Sigh....teased for homeschooling? AT CHURCH????

[Dmmetler]

We've had VBS this week, and I'm not sure if we'll even go back tonight or not. See, our church tends to group kids in Montessori-type structure (3 yr-K, 1st-3rd, and VBS was the first time my 5 yr old was with the 1st-3rd. While the kids she was with in parochial school K last year are fine, apparently she got a lot of very pointed questions and comments about not going to a real school next year, basically to the effect that she was too dumb to go to real school-which has DD questioning herself. Apparently her K friends DID step in to point out that this wasn't the case-but they're also being dismissed to some degree as "babies".

 

The sad part was that the reason why we pulled her to homeschool was to keep her out of having to be in a class full-time with those older kids. It was hard enough on her to be a 4 yr old in SK, being a 5 yr old in 2nd or 3rd grade (which is what it would have taken to keep her at all reasonably challenged academically in school) was just too much of a stretch. I'm glad, seeing VBS, that I didn't do it.

 

I'm wondering now what to do. I really don't want to torture DD each week in Sunday School, but I'm afraid it would upset her even more if I left her in the PK/JK/SK group for one more year. I really don't want to give up MY group and go home after worship.

 

 

ARRGHHH!!!!

[lionfamily1999]

Are there adults with these kids? I would be talking to them. Name calling is unacceptable.

[sheryl]

Sorry you and your dd are going through this. I would pray about it and ask your dh what he thinks is the best course of action for not only now, but as it impacts the future. :grouphug:

[Dmmetler]

I'm hoping it's simply that there were more kids and less experienced adults (we do get a lot of kids from the neighborhood for VBS). And that maybe DD took a single comment or two and exaggerated them, or read intent that wasn't there. But I don't know. She had a rough time last year with "not being 5 enough" to feel that she belonged in K, even when her classmates were largely unaware of her age (since my DD was the one child who could look at the birthdates on the calendar and figure out ages) and didn't seem to care-so it may be that DD took a comment the wrong way.

 

But it does give me pause.

 

DH doesn't regularly go to church with us, so it's really up to me what we do.

[gpsings]

My kids have friends that tease, etc about the homeschooling, but I believe those kids are jealous. When I explain why to my kids, then they understand better. It's easier for them to blow it off.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Is the current group 1st to 3rd too old for her? Of course, that does not excuse bad behavior on their part:( Would she do better with those who are age since 5 is still young for 1st grade age kids.

My ds is an academically very advanced, but emotionally he is still 8 and hence it would not be a good fit for him to be in an older class yet.

[Dmmetler]

The problem is that since she finished K in the church school, it makes placing her by age rather tough for Sunday school-because pretty much everyone KNOWS she's in 1st grade. For outside activities that aren't academic, I do tend to leave her by age, so she's with 5 yr olds for dance and cheerleading.

 

About the only way I could see leaving her in the pre-K/K age group would be to change churches, and I really don't want to do that-both because overall I LIKE this church and because the only other one of my denomination in the area is about a 30 minute drive away.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

It's sad, isn't it? That's why my kids no longer go to AWANA. Even when there are adults present, kids will find a way to be mean to each other. After talking with a couple of parents who have kids in my son's class, I decided confronting the child's parents and the adult leaders was useless and let them quit.

[KnitWit]

Kids don't think about what they say. They are all young and this is abnormal to them. ESPECIALLY if the majority of these kids all go to church together and then the church SCHOOL together.

 

I'd probably tell my kid to kind of laugh it off and say "Don't be silly! Going to school somewhere else doesn't make me a baby and it doesn't mean we can't still be friends!"...of course, that is provided they were friends in the first place. If they weren't, then, there you go. ;)

 

If the comments are *particularly* anti-homeschooling, they may just be *parroting* what they've heard from the adults in their lives.

 

I have a friend in another part of the country who pulled her kids out of her Catholic church parochial school to homeschool and she got flack from the whole church!

[lisamarie]

The problem is that since she finished K in the church school, it makes placing her by age rather tough for Sunday school-because pretty much everyone KNOWS she's in 1st grade.

 

I see no problem with keeping her in the younger class. My DS is just the opposite. We put him in Young 5s last year because he was a late fall birthday and not socially ready for K. This past school year he started K at school and within 6 weeks we knew it was a bad fit academically. So we pulled him out and called him a 1st grader.

 

At church, all of DS's friends are in the younger class because they have birthdays past the cut off date. DS by his old grade should have remained back, but we decided to move him to the older class based on age. He was ready to move up.

 

I really think that no one would question your decision to keep her back. Age-wise, that's where she belongs. I go back and forth all the time about my DS's "grade" and how we enroll him in things. I choose based on where I think is the best fit for him. Sometimes I let him move up while others I keep him back.

[KnitWit]

...and if you ARE going to move her back...ever...NOW is better than when she's older. :)

Just my opinion.

[Chris in VA]

If you do keep her back and the kids in the older class ask why, just have her tell them it's because they were too mean.

[RamonaQ]

Kids don't think about what they say. They are all young and this is abnormal to them. ESPECIALLY if the majority of these kids all go to church together and then the church SCHOOL together.

 

I'd probably tell my kid to kind of laugh it off and say "Don't be silly! Going to school somewhere else doesn't make me a baby and it doesn't mean we can't still be friends!"...of course, that is provided they were friends in the first place. If they weren't, then, there you go. ;)

 

 

 

Agree. You can't control what other people are going to say, you can only control your response. We are working a lot on this with dd, that just because someone says it, doesn't make it true. That and helping her have a response.

 

But that said, I would also make a comment to the teachers about name calling being hurtful.

[Matryoshka]

About the only way I could see leaving her in the pre-K/K age group would be to change churches, and I really don't want to do that-both because overall I LIKE this church and because the only other one of my denomination in the area is about a 30 minute drive away.

 

I'm not so sure... I had placed my dd ahead in church school, in the same grade as I'd reported her for hsing, partly so it wouldn't confuse her. But then for lack of teachers/space one year, they combined the 1st/2nd grade class (my dd was in 2nd then). The next year, she insisted on going into the 2nd grade class (they no longer combined the levels) because she'd made good friends with the kids in that grade. There doesn't seem to have been any fallout at all from this - she's just finished up 3rd grade at church (and 4th grade at home). She's also in her correct age-grade at German Sat. School, as they are very strict about cut-offs, and as time has gone on I can see that she really "fits" with that age much better than if I'd had her go ahead (she misses the cut-off by about 3 mos).

 

Really, church school isn't academic. I'd say keep her with the kids her age.

Edited June 24, 2010 by matroyshka

[ZeldaRules]

Little Bill show was on in the background a while ago, and it was about an episode where other kids were calling Little Bill names. (Bill Cosby does this show). Little Bill's dad told him to just say 'SO' when people say mean things. It loosens their ammo, and it's an easy response for your daughter to remember.

 

For example child A says "You don't go to a real school...nah nah nah nah nah nah"

Your child says "So"

Child A says "that must mean you are dumb"

Your child says "So"

 

When Child A sees it's not bothering her, he will quit (hopefully)

 

Good luck. I know that is frustrating. It's church, I would put her with the kids she feels most comfortable with. You can do that at church. to me, 5 is still K.

[KnitWit]

Little Bill show was on in the background a while ago, and it was about an episode where other kids were calling Little Bill names. (Bill Cosby does this show). Little Bill's dad told him to just say 'SO' when people say mean things. It loosens their ammo, and it's an easy response for your daughter to remember.

 

For example child A says "You don't go to a real school...nah nah nah nah nah nah"

Your child says "So"

Child A says "that must mean you are dumb"

Your child says "So"

 

When Child A sees it's not bothering her, he will quit (hopefully)

 

Good luck. I know that is frustrating. It's church, I would put her with the kids she feels most comfortable with. You can do that at church. to me, 5 is still K.

 

Gotta love Little Bill

[Teachin'Mine]

I would share my concerns with the VBS coordinator and ask for suggestions. I also think she'd be much better off in the younger class - even if everyone knows that she's in 1st grade. The younger children wouldn't care, and I would think you could explain to your daughter that the younger kids will be nicer and hopefully won't be teasing her. It would be worth a try anyway. I would think she's miserable in the class she's in now. Or maybe you can ask dh to spend some alone time with her when he does go.

[Barry Goldwater]

Try encouraging your DD to deal with the teasing (ignore, laugh it off, even agree with it, to take the steam out of the teasing)...sadly it's a valuable life skill.

 

But I'd also have a plan B for finding a different church...who are these parents who think it's okay to let their children tease other kids? Are the other kids' parents aware this is going on? If they are and are not intervening, big red flag to me. We left a church to attend a "home-school" friendly church. One reason was the PS kids in my childrens' junior church and VBSwere so unruly, that my kids were miserable. I even had them sit up with us in grown-up church to avoid the situation for about six months, before we finally left.

[KnitWit]

Well, in all fairness to the parents...whom I don't know, LOL!...they are not necessarily *letting* their kids behave this way. This is how kids this age act, then it is up to us to correct them and train them. I remember each of my kids HORRIFYING me at this young age...and then I dealt with it. :)

 

Just saying, it may not be time to *leave the church*. Right now, it's a bunch of little elementary school kids doing what kids their age do best.

 

(and I'm not being snarky :) Please don't read it as snarky :) )

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would wait and make a decision until you can see which kids actually go to the Sunday school class and how they act. Those are the kids that would really matter, not the VBS kids.

[Dmmetler]

I'm going to let her got to ballet instead of VBS tonight (normally, I'd say church trumps almost anything, but I think in this case, she'll get more out of ballet, and being with that same close group of kids should do good things to her emotional well-being) and we'll see how it goes. I'm reluctant to make changes based on this week, since I know she's in some degree of physical pain (she cracked a bone in her hand on Sunday while tumbling in the living room) and is therefore justifiably irritable. Not to mention that it's been over 100 all week, so EVERYONE is hot and cranky!

[lionfamily1999]

I'm going to let her got to ballet instead of VBS tonight (normally, I'd say church trumps almost anything, but I think in this case, she'll get more out of ballet, and being with that same close group of kids should do good things to her emotional well-being) and we'll see how it goes. I'm reluctant to make changes based on this week, since I know she's in some degree of physical pain (she cracked a bone in her hand on Sunday while tumbling in the living room) and is therefore justifiably irritable. Not to mention that it's been over 100 all week, so EVERYONE is hot and cranky!

If it's VBS and only VBS, then why not drop it? She is still going to Sunday school right? I wouldn't change churches or anything, but there's no law (that I know) that says you have to attend everything.

 

At our church VBS is mostly attended by children that don't go to our church :p We, for instance, will be at Cub Scout camp while VBS is going on. So, don't judge a church by its VBS, it's often used as a babysitter for people that have no interest in going to church themselves.