Bedtime-Toddler-Help!!!!

[bluemongoose]

My DS 3yo is having trouble with bedtime out of the blue. We have always put our kids to bed at 8pm with the whole bedtime ritual of pjs-brush teeth-story etc. All of a sudden he is not going to sleep until really really late. At first he was getting up and sneaking into the playroom or just wandering around. He just kept getting up again and again and again!!! We have been working on getting him to stay in his room and quiet so the rest of the family can still sleep. He is doing better with this, but he still gets up after an hour or two, looking for company:001_huh:.

 

He has always been a really good sleeper. He normally sleeps from 8pm-7 or 8 am and would still take an afternoon nap from 2 to 4 or 5ish. However, last night, I tucked him in the last time at 1:30am and I am exhausted. Between him and the baby that still wakes in the wee hours to nurse, I am not getting more than a couple of hours at a time. And DS is not doing much better. He is so crabby!

 

So far we have tried: waking him up earlier in the morning and less of a nap, no nap, not coming to retuck him back into bed but just telling him it is bedtime and to go back to bed etc...no luck. He just doesnt seem able to go to sleep. We also do not give him anything with sugar after dinner. Nothing seems to make a difference. This has been going on for almost a month now and I am so tired at this point that I cannot think of what else to do!

 

Any ideas??? :confused:

[mom4him]

My DS 3yo is having trouble with bedtime out of the blue. We have always put our kids to bed at 8pm with the whole bedtime ritual of pjs-brush teeth-story etc. All of a sudden he is not going to sleep until really really late. At first he was getting up and sneaking into the playroom or just wandering around. He just kept getting up again and again and again!!! We have been working on getting him to stay in his room and quiet so the rest of the family can still sleep. He is doing better with this, but he still gets up after an hour or two, looking for company:001_huh:.

 

He has always been a really good sleeper. He normally sleeps from 8pm-7 or 8 am and would still take an afternoon nap from 2 to 4 or 5ish. However, last night, I tucked him in the last time at 1:30am and I am exhausted. Between him and the baby that still wakes in the wee hours to nurse, I am not getting more than a couple of hours at a time. And DS is not doing much better. He is so crabby!

 

So far we have tried: waking him up earlier in the morning and less of a nap, no nap, not coming to retuck him back into bed but just telling him it is bedtime and to go back to bed etc...no luck. He just doesnt seem able to go to sleep. We also do not give him anything with sugar after dinner. Nothing seems to make a difference. This has been going on for almost a month now and I am so tired at this point that I cannot think of what else to do!

 

Any ideas??? :confused:

I would first cut his nap out totally. If you need a quiet time have him spend some time in his room playing quietly. It may take a bit but he will get it. If that doesn't help I would then look closer at foods. Dairy, grains, etc.

I should have mentioned that food colors and preservatives can also be a cause of problems.

[bluemongoose]

I did cut out the nap for a whole week and it didnt do any good at all, he was just more miserable, and so was I. My DD 5yo does quiet time as you described, so I had planned to do the same with him anyway, but he just cannot seem to make it through nap time!

 

I already know he has a dairy intolerance, so he is not on that, I know of no other issues though....

[bluemongoose]

bump :bigear:

[VA6336]

We've had this same issue from time to time...and the only thing that seems to cure it is time. :glare:

 

I hope you find a solution or that his need for sleep kicks back in SOON!

[melissel]

When you cut out the nap totally, did you try putting him to bed earlier? When my DD4 dropped her nap, she went from a 9:00-9:30 bedtime to an 8:00 bedtime. And for both my girls, if we missed their "sleep window," they both get major second winds and get to be what we've long referred to as Wired Tired.

 

Have you tried getting him outside in the sun more during the day and/or making sure he gets more exercise? Are you letting him watch any TV or play on the computer within a few hours of his bedtime? Beyond that, I'd be stumped too and would have to start thinking about food.

 

:grouphug:

[bluemongoose]

These are all great thoughts! Thanks for taking the time to help.

 

To answer some of the Q's:

 

We did try putting him to bed earlier because he was so cranky we couldnt stand him any longer LOL! It didnt seem to help. He just stayed cranky until midnight and then went hysterical-completely melted down until he zonked out.

 

As for the sun...what sun??? We wont be seeing that for a few more months yet. There is not a great way to get outside right now it is a cold rainy mush pit out there. We do chase each other around the house for exercise and my two toddlers are always active. DH also wrestles with DS after dinner for a bit to help him get out extra energy.

 

Wired Tired is exactly how he is! Great term!

 

VA- I think you might be right...it might just be time. Bummer, I was hoping I could fix it!

 

We don't do TV and he very rarely gets to do the wii before bed.

[J'etudie]

One thing that helped with bedtime troubles here was dh or I would stay in the boys' room with the lights low and read a book. The dc had to stay in bed and not talk. They liked having us there, but lying quietly in a darkened room after a long day made them fall asleep within half an hour usually. Of course, dh and I usually had a long list of other things we felt "needed" to get done once the dc were in bed, but sometimes being forced to sit, read, and relax isn't so bad either.

 

This might not work with your ds, but it's another thought.

 

Hope you get some sleep soon.

[jujsky]

It might be behavioral -- a testing-the-boundaries sort of thing. My son went through this same thing at 3 or 4, and he had always been a good sleeper. The whole bedtime routine was one of those parenting things we aced with our kids (unlike our woeful endeavors in potty-training!). The first night I noticed my son was out of bed was probably an hour after he was put down. I was watching TV, and he must have sneaked out of his room and been sitting on the staircase watching it for awhile. A brownie commercial came on, and all of a sudden I heard this little voice say, "Mmmmmm! I sure would like some of those!" :lol:

 

With our son, it was a phase. We would consistently put him back in bed. Some nights he would test me and keep getting up within minutes of our putting him down -- for a couple hours. Stay consistent, and hopefully it will pass quickly!

[DawnL]

My youngest ds is 3 and does this. When he first went to a toddler bed, he would not stay in his room, so we put a child-proof doorknob cover on the inside of his door. If he chooses to stay up late, he must do it in his room. He has toys in his room, so he can entertain himself. Every once in awhile he will wake up at some weird time, like 4 AM. (We can hear him over the baby monitor) Sorry, I'm not getting up at that time just because my ds wants to play.

 

By having this on his door, he must adhere to OUR schedule. Even when he gets up at weird times or is being stubborn at bedtime, he must still respect OUR schedule. If he doesn't, he is tired. It's a pain to have a cranky 3 year old, but within a few days, he has fallen back in step with the family routine, instead of disrupting the family with trying to make his own.

 

And yes, he still has naptime. Lately, he hasn't been napping at all. I can hear him over the monitor during naptime. But he crashes even earlier then, and doesn't play around at bedtime at all.

 

When my ds6 was 2, he still needed that nap so bad, but he wouldn't stay in his room or even stay laying on his bed. He figured out the childproof knob cover quickly, too. I finally had to resort to hauling the high chair up to his room sometimes and strapping him in. Three minutes later, he was totally zonked! So a lot of times it's just a matter of getting them to sit still long enough!

[Tap]

Have you tried a short nap to get a bit of rest? May watch for him to go through one REM cycle and then wake him up? You mentioned trying a short nap, but didn't say if you played with its effectiveness or just tried/failed it.

 

Another thought is letting him listen to a book on tape at night to keep him in bed. Even if it is the same one over and over, it is amazing how long kids will stay in one spot to listen to a book. We put them on very quiet, so they have to lay still to hear it. Quiet music can be very calming too.

 

Another thought is to look around his room and see if there is something keeping him awake. Are there lights/nightlights/hall lights on (even street lights outside)? Are there noises like cars outside, a washing machine/dishwasher/exhaust fan running? Are you cleaning the house, making noises?

 

Can you make the rest of the house unappealing to him? Unscrew the light bulb in the play room or lock the door to it (a key lock door knob is easy to install if you don't have a locking one already)? Turn off a hall light so he doesn't see it as an interesting place to go?

 

If he is getting out of bed and playing in his room, try rearranging his room and emptying it except his bed. Use quiet colors like light blue on the walls and only use the bed room for sleeping to break habits if he is used to playing in there.

 

Try putting everyone to bed, at one time until you get new habits started for him. Even you an dh, can go to your room and read or do something 'quietly' :001_smile: to help him reset his activity rhythm. It is much easier for a child to reset his/her rhythm if they are in sync with the family.

 

Give him a snack before bed that has sleepy properties like turkey or warm milk.

 

Give him an approved toy for bed. A puzzle, books, a soft quiet toy, a baby to tuck in and 'put to bed' himself.

 

 

Try getting him up earlier (actually reducing night time sleeping hours) and letting him have a bit of quiet time in the morning while the other kids are asleep. This may allow time/need for a short nap. DD3 goes to bed at 9pm, up at 6am and takes a 1+ hour nap. If she sleeps in past 8am, she will not take a nap and gets like you describe. She needs a nap but not with long hours of nighttime sleeping. DD3 watches a cartoon in the morning to keep her occupied while I get the day started for everyone else.

 

and just one last thought....ds doesn't need as much sleep as some people. He does better with getting almost exactly 8 hours of sleep, than more. If he gets more sleep, he has a hard time going to bed the next night, and then he gets overtired/stressed and a bad cycle begins.

[Pippen]

Have you tried a short nap to get a bit of rest? May watch for him to go through one REM cycle and then wake him up? You mentioned trying a short nap, but didn't say if you played with its effectiveness or just tried/failed it.

 

 

I had to do this with one of my kids to make the transition from naps to no naps. Otherwise he was falling asleep at 6pm.

[pageta]

What are you doing when he gets up? I had some friends whose toddler was doing this and it turned out she just wanted attention. I know my 3-year-old craves attention after he sees his brother get one-on-one with mommy all morning doing school. Their solution was to put her back to bed without talking to her. They just quietly got up and gently guided her back to bed and tucked her in. It made her really mad, but she wasn't getting the attention anymore so she quit.

[bluemongoose]

I have not tried the REM cycle thing...how does one do that?

 

He already has quiet music in his room on repeat all night long. Just soft classical.

 

We live in the country, so no noise except the occasional storm or coyotes. And there aren't lighting problems except his own that he keeps switching back on!

 

He does not have toys in his room (which is why he was trying to sneak into the playroom before) and we took all the clothes out of his drawers as well because he started playing dressup. When he gets out of bed he is just wandering around in his room. His walls are light blue!

 

He cannot have milk, and I have been unable to get him to eat turkey...are there any other sleepy foods???

 

He has stuffed animals, his lovey, and some books that we put him to bed with.

 

We have been getting him up earlier. He had been starting to sleep until 9-9:30am, we do not allow him to sleep past 8 now.

 

When he gets up, we just say "it is nighttime, stay in bed" and either send him back to his room, or take him back and cover him up. We are not laying down with him or restarting cuddles and things that we do when we put him down the first time.

 

The last couple of nights he has stayed in the room better, but he is still going to sleep somewhere between 11 and 2.

 

All the children have been on the same schedule, so it does get quiet in our house at 8pm. It really has been out of the blue that he changed his sleeping behaviors. It was never a problem until now.

 

I am going to read through all the suggestions you guys posted, and try some things. Thanks for the suggestions!

[KrissiK]

My three-year old does this, too. She's not up quite that late, but... she'll fiddle around in bed for 1-2 hours after we put her down in the evening. Like your little one, nap or no nap doesn't seem to make a difference. She still needs a nap in the afternoon, though, so I'm not going to quit that. Yesterday she fell asleep on my lap when I was doing our afternoon reading. She actually falls asleep quite quickly in the afternoons. I'm not too worried about it. She is required to stay in bed in the evenings, though she sneaks out occasionally. I'll find myriad toys in her bed when I check on her when I go to bed. I'm assuming she'll just grow out of this.

[melissel]

Ugh, I feel for you. It does sound like you've tried everything. I only have one more thought. Do you give him a bath right before bed? When DD7 was almost 4, a bedtime bath went from being a relaxing, helped-her-sleep kind of a thing, to totally winding her up before bed, for some weird reason. Maybe try changing the bath schedule? Or if you don't do bath before bed, maybe a nice, warm, quiet bath would help him settle. Oh! Also, this is pretty out there, but does he have to poop, or has he been having any trouble in that general area? That would always keep both my girls up, and as soon as they pooped, they would conk right out! :lol: I know that's kind of weird, but even as infants it kept them awake.

 

Otherwise, yeah, I think you'll have to wait it out. As for a REM sleep cycle, in my experience, it takes about 35-40 minutes. For my girls, I could tell they were changing sleep cycles when, after being in a deep, unmoving sleep for about a half hour or so, they'd suddenly start to mumble or roll around trying to find a new position. With my DD4, she finds her thumb again, which falls out of her mouth when she drops into a deep sleep. We used to have to wake DD7 after one cycle when she was transitioning out of her last nap. As soon as I heard a tiny peep on the monitor, I'd sprint in there and wake her, or else she was up all night.

 

Good luck! I hope he goes back to a normal pattern soon, for all your sakes!

[mamapjama]

I am going through very similar issues. Things have been very good for a while but lately he is resisting staying in his bed at bed time. What did work for us, and maybe we just need some new titles, is buying an mp3 player and playing stories on tape. He loves Robert Munch and the Magic Tree house (which I can download for free from our library site).

 

With my older son I had an incredibly difficult time to have him actually settle down enough to go to sleep. He was so wired up he would bounce around in his bed. I performed techniques that I read about for children who have sensory integration disorder. They did wonders. I'm sure I've written about them here if you want to seach for them. He really didn't show any signs of Sensory Integration Disorder other than his sleep issues sounded very similar.

[littlebug42]

Is he on any sort of medication? I am only asking because we started having similar problems with my youngest daughter and then it hit us that the problems began shortly after she started taking Singulair for her asthma. As soon as we discontinued the medication, the problem resolved.