experience, but I will take what I can get.:D Any other tips/connections you know of, please PM me!;)

 

I sent you a PM!

[MarinesWife]

Okay, I giggled at the image of my dh working at Starbucks!:lol: I read it to my dh and he said, "You really need to post a picture of me on there." My dh looks like a bouncer or a biker - he is 6'2", 245, goatee/beard, no hair, and tattoos. His shoulders and arms are HUGE - he wears a 2XL shirt. So, picture that behind the counter at Starbucks - it's good for a laugh!:D

 

He could stay home for about 2 weeks before going crazy.:tongue_smilie: No, he said he could stand it longer. It isn't the dc that would make him crazy, but rather the isolation. He could always go to park days, right?;) Actually, once people get past how intimidating he looks, they really like him - he is WAY more a people person than me.

 

Your husband is fabulous. :)

 

I still vote #1. Get him out of his comfort zone. Make him go to school, get a PT job.

 

What about jobs like Forest Rangers? Or working at a kid's camp? Though those things aren't usually by bigger cities where you'd find good accounting work.

[Renee in NC]

Your husband is fabulous. :)

 

I still vote #1. Get him out of his comfort zone. Make him go to school, get a PT job.

 

What about jobs like Forest Rangers? Or working at a kid's camp? Though those things aren't usually by bigger cities where you'd find good accounting work.

 

Yes, he is fabulous - no doubt about that. I would not trade him for all the money in the world!;)

 

Forest ranger jobs are (a) far and few between, (b) not near cities where I could find accounting work, and © don't pay enough for me to stay home.:glare:

 

He'd be good at a kid's camp - kids *love* him after they get over being afraid of him.:lol:

 

He's really set on #2 and I am good with it. Yes, I would rather him go to school, but it isn't important to him - he'd rather have money for braces and tutors and clothes and food. He's a good man!;)

[Susan in KY]

The plains states have the lowest unemployment rates in the nation, and lower costs of living, but if you can't stand the cold.... :tongue_smilie:

 

As I recall, you have an older child in one of the Carolinas, though, don't you? I would move there and look for something, give it a few months, and if it doesn't work out try Plan B, whatever that is. I wouldn't stay in FL with your situation, though, especially not with that housing scenario. I'd definitely invest in dh's future if I were in your shoes.

 

And, some CC for you (sorry, I have no idea if you subscribe to any belief system--feel free to ignore it!), without a doubt I wouldn't move anywhere I had no peace about. God operates on a premise of peace; Jesus is the Prince of Peace. There is no way would I make a choice that took me away from that sense of peace instead of toward it.

[missesd]

Whatever I did , wouldn't be #4....

[Alyce]

If your husband wants to be in the wildlife field there are federal jobs in that line and there are state jobs. They are usually like game officers. My husband almost applied for one of those jobs a couple of years ago. It would have been located almost where we live (Ft Bragg, NC) area and was well paying and with great benefits. It was through the Federal Government. I'd love to tell you the job title but he's asleep. My point is that with the degree your husband wants it is possible for him to get a good paying job. No they aren't abundant but they are out there.

[tricia]

Hmmm, with 7 kids. That's a tough one. I suppose looking far down the road to see what is best is the thing to do. Tough decisions.

[Renee in NC]

If your husband wants to be in the wildlife field there are federal jobs in that line and there are state jobs. They are usually like game officers. My husband almost applied for one of those jobs a couple of years ago. It would have been located almost where we live (Ft Bragg, NC) area and was well paying and with great benefits. It was through the Federal Government. I'd love to tell you the job title but he's asleep. My point is that with the degree your husband wants it is possible for him to get a good paying job. No they aren't abundant but they are out there.

 

And those jobs are very difficult to get. Most people spend a ton of time working the temporary positions (much more plentiful) for awhile before getting a permanent position. Dh is also too old to be a Law Enforcement ranger (you have to get your permanent position by 37) and there are even fewer Interpretive postions out there.

 

There are a lot of "maybes" anyway we look at it, but he thinks we are better off financially letting me be the main breadwinner and going where my job takes us, rather than him, because my earning capacity is double his even *after* he gets the degree. He just wants to stop being so bad off - no more low-income neighborhoods, substandard housing, food stamps, Medicaid rules, etc. He wants what is best for his dc and I can't fault him for that!