Dog allergy/guest twist on issues and question for dog allergy sufferers

[Laurie4b]

Our family had a twist on the issue on the guest with dog allergies/removing dog thread that was started just before Christmas: we were guests with permission to bring a dog then told she couldn't be in the house at all. I call it dog allergy purgatory! I ended up having to sleep in a van inside a garage with my dog and then having to find doggy dope so that I didn't have to repeat that the next night! Question to dog-allergy sufferers is at the end.

 

We got our 10 year old dog from a pound at just under a year and she appeared to have been abused. She is still leery of people she doesn't know. My neighbor who usually takes care of her was out of town after Christmas so I called and asked my dad if we could bring her when we came to visit. (This is in another state.) I knew that my sister leaves her dogs there when she goes on vacation. (Found out she doesn't do that anymore after the fact) He said sure and that we could use the dog crates in the garage that are there from my sister's dogs. I expected to be able to use that crate if we needed to, and I had expected my dad to say yes, just based on history.

 

Dad lives in a home built in colonial times and has a separate garage with room for guests above the garage. We stay there instead of in the main house.

 

As it turned out, I understood the communication about the dog crates to be something he was offering to us, but found out when we got there that she was restricted to the crates because Dad's wife's grandchildren are allergic to dogs. ( I talked with my dad about this later and he had just forgotten to spell it out for me. He also grew up on a farm and if an animal has food, water, and shelter, then the animal's needs are taken care of.) The first communication about this came about 11pm as we were settling in for the night. We had brought a pop-up tent kind of "crate" for our dog and we got a call asking if we had the dog in the guest quarters. Dad told me that they try to keep that totally allergen free (the main house is so old that there are all kinds of allergens in there apparently) and that she couldn't stay there. Thinking that the issue was keeping the guest quarters totally allergen-free, we sent the dog and her tent-crate over to the main house with my oldest son, who was going to sleep over there. He came back and said that they didn't want her in the house either.

 

So I tried putting her in the crate in the garage which is under the rooms where we sleep. She started that "abandoned dog" barking and I was also afraid that it would be too cold down there since it was in the 20s outside. (We don't have a garage so I didn't have a frame of reference for difference in outside/garage temps.) I ended up going downstairs and sleeping in the van with the dog. The seat in the van wasn't long enough so that my legs below the knee were unsupported. It wasn't a pleasant night, but I survived.

 

The next day, we spent a good portion of the day trying to secure anti-anxiety meds for her so that she could sleep in the garage crate (having found out that the garage stays 40-50 degrees and she has a very heavy coat.) We also did a rotation of taking her for a walk, then sitting in the van with her while we read so that she didn't have to be put in the strange crate, which she really hated.

 

It was a royal pain in the neck, but I wanted to honor the issue about the grandson's allergies. But oy vey! Won't do that again.

 

I have a question though--are dog allergies so bad that having a dog previously in an area in a tent/crate would aggrevate them if the child was there days/weeks later? That seemed like overkill to me, but no one in my family has severe allergies. My dog is long-haired, but it was a matter of walking across a room and then lying down in a contained area. The tent crate has mesh openings for the dog to see out of. I'm asking after the fact because I have also had inklings over the years about step-mother doing things that seem to subtly favor her biological family members. I don't know whether to bring this up as an issue or not.

 

ETA: Thank you so much for your responses. It helps me to understand the situation better.

Edited January 4, 2010 by Laurie4b1

[Tammyla]

What a horrible visit:grouphug:.

 

Allergies can cause severe reactions. Asthma induced allergies send many people to the emergency room.

[2cents]

It's very possible due to dander that can settle anywhere. I've also heard of severe reactions from just being in an area where there was an animal. If the dander/hair etc. isn't fully cleaned/removed/neutralized then there could be a risk. Your visit sounds like it was miserable. :grouphug:

[Danestress]

I have cat allergies and it would be BEST for me to not allow a cat in my house at all, but if it happened, it wouldn't be a serious health risk for me - just an annoyance. And yes, I think it probably would remain an annoyance longer than you might think.

 

I would not bring this up with your Dad as far as step-Mom favoring her children. If she's not a dog owner, she's perfectly entitled to not want dogs in her home. Maybe this is something she and your Dad have not agreed on all along, so the rules seem to have changed. But honestly I would feel like as the lady of the house, I should be able to set some standards as to whether or not to have pets sleep inside. It's possible that the allergy thing is just an excuse but she (and your Dad) maybe feel that they had to set a firm line in the sand. Maybe this is really rooted in your sister and her dog?

 

Anyway, I'm sorry you had such a bad visit. Your Dad really should have been much more clear with you, especially since this seems to be a new standard.

 

And kudos to you for being willing to adopt an older dog!

[Harriet Vane]

I have a question though--are dog allergies so bad that having a dog previously in an area in a tent/crate would aggrevate them if the child was there days/weeks later?

 

Emphatically yes. Dander can settle anywhere. Yes, allergic reactions can be immediate, severe, and really truly just awful. Yes it can trigger a reaction months later, depending on the severity of the allergy--though even mild allergies can ramp up in the presence of dander. Vacuuming only addresses part of the problem--even after a good vacuuming there is still dander.

 

It's fine for your father and his wife to choose an allergen-free environment for their own home, for whatever reason. It is, after all, their home. Your dog is not their problem--your dog is YOUR responsibility. I think they were awfully generous allowing you to bring a pet at all.

[Rosy]

Yes, it's possible. It's too bad the communication wasn't clearer...they should have said "yes, but she'll have to stay in the garage" or something like that. My dog would have had a hard time with the situation you described too.

[hornblower]

Poopers - what a mess! I'd have been livid. Then I would have been calling for a hotel which accepted dogs & decamped......

 

My own thinking about the allergy issue is that while it IS true that there are people with very severe allergies, we are also experiencing an epidemic of hypochondria.

 

If they were THAT allergic, then just you coming into the house after having petted and touched your dog & not changing your clothes would set off an attack.....

[Tess in the Burbs]

we are super sensitive and my mom/stepdad have a cat and sleep in my son's room when they visit. I have to clean like the dickens when they come. without a pet! So while I understand their concern it wasn't voiced well to you and they should have been a little more understanding/helpful when you came with the pet. :grouphug:

[Laurie4b]

Emphatically yes. Dander can settle anywhere. Yes, allergic reactions can be immediate, severe, and really truly just awful. Yes it can trigger a reaction months later, depending on the severity of the allergy--though even mild allergies can ramp up in the presence of dander. Vacuuming only addresses part of the problem--even after a good vacuuming there is still dander.

 

It's fine for your father and his wife to choose an allergen-free environment for their own home, for whatever reason. It is, after all, their home. Your dog is not their problem--your dog is YOUR responsibility. I think they were awfully generous allowing you to bring a pet at all.

 

I agree that my dog is my responsibility--except that I didn't know the standard before I got there, despite having called ahead of time to ask permission. I would have made other arrangements had I known the rules.

 

I just wanted to know if the rules were based on fact or not.

[Laurie4b]

Yeah, I thought about calling for a hotel, but by the time I had understood the situation, it was midnight. Co-sleeping with my dog :) in the van was the only alternative I could come up with at that point!

[Laurie4b]

we are super sensitive and my mom/stepdad have a cat and sleep in my son's room when they visit. I have to clean like the dickens when they come. without a pet! So while I understand their concern it wasn't voiced well to you and they should have been a little more understanding/helpful when you came with the pet. :grouphug:

 

Wow. That is very helpful to know that it can be that sensitive. I guess I should be glad that we're allowed in!

[jujsky]

Poopers - what a mess! I'd have been livid. Then I would have been calling for a hotel which accepted dogs & decamped......

 

My own thinking about the allergy issue is that while it IS true that there are people with very severe allergies, we are also experiencing an epidemic of hypochondria.

 

If they were THAT allergic, then just you coming into the house after having petted and touched your dog & not changing your clothes would set off an attack.....

 

:iagree: If it's THAT severe, they should have told you no on the dog so you could have made other arrangements. I'm sorry you had such a horrendous visit!

[AngieW in Texas]

There can indeed be allergy issues severe enough to warrant what they put you and your dog through, but they should have said you could bring your dog in that case. Also, if the issue was that severe, then they would have needed you to change clothes before going into the house. Springing that on you at 11pm wasn't fair. You did a good job handling it as best you could. You didn't spring your dog on them. You asked first and they said yes without explaining that the rules were different from when your sister brought her dogs.

[kalanamak]

Yeah, I thought about calling for a hotel, but by the time I had understood the situation, it was midnight. Co-sleeping with my dog :) in the van was the only alternative I could come up with at that point!

 

You sound like a woman after my own heart.

 

Yes, allergies can be severe, but there is a psychological aspect to some people with allergies. I had a house guest who was just fine in my whole house, but the second she saw my dog, the barking (no pun intended) cough started right up. Who knows the relationship of the step GM to her DIL and GC, and how serious the allergy is vs. power struggles and anxiety issues. I once had a patient end up with an ER level panic attack when she drove past a sulfur plant. She had a sulfa allergy, and concluded respiratory arrest was near, as soon as she saw the word "sulfur". The mind is a powerful organ.

[asta]

You sound like a woman after my own heart.

 

Yes, allergies can be severe, but there is a psychological aspect to some people with allergies. I had a house guest who was just fine in my whole house, but the second she saw my dog, the barking (no pun intended) cough started right up. Who knows the relationship of the step GM to her DIL and GC, and how serious the allergy is vs. power struggles and anxiety issues. I once had a patient end up with an ER level panic attack when she drove past a sulfur plant. She had a sulfa allergy, and concluded respiratory arrest was near, as soon as she saw the word "sulfur". The mind is a powerful organ.

 

No kidding. Especially since they are two. completely. different. substances.

 

My MIL was doing just dandy at our house one Christmas (like, an entire day) and then the new cat walked by. OMG - we almost had to take her to the ER! Out came the inhalers, the portable nebulizer - everything! It was insane.

 

Yes, horrific allergies exist. But so do extensive psychological issues.

 

 

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Edited January 5, 2010 by asta

[Pajama Mama]

I think allergies are different for people. I am allergic to our cat and dog but I'm managing it now. I am worse with other people's pets. My uncle was severely allergic to cats. We cleaned and vacuumed and put out cat out before he visited when I was a kid. He had to go to the E.R. because his asthma flared up so badly when he visited.

[Lisa R.]

My dh is very sensitive to animals that are kept indoors. He doesn't have any serious, medical issues but just doesn't feel well, has red and sore eyes on the day he is at the house and still feel sick for part of the next day. He flares up rather quickly upon entering the house. Based on other people I've known, I'd say he's the most sensitive person I know to pets.

 

I'm touchy on this issue as I've seen people be respectful and sympathetic of this condition and people who aren't.

 

Having said that, this isn't an issue about pets in the house vs. not having pets in the house. Yes, your pets are your responsibility as a previous poster noted, but you were told that they could be accommodated. I don't think you would've brought them otherwise. (If sleeping all night in a van isn't a responsible owner, then I don't know who is.) I think, rather, this is an issue of good hospitality vs. poor hospitality.

 

If this was my house and you'd brought your dog due to a misunderstanding or poor communication, I would not expect you to totally inconvenience yourself. I would find a way to accommodate you and the dog, at least for the first night or until other arrangements could be made. Even with an allergy sufferer in the house, I would allow your dog to stay in a crate where it was sufficiently warm for your dog.

 

To be honest, I'm not a dog lover. But they are living creatures that deserve to be treated well. I also believe that I have a responsibility to treat those visiting my house well and to accommodate them and keep them comfortable even if it puts me out a little. Good hospitality is hard at times and not always convenient for the host.

 

Now, I'm assuming that no one visiting the guest quarters has a reaction that would require emergency medical treatment. This sounds like someone who has relatives with dog/animal sensitivities. I would say that you were far more uncomfortable that night you slept in the car than a person with allergies would be in a room where a dog had been kept in a crate.

[Lolly]

I believe it takes 4 to 6 weeks for pet dander to be out of a room. So, yes, a person coming weeks later would still experience problems if they were allergic.