When should I tell them?

[Only me]

Our almost 12 year old lab mix might have to be put to sleep tomorrow morning. He has been quickly declining over the past few weeks. His front paw had started giving him some trouble a few months ago (limping and pain). The vet put him on pain meds and glucosamine. It seemed to help and he was doing a bit better. He has been off the pain pills for about a month but we have continued with the glucosamine. Over the past week or so his paw has really started to bother him again. He really has a difficult time getting around. Yesterday his back leg seemed to be giving out on him too.

 

Last night we let him out at 9:00 pm and he wouldn't come in until after 2:00 am. We think that the cold air helps the pain and he also doesn't want to get up to walk into the house. My husband finally had to carry him in. The dog weighs about 120 pounds so this isn't something we can do on a regular basis and I'm not strong enough to carry him at all.

 

Tomorrow morning my husband is taking him to the vet. We will trust the vet as to whether or not he feels that there is anything to do for our dog or whether we need to put him to sleep since he is in so much pain.

 

Needless to say, my kids are going to be devastated. We planned on telling them tomorrow morning before my husband leaves for the vet so that they can say goodbye to him just in case. Now I'm wondering if I should tell them today. Of course it would make them miserable today and make them worry for 24 hours (and it may be needless worry since we aren't 100% sure what we are going to do). On the other hand, I know that I am cherishing today and the time I get to spend with our dog. I'm wondering if perhaps the kids would want that extra time instead of just having a few minutes to say goodbye to him. It is such a heart wrenching dilemma. Any advice?

[Melinda in VT]

Our almost 12 year old lab mix might have to be put to sleep tomorrow morning. He has been quickly declining over the past few weeks. His front paw had started giving him some trouble a few months ago (limping and pain). The vet put him on pain meds and glucosamine. It seemed to help and he was doing a bit better. He has been off the pain pills for about a month but we have continued with the glucosamine. Over the past week or so his paw has really started to bother him again. He really has a difficult time getting around. Yesterday his back leg seemed to be giving out on him too.

 

Last night we let him out at 9:00 pm and he wouldn't come in until after 2:00 am. We think that the cold air helps the pain and he also doesn't want to get up to walk into the house. My husband finally had to carry him in. The dog weighs about 120 pounds so this isn't something we can do on a regular basis and I'm not strong enough to carry him at all.

 

Tomorrow morning my husband is taking him to the vet. We will trust the vet as to whether or not he feels that there is anything to do for our dog or whether we need to put him to sleep since he is in so much pain.

 

Needless to say, my kids are going to be devastated. We planned on telling them tomorrow morning before my husband leaves for the vet so that they can say goodbye to him just in case. Now I'm wondering if I should tell them today. Of course it would make them miserable today and make them worry for 24 hours (and it may be needless worry since we aren't 100% sure what we are going to do). On the other hand, I know that I am cherishing today and the time I get to spend with our dog. I'm wondering if perhaps the kids would want that extra time instead of just having a few minutes to say goodbye to him. It is such a heart wrenching dilemma. Any advice?

 

My kids were a lot younger than yours when we had our Lab put to sleep, but we told them the day before and I'm glad we did.

 

I'd tell them now.

[Perry]

What is the diagnosis? I would want to be sure I knew what was wrong and what the treatment options are before I even started thinking abut euthanasia.

[EarleneW]

We just had our 14 year old dauschund put down a few weeks ago. I would tell them now- they will need today to love on him.

[Tree House Academy]

How likely is it that the vet will want to put the dog to sleep? Are you all convinced this is what you want to do? I think telling them would depend on that. If the vet says the dog needs to be put to sleep, you can always opt to bring the dog home, tell the kids and let them say goodbye, then take the dog back to be PTS. I would NOT tell the kids that it "may" happen and let them worry and be upset only for it NOT to happen. KWIM?

[Danestress]

I think I would start telling them that you are worried about his pain and his quality of life, and just open the door to a discussion about when an owner might have to decide that enough is enough for an animal.

 

I would put him back on the pain medication in the mean time. Why is he off of it if his pain is so serious?

 

It doesn't sound like he's so critical that you need to make this decision tomorrow, and I would want my children to participate in the process. When my dog was dying, we all kept a bedside vigil for a couple of days. It was very helpful for them to process what was happening. I told them that we would not euthanize until everyone was of one mind about it.

 

We all went together to Euthanize. At that point, my dog had gone deaf and blind (which happened it just a few days time - I think she had a brain tumor) and could not walk. So it seemed like the right thing to do. One of the kids wanted to be there for the euthanization - the other asked to leave the room but then decided to come back in at the last minute. We all loved on her and tried to give her a good "send off." I think we all felt better about that process than if just me or just DH had gone.

[Only me]

The problem is that we don't know 100% that we will put him to sleep but it is quite likely. A few months ago when we brought him in he said that our dog most likely had severe arthritis. It's possible that it could be cancer or something like that but quite honestly even if they took an x-ray and thought it was cancer there isn't a lot that we can do at his age. Surgery would be very risky.

 

If the vet suggests that putting him to sleep would be the best option then we will follow his advice. It is heart wrenching to see him in so much pain. Of course if the vet has any other ideas we will do that first. Since our dog is so large and is getting pretty old for his breed things will probably go downhill pretty quickly now. We will definitely try the pain medication again but at this point it seems like more than pain that is preventing him from moving around.

 

My husband won't/can't bring him home if the vet decides to put the dog to sleep. Since my husband has to pick the dog up (120 pounds) it is quite difficult and it is also painful for the dog. We won't want to put him through it more than necessary. Therefore, if the decision is made he can't bring the dog home for the kids to say goodbye.

 

We are definitely taking this seriously and will put him to sleep if that is our only option and what is best for our dog. We are all very close to him and just want to do the right thing.

Edited March 12, 2010 by hpymomof3

[lionfamily1999]

I'd consider letting them go along and I would tell them now.

 

When my parents had to put down our dog, we all went. I was about eight. It was terribly sad, but there was comfort in that we all were petting him and loving him while he died.

 

This is so sad, I am sorry you have to do this. I do think it's best when they can be somewhat proactive in these situations. It, imo, takes some of the helplessness out of it.

[Danestress]

about whether there is any way that the dog's pain can be relieved enough that he is able to just walk enough to get in and out of the house over the weekend? Has he been totally unable to walk at all for a time? Or was this just last night? I'm just wondering if maybe he could help you problems solve this one issue to buy yourselves a couple of days.

 

Or is there one part of the house where the dog could be for those few days? My dog actually couldn't stand up for the last couple of days of her life. It was sort of messy, but we were waiting to see if a particular medication was going to help. It didn't and we put her to sleep in the end, but those were precious days and important in the grieving process, and I described above. For the kids' sake, it would be worth it to me.

 

If that's not possible, I would definitely tell the children right away, and I would take them to the vet for the procedure if they want to go.

[Tap]

I would start the conversation today with just a gentle talk about how the animal is feeling and allowing the conversation to lead into a discussion about what may need to happen.

 

I would consider having dh take the dog to the vet and if the vet decides to euthanize, meet up with dh so the kids can say goodbye. I am sure the vet can give the dog a shot to relieve his pain for a few hours as the kids say goodbye.

 

I wouldn't try to hide this from them, as it is an important passing in their life. They will need time to ask questions and to say goodbye.

[Lolly]

I would tell them in the morning. Then, I would take a picture of him with each child. I'd let him have a delicious meal of eggs, bacon, and pancakes with the kids. I see no point in worrying them overnight.

[johnandtinagilbert]

We needed a week to let each of them take the time they needed. It was very tough, but giving them the time and space to say good bye was important and worth it. :grouphug: We just put down our sweet girl over the summer...I miss her daily.

[*Jessica*]

I am curious as to why he isn't on pain meds now? You said he was doing better and now that he's off them he isn't. Would putting him back on pain meds give him more time? Or is his quality of life really bad now, even with pain meds?

 

If you do think there is a good chance he will need to be put down tomorrow, giving the time to say goodbye is very important. I'm sorry about your dog. :grouphug:

[LauraGB]

I'm really sad for you and your family. :grouphug: When our dog was ill, our kids knew how sick and in pain she was. Unfortunately, it is life's natural progression and I think you should discuss things with your dc now and throughout the whole process, no matter how painful. It is not easy. In fact (oh my, I'm getting teary), it was one of the hardest things we've ever had to do.

 

I say tell them now so they can be prepared for whatever the vet says tomorrow and handle it as a family unit.

 

Again, I'm really sorry you all are going through this. :grouphug:

[hornblower]

(I have learned an awful lot about how to deal with dying animals from a local woman who runs a sanctuary for senior animals abandoned in shelters. She has a blog on her site. http://saintsrescue.ca/)

 

 

I would tell your kids that the dog is very ill and might need to be pts.

 

WRT to the dog's prognosis I would ask your vet 'if this were your dog, what would you do now?'

 

If there's a chance of buying more time with pain managament, I'd do that, bring your dog home and try to arrange a home euthanasia later on.

Some vets will come to your home and you can all be there, in a comfy, safe place, surrounded by love.

 

My family had large GSD's who both suffered hip problems late in life. You can use a sling - make out of a towel or a piece of fleece is fine - to provide some extra support.

 

BTW, when Carol from SAINTS takes dogs in for euthanasia (they can't always get the vet to come to her place) she goes through the burger drive through on the way & gets the dogs some burgers and fries. I think it's important to make their last day and moments fun and carefree as much as possible.

 

I think you have a great opportunity here to talk about pain and life and death and how death will mean the end of pain for your dog but a lot of pain for all of you. I'd give them the option of being there.

 

If they can't go tomorrow, I'd tell them now that the possibility exists that the dog won't come home. I'd give them all this day to really treasure each other. If your dog does come home, your hearts will be very grateful that you got that day AND a chance of some more days but you'll also be slowly preparing yourselves for the end.

[Laurie4b]

Our almost 12 year old lab mix might have to be put to sleep tomorrow morning. He has been quickly declining over the past few weeks. His front paw had started giving him some trouble a few months ago (limping and pain). The vet put him on pain meds and glucosamine. It seemed to help and he was doing a bit better. He has been off the pain pills for about a month but we have continued with the glucosamine. Over the past week or so his paw has really started to bother him again. He really has a difficult time getting around. Yesterday his back leg seemed to be giving out on him too.

 

Last night we let him out at 9:00 pm and he wouldn't come in until after 2:00 am. We think that the cold air helps the pain and he also doesn't want to get up to walk into the house. My husband finally had to carry him in. The dog weighs about 120 pounds so this isn't something we can do on a regular basis and I'm not strong enough to carry him at all.

 

Tomorrow morning my husband is taking him to the vet. We will trust the vet as to whether or not he feels that there is anything to do for our dog or whether we need to put him to sleep since he is in so much pain.

 

Needless to say, my kids are going to be devastated. We planned on telling them tomorrow morning before my husband leaves for the vet so that they can say goodbye to him just in case. Now I'm wondering if I should tell them today. Of course it would make them miserable today and make them worry for 24 hours (and it may be needless worry since we aren't 100% sure what we are going to do). On the other hand, I know that I am cherishing today and the time I get to spend with our dog. I'm wondering if perhaps the kids would want that extra time instead of just having a few minutes to say goodbye to him. It is such a heart wrenching dilemma. Any advice?

 

I would tell them that you think it looks like the time when he will die is getting near. I didn't like telling my kids about euthaniasia, so we just said the dog was getting ready to die.

[kalanamak]

For me, kids that age would go to the vet, too. Let them see the logic and talk to the vet if they'd like. Surely they can see the dog can't walk. This will not blind side them.

 

:grouphug: Our furry friends have such short lives.