Pubescent rituals and initiations into adulthood.

[spradlin02]

That should catch some attention. But I am very curious to engage this question.

 

To be sure I'm no anthropologist, but from what I've gathered from the multitude of hours lost in the world National Geographic, ancient, primitive and less industrialized cultures seem share a commonality of pubescent rites of passage, of which ours no longer participates or has de/evolved meaning toward an alternate aim.

 

It seems to me these various societies throughout the world engage their children in rituals that move them from childhood into young adulthood. To them, there is no concept of teens or tweens, there is only childhood and young adulthood. These rites (some good, some not so good, some terrible), engage the child, parents and community into formalized rituals that identify the individual as something more than child. They create for the child expectations and responsibilities to parents, community and the environment in which the live and empower the newly elevated individual to self-determination - within the societal value structure.

 

I'm curious if there are still initiations into adulthood in our society and have these changes benefited our culture? Have we lost something? Does anyone engage in pubescent rites of passage? What do you or have you done? What effect did it have on your children, family and/or community?

[Laurie4b]

That should catch some attention. But I am very curious to engage this question.

 

To be sure I'm no anthropologist, but from what I've gathered from the multitude of hours lost in the world National Geographic, ancient, primitive and less industrialized cultures seem share a commonality of pubescent rites of passage, of which ours no longer participates or has de/evolved meaning toward an alternate aim.

 

It seems to me these various societies throughout the world engage their children in rituals that move them from childhood into young adulthood. To them, there is no concept of teens or tweens, there is only childhood and young adulthood. These rites (some good, some not so good, some terrible), engage the child, parents and community into formalized rituals that identify the individual as something more than child. They create for the child expectations and responsibilities to parents, community and the environment in which the live and empower the newly elevated individual to self-determination - within the societal value structure.

 

I'm curious if there are still initiations into adulthood in our society and have these changes benefited our culture? Have we lost something? Does anyone engage in pubescent rites of passage? What do you or have you done? What effect did it have on your children, family and/or community?

 

Getting a driver's license is one! It has the right amount of facing danger for both parent and teen, LOL!

[myfunnybunch]

I was also going to suggest driver's license.

 

I think many people would see prom attendance in high school as another. For many girls and boys it's their first time wearing a formal gown or tuxedo, eating out at a fancy restaurant with a date, buying or wearing a corsage.

 

Cat

[lionfamily1999]

I agree about the driver's license. There's also the 21 birthday extravaganze that many take part in. For us, once dd turned 12 she took some first aid classes and cpr and she was certified to babysit. Granted, she doesn't use those things, but it was a nice intro into the world of responsibility.

 

Ds will be transitioning to Boy Scouts in two years. That's a ceremony, a very solemn one and I'm glad he'll have that. From there, he can also transition to Eagle Scout, which is, I believe a Scout sign of adulthood and maturity.

 

Nowadays, in general, there are the transitionings between school (elementary, middle, high and college). Natural, bodily changes (first shave, first period) are at the very least noted in most households. Getting a license, getting a job, graduating, and of course (our personal favorite) registering to VOTE!

 

Thinking on it, there are actually lots and lots of coming of age initiations out there, as long as someone actually takes advantage of them...

[lulubelle]

From a Christian perspective, this is what we plan to follow when our kids are old enough.

 

http://www.himweb.org/Bookstore/Trailblazer/TrailblazerInfo.html

 

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Modern-Day-Knight-Authentic/dp/1561797162

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Well, my family had traditional gifts that kids got for certain birthdays or milestones. They weren't deeply meaningful, but we all looked forward to them. For example, my sisters and I all sucked our thumbs and were allowed to have our ears pierced when we stopped. We got a radio/alarm clock at a certain age (I can't remember which... 9 maybe?). My grandmother knitted or crocheted an afghan blanket for each of her grandchildren's 10th birthday. My sisters and I received a beautiful ring for our 16th b-days and a 'hope chest' for our 18th.

 

I think there are many traditions that families can incorporate that enhance feelings of belonging, encourage children as they grow older and are faced with new challenges and responsibilities, etc.

 

My husband takes our boys (ages 4 and older) on a long weekend camping trip they call 'Boy Camp.' It was a very big deal when #2 was old enough to join them, and it will be a big deal this summer when the youngest gets to go. They are making great memories, my dh is making a very intentional effort to create and continue this tradition, and it is something they all look forward to during the year. I think it will give them a special bond that will help through the adolescent years in particular.

[Mabelen]

As far as rituals and initiations, the culture I was brought up in doesn't have anything as such. My own mom decided to give my sister and I a little jewelry gift when we got our first period, I don't think my brother had anything like that though! My dh's culture has a particular ritual when girls get their first period and we have decided to do it for our two girls too. It will serve a dual purpose: a rite of passage and also a sense of belonging to that particular culture, which is also important in our case as our kids are third culture kids, as we are a multicultural family living in a third country.

 

Other than that, I think everything else that has been mentioned before is important on the road to adulthood. Both our girls are also Girl Scouts and I think the bridging ceremonies are key in acknowledging the key stages of that path.

[Corraleno]

I think the big difference is that many of the "rites of passage" in our culture convey additional rights without additional responsibilities. When you turn 16 (or 17 depending on the state) you can drive a car, when you turn 21 you can drink, etc. ~ but there's really no ritual or marker that says "Now you're an adult and you are responsible for taking care of yourself."

 

In other cultures, once a boy goes through the male initiation rite, he becomes a man. He moves into the Men's House (or gets married, if men live with their wives in that culture), he does men's work, he becomes a warrior, etc. Once a girl goes through puberty and her initiation rite, she becomes a woman, gets married, does women's work instead of girl's work, etc.

 

In our culture, most parents continue to help support their kids well past legal adulthood (18), whether it's because they're in college or just need a helping hand starting out in the business world. Compared to traditional or tribal cultures, kids here get all of the privileges of adulthood between 17 & 21, yet many don't "grow up" or take responsibility for their lives until they're in their 30s. And I'm not sure that's such a good thing...

 

Jackie

(who actually is an anthropologist :D )

[Carrie12345]

I think the big difference is that many of the "rites of passage" in our culture convey additional rights without additional responsibilities. When you turn 16 (or 17 depending on the state) you can drive a car, when you turn 21 you can drink, etc. ~ but there's really no ritual or marker that says "Now you're an adult and you are responsible for taking care of yourself."

 

In other cultures, once a boy goes through the male initiation rite, he becomes a man. He moves into the Men's House (or gets married, if men live with their wives in that culture), he does men's work, he becomes a warrior, etc. Once a girl goes through puberty and her initiation rite, she becomes a woman, gets married, does women's work instead of girl's work, etc.

 

In our culture, most parents continue to help support their kids well past legal adulthood (18), whether it's because they're in college or just need a helping hand starting out in the business world. Compared to traditional or tribal cultures, kids here get all of the privileges of adulthood between 17 & 21, yet many don't "grow up" or take responsibility for their lives until they're in their 30s. And I'm not sure that's such a good thing...

 

Jackie

(who actually is an anthropologist :D )

 

I agree. There is no societal definition of adulthood 'round here. We have 21 year old live-at-home-students and 21 year old self-supporting married couples. We have 28 year old homemakers and 28 year old party girls. We don't really assign expectations to a particular age.

[spradlin02]

I think the big difference is that many of the "rites of passage" in our culture convey additional rights without additional responsibilities. When you turn 16 (or 17 depending on the state) you can drive a car, when you turn 21 you can drink, etc. ~ but there's really no ritual or marker that says "Now you're an adult and you are responsible for taking care of yourself."

 

In other cultures, once a boy goes through the male initiation rite, he becomes a man. He moves into the Men's House (or gets married, if men live with their wives in that culture), he does men's work, he becomes a warrior, etc. Once a girl goes through puberty and her initiation rite, she becomes a woman, gets married, does women's work instead of girl's work, etc.

 

...Compared to traditional or tribal cultures, kids here get all of the privileges of adulthood between 17 & 21, yet many don't "grow up" or take responsibility for their lives until they're in their 30s. And I'm not sure that's such a good thing...

 

Jackie

(who actually is an anthropologist :D )

 

Interesting thoughts. I wonder the effects on our children and to society when the preponderance of ritual seems to ingratiate the self with egocentric symbolism?

[MamaSheep]

I've thought some about this recently too. I think it helps in my religious culture that at church there are some very small, but distinct movements from one phase of life to another. A baby is blessed as an infant, but a child must be 8 years old to choose to be baptized, and our belief is that after 8 years old a child becomes fully accountible for his or her own choices. I have observed that most 8 year-olds take this very seriously and feel very grown-up and responsible; and try very hard to behave like a responsible "big" person. At 12 years old a child leaves the children's program and goes into the youth program. Boys meet separately from girls, and lessons get deeper and focus on more grown-up subject matter, including things like what to look for in a prospective mate and appropriate dating behavior. Instructors and leaders are now of the child's same gender. Also at 12 years old a boy is permitted to enter into the lowest level of the priesthood (a lay priesthood to which nearly all the men belong). Being ordained is a small ceremony, but a big deal in that it brings the boy into the realm of men and out of the realm of children. Our faith strongly recommends that young people wait until they are at least 16 to begin dating, and that even then they avoid pairing off too seriously until they are older. So 16 is often another point of common reference in the passage to adulthood. At age 18 both girls and boys move into the adult organizations within the church and are expected to begin functioning like adults (including asking for help and advice from older, more experienced adults). At age 19 it is expected that most young men will serve as full-time missionaries for the church for two years. Young ladies are encouraged to put most of their energy into their educations at this stage, and to prepare to run families (whether they will do so while also working a career or not). They may choose to serve as missionaries at age 21 if they want, and their service, should they choose to offer it, is deeply appreciated, but it is not seen as a requirement for them in the same way as it is for men.

 

From my own personal experience growing up, my observations of young people around me, and now my experience as a parent, I love the little "passages" inherent in our culture and faith that acknowledge a person's growing independence and level of responsibility as they move through childhood and into adulthood. I think it helps a person become gradually ready for adult expectations and experiences instead of having adulthood suddenly dumped on them when they turn 18 (or 21, or 26--as Obama has evidently decided). I also like the structure of having the kids reach the same milestones at about the same ages. It helps the expectations seem less arbitrary and gives the child a concrete way of orienting themselves in their own minds.

[spradlin02]

I've thought some about this recently too. I think it helps in my religious culture that at church there are some very small, but distinct movements from one phase of life to another. A baby is blessed as an infant, but a child must be 8 years old to choose to be baptized, and our belief is that after 8 years old a child becomes fully accountible for his or her own choices. I have observed that most 8 year-olds take this very seriously and feel very grown-up and responsible; and try very hard to behave like a responsible "big" person. At 12 years old a child leaves the children's program and goes into the youth program. Boys meet separately from girls, and lessons get deeper and focus on more grown-up subject matter, including things like what to look for in a prospective mate and appropriate dating behavior. Instructors and leaders are now of the child's same gender. Also at 12 years old a boy is permitted to enter into the lowest level of the priesthood (a lay priesthood to which nearly all the men belong). Being ordained is a small ceremony, but a big deal in that it brings the boy into the realm of men and out of the realm of children. Our faith strongly recommends that young people wait until they are at least 16 to begin dating, and that even then they avoid pairing off too seriously until they are older. So 16 is often another point of common reference in the passage to adulthood. At age 18 both girls and boys move into the adult organizations within the church and are expected to begin functioning like adults (including asking for help and advice from older, more experienced adults). At age 19 it is expected that most young men will serve as full-time missionaries for the church for two years. Young ladies are encouraged to put most of their energy into their educations at this stage, and to prepare to run families (whether they will do so while also working a career or not). They may choose to serve as missionaries at age 21 if they want, and their service, should they choose to offer it, is deeply appreciated, but it is not seen as a requirement for them in the same way as it is for men.

 

From my own personal experience growing up, my observations of young people around me, and now my experience as a parent, I love the little "passages" inherent in our culture and faith that acknowledge a person's growing independence and level of responsibility as they move through childhood and into adulthood. I think it helps a person become gradually ready for adult expectations and experiences instead of having adulthood suddenly dumped on them when they turn 18 (or 21, or 26--as Obama has evidently decided). I also like the structure of having the kids reach the same milestones at about the same ages. It helps the expectations seem less arbitrary and gives the child a concrete way of orienting themselves in their own minds.

 

It sounds like your faith has given some thought to the milestones in a child's life. I agree with the concept that a milestone is not suddenly reached, but approached gradually with much preparation. You have a valuable resource in your church community. The community sets the expectations and gives the child the resources to succeed.

[Mergath]

Anthropology was one of my majors in college, but I'm not really an anthropologist. :)

 

We do have rites of passage, of a sort, in western society, but they aren't as ritualized as those in countries with a much older cultural heritage. If you look at our culture as a whole, however, there are acts that most teenagers participate in that are seen as "adult," such as dating or drinking. I would consider things like going on your first date, attending your first party, and getting your first job to be American rites of passage. It would actually be interesting to compare rites of passage from other cultures with the western equivilent. I'd be willing to guess there would be more in common than you might think.

[MamaSheep]

It sounds like your faith has given some thought to the milestones in a child's life. I agree with the concept that a milestone is not suddenly reached, but approached gradually with much preparation. You have a valuable resource in your church community. The community sets the expectations and gives the child the resources to succeed.

 

It is a valuable resource, and I don't think I really appreciated that until recently. Another thing I really appreciate about it is that the guidelines are for the church worldwide, not just my local congregation, so I know that if we move those things won't change in our new location. And since my extended family is of the same faith, most of my children's cousins will be fitting in with the same cultural expectations and milestones. It's nice to know my kids have that extended support beyond just their dad and me.

[Peela]

This is an issue I have been discussing with a group of women recently, and we are setting up a womens initiation circle, and a group of men- some, our partners- are doing a similar men's circle. We intend to address the pubescent initiation issue as part of what we are doing.

First we are initiating ourselves into womanhood. We feel that before initiating younger women, we need to initiate ourselves in a conscious rite of womanhood- even though we range in age from 39 to 60. We feel that most adults in our society have missed out on a conscious letting go of childhood, and moving into adulthood, and therefore tend to still walk around as children inside adult bodies. At least, many parts of us do not "grow up" with our bodies. The whole issue of our culture worshipping youth and being unwilling to let go of it and honour maturity, comes in here

Our rite of passage (for the women) involves a committment to a 3 month path of the Beauty Way, and writing a journal about learning to see Beauty within and without, no matter the situation. It also involves creating some things to use in our ceremonies- a hand made cloak, artwork, a song, stories. We are just working on the structure of it at the moment. The ceremony itself will involve music, food, brand new clothes, gifts, a ceremony, lots of love.

Once we have taken ourselves- there are 8 of us- through the initiation (for some it might be an initiation into the Wise Woman part of life), we intend to open this up to others, including teenage girls, and adapt the structure accordingly.

Not everyone will be attracted to our style of initiation, but the idea is to make a rite of passage, that involves a period of preparation, that is symbolic, meaningful and beautiful and creates a distinct "marker" into adulthood. It also will involve being welcomed into the community of women, (and men as well- its important that the opposite sex welcome the new adult too) , and leaving the world of childhood.

We obviously feel this is needed, and the amount of feedback we have received so far indicates there is a longing for this in many people, including adults who never received anything like this themselves.

For my own teens...I don't know. They may not be open to what I am doing. They however are both part of the Scouting movement which has its own initiations- not exactly ideal in my eyes, but when initiations are not culturally accepted, and many teens are all about fittng in, it may be the best I can manage for them, that they will respond to.

We did do a ceremony with a group of my dd's friends when she was 11 and they were ranging from 11 up to 14. It was a girl's initation into puberty, into menstrual cycles, into letting go of childhood, and it was beautiful. But dd didnt get her cycles till she was almost 15 and it sort of feels like at 11, she was really too young to appreciate it. It was a ceremony run by a woman who was connected to the Steiner system and it had some beautiful elements to it, including us mothers ritually "letting go" of our daughters as they went off into another room and making something there (we meanwhile had to make up a song), and welcoming them back as young women, rather than children.

I love this topic. I think it's great to take inspiration from our great traditions, but we also need to create our own new ceremonies that are appropriate for our situation, our culture, our times.

[smrtmama]

I think that we have lost something through a lack of clear cultural initiation rituals and I think that loss provides an opportunity for unsavory, charismatic individuals to prey upon people, frankly. We're looking so hard for something to fill that hole that used to be satisfied by rites of passage that we, culturally, allow false rites of passage to be passed off to us as the real deal. Could be from a religious or "self-help" group leader, saying "this is the REAL rite of passage to man/womanhood," could be from advertisers, saying "this is THE PRODUCT/BOOK to transition your child to adulthood," could be from misguided family, saying "if you want them to be adults, you HAVE to do xyz."

[Heather in Neverland]

I read an interesting blog post about this topic. Here is an excerpt:

 

“Teenager†and “adolescence†as representing a distinct stage of life were very much 20th-century inventions, brought into being by changes in mass education, child labor laws, urbanization and suburbanization, mass consumerism, and the media. Similarly, a new, distinct, and important stage in life, situated between the teenage years and full-fledged adulthood, has emerged in our culture in recent decades—reshaping the meaning of self, youth, relationships, and life commitments as well as a variety of behaviors and dispositions among the young.

 

What has emerged from this new situation has been variously labeled “extended adolescence,†“youthhood,†“adultolescence,†“young adulthood,†the “twenty-somethings,†and “emerging adulthood.â€

 

One way of describing this group is to highlight the tendency to delay adulthood or stay in the youth mindset longer than we used to. Smith suggests the following causes for this delay in arriving at mature, responsible adulthood.

 

First is the growth of higher education. The GI Bill, changes in the American economy, and government subsidizing of community colleges and state universities led in the second half of the last century to a dramatic rise in the number of high school graduates going on to college and university. More recently, many feel pressured—in pursuit of the American dream—to add years of graduate school education on top of their bachelor’s degree. As a result, a huge proportion of American youth are no longer stopping school and beginning stable careers at age 18 but are extending their formal schooling well into their twenties. And those who are aiming to join America's professional and knowledge classes—those who most powerfully shape our culture and society—are continuing in graduate and professional school programs often up until their thirties.

 

A second and related social change crucial to the rise of emerging adulthood is the delay of marriage by American youth over the last decades. Between 1950 and 2000, the median age of first marriage for women rose from 20 to 25 years old. For men during that same time the median age rose from 22 to 27 years old. The sharpest increase for both took place after 1970. Half a century ago, many young people were anxious to get out of high school, marry, settle down, have children, and start a long-term career. But many youth today, especially but not exclusively men, face almost a decade between high school graduation and marriage to spend exploring life's many options in unprecedented freedom.

 

A third major social transformation contributing to the rise of emerging adulthood as a distinct life phase concerns changes in the American and global economy that undermine stable, lifelong careers and replace them instead with careers of lower security, more frequent job changes, and an ongoing need for new training and education. Most young people today know they need to approach their careers with a variety of skills, maximal flexibility, and readiness to re tool as needed. That itself pushes youth toward extended schooling, delay of marriage, and, arguably, a general psychological orientation of maximizing options and postponing commitments.

 

Finally, and in part as a response to all of the above, parents of today’s youth, aware of the resources often required to succeed, seem increasingly willing to extend financial and other support to their children, well into their twenties and even into their early thirties.

 

The characteristics of the 18-30 year-olds that these four factors produce include:

 

(1) identity exploration, (2) instability, (3) focus on self, (4) feeling in limbo, in transition, in-between, and (5) sense of possibilities, opportunities, and unparalleled hope. These, of course, are also often accompanied by big doses of transience, confusion, anxiety, self-obsession, melodrama, conflict, and disappointment.

 

 

for the rest of the article: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2007/2487_A_ChurchBased_Hope_for_Adultolescents/