Intersting situation with my dh, my ds, and sensory issues (got kinda long, sorry)

[*********]

So my little guy, who turned four recently, has mild Sensory Processing Disorder. He likes to wrestle and be tickled a LOT, and sometimes plays too rough with me, dh, and his brothers. He cannot wear certain kinds of clothes (shirts with buttons or zippers are a 'no way, no how', and he much prefers sweats to jeans or slacks). He gags on certain textures of foods. He can get overwhelmed and have a 'melt down' if he's in a new place and/or there's too much noise, movement, sound, etc. going on around him.

 

I spoke to his pedicatrician about it at his last check-up, and we're going to try some things at home before possibly pursuing occupational therapy.

 

I have made some interesting observations, however, regarding my dh in the whole 'Sensory Processing' area...

 

Dh can only wear one brand of undershirt. He must, and I mean *must, have a clean undershirt to wear every day. It is not even an option that he get ready for his day and not have a clean undershirt to put on. I mean, I'm being serious here, the man would go in to work late if he had no clean undershirt to put on when he got out of the shower in the morning. He simply could not function throughout the day with his clothes rubbing on him. He would be so miserable.

 

Dh also greatly prefers that certain items of clothing are a specific color. In fact, it was a situation that happened yesterday that really made me step back and go 'Wow, this is my little guy in thirty years if I don't do something to help him cope with his SID'. Dh had gone to Kohls to buy some socks. Again, just like the undershirts, Dh is EXTREMELY picky about what socks he will wear. He greatly prefers one certain brand, and even prefers that they are bought at Kohls. Anyway, he got what he *thought were socks with the argyle pattern that he prefers, that had a dark hunter green in them. Because, you see, the most comfortable socks have at least *some green on them. :001_huh: (No, I am not kidding or exaggerating). Anyway, he got them home, and discovered that the socks in fact had brown in the design, and no green; apparently, and I quote here, 'the lighting at Kohls is bad, and made the brown look like green'. Dh was very, VERY annoyed. He even had me follow him to several different light sources in the house, looking at his socks, making sure that it was in fact brown and not green. He eventually threw the socks back into the bag, and asked me to return them. He was disgusted. He simply cannot, will not, does not want to wear the socks because they have BROWN, not GREEN on them.

 

Woah.

 

My dh clearly has some sensory processing issues. He even gets overly stressed if there is, say, classical music playing in the kitchen, and he is trying to have a conversation. He gets distracted, and annoyed, and eventually MUST turn off the music. He also has some pretty serious issues with germs, handwashing, using hand sanitizer, etc.

 

I guess my point is that I'm pretty sure that DH 'passed on' his sensory issues, genetically speaking, to our youngest.

 

Anyone else have any experience with this? I guess the whole thing has kinda helped me realize that I really *do want to try some therapies to help my son learn to cope with his sensory issues, instead of just brushing them off as 'he just has quirks' or whatever. I see my dh struggling with these things, and wonder if maybe someone had helped him learn to cope as a young child, if maybe his life (and mine, lol) might be a little easier now. I love my dh, he's a great man. I just feel a little sad for him. I think he could enjoy life a little more than he does if he had gotten some help for his sensory issues as a child.

[abbeyej]

I was just reading your vacuum post, and your little guy sounds like such a sweetie. :) It reminded me of my brother, who had a similar obsession with airplanes as a small person. (And actually, it lasted throughout childhood and into his teens.) Our grandfather was a pilot when we were little and C spent one day a week at the airport with my grandfather for years. He memorized Jane's, he could tell you any military aircraft based on the tail alone, lol... C is also extremely intelligent -- and very quirky. Quirky in ways that have been both help and hindrance to him.

 

So I was reading that and thinking, "I wonder if this little guy is quirky in other ways too?" and then scrolled down to see this. ;) So I was glad to see both posts together. I think they give a bigger, better picture of a curious, engaged, smart, slightly quirky little fellow.

 

But I think you're also right to go ahead and pursue some evaluation and therapy *now* (while he's little and his brain is still very flexible) rather than later (when some of these things become *much* more challenging to address). ... My brothers quirks are different than your dh's/ds's, but I think they're on the same spectrum. And my brother would be the first to admit that having learned to cope better with some of his quirks would have made his early adult years a lot smoother. (And even now too, lol...) What was just sort of cute and funny (and occasionally wildly annoying for my poor mother!) became tougher to deal with as he went to high school and college (despite, and perhaps sometimes because of, his great intelligence)...

 

So yeah, I think you're right to get an evaluation and learn some techniques for helping him cope with his quirks. It won't take away his delightful intelligence or enthusiasm or personality -- but it might help him be a little more flexible in the future, and give him the chance to enjoy opportunities that might otherwise be challenging to him.

[*********]

Thanks Abbeyej. Yeah, our Moose is quite the quirky fellow. :D Dh tells me 'you know, it just makes me love him even a little bit more'. So sweet; I think dh sees a lot of himself in Moose's 'quirks'. And you know, the last part of your post is right on. I just want him to be able to enjoy his life, and not let the little sensory issues hinder him. I don't want to change his very unique and special personality. :001_smile:

[Parrothead]

Your son sounds just like my dd. Your dh sounds a lot like my mom.

 

I've always thought it was genetic to some extent. Back in the day, the kids were problem children.

 

SPD comes in degrees. I worked with dd's issues and haven't had to take her to OT. Some parents aren't that lucky with it and their kid(s) have to go.

 

Dd seems to be outgrowing it for the most part. I was able to try new stimuli at her pace. She still can't wear jeans comfortably or eat eggs. That too may pass with time or maybe it won't. But those things can be worked around.

[*********]

Your son sounds just like my dd. Your dh sounds a lot like my mom.

 

I've always thought it was genetic to some extent. Back in the day, the kids were problem children.

 

SPD comes in degrees. I worked with dd's issues and haven't had to take her to OT. Some parents aren't that lucky with it and their kid(s) have to go.

 

Dd seems to be outgrowing it for the most part. I was able to try new stimuli at her pace. She still can't wear jeans comfortably or eat eggs. That too may pass with time or maybe it won't. But those things can be worked around.

 

My Moose can't eat eggs, either. :001_smile: Makes him gag. And like I said, he's no fan of jeans. Over the weekend, dh got him dressed to go out to eat, and Moose convinced him to let him wear sweats instead of the jeans I had laid out for him. :glare: :lol:

 

I figure some things he'll grow out of, some things he may not. And some things I can make more tolerable for him by helping him with some therapy. Our pediatrician suggested some brushing techinques, both on his skin and with a firm toothbrush in his mouth. We'll see how these go, and then re-evaluate in 6 months or so and see if we want to pursue OT.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Bethany,

 

I have a son with SPD and I encourage you not to wait to get help. The sooner you do it, the sooner your child can live a more normal life. He will be better off socially and he will learn better if his brain does not have to deal with the constant onslaught. You can look into OT or you can try a neurodevelopmental approach. We used NACD and couldn't be happier with the results. My child went from a crabby, irritable kid to a 13 year old who smiles a lot. My mom, before she passed away, told me that she really noticed a change and couldn't get over how cheerful he is - even at 13:).

 

About your hubby, he probably passed many of these sensory things on. I know we did. I have some auditory issues and dh has some physical things (he has a thing about underwear and socks and he WON'T wear sweaters.) However, ours are not NEARLY as severe as my son's issues were.

 

If your dh really wanted to, he could get treatment, too. I would make reasonable accommodations (food, reasonable clothing requests, ambient environment, etc.) However, I do not return perfectly good things that I purchase unless it is convenient. If my dh doesn't like what I buy, he returns them. (Part of this is because I absolutely hate shopping.)

[Chris in VA]

Your post is so interesting to me because I think we see these issues as childhood issues, and forget they don't just go away with time. There are plenty of adults who have SPD, Aspergers, etc. It's hard to find therapy and OT for adults with these things. I do think maturity often helps people cope, but they don't just go away with time; a person may decide to not freak out when their socks rub or when there's too much noise, but they will probably, as an adult with more choice and control over their environment, choose to buy a particular brand/kind of clothing, or not go to the movies b/c of the overwhelming stimuli, iykwim.

It CAN be limiting, and I think it's a great opportunity for growth--but it's easier to grow sensorially when the brain is still growing that way.

[*********]

Bethany,

 

I have a son with SPD and I encourage you not to wait to get help. The sooner you do it, the sooner your child can live a more normal life. He will be better off socially and he will learn better if his brain does not have to deal with the constant onslaught. You can look into OT or you can try a neurodevelopmental approach. We used NACD and couldn't be happier with the results. My child went from a crabby, irritable kid to a 13 year old who smiles a lot. My mom, before she passed away, told me that she really noticed a change and couldn't get over how cheerful he is - even at 13:).

 

About your hubby, he probably passed many of these sensory things on. I know we did. I have some auditory issues and dh has some physical things (he has a thing about underwear and socks and he WON'T wear sweaters.) However, ours are not NEARLY as severe as my son's issues were.

 

If your dh really wanted to, he could get treatment, too. I would make reasonable accommodations (food, reasonable clothing requests, ambient environment, etc.) However, I do not return perfectly good things that I purchase unless it is convenient. If my dh doesn't like what I buy, he returns them. (Part of this is because I absolutely hate shopping.)

 

Ellen, I'd love to hear more about NACD; I'm afraid I don't even know what it stands for. I'd Google, but I'm supposed to be going out to run errands. :D I haven't learned anything about neurodevelopmental treatment for SPD, so obviously I have some more research to do.

 

I do try to make whatever accommodations I can for my dh and ds. Just sometimes, I feel a bit overwhelmed with all the 'little' things I have to remember to do or not do for both of them. Especially if they're both having a 'bad sensory day' at the same time, iykwim. It can just get a bit much sometimes.

 

Honestly, dh isn't really 'on board' with the SPD diagnosis. I think he's afraid it means there's something 'wrong' with ds, and by association then, with dh. He just wants to leave it at 'they're both quirky'. But I keep doing my research, and talking dh through it. I'm rather sure he'd support OT or some other sort of therapy for ds if that's what he needs. But I can't see dh getting any help for himself at this point. Perhaps because I make as many accommodations as I can for him, he sees it as less of a big deal? IDK. Interesting thinking...

[gingersmom]

Please get your son to an occupational therapist sooner rather than later.

 

My son's life is 1000% better because of occupational therapy.

 

He had so much fun there that his sister was jealous that she did not get to go.

 

Feeding issues can be a lifelong problem. You seriously do not want to wait to have it addressed.

 

The saddest thing I saw was a girl of 10-11 with serious feeding issues and at each session her mother would bring in food (soups, etc) and she would work with the therapist.

 

Your son is still eligible under early intervention if you do not want to go with a private therapist (which I highly recommend).

[*********]

Please get your son to an occupational therapist sooner rather than later.

 

My son's life is 1000% better because of occupational therapy.

 

He had so much fun there that his sister was jealous that she did not get to go.

 

Feeding issues can be a lifelong problem. You seriously do not want to wait to have it addressed.

 

The saddest thing I saw was a girl of 10-11 with serious feeding issues and at each session her mother would bring in food (soups, etc) and she would work with the therapist.

 

Your son is still eligible under early intervention if you do not want to go with a private therapist (which I highly recommend).

 

Gingersmom, and any others who would be willing to share, can you help me understand 'early intervention'? I have no experience with this at all. I did a little Googling, and it looks like it would be a program through our local Intermediate School District. But all I can find is information regarding a preschool program for children with different disabilities, but nothing about OT through the school district.

 

Also, I'd be very interested in hearing anyone's experiences with private OT for sensory integration, and how that worked with your insurance. I've heard, and even my ped. warned me, that ins. may not cover therapy unless it is billed under some other sort of 'developmental delay', since SID is still rather new and under-researched.

 

Any advice or guidance you can give would be very appreciated. I'm very hesitant to talk to any family about this, seeing as dh isn't even really 'on board' with treating it yet, and I don't want him 'labeled' if you will by our family. Sad, but true. Feel free to pm me if that's more comfortable for you. :)

[extendedforecast]

When my second daughter was two, I had her evaluated by ECI. She has a mild sensory disorder in which her sense of touch is not as developed. As I learned more about it, I realized that my oldest DD probably has the same thing, though it's never been diagnosed officially. They are both different in their preferences, which is why I never picked up on both DDs. One DD has always had to have her shoes tied very tightly. It was very frustrating when she would break down crying because her velcro straps wouldn't stay down in the tightest position. Now she can tie her own shoes, but the laces are so tight and long that she has to triple knot them so she doesn't trip on them. She pulls the elastic on her pants all the way to the last button to get them as tight as possible. As a toddler, she refused to go barefoot on any surface like grass. Certain textures make her mouth dry or make her gag. It is very odd to me. DH is most like this child. He has the same reactions to textures, and he wears his belts as tight as he can get it. He has germophobic tendencies which drive me nuts sometimes. Now my other DD is like her dad in this regard. One of the reasons she didn't do well in school is because she refused to participate. The supplies, like pencils, glue, scissors were set in the middle of the table as community property. Well, she would refuse to do her work because she would see kids put their hands in their mouths and then use the glue or scissors. She had a substitute teacher for the majority of the year, and the teacher refused to let her have her own supplies. Back to the topic at hand. The other thing about this DD is that she needs to be intense in almost everything she does. Her hugs need to be tight, she is very rough in her play, she is constantly moving, you get the picture.

[gingersmom]

Gingersmom, and any others who would be willing to share, can you help me understand 'early intervention'? I have no experience with this at all. I did a little Googling, and it looks like it would be a program through our local Intermediate School District. But all I can find is information regarding a preschool program for children with different disabilities, but nothing about OT through the school district.

 

Also, I'd be very interested in hearing anyone's experiences with private OT for sensory integration, and how that worked with your insurance. I've heard, and even my ped. warned me, that ins. may not cover therapy unless it is billed under some other sort of 'developmental delay', since SID is still rather new and under-researched.

 

Any advice or guidance you can give would be very appreciated. I'm very hesitant to talk to any family about this, seeing as dh isn't even really 'on board' with treating it yet, and I don't want him 'labeled' if you will by our family. Sad, but true. Feel free to pm me if that's more comfortable for you. :)

 

Because early intervention is geared towards kids not yet enrolled in school, they may offer services through their "pre-school". This is what my school district does. In my experience when my son was under 3, they came to my house and when he turned 3 we went to the school district pre-school to receive services.

 

I am not sure exactly what the private OT coded my son's services under but I do remember her early on telling me that they had to call it XYZ and do not be alarmed, they do it so the insurance company will pay.

[jujsky]

Reading your post (and forgive me if I'm being repetitive, I haven't read the responses) I would hazard to guess that your DH is actually a little OCD. Sensory issues can overlap with OCD, but needing things to be a certain color and the germ-phobia are more OCD traits than SID. My brother has it, my dearly-departed dad probably had it. Do some reading on the subject -- it's actually pretty fascinating.

[katilac]

You can buy some products online. I'm not familiar with this particular site; it's just an example: '

 

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/sensory-integration-products.html

[Garga]

I think we see these issues as childhood issues, and forget they don't just go away with time. There are plenty of adults who have SPD, Aspergers, etc.

 

A little OT, but I agree with this. I think my dad has Aspergers, which would explain why I couldn't stand him growing up. He just always manages to say the wrong thing (I mean always), can't pick up social cues, and comes across as being uncaring and indifferent.

 

I used to feel tons of guilt over the fact that I just couldn't like him when I was a teenager. Because underneath the intense social awkwardness and inappropriate social responses (cracking jokes at an wildly inappropriate times, glibly cutting people off in conversation, not noticing when people are getting seriously bored with listening to him talk about his coin collection, etc) he is a very sweet, gentle, caring man. And he isn't happy that he can't connect with people--he really can't figure out how to do it. So, he gives up and just draws farther into a shell. It's sad.

 

If I'd have known earlier about Aspergers (as a kid) and if my dad could have had help learning how to deal with it, everything would have been so much easier. Even if he still acted the same--knowing that he has an issue and it's harder for him to figure out the right way to be would have helped tremendously.

 

So, I guess I say, "Get treatment while you can," to the OP to make life easier on ds as an adult.

[ChristusG]

Reading your post (and forgive me if I'm being repetitive, I haven't read the responses) I would hazard to guess that your DH is actually a little OCD. Sensory issues can overlap with OCD, but needing things to be a certain color and the germ-phobia are more OCD traits than SID. My brother has it, my dearly-departed dad probably had it. Do some reading on the subject -- it's actually pretty fascinating.

 

That's exactly what I was thinking. We're having our DD evaluated for OCD and that sounds like a lot of things I have read up on.

[abbeyej]

...Sensory issues can overlap with OCD, but needing things to be a certain color and the germ-phobia are more OCD traits than SID. ...

 

Yes, and they can often be aspects of some spectrum issues (things along the same path as ADHD/Aspergers/autism), though not necessarily. Certainly not possible to diagnose on an internet board, but there's enough going on and enough family history to warrant an evaluation. Having an evaluation done doesn't change who the person is or all their wonderful and delightful traits -- but it may shed some light on some "whys" and appropriate therapies to help make a few things easier. So, for instance, some day sock color just isn't a big concern. ;)

[BikeBookBread]

Anyone else have any experience with this?

 

Yep. PDG won't wear any clothing that has visible buttons (one button at the neck in back is sometimes okay). She has tried to get over this, but ends up just getting angry, ripping the item off and throwing it on the floor. She begged me to crochet a pink cardigan. She begged for pink duckie buttons. I FOUND pink duckie buttons. She's worn it about 3 times for a total of about an hour.

 

She won't wear shoes with shoelaces. If she does wear shoes with shoelaces, they must be so tight that they seem to cut off her circulation; so it's wooden clogs or flip flops only. That's fine here in the desert, but once we move to snow and rain country this summer, it'll be a different story.

 

Socks too...they can't be too tall or too short, too tight or too loose.

 

I won't start on the underwear. I'm so thankful I found a brand and cut she'll wear.

 

She also has a thing about ponytails in her hair. She begs for them. I put them in and they aren't perfect in her eyes, so she angrily pulls them out and throws the "gumball" ponytail holders onto the ground. I've started to refuse to re-do them. Is this wrong? We even had her hair cut shorter (not as short as mine! but a cute little bob) after a particularly bad series of days including some serious anger and off the chart tantrums over her hair.

 

I KNOW she has some sort of sensory issue, but before this board, I never knew the name. I just assumed it was a kind of OCD. (DH believes it to be just an immaturity thing and disobedience situation.) I know that my DH would not be on board with any sort of therapy...it's a real concern to me, and I just don't know how to proceed without intervention. Are there home therapies or a good book that I can read about this?

Edited January 26, 2010 by BikeBookBread

[gingersmom]

Are there home therapies or a good book that I can read about this?

 

The Out of Sync Child Has Fun

 

http://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Has-Revised/dp/0399532714/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1264481577&sr=8-3

[DawnL]

My son has SPD also, but he's at the other end of the spectrum. He is a "seeker" in that he crashes, jumps, spins, etc and seeks that extra sensory input. That is the exact reason we are homeschooling him. He had such a bad experience at preschool that we had to pull him mid-year. They were incapable of understanding him, and could not deal with him. He often pokes, pushes, etc everyone around him.

 

He has always been like this. He is a "picker", too. He picks every scab, whether it's on his body....or someone else's.

 

I could go on and on. We did do private OT for awhile, but, it was too expensive. And although he was enjoying it, I don't think he was really getting much out of it. Our OT seemed to not know exactly what to do with him. When she suggested ADHD drugs, I knew it was time to go.

 

All of my ds' issues makes him a little bit behind socially. But he, and we, are working hard on that, and maturity is helping. There is no way, though, he would be able to sit still, be quiet, and keep his hands to himself in a public school. He would drive his teacher to drink within the first 6 weeks of the school year. And look darn stinkin' cute while he did it, too! LOL

 

As for it being hereditary, I have heard this, yes. But our ds came to us though the miracle of adoption. It wouldn't surprise me a bit to find his older birthsister had this. She was quite hyper to the point of being stressful and borderline out of control to her mom. Her mom, my son's bmom, blamed herself at the time. But now, after seeing my son's first 6 years of life, I'm pretty sure his birthsister has very similar SPD issues.

 

My poor boy sometimes drives me nuts. But he doesn't have cancer, so I am thankful. I will take his quirky hyperness any day!

[tex-mex]

Sounds more like OCD than SI for hubby. I suffer from OCD and yes, I have SI disorder and mild Aspie... but OCD is the bigger issue for me. (Long story) Your dh sounds like he has it? :confused: Before meds and Cognitive Behavior Therapy, I too would go into a snit over items not lined up properly, food being prepped just so, germy stuff (toilets), and so on. As a kid, folks thought I was uptight or plain fussy.

 

Your dh's color fetish is more Asperger's -- my Aspie son is obessed with one color or type of clothing he must wear too. I am fussy about socks too. The classical music moment you described sounds more like an auditory processing moment -- where he could not think while the music was playing to say what was on his mind. I do that often -- but I deal with short term (working) memory issues all of my life due to a rare liver disease that has "fried" my frontal lobe of my brain. (Long story)

Edited January 26, 2010 by tex-mex

[tex-mex]

Reading your post (and forgive me if I'm being repetitive, I haven't read the responses) I would hazard to guess that your DH is actually a little OCD. Sensory issues can overlap with OCD, but needing things to be a certain color and the germ-phobia are more OCD traits than SID. My brother has it, my dearly-departed dad probably had it. Do some reading on the subject -- it's actually pretty fascinating.

:iagree:

[dirty ethel rackham]

NACD stands for National Association for Child Development. I PM'd you.