Participating in sports - when they really don't want to

[Blossom'sGirl]

For years we have been involved with the local Little League and it is one of the few things we do outside the home. Well after a great year last year, suddenly no one wants to play this year. Our oldest quit a few years ago after being bored to death in T-ball and then rejoined and played two years till he was hit with a ball and he was done. We did not force, or even ask, him to play the next year because we knew he was "done" and has other interests anyway.

 

Second ds has been playing straight through since T-ball and is pretty good at playing. He has always looked forward to it but this year he says he doesn't want to play and will give no reason. DH has coached his team in the past and has offered, gladly, to step down if that is the problem but he says it isn't. Now, since 9yo ds doesn't want to play, 6yo ds doesn't want to play either.

 

Personally, I don't care if they play or not but I used to think of it as part of their PE. I feel as though my children are becoming hermits and do not want to participate in anything. DH has already informed ds's that time spent not playing LL will not be replaced with video games, legos and sitting in the house.

 

They will probably play soccer over the summer but that will virtually be our only outside activity. I want my kids to be involved in something with other kids but we live in a rural area without many options.

 

I think ds would play this year and enjoy it if we pushed him but is there any point? I want to help him try to cultivate outside interests but he just isn't motivated. Oldest ds became interested in RC planes and has joined a club for it. No other kids are in the club but at least he is involved in something he is passionate about.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I have always required that my kids be involved in some kind of sport. Baseball for us was less about PE requirement because they usually got more exercise riding their bike to practice than they got in practice:). It was more for the team environment and getting along in groups. They tried soccer and liked it ... for a while. Eventually, it became clear to us that their strengths lie in individual sports - Karate being the thing for my boys and rock climbing for dd. Some families can get enough physical activity without a sport, but we are likely to eschew exercise for a good book, so we need the outside structure.

[AK_Mom4]

Take a year off from Little League. No harm done. Next year, some of them may want to play again. I would institute a "no video games" rule for the summer and throw them outside (actually we do this anyway). Or try a martial arts class - our kids do this and it's alot of fun.

 

We've been involved with Little League for 12 years. Finally all but our littlest have aged out. Now DH is going to learn to coach softball after years of baseball! Of course, if your DH still wants to coach, leagues are generally DELIGHTED to find a coach who wants to be there even though they don't have a kid playing!

[abbeyej]

Can they play spring soccer? I'd certainly be willing to entertain, "We don't care to play baseball," but not "We want to sit around and home all the time". ;) So perhaps give them some alternatives, or parameters for coming up with their own alternatives. "You need something that will get you out of the house, working with other people, physically active, within this budget, and that will work for our whole family..." Or offer them two alternatives to baseball that fit with your criteria.

 

I wouldn't make them play baseball. But I would let them know that they must participate in *some* group physical activity (even if it's an individual sport like karate or gymnastics, but that includes group classes and workouts)...

[lionfamily1999]

If he were to drag his feet, because he didn't want to be there it could get ugly.

 

:shrug: My ds enjoys swimming and running and a million other things that are done pretty much solo. He's just not a team player :p Neither am I or my husband ;) We don't push, because we wouldn't want to play either. Just so you know what kind of opinion you're getting.

 

Ds does do some social activities. Church, youth group, scouts, and we're thinking about 4h. If you're worried about them becoming hermits then try to find a group to join, or else start doing field trips. We're trying to do one a month, to make sure ds can still behave in public... oh and there are educational reasons too :p

[nmoira]

We try to respect the kids' wishes. Swimming is non-negotiable through Red Cross Level 5. I'm hoping they join swim club (fitness oriented, only a few optional meets a year), but won't enforce it. For other sports, we finish our commitments then the kids decide if they want to continue. The only exception would be Aikido. Periodically, DD the Elder wishes to quit. I remind her that she's been doing it for a long time and tell her that if she still wants to quit in a month (we write it on the calendar) she can. She's still doing it. We don't enrolled them in competitive leagues or programs, favouring fun and fitness (and our sanity). Even the basketball league they're currently in is fun and team oriented.

 

I do, however, make it clear that I expect them to *do* something and give them as many choices as possible that fit our schedule.

[teachermom2834]

I have one who wouldn't leave his bed and his Star Wars action figures if it was up to him. He's a fun kid and has a good time when he's out there but his choice would always be to look at baseball cards/ play with action figures/ read ALONE.

 

I'm not okay with that. When he has grown up and made his way in the world he can be a recluse. Until then he has to learn how to get along with people. He actually really likes people. He just forgets that sometimes.

 

So for that kid he has to pick an activity/ sport or we'll pick it for him. He has to be involved with something. He's loving basketball right now but he'd still prefer it to be cancelled so he can play by himself.

 

I'm not saying yours are recluses like mine. I'm just relaying what our experience has been with that and what our response has been.

 

Marie

[Desert Rat]

We recently had to make this type of decision with my oldest. He complained every season about playing soccer but it was really hard to gauge his reactions because once he started playing, he enjoyed seeing his friends and practicing. Last season, he really, really didn't want to participate any longer. We told him we'd finish out the season and walk away. It was so hard! Many of these kids we'd been with for 4 years and had grown attached to the families. My dh was the coach and the families were less than happy when they found out we weren't coming back. But my dh was burned out on coaching and we felt the time was right.

However, we always have tae kwon do. It's year round and we never ask at renewal time if they want to sign up. We automatically sign them up. They've never complained and truly love the sport. We have taught our boys that we are a physically active family and that exercising is as necessary as eating right and getting enough sleep.

In your case, I would encourage involvement in sports but let them choose. I know YMCA in our area has sampler classes where the kids learn a new sport every week for a month (one clase on Saturdays here). It might help them pick a direction.

HTH

[hornblower]

I don't particularly enjoy team sports either.

 

Is there a chance your children are more interested in things like hiking, biking, skateboarding, rock-climbing, dance, horseback riding etc.? There are many ways to be fit and physically active which don't require participation in a team sport.

 

We have been fortunate in the last few years that we've had a weekly 'PE' type class to go to where kids learn to play a bunch of different sports (basketball, volleyball, floor hockey etc), and get to play games like dodgeball and obstacle races etc all under the supervision of an instructor, but without the need to commit to a sport or a team or an entire season of playing. Maybe see if you can get something like this organized?

[Rosie_0801]

Is there a chance your children are more interested in things like hiking, biking, skateboarding, rock-climbing, dance, horseback riding etc.? There are many ways to be fit and physically active which don't require participation in a team sport.

 

 

:iagree: And there's other ways to be involved in teamwork.

 

Rosie

[Blossom'sGirl]

The decision has been made. Sign ups were tonight and we didn't go. DH is going to let them know he will not be coaching either. It is kind of sad because they both had such fun as part of a team last year and this year my 7yo and 9yo would have been on the same team. On the other hand, it will free up our spring a lot.

 

We did inform the children that they need to do something and if nothing else they will be doing summer soccer. I do like the idea of more individual sports and we may also look into track at one of the neighboring communities. There are also many trails near our house to try hiking but Mom is going to have to get in shape.

[cougarmom4]

I'd second the suggestion to just do more physical things as a family (maybe even having one night a week that is family 'sports' night and try out a whole bunch of things...swimming, hiking, roller-blading, etc) and then try to find a group experience in another area--cub scouts, chess club, church activities...