What do you do for yourself to rewind/recharge, etc.? How do you find balance?

[melissel]

I've been home with the kids for a month now, and it's been as good as I expected, but it's also been much harder than I expected (which I kind of expected, but had no real basis for comparison). My DH works long hours, so five days a week, it's just me and the girls from 8 a.m. until bedtime (9 p.m. or so), and then just as I'm wrapping up bedtime, DH arrives home and settles in with the TV for several hours, which is how he relaxes. I can't really go anywhere when he gets home because it's so late, and if I go to B&N I'll just end up spending money unnecessarily. On his two days off, he's out running errands or trying to relax himself, or we're traveling to and from his mom's, or I'm hosting our playgroup, or...you get the idea :D

 

I've been reading more, but I get grumpy with the girls more often because if I'm reading a good book, I want more than 10 minutes at a time to sit and read, and I can't really have that right now. I've tried listening to audiobooks on my Sansa while puttering around the house during the day, but then I find myself pausing over and over to attend to their needs, and that drives me bonkers.

 

I do plan to start exercising some, but that's more of an obligation than something I'd do to recharge, and I'm limited to my treadmill there.

 

I'm an introvert, and under these conditions, it's been extremely hard to find time to myself. I knew that would be the case, but I thought I'd handle it better, I guess? So I'm finding myself grumpy and frustrated--obviously not an ideal situation!

 

I'd love any suggestions from seasoned SAHPs and HSers. It's hard to talk about this with non-HSers, because of course the first solution is to put the kids in school, which misses the point entirely. TIA for any thoughts you might have!

Edited March 15, 2010 by melissel

[BikeBookBread]

Crochet, reading a book, baking bread, Starbucks, web surfing about crochet (ravelry.com), watching a favorite DVD (usually something that includes pre-1900 costuming :lol: )

 

I'm an introvert, as well. Being with friends doesn't necessarily recharge me, unless it is a one-on-one situation. Being in large groups tends to tire me out emotionally after a while.

[tricia]

I normally walk or exercise. When my twins were born I had 9 homeschooled kids under 14 and my hubby was working really long hours too. Whew! That was some though years. But I would walk, or even at times if he weren't home for dinner I would sit the children down at the table and take my plate to my room!! Not very often, but I really needed that quiet. I knew they were being good-:tongue_smilie:-for the most part so I didn't worry.:lol:

[melissel]

But I would walk, or even at times if he weren't home for dinner I would sit the children down at the table and take my plate to my room!! Not very often, but I really needed that quiet. I knew they were being good-:tongue_smilie:-for the most part so I didn't worry.:lol:

 

Tricia, I'm :lol: at this. I've gone to the living room occasionally, but any further than that and I'm worried they'll kill each other! They're in the stage where they could really use a bit of time away from each other, and I'm having a hard time providing that without having to pay through the nose.

 

And no, I can't imagine having so many kids at home all at once. Two is really pushing my limit (I was an only child, lived alone after college, and married at 27, so I've been used to LOTS of alone time!).

 

When did you walk? I've tried to walk with them, but that's more of a meandering nature walk than an exercise walk. I usually end up getting frustrated long before we're home :(

 

By the way, have I ever mentioned to you that I'm utterly fascinated by your daughter's blog? She has an incredible eye for photography, and her kids are just adorable. I keep trying to convince DH to move to the area she's in (we have family there who are seriously lobbying for us to move), but so far it's a no go :lol:

Edited March 15, 2010 by melissel

[Snickerdoodle]

When I went from Working Mama to SAH Mama, it took me about a year to really feel comfortable with it. The constant frenetic energy, the noise, the non stop house work, chores, cooking...etc.

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Find a groove that lets you have "me" time. Sometimes it works for me to get up one or two hours earlier than everyone else. Some seasons work better when I enforce an early bedtime (they can read in bed as long as they are not bugging me.).

 

You get the idea. :grouphug:

[Leanna Tomlinson]

I would sit the children down at the table and take my plate to my room!! Not very often, but I really needed that quiet. I knew they were being good-:tongue_smilie:-for the most part so I didn't worry.:lol:

 

Tricia,

I am so glad to know I am not the only one!

 

Melissa,

I take a nice long hot bath by myself many afternoons/evenings when I need time to myself. I make the kids read on their beds, play on the computer, or watch a video. I also will let them sleep late in the morning if I want time to myself.

 

I'm an introvert too, and I do understand.:grouphug:

 

Leanna

[cougarmom4]

I'd suggest setting up a quiet time in the afternoon...where your girls need to be by themselves in separate rooms doing quiet activities (reading, drawing, coloring, books on CD, etc). Start with 30 minutes and increase it until at least an hour. Then you go in your room, close the door, and do whatever you want for that time! No catch-up on chores, no phone calls (unless you WANT to do that), just time for YOU to re-charge and enjoy yourself. Actually, in your case, I'd also enforce another half-hour later in the evening...or put the kids to bed with books an hour before you want their sleep time to be. Hey, you can stay up, but you have to stay IN your bed and be quiet. This is a little Mommy time...

[Manamana]

I'd suggest setting up a quiet time in the afternoon...where your girls need to be by themselves in separate rooms doing quiet activities (reading, drawing, coloring, books on CD, etc). Start with 30 minutes and increase it until at least an hour. Then you go in your room, close the door, and do whatever you want for that time! No catch-up on chores, no phone calls (unless you WANT to do that), just time for YOU to re-charge and enjoy yourself. Actually, in your case, I'd also enforce another half-hour later in the evening...or put the kids to bed with books an hour before you want their sleep time to be. Hey, you can stay up, but you have to stay IN your bed and be quiet. This is a little Mommy time...

:iagree:This has helped keep my sanity especially on days when my husband is not home for dinner.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Quiet time: 1 hour in the afternoon where no one is allowed to bother me unless there is blood or fire involved. The kids do not have to be in their own rooms unless they want to be. But if they are in the living room where I am, they must be quiet. They will listen to music on headphones, read books, draw, play with legos. Now that my kids are older, they may go and play outside but they may not bang or slam the door going in and out.

 

Evening Walk: A family walk around the mall during the fall and winter or to the park during the spring and summer. If we are at the mall, the kids must walk ahead of us for two laps. That is when dh and I get our grown-up talk time. Now that it is spring we've switched to walking outdoors to the park. At the park the kids play at the playground while dh and I go on laps around the perimeter of the park. Today I needed a break even from dh so we each walked alone (and no, we weren't fighting).

[Heidi]

Bedtime is 9 pm? I put mine to bed early for my sanity (7 pm). Then I sit on this forum and eat chocolate. Or watch a movie and each chocolate. Ice-cream helps too.

 

You've got to carve out "you" time during the day and do something you enjoy doing. Get outside. Read your book. Exercise. Find something that makes you laugh (movie, book). Self educate! And keep your stash of chocolate well guarded.

[forevergrace]

I normally walk or exercise. When my twins were born I had 9 homeschooled kids under 14 and my hubby was working really long hours too.

 

Wow, you are a brave soul. I have a hard time w/my one. I often wonder what it would be like to try to hs several children, but nine. My hat is off to you!!!

 

This week we are taking spring break, maybe until Thursday. I was really grumpy, just plain burned out last week. I found myself obsessively pouring over sites for next year's curriculum, and very short on patience w/dd. To tell the truth, I'm relishing the fact of summer camp. We do one week of school work, one week of camp, for two beautiful months. This is our first big break since Christmas. I have to remind myself to enjoy right now. Hard when I'm trying to teach so much!!!!! Life is not what it was three years ago, I mean I actually had a professional job. I was planning on going to law school. However, dd needed me more!!!! God, has a funny way of saying "I'm in charge." Learning lessons for both dd and me. You'll find balance, it just takes time.

Forevergrace:001_smile:

[Nestof3]

I have times throughout the day that I call my recharging or 'me' times. My boys are older (8 and 10), and they understand this.

 

I drink my coffee while the boys are getting out of bed and peruse online.

 

I exercise in the morning. They are usually allowed to watch a movie or play on the computer during this time.

 

I take a break between school and dinner. I usually have a cup of coffee and tinker.

 

I am not really strict about bedtimes, but the boys know if they are quiet, they have a better chance of staying up late. Usually, I will have them get completely ready for bed, and if they read or draw quietly, I let them stay up later.

 

This is when I scrapbook, watch a movie, or whatever. I stay up late. Also, b/c my husband's home, once dinner is finished, I am usually sort of off-duty. I'm not really, but I may go back to the room and exercise if I didn't that morning or I may start scrapbooking then. I'm still here if the boys need me, but this is the time my husband plays games with them or lets Nathan read to him.

[WTMCassandra]

Two words: Nap Time. Or, actually, Quiet Time as the children have gotten older, except that my teen is sleeping again for at least part of it ; ). This time is VITAL to my sanity as a fellow introvert. Also, we strictly enforce bedtime. If I were single-parenting all day like you, I would too have them go to bed a half-hour early and read in bed.

 

I also try for some alone time on the weekends where the children are under DH's jurisdiction. I recommend that you sit down with your DH and talk with him about how to balance his and your needs. Can he watch them every other Saturday afternoon while you go to the park with a library book for a few hours, for example?

 

In addition, I don't know if this is possible for you, but I try to go on a personal spiritual retreat ALONE every quarter or so. This helps me immensely.

[Brooketopia]

Super agree on the quiet time, both in the afternoon and for half an hour before bedtime...the last being mostly so that the kids will calm the heck down and actually go to sleep within the hour after lights out.

 

If my husband was home only two nights a week and using both of those nights for himself to do whatever he wanted/needed to do, there would be a conversation and some changes...introvert/homebody/whatever, I've never met a woman who did not need to "GET OUT" of the house by herself. Take one of those nights, even if it's just to run errands. Don't feel guilty about signing up for a class and don't feel guilty about hiring a babysitter if need be. You can't sacrifice yourself completely to the needs of your family and expect to be happy in the long run. Running yourself down into a burn-out, illness or depression does nothing positive for your family.

 

That being said, I only finally started taking my own advice only in the past year...it has made a huge difference. I would normally peg myself as an introvert, but I joined a knitting group (took me four months to work up the courage to actually attend...) that meets once a week and it is SO NICE to sit with a handful of ladies for two hours and just talk. None of them homeschool, some aren't married and have no kids, some are grandmas...nothing ties us together except that we like to make stuff out of yarn with some sticks, but to have a group of people to chat with is so very nice. Don't lock yourself down into the category of introvert and never attempt to meet others with similar interests...it might actually be what you're looking for!

 

Exercise is great, but I put it in the category of "Mandatory" so it doesn't exactly feel like a special thing I do for myself...it just has to be done, like the dishes or the laundry. I feel yucky if I don't exercise and once again, I can't sacrifice my own health for my family. But I definitely do not let exercise get counted as special "me" time at all because it's really just another chore to me. :D

 

Anytime I feel like I'm "puttering," I know I need something to make me feel a little bouncier...whether it be an attitude adjustment, a look at my blessings, some good ol' fashioned hard work (which is actually the best cure for my particular brand of boredom), some time to myself, time for pondering, or something to look forward to.

 

And date nights. If I'm not in love with DH, I can be pretty grumpy about my life style choice! But some one-on-one and I remember what we're working for and why I enthusiastically agreed to this crazy life to begin with. It's amazing what just a $1 bag of fries from McDonald's and sitting in the car, just talking about our day, can do for worn-out parents of little 'uns.

 

Best of luck figuring out your particular elixir of restoration...there's lots of choices, go with your gut.

[Dooley]

Your kids are pretty young. I am trying to remember what it was like for me when my 4 were younger. I think we went for a lot of walks and beach time. And of course, after bedtime, I did whatever I wanted. A large part of my life has been alone, in terms of parenting - my husband travels a lot. Sometimes I don't fix dinner, its either every man for himself, or cereal....you know.

 

Nowadays, if I don't get left alone (for reading, for walking around my yard looking/fixing/planning garden stuff) I start to feel very stressed. Built up stress is bad for the body. I do walk the dogs alone too, thats about 30 minutes.

 

Take your time wherever you can find it and some days, just let the day go where it will, eat whatever and save the worry for later!!

[dragons in the flower bed]

I'm an introvert, and under these conditions, it's been extremely hard to find time to myself.

 

My advice is to forget about adjusting to having zero alone time, and instead find some alone time. You really have to have time to yourself if you're an introvert, or you will explode. Scoop out an hour a week somewhere. Maybe you can leave the girls with your MIL for an hour on the weekend, or go to a coffeehouse after bedtime when your husband is at home.

[nono]

I have 3 levels, and the last two are likely controversial in some circles.

 

Level 1: Running. Yeah, it is exercise, but what it really does is give me time away from all the constant demands and voices. It's amazing that on some days I actually turn around and run home. :D (I do this 5x a week)

 

Level 2: Drinking. About 4x a year, I get together with a girlfriend for drinks and dinner. We solve the world's problems and laugh a lot.

 

Level 3: Gambling. About 1x every-other-year, I head over to Atlantic City by myself for a few hours of getting lost in the casinos. I love to gamble, but don't like to lose, so I spend way more time watching games than playing, but I definitely play! :tongue_smilie: It takes me to a completely different place, yet within an hour of my home!

 

I wish I had more time for my vices ;), but with a husband who travels, two little ones, and an ailing mother, that's about all I have for myself.

[KC in KS]

You sound a lot like me. Introvert, reader, etc. I've been home with my kids for nearly 4 years now. They have (eventually) learned that when Mama's in her favorite reading chair, it's best to leave her alone.

 

I'd suggest talking to your DH about fairly splitting up the "time off" in your week. He can take the kids on errands sometimes, or supervise the kids while he's in front of the TV, right? How about he takes the kids to his mom's while you stay home? (My MIL *loves* to feel like she can "help" that way!)