Strange etiquette question...sorry it's long!

[EmmaNZ]

Last year my husband's boss paid for our family holiday as a Christmas present. It was an amazing holiday, they spent a huge amount of money on us, it was totally unexpected and we are EXTREMELY grateful.

 

A few days ago I was speaking to the boss's wife - she is a good friend of mine and has helped me an awful lot with many things over the past few years. I told her our plans for the holidays this year, and was asking her advice about places to go etc. Then I proceeded to book a cottage right where we think we want to be, and close to where another family we are friends with will be holidaying. My children have been getting excited planning things with their mates from the other family. What I booked is exactly the right kind of thing for us.

 

This morning I got a text message from boss's wife saying she had BOOKED our family holiday, and please don't tell my husband because they want to surprise him. I had no idea at all that she was going to do this. She has booked something completely different to what we had decided to do - not even in the same sort of place.

 

What on earth should I do? On the one hand I know that we are being given a massive gift - they really are being extremely generous. But on the other hand I know that my family don't want what we are being given. That sounds so terribly ungrateful, I know, but we had planned something completely different.

 

As an aside, this will be our last summer holiday in New Zealand before we must return home to rainy Britain and we wanted to make the most of it. We have been here for 2 years and the place I booked was one of the only places we haven't visited yet.

 

I don't want to say 'thanks but no thanks' because it's so ungrateful, but I equally don't want to go on holiday somewhere I don't want to go! What would you do????

[Rosie_0801]

The most polite thing I can think of is:

 

"Oh my goodness! I don't know what to say! That's terribly generous of you, but I've already booked something else and the kids are so looking forward to it! Oh, I can't believe this has happened, I feel dreadful! Let me ring them straight away so you can get your money back!"

 

:eek:

 

Rosie

[justasque]

The most polite thing I can think of is:

 

"Oh my goodness! I don't know what to say! That's terribly generous of you, but I've already booked something else and the kids are so looking forward to it! Oh, I can't believe this has happened, I feel dreadful! Let me ring them straight away so you can get your money back!"

 

:eek:

 

Rosie

:iagree: It will be hard to say, since it would have been easier to say when she first told you she'd booked, but the longer you wait the harder it will be. The more you show your true agony/awkwardness when saying it, the more she will understand, I think. The issue here is that you have already booked; leave aside the issue of where you want to go, etc.

 

Honestly, who would book a vacation without consulting the vacationee? I know it sounds fabulously wonderful, but realistically the potential for problems is huge. People have plans, KWIM?

[mazakaal]

The most polite thing I can think of is:

 

"Oh my goodness! I don't know what to say! That's terribly generous of you, but I've already booked something else and the kids are so looking forward to it! Oh, I can't believe this has happened, I feel dreadful! Let me ring them straight away so you can get your money back!"

 

:eek:

 

Rosie

:iagree: This is a great way to refuse the gift politely, especially as you've already booked your own holiday. I'm sure the boss's wife will be understanding.

[elegantlion]

The most polite thing I can think of is:

 

"Oh my goodness! I don't know what to say! That's terribly generous of you, but I've already booked something else and the kids are so looking forward to it! Oh, I can't believe this has happened, I feel dreadful! Let me ring them straight away so you can get your money back!"

 

:eek:

 

Rosie

 

:iagree:How awkward! :confused: I don't know about the conditions of last year's gift, but it fairly presumptuous to book a vacation for someone else without their input! Sounds like a control issue, honestly.

[DawnM]

Wow!

 

Well, I am not the confrontational type on things like this and would probably just go with the free gift and enjoy it and chalk it up to a lesson learned and NOT mention plans to this person in the future and just quietly make my own plans, OR next time say, "We have already booked X and we are very excited to go."

 

Dawn

[christine in al]

I ask this because he is the employee, not because he is the husband.

 

( OH,,, crud, I get it, it's supposed to be a surprise... hmm)

 

 

If the bosses wife . ( BOSSES wife) gives you something, without asking.... then that kinda shows where her head is. And would such a person REALLY get it when you refused her gift. She might take it as an insult. Will your husband continue to work for this company after your return to Britain?

 

Is the place Y'all choose about the holiday Christmas, or might it work at another time?

 

can you figure out how to do both?

 

go on the holiday they are giving you, AND a month later take time off and go where you want?

 

OR if this is at all possible, consider how to ask the bosses wife for help with this delima. She sounds like she might be a generous person who likes to help people by managing things. I'm from Alabama and I can so see this happening here, it's sounds like it might be bulldozer hospitality.

 

wow, this is a doozie,

good luck.

~christine in al.

[NanceXToo]

"Oh my gosh!!! This is so awkward! I appreciate your generosity more than I can say!! But I already booked our holiday at (such and such) because we have close friends staying there, too, and we wanted to go together! The children already know about it and have been planning things to do with their friends; they are super excited to go! Much as I would LOVE to go to (place boss's wife booked), I just can't disappoint my children and our friends! I hope you understand!"

 

With all that said, I would like to go work for those people. What does your husband do, anyway?! LOL.

[angela in ohio]

You need to tell your dh. It is is his job that could be impacted by how you handle this.

 

If he is on board with refusing it,then I would go with Rosie's suggestion. :001_smile:

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

Not to offend, but the first thing that struck me is how odd it was that you would discuss this year's holiday with her after she and her husband paid for last year's holiday. I wonder if she didn't take that as a hint.

 

You may not have considered this at all. It took me three instances of my DH's Granny saying she's put something aside for us after her death because she knows I like it before I realize she was registering every single thing I complimented in her home. Then, to be honest, I felt like it was tantamount to manipulation if I complimented anything after that. I wonder if the same kind of thing was happening with you and the vacations.

 

Still, I agree with Rosie's response, although I would add profuse thanks for last year's trip because I strongly suspect that is why she did it.

Edited September 19, 2010 by Alte Veste Academy

[DesertDweller]

The most polite thing I can think of is:

 

"Oh my goodness! I don't know what to say! That's terribly generous of you, but I've already booked something else and the kids are so looking forward to it! Oh, I can't believe this has happened, I feel dreadful! Let me ring them straight away so you can get your money back!"

 

:eek:

 

Rosie

 

 

:iagree: Great response!

 

I know that, while they want to keep it a surprise, I would be telling dh what's up. Surprise or not, we don't keep things from each other. Because of the dilemma of having to possibly change all our plans, I would want his input. He might have to pretend to be surprised later, but I would be upset being the only one making a decision on what to do about a planned family vacation. I wouldn't change a thing without consulting him.

[mcconnellboys]

Is that the only holiday time you have? I mean, could you accept their gift and still go to your preferred destination another time, too?

[EmmaNZ]

Thanks for all the responses! It really is a conundrum.

 

A bit more info - my husband is a skin cancer surgeon. He works extremely hard, and gets very little annual leave. There really will not be any other time to go on holiday and we cannot afford to take unpaid leave because that is our only income.

 

The boss's wife is unbelievably generous all the time, but she is terribly hard to say no to! If she has decided something then in the whole time I have known her I just say yes and do it. Kind of like if your big sister tells you to do something. Alte Vista Academy - it really had not occurred to me that by mentioning our plans she might take that as a hint (!). You make a really valid point. But oh my, I have never had anybody want to buy holidays for me before! That's why I feel so awful because I ought to be so grateful.

 

As soon as she sent me the first text I tried to politely tell her we had booked something else, but she replied with essentially 'well what I have booked is better so do that instead'. I really think that she thought our ideas were a bit rubbish so she thought she'd help us out by planning her idea of a great time. Unfortunately we differ on some of the details!!

 

Goodness I feel really stuck. I have decided I must tell my husband, but where we go on holiday this summer is still anybody's guess!!