Am I overreacting?

[sunshine]

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

We have raised our kids to not tolerate any bully including adults. We have taught them that they can respectfully remove themselves from adults who are mistreating them.

 

If DCFS witnessed parents treating kids the way some teachers treat students.... DCFS would be pulling the kids from the home. So why on Earth is it okay for kids to be in the school environement being bullied but that same environment situation at home would be abuse and grounds for the gov't to take the kids???????

 

 

:iagree: Tell the teacher you consider this bullying and do it in front of the Principal. The reason I pulled my son out in 1st grade was because of a teacher like this. Horrible woman, I hope she has warts.

[sunshine]

I decided to take the "fact finding" approach this morning & set about meeting with the teachers. This is what I learned. They have 3 teachers for most of the day - 1) the math teacher whom I've already written about, 2) a really wonderful teacher whom my older son has also had & is great and 3) the "problem" teacher who has been picking on one of the twins. Teacher #2 inadvertently confirmed everything I've heard about the other two & indicated that perhaps Teacher #3's problem lies in her expectations of her students.

 

Unfortunately, I only had about 2 minutes with the problem teacher, but she started off rather poorly. She had written me a not-very-nice note about the twins & appears to have a very definite problem with BOTH of them; her attitude toward me confirmed this. The explanations she gave me do not match up with what I'm hearing from the boys or their other teacher, so it appears that for whatever reason, she simply doesn't like them. I'm not sure what can be done about that because they've never ever had a teacher not like them. There doesn't appear to be any working with her either, which is rather frustrating.

 

 

Just because they are teachers does not mean they are objective. She may not like homeschooling for a personal reason. She may think it puts a spotlight on the public schools failures and resents it as an alternative. She may resent that your kids are well prepared for the material but not robotic in the way the school kids are who have been trained since preschool to sit at a desk for 6 hours, line up when told, go to the bathroom when told, speak when told, walk when told, play when told, eat when told, work when told, you get my meaning. Homeschoolers are independent and have their own mind. It will take a while for your kids to be indoctrinated into the robotic atmosphere and fit in. And the fact that they aren't blithering idiots who can barely add probably frustrates her.

They are independent thinkers who have been well educated. Public schools frown on that.

[Pippen]

Unfortunately, I only had about 2 minutes with the problem teacher, but she started off rather poorly. She had written me a not-very-nice note about the twins & appears to have a very definite problem with BOTH of them; her attitude toward me confirmed this. The explanations she gave me do not match up with what I'm hearing from the boys or their other teacher, so it appears that for whatever reason, she simply doesn't like them. I'm not sure what can be done about that because they've never ever had a teacher not like them. There doesn't appear to be any working with her either, which is rather frustrating.

 

If there isn't immediate improvement in how she treats your boys, I'd be sure to let the principal know what's happening. So often parents don't, and problem teachers just keep going and become tenured problem teachers.

[AuntieM]

Okay, I will probably be repetitive since I haven't time to read everything, but I did get as far as what Remuda said, and I am tempted to agree.

 

But I would not bring them home at the same time. First, I'd pull up my boot straps and set up some very clear systems, schedules and expectations for your disorganized son. Helping him overcome this will go a long way towards his future success. I'd pull him out for the remainder of the school year to work on these habits. For the time being, I would leave his twin in school and not bother meeting with the teacher or giving reasons for withdrawal that involve her (even though she needs a spanking).

 

I recommend this because I have twins.... 7th graders... and I know how they can distract one another. Maybe I am reading this wrong, but it sounds like the one son could truly benefit from your one-on-one attention.

 

By next fall, see how things are going. By then the disorganized boy may have trained in some good habits that will help him not be a target next year. Or, he may grow to love homeschooling and both boys will be ready to come home.

 

IF, in the meantime, the nasty teacher starts fixating on remaining brother once the first twin comes back home, that's when I'd become a thorn in her side.

 

Just my pair o'pennies.

[Dobela]

Just because they are teachers does not mean they are objective. She may not like homeschooling for a personal reason. She may think it puts a spotlight on the public schools failures and resents it as an alternative. She may resent that your kids are well prepared for the material but not robotic in the way the school kids are who have been trained since preschool to sit at a desk for 6 hours, line up when told, go to the bathroom when told, speak when told, walk when told, play when told, eat when told, work when told, you get my meaning. Homeschoolers are independent and have their own mind. It will take a while for your kids to be indoctrinated into the robotic atmosphere and fit in. And the fact that they aren't blithering idiots who can barely add probably frustrates her.

They are independent thinkers who have been well educated. Public schools frown on that.

It may also have nothing to do with homeschooling or her training. She may dealing with a great deal of stress at home/outside of school and not realize just how she is coming across at school. I have seen great teachers have bad years that seriously damaged their reputation due to outside stress. It could be burnout. But none of those make it acceptable for a teacher to target a child like that.

[Scuff]

I'm inclined to say that he should stick it out the school year. This is an opportunity to teach him to love his enemies and be kind to those who persecute him. Only you know if he's ready to learn that lesson at 11. But if he can endure the day, and come home to get loved on and recharged to face the next, he will be stronger for it. If it'll crush his spirit, bring him home.

[woolybear]

One thing I would add-- I have found that there are some people who attribute any negative qualities my dc have to homeschooling. Perhaps this teacher is assuming your ds disorganization or something else is due to being hsd. Also, hsing, to some teachers is an insult. Maybe she feels angry at having to "fix" some problems that she believes were created by his being hsed.

 

I would be inclined to pull him out so fast......but perhaps that is not the best move. Just my gut. I would try talking to the teacher and principal and hearing the other side and explaining how it is for your son. And then I would probably still pull him out. Fast. But nicely, so he could go back and any other dc who want to be there * should * not be affected by this decision.

 

Woolybear

 

p.s. you are not overreacting

[woolybear]

Forgot to add: IMHO, tolerating a bully (of any age or position) does not make one stronger. We can usually deal better with this stuff by the time we're adults because hopefully we are a little more grounded by then. As kids though, that foundation is still being laid.

 

Also, I can't figure out how to go back and add in the quote I want, but someone had a snappy response. While being very tempting to me to have such a line, I think it would probably be better to restrain myself from saying it. However, I would probably fantasize for a long time afterward having that satisfying scene.:)

 

Woolybear

[mom2hunangirls]

I'm glad to hear the meeting with all the teachers helped you sort it out. Did you get to talk to the principal this time? I think now that you've talked to the other teachers you should send him a letter (so it will be placed in ds file) and just explain what you learned today. Give examples of what the teacher has done as non-confrontational as you can. And that you think the teacher's behavior is out of line especially given the report of the other teachers. And ask for a follow-up phone call or meeting. Or just schedule a meeting with him/her asap.

Obviously if you decided to pull him out...ignore that. :)

When you left, did you feel like he was having more positive experiences than the negatives of that class? Knowing what a joy he is to other teachers must make him feel good and make it easier to see that the mean teacher is just mean. And that it's not really about him. Maybe??? Only you can know that, with his feedback of course.

Neither option sounds stress free, but I hope you can find a place of peace with whatever you decide.

[Rhondabee]

Chiming in late:

 

Have you called and talked to the principal? Does s/he know that this teacher is berating you & your son to his face? If the principal doesn't know, he/she should. And, the principal should sit in on this "conference." I would expect that the principal would ask you to share, and then the teacher - to reach an understanding of what is actually going on, and what will change in the future, and what will happen if these problems re-occur. I would think the principal would make it very clear that this sort of behavior is very unprofessional. Of course, the principal may also want to meet with you and your child to discuss whatever is irritating this teacher so (and may suggest a course of action to hopefully resolve that issue).

 

(And, of course, my days of teaching were 15+ years ago now, and I worked for an excellent principal who treated all parents with respect. If only she had been the principal at my dc's public school, maybe I wouldn't have felt obligated to homeschool!)

 

so sorry for your ds!!!

[KristineinKS]

When you left, did you feel like he was having more positive experiences than the negatives of that class? Knowing what a joy he is to other teachers must make him feel good and make it easier to see that the mean teacher is just mean. And that it's not really about him. Maybe??? Only you can know that, with his feedback of course. Neither option sounds stress free, but I hope you can find a place of peace with whatever you decide.

 

No, I'm left with a very negative impression overall - 2 of the 3 teachers really aren't any good, so that is a problem. I was also surprised to hear from another staff member about how unhappy he (my son) is there - he felt comfortable enough talking to her about it, whereas his twin informed her that he'd rather be at school no matter what, because "home should be where you relax and not work." They love this particular teacher, so I'm glad they talked to her, but still, it surprised me!

 

He is, I think, shocked about the way the other teacher has been treating him. There's been crying, stomach aches & numerous other complaints in the mornings because he desperately doesn't want to go back to school. Even though the mean teacher is just mean, he does feel like she's singling him out.

 

Chiming in late: Have you called and talked to the principal? Does s/he know that this teacher is berating you & your son to his face? If the principal doesn't know, he/she should. And, the principal should sit in on this "conference." I would expect that the principal would ask you to share, and then the teacher - to reach an understanding of what is actually going on, and what will change in the future, and what will happen if these problems re-occur.

 

I will not involve the principal because she caused major problems last year when I pulled the boys out to homeschool. She seemed to take my decision personally (though it had NOTHING to do with her) & I do not expect her to be supportive of anything I say or do at this point.

 

Really when it comes right down to it, I think I'm coming to the conclusion that this school is simply a mess. Thank goodness this is their last year there (IF they finish off the year there)!

[Mynyel]

Pull him. He is only a child (even at 15) once...he doesn't need that kind of stress at his age. What's the point of keeping him in? Whats the point of talking with teachers? In my experience it does nothing but cause more strife for the child in question. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior towards my child.

 

My daughter..and she was only 7...understood her teacher didn't like her...and she didn't we went round and round with the school. She started getting a twitch...a literal twitch and would feel sick every day on the way to school. She would tell me her tummy hurts....I pulled her.

 

No way should he be left. If the other wants to stay I would certainly explain what is going on and what could happen, just so he goes in with his eyes open.

 

*steps off soap box* I have strong opinions about how others are with my own :)

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Luanne]

I think you should pull him (as well as your other son because I have a feeling if you just pull the one, the other one is going to take the flack from the teacher even more) ... and I wouldn't wait until the end of the school year. This is only February and there are still several more months to go. He shouldn't have to deal with this kind of pain at this young of an age.

 

:grouphug:

[mom2hunangirls]

Oh poor little guy. That is too much. And without being able to involve the principal I see why it's been such a horror to deal with.

I'm sorry. I really hope you have a peaceful resolution soon(whichever way you have to go). For both of you.

[Sahamamama]

It's me again. :D I just wanted to add.....

 

I've been hanging out at your blog, and it's an interesting place! :001_smile: Your home seems like an interesting place. You do seem to have a lot on your plate, though, with your husband working out-of-state, four children, homeschooling, a blog, a home to manage, and all that baking! (Can I come over? Please?) I would be seriously, profoundly, and almost irrevocably tired if I tried to keep up with all that.... Just a thought, Mommy. (You are too hard on yourself, I think). :grouphug:

 

But, like I said, your home seems like a wonderful place for a child. Lots of good stuff happening there. So much better than playing games in groups to prepare for state assessments. :tongue_smilie:

 

Perhaps you haven't found your groove yet, this year, but you are still learning. You are figuring out what isn't working, what is working, what drives you nuts, what keeps you relaxed and still productive. Is that a bad thing, to find your way to the Homeschool Groove? I just think that your home seems like a place that could be a great learning environment for a child, complete with love and hugs and COOKIES!

 

I hope this encourages you, Kristine in Kansas, because you are a good mom, you are trying so hard to do so much with and for your children, and you deserve to enjoy these years with them. They won't be this young forever.

 

(Your children are gorgeous, BTW.) Your daughter's haircut is adorable. And I loved that clip of the twins on the evening news. How proud you must be of them! I'm sure that most teachers in the past HAVE enjoyed having them in class, your children do seem like the kind of kids that teachers love. :D So this just highlights that one teacher's animosity as being way out of line. And the principal won't help you, either. And the coffee-addicted teacher won't help you, either. The school is a mess.

 

But your home seems.... I don't know.... BRIGHT? Yes, bright and cheery and productive and full of cookies. I hope this comes across the right way, but I just want to say that I believe you can do this (homeschool), if you set your mind and heart to it. You have a beautiful set of children, a beautiful home, a beautiful blog which reveals a beautiful and intricate and deep mind and soul -- there is so much to YOU, Kristina, and THAT is what you (and only you) can offer to your children.

 

You might need to bake a little less and work on math a little more, but then again, you might find a way to make baking into math class! LOL! I would volunteer to eat the results! I hope this helps, and I hope you hear in your heart what to do. God bless you.