melissel Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I need to give gift cards to two of the kids in our extended family. My MIL has informed me that their parents are only planning on giving my kids small gifts this year, which is completely fine with me, and I don't want to give them a gift for too much because I don't want anyone to feel bad that they couldn't afford to give us more, etc. However, we're also giving gift cards to two other, older kids at the same event, and the cards will be much more for various reasons (it's what we usually give them, our relationship with their family is stronger, they usually go way overboard for our kids and are generally very generous to us all year long). But now I'm worried about the "Your gift is bigger than my gift!" problem. WWYD? Give the first kids the smaller gift so their parents don't feel like they were outgifted, or give the bigger gift so they don't feel bad that the other kids got a bigger gift (if they do happen to compare, which may or may not happen, but I have no way of knowing)? *sigh* I hate this aspect of the holidays :( TIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quad Shot Academy Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Have them open them all at the same time and then change the subject real fast. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I'd add something to the package along with the smaller gift cards--like a bag of M&M's that they can have their hands on right away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
home4school Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Is the dollar value printed on the cards? The ones I have bought this year actually didn't have the amount printed on the cards, so I'm wondering if I should put a little note in so the recipient will know how much they're getting!:lol: If the amount isn't on the cards, I wouldn't worry about it. They probably wouldn't realize the difference in actual value. Merry Christmas! Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Tricky. After giving it some thought, if I could afford it I'd rather err on the side of spending more than they do. The two different amounts on the gift cards really highlight something that everyone probably knows (you are closer with one family than the other), but might still hurt feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Well, if it is anything like my family the gift opening time will be so frenzied and out of control that no one will know who gave what, let alone their actual value. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkpan Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I need to give gift cards to two of the kids in our extended family. My MIL has informed me that their parents are only planning on giving my kids small gifts this year, which is completely fine with me, and I don't want to give them a gift for too much because I don't want anyone to feel bad that they couldn't afford to give us more, etc. However, we're also giving gift cards to two other, older kids at the same event, and the cards will be much more for various reasons (it's what we usually give them, our relationship with their family is stronger, they usually go way overboard for our kids and are generally very generous to us all year long). But now I'm worried about the "Your gift is bigger than my gift!" problem. WWYD? Give the first kids the smaller gift so their parents don't feel like they were outgifted, or give the bigger gift so they don't feel bad that the other kids got a bigger gift (if they do happen to compare, which may or may not happen, but I have no way of knowing)? *sigh* I hate this aspect of the holidays :( TIA! Personally, the parents wouldn't factor into the equation for me. If all of these children will be opening their cards in the same vicinity, I would absolutely make them all the same amount. Anything else, I think, would unnecessarily hurt the children. The amount is not as important as suggesting to the children that they are all thought of as equally special. Unless you can arrange for no one to be able to compare, make them the same. HTH Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhudson Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 If you can't give the same amount on the cards then I would give gifts to the family who would spend less on. That way, there is no comparison. Our kids never get gifts from their Aunts and Uncles that are equal to what we give theirs but I always get so excited to give our niece and nephews something they would really love. For the kids sake, I wouldn't give gift cards with differing amounts. I think that could really lead to some very hurt kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Personally, the parents wouldn't factor into the equation for me. If all of these children will be opening their cards in the same vicinity, I would absolutely make them all the same amount. Anything else, I think, would unnecessarily hurt the children. The amount is not as important as suggesting to the children that they are all thought of as equally special. Unless you can arrange for no one to be able to compare, make them the same. HTH Kim I agree. If you are not able to give gift cards in the same amount, give the two children gifts instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgm Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Definitely same dollar amount to all..they're all loved. I have seen it the other way, and it is painful. For example, one child getting an Xbox, a sib getting $20, reason given that the giver sees the one more often than the other. The latter was an honors student, tutors afterschool, plays varsity sports, and holds down a job, while the former does nothing but work for the giver on Saturdays for pay. I don't see Christmas as a time to give out relationship rewards, but if that's your family dynamic that's how it is and how it shall be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pageta Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I think giving should be based on how much you have been blessed, not how much you are receiving from a specific person. If you can afford $50 gift cards for everyone, then give them to everyone, even if you are not receiving the same from them. Those who can't give you a $50 gift in return probably appreciate the gift a lot more than those who can. In fact, this may be the year that they really need that gift card. Just saying is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhM Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Is the dollar value printed on the cards? The ones I have bought this year actually didn't have the amount printed on the cards, so I'm wondering if I should put a little note in so the recipient will know how much they're getting!:lol: If the amount isn't on the cards, I wouldn't worry about it. They probably wouldn't realize the difference in actual value. Merry Christmas! Kim This was my first thought, too. I agree with your sentiment of not wanting to embarrass them with a much larger gift than they are planning on giving. We have different levels of gift exchange with different friends and relatives. I would feel awkward if out of the blue one of the families "upped the ante" one year. Then the next year I would feel compelled to try to match that level, or feel horrible if I just couldn't. Just give the gift cards without the amount written on them (if it's not too late for that.) You can discreetly hand parents the receipts later or at another time. (Which I've found is a good idea anyway, after recieving one that hadn't scanned correctly and didn't work!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Definitely same dollar amount to all..they're all loved. I have seen it the other way, and it is painful. For example, one child getting an Xbox, a sib getting $20, reason given that the giver sees the one more often than the other. The latter was an honors student, tutors afterschool, plays varsity sports, and holds down a job, while the former does nothing but work for the giver on Saturdays for pay. I don't see Christmas as a time to give out relationship rewards, but if that's your family dynamic that's how it is and how it shall be. I don't think the OP said anything that would imply relationship rewards were being given out. It sounds like your situation was painful, but the OPs is different: she's trying to figure out whether to give a lower amount that wouldn't embarrass the parents who are giving a lower amount versus giving the same higher amount that she has always given to another part of the extended family and she doesn't want anyone to feel slighted. This isn't favoritism--it's the opposite. She's trying to be fair, but doesn't know which option is least offensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 I don't think the OP said anything that would imply relationship rewards were being given out. It sounds like your situation was painful, but the OPs is different: she's trying to figure out whether to give a lower amount that wouldn't embarrass the parents who are giving a lower amount versus giving the same higher amount that she has always given to another part of the extended family and she doesn't want anyone to feel slighted. This isn't favoritism--it's the opposite. She's trying to be fair, but doesn't know which option is least offensive. Thanks, this is the case. I absolutely would not have a problem spending the extra money no matter what the relationship, but these are people who are easily outraged and who will likely feel offended if they believe we're trying to make some kind of point :glare: And they specifically told my MIL because they were worried about the reciprocation. Argh! It feels like any solution I come up with puts someone in a bad spot. I'll keep thinking about it. Thank you for thoughts, everyone! If anyone comes up with a magical solution that no one has yet mentioned, I'd love to hear it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Would there be a way to give equal, smaller gifts to all the kids at the event, but then give an additional gift to the other kids at another time? Maybe subtly mention to the parents that something else is coming in the mail for their kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Hunh. I seem to be in the minority. I wouldn't have a problem giving the kids different amounts. You DO have different relationships with the families, that's not a secret. The ages of the kids are different. IF I were in the other family's shoes, I'd feel terribly guilty that you spent so much more on my kids than I'd spent on yours. Do you have to give all the children gift cards from the same place? Can you give the older children the more costly gift from one place, and the smaller children a lower amount from a different store? If it makes you feel better, consider the poster who suggested adding candy into the gift with the smaller cards. The kids won't notice, the parents will all be happy, and you will too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhondabee Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Would there be a way to give equal, smaller gifts to all the kids at the event, but then give an additional gift to the other kids at another time? Maybe subtly mention to the parents that something else is coming in the mail for their kids? :iagree: I readily admit my 3 sil's (all sisters) are very, very enmeshed in each other's lives, and so I know in the back of my mind that they give "extra" presents to each other and to each other's kids. If it's not blatant in my face, then that's cool. But, the Christmas gift exchange when my kids got $5 gifts while all the other cousins got $200 gifts...and the sisters and MIL all got $200 purses while I got a t-shirt. Well, my kids were finally old enough that Christmas to see the disparity and have never wanted to go back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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