Why does a 16 month old not like...

[PeterPan]

diaper changes? I just can't figure it out. He doesn't have any words yet to express it, and I can't think of the questions to ask to even sort it out. He doesn't hurt. I sing to him, skip count, anything he wants for entertainment. If someone comes along who is more rare, more entertaining, he stops fussing. I asked him if he wants to start using the potty, and he shakes his head yes. But it's winter. Do I REALLY have to do that with a 16 month old? Is that really the problem?? I just can't figure it out. Oh, and he's a boy. Is he just telling me he's about to go and knows it? He is teething (AGAIN, two year molars), but I don't know that it's connected.

[samba]

I was just wondering the same thing...our foster ds, also 16 months, started resisting diaper changes in the last couple of weeks. He is on the go all the time, always active, and I've decided that diaper changing just gets in the way of all the other things he'd rather be doing.

 

Carolyn

[4kiddies]

He probably just doesn't want to stop what is fun to have to get changed. Have you tried changing him while he is standing up? It might not be such a chore then with having him lay down and stay still.

[PeterPan]

But it's not like I'm hauling him away from something else. I tell him a few minutes ahead, so he can plan. He's done with his activity (coloring, whatever), has cleaned up, and he's not in the middle of something. He's incredibly congnitive, and I just can't figure out if this is simply a childhood resistance episode, or if he's actually trying to TELL me something.

[PeterPan]

Maybe he doesn't like the changing table??? He is getting a bit big for it. The pad is old because it was from dd, 10 years ago. Maybe it's scratchy and uncomfortable? First he fusses, then he does peg-leg, making it hard to remove his jams, which is TOTALLY frustrating. He can do a serious peg leg!

Edited February 25, 2010 by OhElizabeth

[MomtoCandJ]

my 15 month old dd is the same way, I just started putting her in pullups and put a dress on her today and left the bathroom door open so she has access to her potty

[Tangerine]

I really think that at that age it is feeling forced to keep still(ish). My son would roll up like a crepe during diaper changes.

[PeterPan]

Ok, if I put him in pull-ups, how much do they hold? Would I be going through a lot of them and get $$? Do kids really want to potty train at this age? I so was not ready for this. I was planning 2 1/2, or maybe this summer at 1 1/2, not now. :)

 

Oh, lest that sound stupid, I never used pull-ups with dd, or if I did it wasn't long. I taught her to recognize the feel so she could go on command and then waited till *I* was ready at 2 1/2. But maybe it really is time? Mercy, the things I don't know.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I was thinking the changing area is uncomfy and he just wants to go. Do you sing songs? Would he like this. We're just singing phonograms during changes right now to familiar melodies. He sings, I change like the speed of light!

[PeterPan]

my 15 month old dd is the same way, I just started putting her in pullups and put a dress on her today and left the bathroom door open so she has access to her potty

 

So how did you know to do this? Was she fussing? It's strange, because I ASKED him if that was what he wanted, and he was very affirmative. It's just pretty hard to potty when you're constantly in zippered jams, haha. Now I get why you said you put him in a dress, lol. Well what about a boy in the winter?? Whew, gotta think about this. Any help?

[MelanieM]

Yes, children that age (and younger) can want to potty learn. I would give it a try, especially if he's telling you that's what he wants to do!

 

You might try teaching him some ASL signs for toilet and diaper change so that he can clearly let you know when he wants one or the other. (You can look up the signs at ASLpro.com.) Just learn the sign and use it every time you change his diaper or bring him to the toilet. My daughter was signing potty to me at 7 mos, and my almost 8 month old has recently started signing to me when he sits on the potty.

 

Good luck!

[fairfarmhand]

My oldest pottied at a very early age. You could just put a t-shirt or sweatshirt on with no bottoms other than training pants or diaper. But I would think he more than likely doesn't want to stop what he's doing. DS 2 is the same way.

[MelanieM]

So how did you know to do this? Was she fussing? It's strange, because I ASKED him if that was what he wanted, and he was very affirmative. It's just pretty hard to potty when you're constantly in zippered jams, haha. Now I get why you said you put him in a dress, lol. Well what about a boy in the winter?? Whew, gotta think about this. Any help?

 

You could try doing a timed approach rather than waiting for him to signal to you that he wants to go. So basically, bring him to the toilet as soon as he wakes in the morning and after nap -- most everyone goes to pee then. Then figure out when his next pee typically is and start bringing him to the toilet around then. (All of my kids seem to go within 15-20 minutes of the first morning pee, and then they start to go on a big of a schedule of every couple hours or so.) If you go at regular times he can start to hold for those times so you're not rushing to get his clothes off in response to him telling you.

[PeterPan]

Ooo Melanie, you're brilliant! I hadn't thought to use the signs with him! We've been dabbling in them but hadn't gotten to that point in the video, if potty signs are even on there. Well cool, that would definitely help. And a schedule makes a LOT of sense. We did the potty in the morning on command a few times, and that's where he caught on. Now any time he's fortunate enough to be naked he looks at himself and watches for it, hehe.

 

Is there a particular brand of pull-ups or pants or something I should look for? I declare I'm going to have to set the timer for this. I'm such a hairbrained thing. So if we use a timer, start at every hour? Do I ask or just take him? I take him every hour, plunk him down, and then move on? See I just always figured we'd do the summertime grass thing. I never thought I'd actually work at this,haha.

[MomtoCandJ]

put him in a t-shirt and pull ups (if it's really cold you can also put sweat pants or other easy on/ easy off pants on him), if you don't want to waste money on pull ups (the ones dd has were given to me) you can buy cloth training pants at Wal-mart and K-mart, they are made by Gerber and are usually towards the bottom of the rack and under the onesies. I have 6 pairs for dd for now but I might buy more depending on how she does. Pull ups are made by Huggies, Easy Ups are made by Pampers and there are also some store brands (white cloud/parents choice...) :)

Edited February 25, 2010 by melissamathews

[MelanieM]

Ooo Melanie, you're brilliant! I hadn't thought to use the signs with him! We've been dabbling in them but hadn't gotten to that point in the video, if potty signs are even on there. Well cool, that would definitely help. And a schedule makes a LOT of sense. We did the potty in the morning on command a few times, and that's where he caught on. Now any time he's fortunate enough to be naked he looks at himself and watches for it, hehe.

 

Is there a particular brand of pull-ups or pants or something I should look for? I declare I'm going to have to set the timer for this. I'm such a hairbrained thing. So if we use a timer, start at every hour? Do I ask or just take him? I take him every hour, plunk him down, and then move on? See I just always figured we'd do the summertime grass thing. I never thought I'd actually work at this,haha.

 

Well, I do so like being called brilliant! ;):lol:

 

I think trying every hour or two would be a good way to start, especially if it helps you remember! Just know that he probably won't need to go that frequently, and his body will have its own schedule. It might look something like pee at waking, again 30 minutes later, then every 2-3 hrs for the rest of the day. (That's how it seems to be with all three of my kids by toddler age. And we start pottying at infancy.) Just watch for his natural rhythm and start to shift your timing approach to be more in line with his needs.

 

I would tell him "it's time to go to the potty!" at the first convenient time after your schedule 'beeps' (i.e. don't turn it into a negative by disrupting his play just because it's time) and then give him a couple of minutes to see if he needs to go or not. Use the sign with him when you say it's time to go, and again when he's sitting on the potty. Then after a few days of that maybe you can start asking him if he'd like to go rather than automatically taking him. Because he's seemingly keen and aware, and can answer your questions clearly, that might work for you fairly quickly!

 

Also, invite him to use the sign any time he wants to go -- just let him know that if he comes to you and signs potty you'll help him go!

 

As for clothing... leg warmers are a beautiful thing in the winter time! My baby spends his days in a cloth diaper and a long pair of my socks. Hee hee.

[MelanieM]

Oh, and don't forget to pay attention to your intuition! I can't tell you the number of times my husband or I have thought "oh, I wonder if the baby needs to pee..." and either take him and he goes immediately, or (often enough) don't take him and end up with a wet diaper 60 seconds later! There's a mother's instinct at play here, to be sure, and the more often you listen to it the more clear it gets!

 

Melanie (sitting next to a baby going poo on the potty!)

[KJB]

He hates it because of the turtle on its back factor.

 

Who wants to be put on their back and restrained, afterall? People want their freedom. The boy wants to roam.

 

I personally wouldn't start potty training him yet. (I have an 18 month old and have successfully trained her four sibs by just before or right at 3, fwiw.) I think failure and regression can have a far reaching effect whereas waiting a bit until he's really ready makes it pretty easy. (Can he dress himself? Is he in a bed or will he have to climb out of a crib to use the potty? Is he really capable of cleaning himself up post-potty yet? Do you really want to rely upon him when you grocery shop to tell you he needs to use the potty?)

 

When I potty train, I expect to be able to be hands-off after the process. I don't want to still participate in the potty process when I decide it's time to train. If you're still going to have to be involved in the process, you might as well be changing a diaper, imo.

 

Besides, when a baby is in diapers, you can travel much easier than when you have to worry about finding a public potty.

 

Oh, and just to be really controversial, I HATE pull-ups. The only thing I admire about them is the brilliant marketing scheme their producers can be credited with for their invention. They really are just a diaper with bells and whistles and feel good "we're potty training" emotions attached to them.

 

Hold out for the big boy pants and give the little fella some time.

 

JMHO. Everyone has an opinion. This is just mine. (0;

 

I don't hold it against anyone who loves pull-ups and doesn't mind holding a baby over a toilet. These things just aren't my bag.

Edited February 25, 2010 by KJB

[MelanieM]

Do you really want to rely upon him when you grocery shop to tell you he needs to use the potty?

 

I have had a 12 month old sign potty over my shoulder (she was riding on my back at the time) to let me know she needed to go potty. I have also found that all of my children, from a very young age, would typically go before leaving the house and then hold it until we got home. Also, it has been my experience that it's much easier to find a potty when out and about than it is to find a suitable changing space. (I won't leave a child in a dirty diaper for any length of time.)

 

When I potty train, I expect to be able to be hands-off after the process. I don't want to still participate in the potty process when I decide it's time to train. If you're still going to have to be involved in the process, you might as well be changing a diaper, imo.

 

 

I would much rather wipe a wee bit of bum than deal with a big messy diaper. However, I have never had to change a diaper with toddler poop in it, so it's just the thought of the unknown that makes me happy to avoid it.

 

I'm not trying to be argumentative... just pointing out that we find what we know to be easiest. To each their own! :)

[KJB]

Also, it has been my experience that it's much easier to find a potty when out and about than it is to find a suitable changing space. (I won't leave a child in a dirty diaper for any length of time.)

 

I have no doubt that a baby can tell an adult that he/she has a potty need a certain percentage of the time. My baby tells me verbally when she needs a diaper change. In her eloquence, she says "Poo-Poo" when any event of interest occurs in her diaper. TMI, I am sure.

 

Needless to say (I would hope) I also won't leave a child in a dirty diaper for any length of time. This comment seems kind of silly to have to make, but I'll make it anyway for fun.

 

Your standard for suitable changing space must differ from mine. I find my car, outdoors in the fresh air, and pretty much any safe surface covered with my changing blanket to work just fine for a quick diaper change.

 

OTOH, I find public restrooms often gross and I can't imagine hovering a tiny bottom over a toilet meant for an adult. I travel frequently and I can't afford to be on the road with a urine soaked carseat which I can see all too frequently if my little one was out of a diaper.

 

IME, IMO, for me, etc. etc. I strongly prefer my child be mature enough to be self-sufficient when I consider them potty trained. Otherwise, you're really just a potty-team. And it's OK to be a potty-team, but to me it's not much different than changing a diaper.

[extendedforecast]

My 17 month old started resisting diaper changes a few months ago. He is much less cooperative than my older daughters were. The only thing I have been able to figure is that he has gotten pretty independent lately and doesn't like being restrained. This is also the time when he started resisting the car seat and stroller. I try to give him a toy he hasn't seen in a while to occupy him, and that usually works .

 

Cindy

[MelanieM]

Needless to say (I would hope) I also won't leave a child in a dirty diaper for any length of time. This comment seems kind of silly to have to make, but I'll make it anyway for fun.

 

I have actually known several people who do not change soiled diapers immediately. So while I would hope it wouldn't be necessary to say as much, it certainly hasn't been my experience that this is a given.

 

OTOH, I find public restrooms often gross and I can't imagine hovering a tiny bottom over a toilet meant for an adult. I travel frequently and I can't afford to be on the road with a urine soaked carseat which I can see all too frequently if my little one was out of a diaper.

 

 

Yes, public toilets are pretty gross, no matter your age. We do have portable potties and use diapers for back-up when on outings with wee ones. Also, as I said before, it's been my experience that after a certain age the kids go before we leave the house and are fine again until we get home. (And I suppose it matters that I don't tend to spend all day out of the house with my children on a regular basis.)

 

IME, IMO, for me, etc. etc. I strongly prefer my child be mature enough to be self-sufficient when I consider them potty trained. Otherwise, you're really just a potty-team. And it's OK to be a potty-team, but to me it's not much different than changing a diaper.

 

Yep, a potty team. I like that! Though I have to say that I am still assisting my kids at what would be a conventional toilet-training age. Do many people have 2-3 year olds going to the toilet entirely alone, either at home or when out? (Mine all go pee independantly from a young age, but need helping wiping otherwise.)

 

Also, for me, the advantages are more than just the lack of changing diapers at an earlier age. But again, to each their own. I'm not trying to convince you that I have a better way; there are obviously benefits and drawbacks to either scenario, as with anything. It's just a better way for me, and I like to suggest it to people so they can consider their options. :)

Edited February 25, 2010 by MelanieM

[KJB]

 

Do many people have 2-3 year olds going to the toilet entirely alone, either at home or when out?

 

Also, for me, the advantages are more than just the lack of changing diapers at an earlier age. But again, to each their own. I'm not trying to convince you that I have a better way! It's just a better way for me, and I like to suggest it to people so they can consider their options. :)

 

All my three year olds have been able to go to the bathroom without notifying me if at home or with escort in public, undress, relieve themselves, wipe fairly well, and redress.

 

At home, I am pretty much out of the process. In public, we have to find the dreaded public restroom. Where I live, a public toilet often costs you about a euro which you pay gladly because at least then you know it's in theory sometimes cleaned. The free toilets you often wonder about. :D

 

OTOH, men and boys urinate freely roadside. A funny thing to type, but true....:lol: Nothing more hilarious than to drive by a business suit jacketed man with pants at the ankles when driving down the autobahn. But I digress....

 

I respect you are just suggesting your own opinion. Me too. It's good for everyone to have many choices and it's excellent to post about what works for you.

[Jayne J]

Should you choose to train now, your concern about the cold weather can be addressed by a shirt and legwarmers. It is a bit more difficult with boys (no skirts) and legwarmers are a nice compromise--keeps the legs warm but don't need to be pulled up or down for the potty. Of course it may look only slightly less strange than a skirt, but I assume you won't be leaving the house for a few days if you go this route...;)

[hornblower]

I changed my guy while he was standing at that age. We had a window with a very low ledge, just the right height for him to play with cars etc while I did the change.

 

I used cloth, sometimes flats with pins for around the house, and it was still pretty easy. Poopy bums got washed in the bathroom sink (put facecloth on the cold porcelain edge, plop baby on like over a bidet and wash away) but he didn't mind that. Then I'd dry him off with a towel and send him away to run around a bit without a nappy to finish air drying :)

 

I definitely think it's the restraint and being forced to lie down. Get rid of that & things go easier. Other good 'standing' places are next to a chair, & next to the rear bumper on the car.

 

Both my kids learned to use the toilet pretty quickly after this phase, btw.

[KJB]

I changed my guy while he was standing at that age. We had a window with a very low ledge, just the right height for him to play with cars etc while I did the change.

 

 

Yep, we do this too. I also give dd a wipe to help clean herself.

[Mom-ninja.]

Why? Because he simply doesn't want the time wasted. It may seem to only take a minute to us, but at 16 months and no concept of time, it takes forever. He's busy. He has places to go and things to do. Diaper changes are *boring*.

[PeterPan]

KJB--I was of that mindset with dd, hence waiting so long with her. Obviously anything I would do now would involve more attention and energy from me than doing it later. I don't see the big deal though. It's just a choice. What gets me is that it's NOT that he's bored. How anyone can think it is boring to watch rusty mom recite math tables, look at the butterflies flying overhead, play with the toys I hand him, on and on... He's NOT bored. I'm quite entertaining. He's trying to tell me something. Melanie, it was my gut that said he wants to use the potty, which is why I was so surprised when he answered quite clearly yes. I'm still in this naivete stage, haha... What you're describing sounds like what I saw when in Russia. Diapers were at a premium there, so people were much more in-tune with their kids. My assumption is when he is telling me it this clearly at this age that to override it and ignore it would actually be to shove those feelings back. And now I wonder (trying really hard to remember back 10 years!) if maybe dd did the same thing too. I don't know. I know I didn't have that same clarity of reaction as I do now.

 

Well cool. Those legwarmers sound fun and cute too, hehe. He'd love that. He's so constantly bundled to keep warm. He likes just getting a chance to see his body parts and be sure they're still there. :)

 

Melanie, any particular books or websites you recommend on this? I'm right on board with you, but I might need to reread those pointers a few times. It's been a LONG time. :)

[~Kirsten~]

You've got far better info on early potty training here than I can give. But I have two cents about pull-ups. I'm another who HATES them! Blech! They are far more prone to leaks and blow outs, but worse than that, please imagine trying to pull down the pull-up with something solid in it. Why, you ask? Because my youngest rejected diapers and was on the move constantly, so friends told me to go with pull-ups. When they were wet, she could stand and run (and I must say, that is NOT a bonus anyway) with minimal issue, other than my patience. But more than wet...I shudder, remembering.

 

Both of my girls were interested around 15 months in the potty process. We have a miniature one, which I broke out for them at that age. After about a month, for both, they lost interest, and it just didn't work. They expressed sincere and definite opinions about using the potty but ultimately, given the opportunity, they didn't. Or weren't ready. Or something. I tried a lot harder with my older, as she was already so verbal I thought maybe she really was ready. With my younger, I was more ambivalent and didn't put the effort forth, so that may be a factor in my lack of success. Both trained around 3, just for informational purposes, and both in just a couple of days total.

 

So, like I said, I can't help much with the actual process, but I would say if you go for it and he loses interest, there's no need to worry. If it works, all the better! But avoid the pull-ups at all costs. ;)

[Chris in VA]

You've got far better info on early potty training here than I can give. But I have two cents about pull-ups. I'm another who HATES them! Blech! They are far more prone to leaks and blow outs, but worse than that, please imagine trying to pull down the pull-up with something solid in it. Why, you ask? Because my youngest rejected diapers and was on the move constantly, so friends told me to go with pull-ups. When they were wet, she could stand and run (and I must say, that is NOT a bonus anyway) with minimal issue, other than my patience. But more than wet...I shudder, remembering.

 

lol--did you know, Kirsten, that you don't pull pull-ups down when there's poo inside? You tear the sides and they come off like a diaper. Just fyi for next time!

 

I don't like them either--of course, I wait for ttraining until 2.5 or 3. To each his own.

[abbeyej]

Ds potty trained at that age. He was far, *far* easier to train at that age than dd was at nearly 3. I say "go for it"!

[kitten18]

He's NOT bored. I'm quite entertaining. He's trying to tell me something.

 

My DS was very hard to change at that age but I'm certain the only thing he was trying to tell me was that he wanted to MOVE, he did not want to be still to have his diaper changed.

 

Changing him standing up helped and also giving him something 'forbidden' to hold during diaper changes.

[PeterPan]

Ok Abbey, you can't say you did the potty thing with your ds at this age and not tell me HOW... :)

 

Any tips?

[PeterPan]

Well he's been pottying this morning in his seat and LOVES it!!! I've got him in knee-his (haha) and he's doing great. Found the toilet sign on the sign language video, so we're doing that too. I think I'm just going to wait on pull-ups. I don't need the expense, and it doesn't seem to me he'll be ready to pull them up and down any time soon, will he? If I have to do it anyway, might as well be the diapers I already have that hold a lot. Oh, and I'm writing down when he goes. I'm way hairbrained and would forget otherwise.

 

What I actually need to figure out now (and don't laugh) is whether boys WIPE. Or does just a jiggle do? Hehe... :)

[PeterPan]

Well just as an update, if anyone is curious, I think I figured out the problem. The wipes I had bought were hurting him! I switched back to the kind we had been using previously, and boom the problem was gone. He loves using the potty seat, loves the suggestion on standing while dressing or diapering, but it was the change in wipes that ultimately solved the problem, go figure. I had bought a pack of Meijer sensitives last month when we were traveling, and it never even occurred to me that they would be so radically different from the Walmart sensitive wipes we had used without problem. But they are, and now we know! :-/