Does your teen have friends?

[imeverywoman]

My child has lost many, many close friends due to (their) relocation. I can honestly say that he has no friends to speak of. The funny thing is that he doesn't seem to mind, neither does he ever say that he is lonely, but I feel the need to do something. I guess I don't want my child to look back on his childhood with remorse.

 

I am toying with the idea of joining a co-op or a P.E. class so he can make friends. I'm not crazy about driving to kingdom come, nor about losing a day from our schedule, but....

 

What would you do? Would you try to meet a need that the child doesn't express simply because you know that it is good for them not to be alone, or would you leave well enough alone and be glad that there are no social distractions getting in the way?

 

:confused:

[HappyatHome]

All of my teens have benefited from interaction with peers. They had/have each other, but as they grew into the teen years, more people became a part of their lives.

 

I think each of them (I have three hs graduates) would say that they were glad that we participated in outside activities that allowed them to interact with peers and develop friendships.

 

For the record, only one of my four is truly an extrovert.

 

Just our experience.

[Faithr]

My oldest is very extroverted and has tons of friends. My 17 yo is much more introverted. He has a group of guys he's known for 4 years in a teen Bible study that he has attended every Wed. He occasionally goes to parties or hangs out with them. He also knows a couple guys he likes to play music with. They have a little band. But that's it. Sometimes he does get lonely. He wants to go out on Friday and Saturday nights and many times there is no one to go out with. However, other than that he seems pretty satisfied. He is introverted and he's got his 14 yo brother to go with him for ex. if he wants to see a movie. My 14 yo son is also pretty introverted. He goes to the same Bible study. He also has a best friend who now goes to school but he usually gets together with him a couple times a month. He also is friendly with another boy in his Latin class and occasionally they do something together.

 

They aren't living a high social life but it isn't too awful! I think girls mind this sort of thing much more than guys. I remember being in school and feeling very lonely. I was shy and only had a couple of friends. I think my kids do way better than I did in school. I had an excruciatingly painful adolescence.

 

If your son doesn't have a regular way of interacting with peers, I'd probably try to find a way to fit it in. Even the most introverted needs some social interaction for a healthy balance.

[Love2Smile]

My 15 year old dd has no friends. She was public schooled most of her life, and only been home for 9th and was homeschooled 6th and 7th and back in ps in 8th, now home for good. She is very introverted. She does not like to leave the house half the time. It used to bug me, I used to worry about her. I tried enrolling her in sports. She hates sports.

But she is HAPPY! She is fine hanging with her 11 yr. old sister and her parents. She loves to write, make videos on YOUtube, (yes I allow her to do that, she is very creative), she is a moderator on a youth website too.

 

I know it's not good for her to be isolated. I understand that. However, she is fine being home. Where we live, San Fran Bay Area all her friends she knew are really messed up. All have facebook accounts, hang out at the mall, into drugs, drinking, and guess what??? Did you know the COOL thing is to be GAY!?? I am serious! where we live and I understand it's one of the most liberal places in the US, the kids are all experiementing with gay lifestyles. How do I know? One of the kids, a boy, has a facebook account and has open settings. This is a kid she knew in elem. school. He got kicked out of jr. high, now is "gay" and posts all his gay photos of him and his boyfriend and talks about being "emo" If you don't know what that is, an "EMO" (which stands for emotionally off balanced) is a person who loves cutting themselves and talks about suicide and what not.

We have a highschool nearby where 4 kids have committed suicide by jumping in front of a train, because it is a "romantic way" to die and if your friends are doing it, it's cool! I am serious, they now have the cops patrolling the train station. Kids are troubled, sad, its so sad...

 

Okay, so would I rather have my daughter friends with that or at home being a hermit??? LOL

 

If your child enjoys being at home, is not depressed, has hobbies so be it

I have finally, after months of trying to get my *nerdy* teenager to be more outgoing, accepted her exactly the way she is! And guess what I love her just the way she is... A book worm, video gamer, watches animal planet endlessly and loves being with her family!

 

Everyone is different, and as long as they are happy and safe, thank God they are not out hanging with these poor kids who obviously stuggle for attention in the public schools!

Edited January 8, 2010 by Love2Smile

[imeverywoman]

Thank you for sharing. He does have hobbies, is happy to be around his family, participates in AWANA, helps out at church with the younger children, has various hobbies, and is a happy person. So, yes, I will agree that we are having success. :001_smile:

 

I needed a fresh perspective.

 

Thank you! :)

[Love2Smile]

Thank you for sharing. He does have hobbies, is happy to be around his family, participates in AWANA, helps out at church with the younger children, has various hobbies, and is a happy person. So, yes, I will agree that we are having success. :001_smile:

 

I needed a fresh perspective.

 

Thank you! :)

well then, I don't think you could ask for more than that! :) Be blessed by him!

[4wildberrys]

Wow Carolyn! That's awful. But then again in our very small town here in Idaho---ITS THE SAME THING!!! Crazy---the gay stuff, the emo, the promiscuity etc. Pretty awful. Neither of my kids has many friends right now. My 17 year old has a 'best' friend that she has known since Kindergarten who is graduating her homeschool this year. Her other friends went off the wall social and dumped their homeschool friends for the more exciting public schoolers here (there's only ONE school). My son right now really has no friends. He also is content staying home, but does get a bit bored. But he is 15 and he does NOT want us to try and find him friends. Both kids are involved in some outside activities and we are having them try a new church youth group in town. Neither of my kids are really into sports or team sports---and that IS what pretty much drives this town. So another strike along with homeschooling for them.

 

We are moving back to CA so I guess it all works out that they don't have many friends left here anyways!

[Love2Smile]

Wow Carolyn! That's awful. But then again in our very small town here in Idaho---ITS THE SAME THING!!! Crazy---the gay stuff, the emo, the promiscuity etc. Pretty awful. Neither of my kids has many friends right now. My 17 year old has a 'best' friend that she has known since Kindergarten who is graduating her homeschool this year. Her other friends went off the wall social and dumped their homeschool friends for the more exciting public schoolers here (there's only ONE school). My son right now really has no friends. He also is content staying home, but does get a bit bored. But he is 15 and he does NOT want us to try and find him friends. Both kids are involved in some outside activities and we are having them try a new church youth group in town. Neither of my kids are really into sports or team sports---and that IS what pretty much drives this town. So another strike along with homeschooling for them.

 

We are moving back to CA so I guess it all works out that they don't have many friends left here anyways!

So you are ALL moving back to Calif? I bet you are happy about that!

I think the youth of today are very troubled and if they do not have strong family values and support system thye become lost souls..it's so sad.

So you are familiar with Emo's there too? Lord have Mercy! LOL

 

I get bothered sometimes that Erica has no outside interests, but then I am SO glad she doesnt!. I forgot to mention she volunteers at our local SPCA once a week taking care of the animals and socializing THEM, she says she's happier around cats than kids! Again, if a child is happy, not depressed then let them be who God created them to be!

Alicia, my 11 year old is into competitive gymnastics and goes 12 hours a week and has alot of friends and activities there, so she is happy with that

[1bassoon]

I can relate to this.

 

We moved 1100 miles right before my dd turned 13. She left behind her close friends who knew her well, had grown up with her, etc. Where we moved, it was just harder for her to make friends. Close friends. She has girls she enjoys chatting with, and can be friendly with, but no one she can share deep secrets with, kwim?

 

She's just not your regular teen, and that makes it harder for her to be social with other teenage-girls. She doesn't text, or call people on the phone to just "talk". She doesn't hang at malls, or go to movies, or check out boys. She serves on some youth ministries, teaches ballet, dances with a nice group of girls.

 

She enjoys being with our family. She and ds13 love to make movies together. She loves all her sisters, playing games with the family, movie nights, etc. She seems very happy and content. She really is the biggest introvert in our family, and she doesn't seem to be bothered by it. I guess I worry about it, b/c she is SUCH a different person than I was at 17.

 

And really? That's pretty much a good thing, remembering what I was like.

[4wildberrys]

So you are ALL moving back to Calif? I bet you are happy about that!

I think the youth of today are very troubled and if they do not have strong family values and support system thye become lost souls..it's so sad.

So you are familiar with Emo's there too? Lord have Mercy! LOL

 

I get bothered sometimes that Erica has no outside interests, but then I am SO glad she doesnt!. I forgot to mention she volunteers at our local SPCA once a week taking care of the animals and socializing THEM, she says she's happier around cats than kids! Again, if a child is happy, not depressed then let them be who God created them to be!

Alicia, my 11 year old is into competitive gymnastics and goes 12 hours a week and has alot of friends and activities there, so she is happy with that

 

Yep--ALL of us! We have been planning on this for a long time, but so now it just is coming sooner. And it's actually a really good time for us to go back! We are SOOO excited!

 

And yes, emo's here too. Totally troubled or nonexistant family life, which I know is everywhere, but it is also really concentrated in this town.

[Catherine]

My 16 yo's closest friends are all kids he met at CTY summer camp-they are not local, but he is daily in touch with them via IMing, and skype, and there are "reunions" periodically in our region that he has gone to. It has made a huge difference in his life-these kids are his closest friends. They share similar interests.

[2cents]

My oldest didn't have a lot of friends. He never seemed to mind and was active with volunteering and outside classes. I never pushed him because I was the same way and I know that I was most comfortable at home with my family and the few friends I had. HTH. He is in college and doing fine and has no problems getting along with others and making friends. :)

[Grace is Sufficient]

... if the level of concern I have with whether or not my children have friends is not perhaps merely a result of the fact that my socialization came from being public-schooled.

[Mom25lambs]

My three oldest wouldn't say they have close friends. There are a couple of neighbor kids they play with occasionally and a hs family whose kids are the same age that we play with on soccer teams. My older two each had a friend or two at our old church, but after we left contact seemed to slow and then end. My 13 yo ds seems to take it the hardest. I am looking at some coops, as all the churches we have visited either have no teens or none the same age. My friends 13 yo ds is having the same struggles. I think that for many hs kids this is a problem. I do not have the answers, though I know ps is not our answer.

 

Noelle

 

15 yo dd, 13 yo ds, 11 yo ds, 9 yo ds, 2 yo ds

[TravelingChris]

My middle doesn't really have any friends though she does have acquaintances. She plays soccer in Fall and Spring, is in an adult choir and youth choir (the youth only for Christmas and Easter), is in a youth group (which she doesn't like very much), goes to co-op, is in the Honor Society, and probably most importantly is in debater. She also was on a dive team in the summer and did movie nights with the other divers and swimmers. This is how much socialization she needs. She will make friends in college. She is friendly enough to her soccer partner but I wouldn't call her a real friend since they are so different.

[StephanieZ]

I think having friends is important. I make sure to choose appropriate social activities so the kids have a chance to meet and get to know peers. I also make an effort to include peers in outings, parties, sleep-overs, etc.

 

I do think you need to get your son out and about. Scouting, volunteer groups, church, park day, play day, coop day, etc. I understand about it being hard to fit it in the schedule when it won't "do anything" for you academically, but social development is important as well. Important even if your child isn't noticeably "missing" it.

 

I think once a week for a couple hours would be a minimum for some kind of outside interaction with peers of similar ages. Coach your child on getting to know others. . . getting on facebook, or inviting someone interesting to join the family on an outing. . . or come over to work together on some fun project (making a potato cannon. . . building a fort. . . etc) Host fun birthday parties. . . Make lots of sugar-loaded eats when peers come to your home. . .

 

FWIW, my oldest is just 13, so I only have one teen. I worked hard the last couple years making sure she had multiple friendships, as does my 10 yo. . . As I want them to have several good friendships *before* adolescence starts.

 

HTH

[Love2Smile]

I think having friends is important. I make sure to choose appropriate social activities so the kids have a chance to meet and get to know peers. I also make an effort to include peers in outings, parties, sleep-overs, etc.

 

I do think you need to get your son out and about. Scouting, volunteer groups, church, park day, play day, coop day, etc. I understand about it being hard to fit it in the schedule when it won't "do anything" for you academically, but social development is important as well. Important even if your child isn't noticeably "missing" it.

 

I think once a week for a couple hours would be a minimum for some kind of outside interaction with peers of similar ages. Coach your child on getting to know others. . . getting on facebook, or inviting someone interesting to join the family on an outing. . . or come over to work together on some fun project (making a potato cannon. . . building a fort. . . etc) Host fun birthday parties. . . Make lots of sugar-loaded eats when peers come to your home. . .

 

FWIW, my oldest is just 13, so I only have one teen. I worked hard the last couple years making sure she had multiple friendships, as does my 10 yo. . . As I want them to have several good friendships *before* adolescence starts.

 

HTH

I have to disagree with most of this. Facebook?? Lord that is where the cyber bullying, crappola occurs! Have you seen some of the teenagers FB accounts? What if the child DOES not want to participate in social activites, yet is happy, thriving and not depressed. WHY is it we feel we must FORCE our kids to be social? Don't you feel at an older age when they start college etc...they will be fine? Don't you feel that being around a loving, supportive family, siblings, doing things with family, grandparents is enough? Why not?? Do you feel I am ruining my kid by not forcing her to be more social? Part of it can be genetic. I am a homebody. I do not like going out in public. I don't NEED to be social, talk on the phone, go out to coffee, etc..I am perfectly content being at home, raising my family and being a wife and mom. MY mom was the same way. My daughter and I are alot alike. She even says so. Her grandmother lives in the Santa Cruz Mountains literally alone and she is her favorite grandmother. She teaches her all about gardening, canning, knitting. They bond like 2 peas in a pod.

So what's the deal with forcing a kid to be around people? My daugher knows how to act in public, she is kind, respectful, knows how to talk with adults and can hold her own in public. She simply does NOT desire to be with kids her own age. In fact she dislikes it. She has been in public school for most of her life, since 8th grade. She knows what it's like and she hates the drama, the having to fit in, the back stabbing. It happens with homeschoolers as well. So I don't feel the need to force her one bit to do something she does not want to do. At 15, guess what?? She likes hanging out at the mall with ME! I feel so blessed to have a teenager like her. She sees her old ps friends hanging at the food court texting, (sexting), facebooking, no parental control, cussing, making out, and frankly she chooses to not be with them.

We have no other homeschoolers in our area, we live in a very unfriendly homeschool part of the country.

 

My dd and I hang out at the mall, go to the food court, the movies, get our eyebrows done together LOL, and she is not ashamed to be with me.

So I guess that make me a very cool mom (NOT) or my dd plain *weird*??

 

Everyone is different. I don't feel the need to change anything We live one mile from Community College, she plans on attending either in 10th or 11th grade...we are simply "skipping" the whole highschool/socialization thing.

 

My younger 11 yr old is very social, yet BEGGED me to homeschool as well. She is very popular needs outside activites. She is a competitive gymnist (Nor Cal State Champ. 08' 10 yr old division) and works out 12 hours per week along with competing. She lives for it and frankly tells me with that "who has time for school and the drama"??? So she loves being homeschooled as well...

 

Sorry to make this so long, but I get very defensive when people suggest you must get into some social activity or you may likely shrivel up and die

[CherylG]

I have to disagree with most of this. Facebook?? Lord that is where the cyber bullying, crappola occurs! Have you seen some of the teenagers FB accounts? What if the child DOES not want to participate in social activites, yet is happy, thriving and not depressed. WHY is it we feel we must FORCE our kids to be social? Don't you feel at an older age when they start college etc...they will be fine? Don't you feel that being around a loving, supportive family, siblings, doing things with family, grandparents is enough? Why not?? Do you feel I am ruining my kid by not forcing her to be more social? Part of it can be genetic. I am a homebody. I do not like going out in public. I don't NEED to be social, talk on the phone, go out to coffee, etc..I am perfectly content being at home, raising my family and being a wife and mom. MY mom was the same way. My daughter and I are alot alike. She even says so. Her grandmother lives in the Santa Cruz Mountains literally alone and she is her favorite grandmother. She teaches her all about gardening, canning, knitting. They bond like 2 peas in a pod.

So what's the deal with forcing a kid to be around people? My daugher knows how to act in public, she is kind, respectful, knows how to talk with adults and can hold her own in public. She simply does NOT desire to be with kids her own age. In fact she dislikes it. She has been in public school for most of her life, since 8th grade. She knows what it's like and she hates the drama, the having to fit in, the back stabbing. It happens with homeschoolers as well. So I don't feel the need to force her one bit to do something she does not want to do. At 15, guess what?? She likes hanging out at the mall with ME! I feel so blessed to have a teenager like her. She sees her old ps friends hanging at the food court texting, (sexting), facebooking, no parental control, cussing, making out, and frankly she chooses to not be with them.

We have no other homeschoolers in our area, we live in a very unfriendly homeschool part of the country.

 

My dd and I hang out at the mall, go to the food court, the movies, get our eyebrows done together LOL, and she is not ashamed to be with me.

So I guess that make me a very cool mom (NOT) or my dd plain *weird*??

 

Everyone is different. I don't feel the need to change anything We live one mile from Community College, she plans on attending either in 10th or 11th grade...we are simply "skipping" the whole highschool/socialization thing.

 

My younger 11 yr old is very social, yet BEGGED me to homeschool as well. She is very popular needs outside activites. She is a competitive gymnist (Nor Cal State Champ. 08' 10 yr old division) and works out 12 hours per week along with competing. She lives for it and frankly tells me with that "who has time for school and the drama"??? So she loves being homeschooled as well...

 

Sorry to make this so long, but I get very defensive when people suggest you must get into some social activity or you may likely shrivel up and die

 

I agree with most of the above quote but disagree in regards to facebook.

When our first two were in hs-I cried daily because they didn't have friends. They were smart, good looking, socially acceptable kids but were completely rejected by the homeschooling community. Did I mention that they both loved God and held themselves to a scriptural standard? We tried going to the sleepovers, but because the girls were talking about boys my teen daughter didn't want to go to the parties anymore. They both came home from youth group and said they didn't want to go anymore because the worship leader (a kid my son's age) was outside smoking a cigar after church.

 

I embarrassingly admit now that I just wished they go with the flow abit more and be adaptable and not seem so judgemental. But...as a 24 year-old, my son has been in 3 weddings (best man1x) and as a 22 year-old, my daughter has been in 6 weddings(moh2x). This shows me that although their friendships in high school were weak-they have learned how to be a good friend. This didn't come from a peer group-it came from interacting within a family and my husband and I serving each of them and me letting go of my fears that we were ruining them and they were going to be some weirdo recluses.

 

I do have to disagree about texting and Facebook. It has been a great tool for me and the family (out of state) to keep in touch. Occasionally, I peer onto the teens posts... This has been a great teaching tool for our family. You do have to monitor it though-just like texting and the amount of time that we spend on our blogs, forums, etc.

 

At anytime, I have full access to the teens phones and accounts. I find that my children aren't usually the problem it's others and I just delete them as a friend on my child's account. The 12 year-old can't wait until she's 13 to get an account. She will be able to talk to her cousins all over the country. :)

 

I think letting go of our fear that we are ruining our kids and they need friends is essential. On numerous occasions our 22 yo dd has told me that I am her best friend. When she got pinned at her nursing school graduation she could have chosen anyone-most chose instructors, she chose me to pin her. In fact, at her wedding she is going to have a mommy and daughter dance, too. Keep loving them-show forgiveness when they disappoint and use all these experiences to teach.

Edited January 8, 2010 by CherylG

[Mad Jenny Flint]

My kids do well socially, but frankly it is one of my biggest worries. I have to keep reminding myself that it is good to be diligent in looking for social opportunities, but they are not me, and they are not growing up in the same context that I did. That said, I am finding with my 15 yos that I need to kick him in the right direction occasionally- because he wants the social time but lacks the initiative to grab it.

[LibraryLover]

Most of my teen dd's friends have been lost to high school or relocation. She still sees and communicates with her local hsing friends through after -school gatherings, vacations, weekends, FB. One of her good friends now is her brother's gf, who is also friendly with (My teen ds had hs'd for a time and seems to be a good link for thse kids) some previously hs'd teens. There is good overlap there.

She also does sports, but my dd is quiet and prefers small groups of people and her siblings.

Edited January 8, 2010 by LibraryLover

[4wildberrys]

I will agree with the Facebook/texting possibly being harmful. Because it certainly WAS for my dd!!! In fact, allowing her to get connected to these things was the beginning of the end of her healthy social friendships. Really. And because dd had such a horrible time with this stuff---our son has NO interest in Facebook, Myspace or cell phone/texting. He witnessed first hand the damage it did. Now, unless you can strictly control who calls, texts or befriends on Facebook---you might be safe. But for the more sensitive types---this stuff can be very, very hurtful.

 

And pushing your kids into social activities, especially if they aren't interested or hesitant is not the right thing to do. I can attest to it because I was VERY shy in my school years--and was literally forced to do things I HATED. It wasn't until college that I opened up. And because of my experiences growing up being forced into things I had no interests in---I certainly don't force my kids into things they don't like. If they have an interest and are still hesitant, my dh and I will greatly encourage and support them. That first hurdle can be daunting. The fact is, you can try and encourage your kids/teens to socialize, but you can't force it or make friends 'for' them.

[LibraryLover]

Not re-harsh FB, but I am FB friends with lots of teens, including my own. I know I am not on limited controls, either. Nothing bad is going on on FB with the kids I know. If trusted adults are respectful FB friends with teens, we can advise them on issues as they arise. Further, FB allows for images and comments to be deleted.

 

FB is a communication tool. One can use language to write slasher porn or one can use language to write A Tale of Two Cities. (for example).

 

Tools can be ill -used or well -used.

[StephanieZ]

Not re-harsh FB, but I am FB friends with lots of teens, including my own. I know I am not on limited controls, either. Nothing bad is going on on FB with the kids I know. If trusted adults are respectful FB friends with teens, we can advise them on issues as they arise. Further, FB allows for images and comments to be deleted.

 

FB is a communication tool. One can use language to write slasher porn or one can use language to write A Tale of Two Cities. (for example).

 

Tools can be ill -used or well -used.

 

In our local hs circle, the kids are on fb and so are the parents. I am fb friends with all my dd's fb friends, and was fb friends with most of them before she turned 13 and had her own account. My dd is friends with the parents of many of the teens. It is awesome. We get to see what the kids are up to, interact with them casually, encourage them, remark on their posts or photos. I have all my dd's passwords, and get copies of her emails to my own account. . . (She knows all that.) Everything going on with *our* circle of friends on fb is harmless, friendly, kind, and very nice. I guess it just depends on WHO your kids are friends with. My dd isn't friends with anyone that isn't a good kid. . .

 

So, anyway, to each their own. I think having friendships is important to a healthy life. One doesn't need tons of friends, and they don't need to be exactly your age, but having peers is healthy. It provides some practice in relating to people, and immunizes them from the loneliness and vulnerability that can accompany isolation.

 

I really don't think 2 hours a week of social interaction with peers is an unreasonable minimum.

[4wildberrys]

In our local hs circle, the kids are on fb and so are the parents. I am fb friends with all my dd's fb friends, and was fb friends with most of them before she turned 13 and had her own account. My dd is friends with the parents of many of the teens. It is awesome. We get to see what the kids are up to, interact with them casually, encourage them, remark on their posts or photos. I have all my dd's passwords, and get copies of her emails to my own account. . . (She knows all that.) Everything going on with *our* circle of friends on fb is harmless, friendly, kind, and very nice. I guess it just depends on WHO your kids are friends with. My dd isn't friends with anyone that isn't a good kid. . .

 

 

 

Wow---this is EXACTLY the right way to allow FB!! I really wish the other moms at the time we allowed our kids to do Myspace(FB wasn't 'it' yet) had followed these rules! Without this type of oversight, problems will and do occur. It's just natural.

[Love2Smile]

Wow---this is EXACTLY the right way to allow FB!! I really wish the other moms at the time we allowed our kids to do Myspace(FB wasn't 'it' yet) had followed these rules! Without this type of oversight, problems will and do occur. It's just natural.

I agree, around here the parents act as just as juvenile as the kids... Im serious, I guess it's just where we live. Half the reason we pulled our kids out of PS, was because the teachers were just as bad. Literally, we had 20 year old teachers who wanted to be "friends" with the students.

 

So I guess it depends the area where you live as well. Here, the kids AND the parents are screwed up!

 

Again, I live 10 min. out of San Francisco, so I really think this is a major part of our problems. I dream of a nice, conservative place most likey in the midwest where we could have raised our children... But that will never happen, so we do the best we can.

 

Around here, it's all about "protecting our kids" from the harmful, negative affects that the peers, teenagers and YES even the kids parents. So many people are screwed up here living screwed up lives. I even have some in my own imediate family...*sigh*

[Melissa in Australia]

my ds 15 has 1 friend. he lives 2000 km away. they get together once a year for one month. they both don't like writing, or emailing, so that is the only contact they have with each other. my children all play basketball, so they do interact with others.

[Tohru]

:lol: I keep thinking of the movie 16 Candles where the boy is dropped off at the dance by his parents and he doesn't want to be there.

Edited January 10, 2010 by jadedone80

[Love2Smile]

:lol: I keep thinking of the movie 16 Candles where the boy is dropped off at the dance by his parents and he doesn't want to be there.

YES!

[homeschoolally]

 

If your child enjoys being at home, is not depressed, has hobbies so be it

I have finally, after months of trying to get my *nerdy* teenager to be more outgoing, accepted her exactly the way she is! And guess what I love her just the way she is... A book worm, video gamer, watches animal planet endlessly and loves being with her family!

!

 

:iagree:Sounds like she has some great hobbies. IMO, some teen social time is important for most, but not ALL kids. Especially given the environment you live in. I wouldn't be worried about it unless she asks for a change or you see her feeling 'down' and lonely.

[Love2Smile]

:iagree:Sounds like she has some great hobbies. IMO, some teen social time is important for most, but not ALL kids. Especially given the environment you live in. I wouldn't be worried about it unless she asks for a change or you see her feeling 'down' and lonely.

THnaks for this, honestly I "do" worry occasionally. I ask her "are you okay" , "are you lonely" etc...she keeps saying NO MOM! LOL

 

She is very busy doing her "stuff" creating videos, editing her her writing, reading, and she does not act depressed. Happy, involved with family activities and stays up late, gets up early... sometimes I have to convince myself she's okay. So, after a few years of "trying" to get her involved, and we have tried, I have accepted her just the way she is.

 

It's not like she has no interaction with other kids. She goes to Church youth group once a week, has no interest in the Wed night group, because she says they act like public schoolers...go figure!

 

I do the best I can do, just like all parents. I try not to worry, I make things and activities available to her, she lives with 2 parents and a sister who love her,

 

All I can say is that everyone is different and we all figure out what is best for us, no one can tell us different right? I'm sure if we lived in another part of the county or state things could be different. But at the end of the day, I know she is happy, looking forward to CC and being a full-time volunteer/worker at our animal shelter, Im sure it'll all work out!

[4wildberrys]

I agree, around here the parents act as just as juvenile as the kids... Im serious, I guess it's just where we live. Half the reason we pulled our kids out of PS, was because the teachers were just as bad. Literally, we had 20 year old teachers who wanted to be "friends" with the students.

 

So I guess it depends the area where you live as well. Here, the kids AND the parents are screwed up!

 

Again, I live 10 min. out of San Francisco, so I really think this is a major part of our problems. I dream of a nice, conservative place most likey in the midwest where we could have raised our children... But that will never happen, so we do the best we can.

 

Around here, it's all about "protecting our kids" from the harmful, negative affects that the peers, teenagers and YES even the kids parents. So many people are screwed up here living screwed up lives. I even have some in my own imediate family...*sigh*

 

Having grown up south of SF, I would say 'Yes'---its more than likely your geographical region. But you don't have to go to the extremes of yucky cold winter and the Midwest for sanity! There are plenty of more conservative towns in CA---really! Like Monterey for example ;)

[Love2Smile]

Having grown up south of SF, I would say 'Yes'---its more than likely your geographical region. But you don't have to go to the extremes of yucky cold winter and the Midwest for sanity! There are plenty of more conservative towns in CA---really! Like Monterey for example ;)

Yes, Monterey is LOVELY! Lucky YOU! May have to plan a trip down there sometime in the future, did you know it's only about 1.5 hours away from us!?

[4wildberrys]

Yes, Monterey is LOVELY! Lucky YOU! May have to plan a trip down there sometime in the future, did you know it's only about 1.5 hours away from us!?

 

Yep! My mom used to take us to see all the big art exhibits that came through SF back in the day. We were really lucky!! Can't wait to share that with our kids :001_smile: I just remember driving through the city used to really freak me out---it was kinda weird and liberal back then too!

[Love2Smile]

Yep! My mom used to take us to see all the big art exhibits that came through SF back in the day. We were really lucky!! Can't wait to share that with our kids :001_smile: I just remember driving through the city used to really freak me out---it was kinda weird and liberal back then too!

LMBO!! Well you can only IMAGINE how weird and liberal it is now! Words cannot describe!

[4wildberrys]

Oh trust me---we KNOW! Probably 6 years ago on a trip to CA, we decided to take the coast highway down to Monterey after visiting family in Napa. We stopped for lunch in Half Moon Bay. These 2 'ladies' sat at the table next to us at this cafe---but of course they weren't really women---just men dressed in dresses and heels. Being the good small town Idaho rednecks we try not to be---I was trying to get my husband's attention to check them out without alerting the kids to what were trying not to stare TOO much at. The one guy honking his nose into his napkin loudly really kind of gave away BIG TIME that this was not a real female. EEWW! And so when the kids were 10 and 7 we had to explain that "No, those 2 ladies were really men". The kids still laugh about how crazy that was........

[Pongo]

I think as long as your child is happy, what's the harm?

 

My SIL is forever telling her 17 year old dd to go out because, she would rather hang out and watch movies, read a book, make cookies and anything that has to do with being at home. So to make my SIL happy she goes out, and comes to MY house where she hangs out, watches movies, and will sit by the pool with me and read a book. Oh, and last night she made yummy scallion pancakes, and we all watched Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. Same kids, different house:D

[Carmen_and_Company]

My eldest two dc are introverts like their mother, and have hung out with the same small group of friends for years. They're quite content with staying home & have personal hobbies to occupy their time outside of studying.

 

My youngest, on the other hand, needs constant interaction with others or else he'll loose his mind, literally. He has a large circle of friends, and is always the one calling up someone to come over & play, or begging me to take him to the park, or our community center swimming pool so he can hang out. If no one is available, then he looks to his siblings or me to "entertain" him.

[Nan in Mass]

Yes. One didn't have in-town friends, though. He saw his best friend only a few times a year and the rest of his friends, with whom he lived for a few months here and there, were scattered all over the world. His coach functioned as a best friend that he saw on a daily basis. He spent lots of time with other teens; he just considered them aquaintances. He wasn't isolated. I think I would have worried if he hadn't been seeing other teens every week and hadn't had someone his own age to call his best friend. I think interaction with other people is very important, and that as the teen grows, he needs to interact with the outside world more and more, but I'm not sure I'd worry if he didn't make close friends outside the family.

-Nan