my son is going to join the reserves

[Denisemomof4]

and I am sad and scared. It's such a dangerous time in our world, and this is what terrifies me. He says because so much is going on that it's the RIGHT time to do this. I just can't support it. I will worry all the time. I do think it will be good for him in EVERY other way, just dangerous.

 

He's my son, my first born, and I don't want anything to happen to him. EVER.

 

He's doing this to help pay for college. We told him we won't give him any money towards college until he proves he's going to do the work and try his hardest. Dh and I think if we give him money, he's not going to work as hard and will enjoy his social life more than focus on his studies, etc. so he has to prove himself first.

 

He said he was going to go to a local college for a year and continue with his job to pay his way through. He was going to tranfer out next year. But now this.

:crying::crying::crying:

[Renee in NC]

and I am sad and scared. It's such a dangerous time in our world, and this is what terrifies me. He says because so much is going on that it's the RIGHT time to do this. I just can't support it. I will worry all the time. I do think it will be good for him in EVERY other way, just dangerous.

 

He's my son, my first born, and I don't want anything to happen to him. EVER.

 

He's doing this to help pay for college. We told him we won't give him any money towards college until he proves he's going to do the work and try his hardest. Dh and I think if we give him money, he's not going to work as hard and will enjoy his social life more than focus on his studies, etc. so he has to prove himself first.

 

He said he was going to go to a local college and continue with his job to pay his way through. But now this.

:crying::crying::crying:

 

It can be a good thing, Denise. I am sorry you are so upset!

 

:grouphug:

[Brigitte]

It can be a good thing, Denise. I am sorry you are so upset!

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree: I joined the Navy reserves when there was nothing going on globally and then the first Persian Gulf War started and before I got out we invaded Haiti. There are never any guarantees. I know you are scared for him, but you should also be proud of him. It sounds to me like he is making a mature decision. :grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

:iagree: I joined the Navy reserves when there was nothing going on globally and then the first Persian Gulf War started and before I got out we invaded Haiti. There are never any guarantees. I know you are scared for him, but you should also be proud of him. It sounds to me like he is making a mature decision. :grouphug:

 

I know I should be proud of him. But I am scared. REALLY scared.

[MomLovesClassics]

My oldest survived Iraq. He is now in the National Guard, and ROTC while attending school. He is going back into the service after he finishes school. I am proud of him. He prefers no one to make a big deal out of anything, so we don't. He likes for us to keep a positive attitude about it so we do. It is best you provide encouragement and support.

[TXMomof4]

I know you're scared. It's kind of funny - my brother is in the army and when he deployed I was terrified. When dh deployed I *knew* it would be fine. I think it's just the difference in the relationship. My baby brother couldn't possibly be ok - dh is a grown man who is perfectly capable of handling anything. (My brother is 30 btw.)

 

:grouphug: and give him a big proud hug from me!

[Irishmommy]

:grouphug:I know it is difficult to see our babies grow up and my kids are still very young, so I can't even imagine what I will feel like 10 years from now, so you can disregard my comments if you want to, but...

 

It sounds like he is stepping up and showing you that he is willing to do what HE needs to do in order to pay for school. I know sometimes military life seems scary or uncertain, but his willingness to support a bigger cause is admirable. His/your sacrifice would not, will not go unnoticed. Being a part of the military is one of the best things we could have ever done for our family. I will never regret the decision that dh and I made to accept a commission.

 

(My dh had a successful career before Navy life. We've now been a Navy family for 4 years. Our healthcare is almost totally paid for, two of our three kids will go to college for FREE, all mental health visits are 100% covered, among MANY other other benefits.)

 

But I still understand your concern. :grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

My oldest survived Iraq. He is now in the National Guard, and ROTC while attending school. He is going back into the service after he finishes school. I am proud of him. He prefers no one to make a big deal out of anything, so we don't. He likes for us to keep a positive attitude about it so we do. It is best you provide encouragement and support.

 

I *KNOW* you're right. But how do you get beyond the fear? Do you worry a ton while he's in Iraq? I *KNOW* he needs our support. I *KNOW* I'm being selfish. I just can't stand the thought of.................

[MamaT]

Denise :grouphug:

 

I SO understand your fear. Our second son joined the Marine Corp when he turned 18. He made Sgt. this week. :001_smile: I am very proud of him. His four years will be up the end of July and he is coming out and finishing college. It has made me sad that he has missed most of the last four years with his siblings. He has grown up so much, and realized how much his family means to him. He calls us all the time and spoils his siblings when he does get to be home.

 

I made it through 7 months of Iraq and 7 months of A-stan. It was definitely, by far, the hardest time of my life. I learned that he belongs, ultimately, to God. God loves him more than I do (how?). I gave him to God as an infant, and I learned what that meant. I learned what it means to "pray without ceasing." I had never understood that before.

 

I know your son will make you proud. He will grow up fast and learn a lot of life lessons that will serve him well his entire life. Pray for him (I know you will) and let God take care of him in those places that you can't.

 

I will keep you and your ds in my prayers.

[runamuk]

It can be a good thing, Denise. I am sorry you are so upset!

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

I know it's scary, but it can also be a good opportunity for your son.

 

I joined the Marine Corps out of high school, my husband will be retiring from the Corps next year, my BIL is in the Army and my sister was in the reserves. We all have money towards college through the GI BILL.

 

Our oldest daughter is joining the Army when this semester of college ends. She can no longer pay for it herself and we aren't in a position to help her right now. It will also give her a chance to do things she wouldn't otherwise be able to do.

 

May I offer a word of advice? He's probably scared and worried right now, too. If this is what he wants, be positive and supportive. If he asks for your feelings on this, say something like "I'm worried, but all mothers worry when their children leave home." You've raised him to make his own choices and decisions, and now it's time to respect the choices and decisions he makes - even if they aren't the ones you'd make for him. :) :grouphug:

[katemary63]

My son joined the Marine reserves right out of high school. He had planned it since he was six years old, so I was mentally prepared. I know it is so scary to think of them going off to a dangerous place and I never did have to deal with that. He got a medical discharge after two years much to his devastation. But I was SO proud of him. And I am so proud of your son and grateful to his service. It is a special thing, to serve others in this way. Our service men and women are heros, every one of them. You'll be okay, Mom and he will learn and grow and be strong. But I understand.

[asta]

I *KNOW* you're right. But how do you get beyond the fear? Do you worry a ton while he's in Iraq? I *KNOW* he needs our support. I *KNOW* I'm being selfish. I just can't stand the thought of.................

 

You don't.

 

After awhile you just put it in a box and stash it away in a corner of your stomach/mind/pick your place, put on a brave face and keep moving.

 

It is probably the single hardest thing about the military to describe to someone who has never experienced it.

 

 

asta

[BikeBookBread]

Please don't make it clear to your son just how sad and scared your are. Truly, he needs you to be strong, positive and encouraging. If and when he is deployed, he will NEED to know you are behind him and that you aren't devastated.

 

You may or may not lose the sadness and fear. But I think you will.

 

On the positive side, the military is a wonderful life for many. It can help many achieve thing they never thought they could. It can be of great financial assistance for many. It can provide a way for (especially a young man) to grow up that no other experience can.

 

ETA: What I have said above is NOT to say YOU shouldn't feel the way you do. Just, PLEASE, be discerning as to how you share these feelings with your son, especially after he is "in".

Edited May 4, 2010 by BikeBookBread

[Nakia]

:grouphug:

 

My brothers are both serving and are deployed. I know it's not the same as your own child, but I do understand. I will pray for all of you.

[smrtmama]

I think it's normal to be scared. I was terrified when DH was considering joining the reserves a few years ago. You don't have to make yourself focus on the opportunity or anything like that right now. He's your baby. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel without editing it (though I'd refrain from telling HIM all of it). If you try to deny it, it'll manifest in less-pleasant ways. Let it out w/ your spouse/partner or a trusted friend. Try to work through what, specifically, your fears ago.

[Kari C in SC]

Denise :grouphug:

 

I SO understand your fear. Our second son joined the Marine Corp when he turned 18. He made Sgt. this week. :001_smile: I am very proud of him. His four years will be up the end of July and he is coming out and finishing college. It has made me sad that he has missed most of the last four years with his siblings. He has grown up so much, and realized how much his family means to him. He calls us all the time and spoils his siblings when he does get to be home.

 

I made it through 7 months of Iraq and 7 months of A-stan. It was definitely, by far, the hardest time of my life. I learned that he belongs, ultimately, to God. God loves him more than I do (how?). I gave him to God as an infant, and I learned what that meant. I learned what it means to "pray without ceasing." I had never understood that before.

 

I know your son will make you proud. He will grow up fast and learn a lot of life lessons that will serve him well his entire life. Pray for him (I know you will) and let God take care of him in those places that you can't.

 

I will keep you and your ds in my prayers.

 

I agree with Tammy. Hi Tammy! She helped me through some tough times when my ds deployed to Iraq last year.

 

My ds joined the army when he was 19. I was sad and stunned and just not sure what I should be doing. I NEVER EVER saw him joining the military. Not for even a moment. He wasn't one of those kids that talked about it from an early age. He started talking about it and worked on his scores and weight. Then he joined. UGH! When he went to Basic, I was actually surprisingly okay. It was in Oklahoma and I knew we could get there to see him. When he left Basic and AIT, he got stationed in Alaska. His unit deployed ahead of him getting there, so I knew deployment was certain. When he called and said Alaska, I felt sick to my stomach. I literally had go sit down. I got off the phone with him and began to sob. My baby. The baby I had had just shy of 17 years old. The baby I had spent most of my life with was moving to Alaska. I would never be able to get there to see him. I sank to a new low of fear and sadness. He came home for about a month after training and then went to Alaska. I left him at the airport wearing a hoodie. I drove off crying and not believing I had just left him to fly to Alaska. He called 2 days later and told me he was deploying to Iraq on his dad's birthday. The fear I had was so much. That was March of 2009. When he got there, he could call every so often and he could im me every morning. He is artillery, but they didn't need that so he did infantry. UGH! The first 3 months he was there, he lied to me. He had my dh lie to me and even my mom. He told me that he was doing simple stuff inside the wire, etc. Then one day he posted pictures of a his tank outside the wire. I sat and stared at those pictures. I called my mom and she said that, "she knew." So, how did I get through this. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I got on my computer every morning and waited. When I saw he was on, it was like the best present I could ever get. I looked at his FB all the time because if he posted just one thing - I knew he was okay.

 

These days - I hate Alaska. I hate that it is so far away and it costs $1000 to come home. He came home in December and took us all to Disney World for 5 days. My baby had turned into a wonderful man. I am proud of him. Not just for serving his country, but because of who HE is. He is a good person. He calls me nearly every day sometimes 5 times a day. He loves his sister and brother. He talks to them on Skype.

 

He will deploy to Afghanistan next spring. It is looming over me, but I know that God had a very special reason for sending him to me. I am putting it all in His hands and will find peace with it.

 

My ds is talking about staying in long term, so this may be the very beginning for me. I have never seen him have such a purpose, so I am happy for him.

 

Sorry this is so long. I just know how you are feeling and wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

[Irishmommy]

I agree with NOT thinking about all the terrible possibilities. When my dh flies, I just think, "He's going to X and will be back on Y day." Sometimes I have a panic moment when I hear of a plane going down, but for the most part, I just think of it as his job. When he worked in the private sector, I didn't worry about his 2 hour commute everyday, so why should I worry about him every time he flies. God's got it all under control and I can't make one difference in anything by worrying, so I just don't do it.:grouphug:

[Irishmommy]

I agree with Tammy. Hi Tammy! She helped me through some tough times when my ds deployed to Iraq last year.

 

My ds joined the army when he was 19. I was sad and stunned and just not sure what I should be doing. I NEVER EVER saw him joining the military. Not for even a moment. He wasn't one of those kids that talked about it from an early age. He started talking about it and worked on his scores and weight. Then he joined. UGH! When he went to Basic, I was actually surprisingly okay. It was in Oklahoma and I knew we could get there to see him. When he left Basic and AIT, he got stationed in Alaska. His unit deployed ahead of him getting there, so I knew deployment was certain. When he called and said Alaska, I felt sick to my stomach. I literally had go sit down. I got off the phone with him and began to sob. My baby. The baby I had had just shy of 17 years old. The baby I had spent most of my life with was moving to Alaska. I would never be able to get there to see him. I sank to a new low of fear and sadness. He came home for about a month after training and then went to Alaska. I left him at the airport wearing a hoodie. I drove off crying and not believing I had just left him to fly to Alaska. He called 2 days later and told me he was deploying to Iraq on his dad's birthday. The fear I had was so much. That was March of 2009. When he got there, he could call every so often and he could im me every morning. He is artillery, but they didn't need that so he did infantry. UGH! The first 3 months he was there, he lied to me. He had my dh lie to me and even my mom. He told me that he was doing simple stuff inside the wire, etc. Then one day he posted pictures of a his tank outside the wire. I sat and stared at those pictures. I called my mom and she said that, "she knew." So, how did I get through this. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I got on my computer every morning and waited. When I saw he was on, it was like the best present I could ever get. I looked at his FB all the time because if he posted just one thing - I knew he was okay.

 

These days - I hate Alaska. I hate that it is so far away and it costs $1000 to come home. He came home in December and took us all to Disney World for 5 days. My baby had turned into a wonderful man. I am proud of him. Not just for serving his country, but because of who HE is. He is a good person. He calls me nearly every day sometimes 5 times a day. He loves his sister and brother. He talks to them on Skype.

 

He will deploy to Afghanistan next spring. It is looming over me, but I know that God had a very special reason for sending him to me. I am putting it all in His hands and will find peace with it.

 

My ds is talking about staying in long term, so this may be the very beginning for me. I have never seen him have such a purpose, so I am happy for him.

 

Sorry this is so long. I just know how you are feeling and wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

 

To all the military mamas:

 

Thank you for your son's/daughter's service. Give him/her a hug for me when you see them next and say that all the military spouses here are thinking of them!

[Hockey Mom]

I made it through 7 months of Iraq and 7 months of A-stan. It was definitely, by far, the hardest time of my life. I learned that he belongs, ultimately, to God. God loves him more than I do (how?). I gave him to God as an infant, and I learned what that meant. I learned what it means to "pray without ceasing." I had never understood that before.

 

I know your son will make you proud. He will grow up fast and learn a lot of life lessons that will serve him well his entire life. Pray for him (I know you will) and let God take care of him in those places that you can't.

 

I will keep you and your ds in my prayers.

 

Well said. :iagree:

 

To the OP: What an amazing young man you've raised! :) If it's one thing our government does well, it's the military. Your son will be trained and lead by the best of the best. My prayers will be with you all as you embark on this new journey.

[TxMama]

I made it through 7 months of Iraq and 7 months of A-stan. It was definitely, by far, the hardest time of my life. I learned that he belongs, ultimately, to God. God loves him more than I do (how?). I gave him to God as an infant, and I learned what that meant. I learned what it means to "pray without ceasing." I had never understood that before.

 

I know your son will make you proud. He will grow up fast and learn a lot of life lessons that will serve him well his entire life. Pray for him (I know you will) and let God take care of him in those places that you can't.

 

I will keep you and your ds in my prayers.

 

I love this!

 

My son is just starting his Navy career....PIR was 4/23! It is so amazing to see the changes that just a few months of BC can do for a young person!

 

Be proud of your son and let him know it!

 

The best thing I did was to join navyformoms.com. I could vent/cry/laugh with a group of mamas who had their own dc in BC at the same time as my son.

 

Is there a similar website for the branch of service that your dc is joining?

[Mrs Mungo]

He's doing this to help pay for college. We told him we won't give him any money towards college until he proves he's going to do the work and try his hardest. Dh and I think if we give him money, he's not going to work as hard and will enjoy his social life more than focus on his studies, etc. so he has to prove himself first.

 

He said he was going to go to a local college for a year and continue with his job to pay his way through. He was going to tranfer out next year. But now this.

:crying::crying::crying:

 

We know that you don't want anything to happen to your son. We know this isn't what you intended when you set the parameters, wanting him to prove himself. But, it's a solution.

 

You don't.

 

After awhile you just put it in a box and stash it away in a corner of your stomach/mind/pick your place, put on a brave face and keep moving.

 

It is probably the single hardest thing about the military to describe to someone who has never experienced it.

 

 

asta

 

I agree. It's something that you just don't think about or deal with.

 

Please don't make it clear to your son just how sad and scared your are. Truly, he needs you to be strong, positive and encouraging. If and when he is deployed, he will NEED to know you are behind him and that you aren't devastated.

 

You may or may not lose the sadness and fear. But I think you will.

 

On the positive side, the military is a wonderful life for many. It can help many achieve thing they never thought they could. It can be of great financial assistance for many. It can provide a way for (especially a young man) to grow up that no other experience can.

 

ETA: What I have said above is NOT to say YOU shouldn't feel the way you do. Just, PLEASE, be discerning as to how you share these feelings with your son, especially after he is "in".

 

I agree with this too. My dh always wanted to be in the military. Despite all of his hard work and stated intentions, his mom was upset about it and still is.

 

It's completely understandable to be scared and upset. But, don't borrow trouble. Cross bridges as you come to them. Deal with them the best you can. Find a support group, talk to your husband, don't convey your every fear to your son.

[Starr]

:grouphug: My younger brother is in the Army. I know how you feel.