Books or videos about stranger safety, etc.

[Staceyshoe]

I feel like ds is at an age where he needs to learn something about these issues. I don't want to scare him, but I want him to know how to handle a situation if something is not right. Any recommendations?

[Wheres Toto]

The Berenstein Bears Learn About Strangers was one I saw recommended a lot when I was looking for something. It was very good - got the point across without being too scary.

 

My son is very friendly with everyone he meets and would happily go off with anyone so we revisit this topic often.

[Pajama Mama]

I recall that John Walsh(host of America's Most Wanted) sponsored some type of video on stranger danger. I never saw it but you could probably look it up if necessary. I don't think a video is necessary unless you have a child who would respond well to one. I think a book like the one suggested with the Berenstain Bears would be enough. It would allow for conversations to open up without frightening your child.

[Staceyshoe]

Thanks! I will definitely check that out. We also have a family rule that he needs to tell us immediately if another adult tells him to keep a secret from his parents, and that he will never ever be in trouble for sharing the secret. Any ideas for how to address the issue of adults who you think are trustworthy but aren't? (I know this is more common than the stranger issue, and I'd like to address both. Last year a childhood friend of dh's was convincted of child molestation of a little boy. We were shocked. She was a teacher, and I would not have hesitated to leave my son with her. Needless to say, it makes us think twice about who we trust!)

[teamturner]

My dc really enjoyed this video from John Walsh. It was available at our library. I see that he has another one but I'm not familiar with that one. I thought The Safety Street was really cute and not scary. Looking at the comments of the newer one it sounds like it still has the "Safe Side Super-Chick" on it. She is entertaining.

[MelanieM]

The Berenstein Bears Learn About Strangers was one I saw recommended a lot when I was looking for something. It was very good - got the point across without being too scary.

 

I absolutely hated this book! I can't pick it apart with any accuracy at the moment since it's been a while since we read it, but I remember thinking it was not at all what I wanted to teach my kids about "strangers".

 

Honestly, I don't think teaching kids to avoid strangers is the right way to go about it. They see me talking to strangers all the time! How confusing is it to send a message not to talk to people you don't know, and then find themselves talking to people they don't know every single day?

 

I tell my kids they are never to go anywhere with anyone unless they have mine or Daddy's permission. That includes other children, other adults, etc. I also teach them that they should trust their instincts and feel free to avoid people (even people we know) if it doesn't feel good to them to engage, and I support them when they do that. (No pushing for "polite" interaction with anyone...)

 

We also role play things like someone coming up and asking for help with their puppy, a car pulling over and asking for directions, etc. Again, the basic message is "I need to ask my Mama."

 

Considering most dangers to children are from people they know rather than from strangers, I think this is a more useful approach to helping kids protect themselves. I hope.

[NanceXToo]

Honestly, I don't think teaching kids to avoid strangers is the right way to go about it. They see me talking to strangers all the time! How confusing is it to send a message not to talk to people you don't know, and then find themselves talking to people they don't know every single day?

 

I tell my kids they are never to go anywhere with anyone unless they have mine or Daddy's permission. That includes other children, other adults, etc. I also teach them that they should trust their instincts and feel free to avoid people (even people we know) if it doesn't feel good to them to engage, and I support them when they do that. (No pushing for "polite" interaction with anyone...)

 

We also role play things like someone coming up and asking for help with their puppy, a car pulling over and asking for directions, etc. Again, the basic message is "I need to ask my Mama."

 

Considering most dangers to children are from people they know rather than from strangers, I think this is a more useful approach to helping kids protect themselves. I hope.

 

I agree. My daughter (9) and I always play a "What If" game where I bring up various situations, keeping them casual, and asking her what she would do in that situation. I listen to her answer, find something positive to say about it, and then if I feel it should have been different or elaborated on, we have a conversation about it.

 

She knows that it's fine to say hello to people when they say hello to her, it's okay to chat with the neighbors if she sees them outside, it's okay to ask a mom with kids or a store clerk or somebody for help if she finds herself lost in a public place.

 

But she also knows she should never leave a place with anybody or go alone into a room with somebody even if it is a store clerk or a mom, that she should never approach or get into a car with anybody, that she should never 'help' anybody if they start talking about needing help carrying something inside somewhere or finding a lost puppy or whatever. That if a neighbor invites her inside she always has to say she needs to ask her mom. That even if she's just going from one friend's house to another she should come tell me first, that I always need to know where she is.

 

That if somebody ever did try touching her or grabbing her or trying to get her to go with them, she should yell loudly and run to the nearest safe place she knows (whether that's home, or a friend's house up the block) etc.

 

But I don't want to give the creepy message that "strangers are bad." Usually they're not. Yet you do want them to know they can't always trust everybody and should be cautious and protect themselves.

 

So far we've just done this with conversation and role playing, we haven't used any books and videos (but then again this daughter was in public school from K through most of 3rd grade so she's already gotten whatever stranger safety talks the schools gave).

Edited June 10, 2010 by NanceXToo

[LibraryLover]

The Berenstein Bears Learn About Strangers was one I saw recommended a lot when I was looking for something. It was very good - got the point across without being too scary.

 

My son is very friendly with everyone he meets and would happily go off with anyone so we revisit this topic often.

 

 

Well...I think this is the Worst Berestein Bears Book Ever Written, and that is saying something, since they are all terrible. :D

[LibraryLover]

:iagree: Very thoughtful post.

 

 

I absolutely hated this book! I can't pick it apart with any accuracy at the moment since it's been a while since we read it, but I remember thinking it was not at all what I wanted to teach my kids about "strangers".

 

Honestly, I don't think teaching kids to avoid strangers is the right way to go about it. They see me talking to strangers all the time! How confusing is it to send a message not to talk to people you don't know, and then find themselves talking to people they don't know every single day?

 

I tell my kids they are never to go anywhere with anyone unless they have mine or Daddy's permission. That includes other children, other adults, etc. I also teach them that they should trust their instincts and feel free to avoid people (even people we know) if it doesn't feel good to them to engage, and I support them when they do that. (No pushing for "polite" interaction with anyone...)

 

We also role play things like someone coming up and asking for help with their puppy, a car pulling over and asking for directions, etc. Again, the basic message is "I need to ask my Mama."

 

Considering most dangers to children are from people they know rather than from strangers, I think this is a more useful approach to helping kids protect themselves. I hope.

[stripe]

Honestly, I don't think teaching kids to avoid strangers is the right way to go about it. They see me talking to strangers all the time!

I agree.

 

My kids didn't know anything about "stranger danger" until the day at the library where I was talking to my son about a younger boy, who had come with his preschool group to story time and had messed up something my son was working on. The little boy then said "hi!" to me. I said "hi" and continued talking to my son. The preschool teacher (apparently unrelated to the boy) then screamed at the boy about not talking to strangers.

 

So in other words, my kids' first exposure to "stranger danger" was that their mother is a scary stranger. :glare:

 

As if mothers of small children routinely molest children in the library, in full view of the child's caretaker, and as if the librarian isn't a stranger.

 

Then I had to discuss this. I tried to emphasize context and behavior (e.g. not going off somewhere with someone without my knowing about it). I also don't think strangers are necessarily the worst danger. I know people who've been molested or an attempt was made, by people well known to them.

Edited June 10, 2010 by stripe

[Lara in Colo]

A looooong time ago, I watched an Oprah show where a mother had her children in a mall, go up to the various stores and ask questions or order food etc... The mother stayed within eyesight and watched the children. Her point was to teach the children about strangers and "strange" strangers. Most adults ignore children (we are usually too busy to bother) but a "strange" stranger will strike up a conversation, will APPROACH a child, will actually look for them. DIFFERENCE. I remember as a child that the counter person at McDonalds would never acknowledge me and I could not get ketchup. I think this is a good way to teach children to not fear adults but to "sense" when something is wrong. This ALONG with the John Walsh video is what we are doing.

 

 

Lara

[Staceyshoe]

Her point was to teach the children about strangers and "strange" strangers. Most adults ignore children (we are usually too busy to bother) but a "strange" stranger will strike up a conversation, will APPROACH a child, will actually look for them. DIFFERENCE.

 

This what I'm thinking too. I have mentioned to my son that he should seek out an adult (even a stranger) if he ever needs help, but it's hard to teach him to be wary of adults who approach children. I don't want him to start shrinking away from the old lady at the grocery store who says "hello" to every kid she sees. It's so hard to teach that discernment.

 

In my life before homeschooling, I was a mental health counselor, so I'm very aware of how common things like incest are. It's hard to teach ds about these kinds of things though. (This is the basis for our rule about an older person telling him to keep a secret though.) I will definitely check out the John Walsh video. If anyone has other suggestions, I'm :bigear:.

[BikeBookBread]

Thanks OP for posting this. I've been very lax about teaching safety to my kids. Last Sunday, PDG was with DH and LLL at Home Depot. She lolly-gagged and got "lost". She was terrified. DH found her (but it took a few minutes :eek:) after she had just started asking random people if they had "seen a tall man with an orange shirt on". DH was wearing a BLUE shirt.

 

We went on to tell her that when she's at a store like that, she should find a worker from the store (she can read, so she was told to look for a name tag with the store name). I know this isn't perfect, and we need to find something. I'm going to check out that Walsh video... I had heard that was a good one.

[stripe]

Funny about Home Depot....I was there with my kids and an employee was handing out pamphlets about "stranger danger." He kept asking my kids if they wanted candy. It struck me as hilarious.

 

I agree -- good to teach your kids about weird behavior (including from those you know or sort of know) and also asking for help or common things vs. going off somewhere with someone. Overemphasizing "stranger" makes kids think of someone wearing a mask (like in old kids' books, the burglar is always wearing a mask!) or some strange outfit.

[Mom-ninja.]

Protecting the Gift by Gavin DeBecker. Really. Best book ever on this topic.

[MelanieM]

Her point was to teach the children about strangers and "strange" strangers. Most adults ignore children (we are usually too busy to bother) but a "strange" stranger will strike up a conversation, will APPROACH a child, will actually look for them. DIFFERENCE.

 

I'm a little confused about how this is supposed to work. I know that if a child comes up to me, I speak to them. In fact, I often smile and wave to random children as I'm walking about. (I smile at random adults, too.) I enjoy kids, like to see them out in the world, and am generally a friendly person.

 

So is this approach meant to teach kids that adults who are nice to them are likely to want to harm them? Is that really a sensible thing to be teaching people? I guess it's so different from my world view that I don't understand the logic. How are you discerning between truly nice, friendly people and fake nice, friendly people? Other than teaching kids to trust their instincts, which I posted about earlier, I just don't get how you would apply this out in the world.

[Mama2Three]

Protecting the Gift by Gavin DeBecker. Really. Best book ever on this topic.

 

:iagree: I heartily agree.

 

 

I teach my children that they can say "no" if they do not want to be touched, doesn't matter who it is. I start when they are babies -- if they say no about being held by someone, even grandma, I accept their choice (of course sometimes it's not an option). As they get older, they can give Uncle Joe a hug or kiss, or not. Again, it's their choice and I don't push. I think that empowering children to be in control of their bodies should start at an early age, even if grown-ups sometimes get their feelings hurt. Now if only I can teach them that privacy within the house is a good thing, lol!

 

Also, as they get a little older, I teach my DC that it is ok to say "no" to an adult. They can't be disrespectful about it, but adults aren't always right.

[staceyobu]

Protecting the Gift by Gavin DeBecker. Really. Best book ever on this topic.

 

I recently purchased this book due to recommendations from this board. I am almost done with it and then will loan it to every friend with kids that I have. It is excellent. I read his book "The Gift of Fear" as a high school student. It is also a great resource.

 

He really teaches parents how to teach their children about safety.

One of his recommendations for a child getting lost is to find a WOMAN. Not a police officer, not a store worker. A woman. Men are by far more likely to harm a child. It is very easy for a child to find a woman. He basically says you don't teach your child about "stranger danger". You teach them how to interact with strangers.

 

Overall, it's an excellent resource. The author has some awesome credentials and really common sense help.

[Lara in Colo]

I'm a little confused about how this is supposed to work. I know that if a child comes up to me, I speak to them. In fact, I often smile and wave to random children as I'm walking about. (I smile at random adults, too.) I enjoy kids, like to see them out in the world, and am generally a friendly person.

 

So is this approach meant to teach kids that adults who are nice to them are likely to want to harm them? Is that really a sensible thing to be teaching people? I guess it's so different from my world view that I don't understand the logic. How are you discerning between truly nice, friendly people and fake nice, friendly people? Other than teaching kids to trust their instincts, which I posted about earlier, I just don't get how you would apply this out in the world.

 

 

This is a way to have the child interact with people in a "normal" situation.

To see that a friendly lady is friendly with out being "too much". I think this type of knowledge just comes from experience. You and I know if a person is acting "not right" because we know what normal is. We can't always express what is wrong, but we know. But we only know this because we have experience. I think, as homeschoolers, we have the advantage here in that we take our children with us in public situations that PS children might miss (the post office, the bank, the hairstylist) this is how we show them how people interact with children.

 

Lara

[Bug's Mom]

Protecting the Gift by Gavin DeBecker. Really. Best book ever on this topic.

:iagree:

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I feel like ds is at an age where he needs to learn something about these issues. I don't want to scare him, but I want him to know how to handle a situation if something is not right. Any recommendations?

 

Escape School.

 

Several years ago, our homeschool group sponsored a presentation for families on base where an escape school instructor came and did a presentation. I thought that it was very well done.

 

Major points:

Bad people are people who do bad things, not people who look odd.

If you feel frightened or in danger, you don't have to obey the adult who is scaring you, just because they are an adult. You don't owe every adult obedience.

It is ok to do things that would otherwise get you in trouble if you are in danger. Example, knocking over a store display to get the attention of other adults.

Demand help from other adults and don't give them the option of turning you down. Worst case, they'll call the police or security and then THEY will help you.

 

We were preparing for a tour overseas at the time and were looking for a way to make the kids alert but not afraid. I think very highly of the presentation they did.

[stripe]

That's interesting. I've tried to emphasize the right to escape, hit someone, etc to my kids, but I think to specifically name other dramatic things (like knocking over the display) is useful.

 

However, I read something...somewhere that noted how often wild children are assumed to be ill behaved, and how onlookers rarely wonder if there is some abduction attempt when a child is screaming at a presumed parent. Food for thought.