At the risk of being "laughed off the general board" what is the messiest...

[74Heaven]

What is the standard for "messiest teenager's room" before the room (speaking for the said teen) screams "Can't you see I am a cry for help?"

 

Now, because it is late, I'll translate what I mean. Is the state of utter and complete chaos saying "I am out of control; help me!" (correspondence, catalogs, mail, laundry baskets, wrappers, receipts, dirty/clean clothes, piles of last year's schoolwork, unfinished job applications, new and clean clothes, books, awards, etc. etc. falling off the edge of every horizontal surface, completely covering the floor)...

 

My 18yo dtr is ADD. She has assured me that she does *not* want my help cleaning it just as she has assured me many times that "she is going to clean it 'this' weekend...."

 

If my house looked like her room, CPS would take my kids away. It looks like one of the houses you see on the news where CPS or Humane Society to protect animals has taken pets away. Now my daughter has no pet droppings or anything too gross in her room. A few spoons and forks and empty containers, maybe.

 

My daughter is on facebook, the phone or texting or watching a movie or reading when she is not working about 30 hours a week; she has 2-3 days off a week.

 

All conversations on her room end in "just don't worry about it, mom, it's my room and I can take care of it".....

 

This isn't a question about what we should do in terms of discipline, privledges, etc. But... I guess my question is... how messy are teen's rooms???? This seems like it would be the worst ever (except for those that cross the line with garbage and waste).....

 

I just wonder if the mess is "communicating" something to me that I am not seeing (i.e. the ADD, organization-deficient, etc.)

 

lj

[Jean in Newcastle]

I tell ds13 (who gets very overwhelmed) to clean one spot ie. his bookcase or the top of his desk.

[LibraryLover]

Clothing on the floor is common here for my teen ds. Our children do not have computers or TV in their rooms, so that limits items. I have never found food or the like. Clothing that misses the hamper basket? Yes. lol The girls' room is filled with 'treasure' but smells fine, and they clearly know what a hamper is. The teen ds' room smells like dirty old socks. Even when the only socks in there are clean pairs in the drawer. ;)

Edited July 28, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Tap]

Seriously, if it is that bad I wouldn't allow it. If there is so much stuff on the floor that you can't reasonably walk through it, then it is a hazard and needs to be dealt with. If there was an emergency and the paramedics or firefighters couldn't reach the bed, that is a hazard and it needs to be fixed. I would give the teen an ultimatum, you clean it, or I will. Give them a specific date and say if it isn't done by then, you will clean it with a garbage bag in hand, on garbage day so it will be gone before they get home.

 

To me....when a person is paying their own way, they get to decide how to keep their home. In my home, I have the say. I don't expect complete cleanliness, but just a reasonable level.

[mazakaal]

I would give the teen an ultimatum, you clean it, or I will.

 

This was me yesterday with 14yo ds. He's out at school and surf competitions a lot, but he does have some time at home, and when he's home he's on msn or watching a movie. Yet the room (which admittedly is very small) has become a wreck - candy wrappers, clothes on the floor, etc. Yesterday, I finally gave him the ultimatum, "Either you clean it up or I will." It worked. It's not up to my standard of cleanliness, but it's a huge improvement. Hope it works for your dd.

[elegantlion]

30 hours per week may be a lot of hours if she's not used to it. She may well be exhausted and just not feeling it (coming from someone who rarely feels the need to clean). My son's room can get messy, but we don't allow too much. If it's been too long he is banned from computer or games until he cleans. Sometimes dh will tell him to clean for 30 minutes or to focus on one area. If he still doesn't clean dad will go in and help and ds doesn't really want that.

 

Here's some of our general guidelines:

- All food items, plates, bowls, and cups must return to the kitchen and be put in the dishwasher either right after use or by the end of the day.

- laundry must be put away, not put on the bed for 5 days

- bed must be cleaned off by end of the day

- no clothes on floor

- dirty laundry must be put in the hamper

- there should be a place for everything.

 

He has final say on decorating his room, but we have great input on teaching him how to organize. We try to provide a good system of storage so when he does clean it's easy to know what goes where.

[Rebecca VA]

We don't allow food in bedrooms at all. Since your daughter isn't diligent about bringing dirty dishes back to the kitchen, I'd banish her from eating or drinking in her bedroom.

 

If this were one of my children, I'd make a date and a time just for cleaning that room and insist on working with her the entire time. She needs someone to insist on throwing items away and decluttering. She needs someone else's eye to see the dirt and clutter. It's your home and you have the right to insist on a reasonable degree of cleanliness.

[Margo out of lurking]

It's one of my parenting challenges. My dh wants our house to look like a model home, with no evidence of human life.

 

My dd's room looks like a tornado went through it. I try to find balance that works for us. Her bed is to be made every day; she eventually complies when I ask her to pick up clothes ("Shoes are NOT clothes, Mom!"); and a few times a week, I ask her to pick up her trash. While we don't allow "food" in the bedrooms, they can have water bottles and there are sometimes candy wrappers. And in the last month, I've insisted she vacuum her floor once a week. THAT has made the biggest difference, I think.

 

We just moved. My kids' rooms used to be on the second floor by themselves, now we are all down the same hall. I used to avoid going upstairs completely, but it hasn't bothered me any more than it used to, even though I see it all the time now. As I'm writing this, I think it does have to do with the vacuuming--she doesn't pick up completely, but at least there's a clear space radiating from her door!

[Peela]

Yes, dd16's room does get that messy..seriously messy. Pigsty messy. We call her a piglet in fact at times because her desk and every space she occupies grativates towards extremely messy.

Once we had her clean out from under her bed. Wow, that was an experience.

 

However....she also regularly tidies it and has developed a sense of pride about her room. When she cleans it she comes and gets me to ogle it with her, and ooh and aah. Within a day it will look messy again.

As long as she cleans it regularly, and keeps up with her dirty clothes, it is not more than 15 minutes from basic tidy.

 

I try and support and encourage her sense of "room pride" rather than impose too much on her...but we do have a certain standard. Ultimately I think she is happy that we push her every week or so to get a handle on the mess...otherwise she might not find the motivation to do it.

 

Part of the problem is having too much stuff, of course. And I encourage...but dont force...her to let go of things.

[Melinda in VT]

How is the rest of her life functioning?

 

Can she get to work on time? Is she regularly upset because she can't find something she needs? Does she have clean clothes to wear? Does she forget commitments?

 

If everything else is ok and you just don't like to look at her room, I'd cut her some more slack than if the chaos spreads out of the room and into life and relationships.

 

She may find a book on how to organize helpful. For the home, I like The House that Cleans Itself. It helped me think about why some of my organizational methods don't work for other family members.

[Wheres Toto]

Sounds like my daughter's room. I can never understand how it gets so messy, so quickly when she's not even here that much. She spends every other week at her dads, when school's on she's at school, then cheer and then dance almost every day.

 

I basically let her keep her room as she wants (almost every teenager I have ever known has a disaster for her room) especially since part of the problem is it is way too small. But I do have some rules:

-No food containers left in the room - if this happens too often she is no longer allowed to eat in her room for a while. With her schedule, she's often eating lunch and dinner at odd times without the rest of the family and hates sitting in the dining room alone.

-No friends over unless its clean. This results in it at least getting straightened up once a month or so.

-I refuse to go in there to retrieve things she needs dropped off for school, or dance, or at her dad's house unless its clean. I will not search through piles of stuff.

 

The door to her room opens off the living room but is always kept closed since the little guys are not allowed in her room ever.