swellmomma Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Thank you everyone who replied last week about problems that ensued from ds's fire. I just wanted to update everyone on how things have been going. The kids came home friday as you all know. Things have been much much better around here. My oldest 2 seem to have finally got it in their heads that them breaking my rules the way they do has serious consequences. They have been doing their chores and their school work with very little grumbling. Austin had a major meltdown on Saturday before when we were getting ready for a party, in the end I tossed him out the door(dressed, and in winter gear), and strapped him in the car while he was still screaming and by the time we got there he was fine. Hunter is not liking the changes at all, he keeps getting mad yelling "You are so mean, I hate the new rules", But in the end he is toeing the line. The social worker came back yesterday. Right before she got here everyone was playing quietly and happily, she gets here and all heck breaks lose, the kids put on a major show being disrespectful, getting into things they were told no, Austin had another meltdown etc. I told her over my dead body would I put them back in ps, wean the baby or stop co-sleeping before she was ready. Social worker decides because of this I can not parent and suddenly I now have to have a social worker come to the home weekly for up to 7 flipping months. Give me a freaking break, I am making the right choices for my kids, but because I won't put them in ps I get punished. She has also decided that there is nothing more they can do to help Austin, that his only solution is ps. NOt even a special ed class, she just said anyone that would accept him so I would have time to rest and do housework. Keep in mind my home was nearly spotless, and I have spent 3 hours daily cleaning it from top to bottom even when it is already clean because I don't want them finding a single thing out of place with this nightmare. As soon as she was gone teh kids went back to playing quietly and happlily. We also had our interview yesterday for the research study we have been in for 3 years, it was our 2nd last interview so it seems weird to be closing that chapter in our lives. Our school board adopted us this year as 1 of 8 families they chose. Our facilitator submitted our names when she came to visit. Yesterday we had a big delivery. Each kid and myself got 1 wrapped gift that we are saving for xmas, and then each person got 1 big bag of items to use now(I got 2). New bedding for everyone, new jammies, robes and slippers for the kids. Clothes, socks, the biggest 2 got new boots. I got new dishes, drinking glasses(I only had plastic left because all the rest got broken), new towels(my favorite one had been burned up in the fire) and some safeway gift cards for groceries. After such a hard morning with the social worker this was such a huge blessing and suprise(I didn't know anything had been collected for us), the kids were sooo excited. Their new bedding was perfect for their personalities (Austin got spiderman3, Ceilidh was a typical preteen teal and lavendar set, Hunter got tools design and Isabelle got Dora, Mine is more of a paisley). I cried when it was all brought in, the generousity of so many to gift us with this stuff is amazing. Following all the excitement of that I had to get AUstin to an emergency dental appt. He woke up with an abcessed tooth, unfortunately the only opening was at 6pm. We got it checked, got him antibiotics, and T1's and go back next week on the 23rd to have it pulled and then hopefully that will be that. Off to check on them, and enjoy the peace that has come into our home this week. There is no telling how long it will last so I will celebrate it while it is here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I'm glad to hear you are enjoying some peace. What a kind thing for the school board to do! These little blessings mean so much when everything is such a struggle. Do you think it's stress or worry that make the kids misbehave in front of the social worker? If she's going to be coming every week now, is there a way for you to prepare them beforehand? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 That's a good observation, mamabegood. Brandy, will the SW pop in randomly, or will you have a schedule? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Thank you everyone who replied last week about problems that ensued from ds's fire. I just wanted to update everyone on how things have been going. The kids came home friday as you all know. Things have been much much better around here. My oldest 2 seem to have finally got it in their heads that them breaking my rules the way they do has serious consequences. They have been doing their chores and their school work with very little grumbling. Austin had a major meltdown on Saturday before when we were getting ready for a party, in the end I tossed him out the door(dressed, and in winter gear), and strapped him in the car while he was still screaming and by the time we got there he was fine. Hunter is not liking the changes at all, he keeps getting mad yelling "You are so mean, I hate the new rules", But in the end he is toeing the line. The social worker came back yesterday. Right before she got here everyone was playing quietly and happily, she gets here and all heck breaks lose, the kids put on a major show being disrespectful, getting into things they were told no, Austin had another meltdown etc. I told her over my dead body would I put them back in ps, wean the baby or stop co-sleeping before she was ready. Social worker decides because of this I can not parent and suddenly I now have to have a social worker come to the home weekly for up to 7 flipping months. Give me a freaking break, I am making the right choices for my kids, but because I won't put them in ps I get punished. She has also decided that there is nothing more they can do to help Austin, that his only solution is ps. NOt even a special ed class, she just said anyone that would accept him so I would have time to rest and do housework. Keep in mind my home was nearly spotless, and I have spent 3 hours daily cleaning it from top to bottom even when it is already clean because I don't want them finding a single thing out of place with this nightmare. As soon as she was gone teh kids went back to playing quietly and happlily. We also had our interview yesterday for the research study we have been in for 3 years, it was our 2nd last interview so it seems weird to be closing that chapter in our lives. Our school board adopted us this year as 1 of 8 families they chose. Our facilitator submitted our names when she came to visit. Yesterday we had a big delivery. Each kid and myself got 1 wrapped gift that we are saving for xmas, and then each person got 1 big bag of items to use now(I got 2). New bedding for everyone, new jammies, robes and slippers for the kids. Clothes, socks, the biggest 2 got new boots. I got new dishes, drinking glasses(I only had plastic left because all the rest got broken), new towels(my favorite one had been burned up in the fire) and some safeway gift cards for groceries. After such a hard morning with the social worker this was such a huge blessing and suprise(I didn't know anything had been collected for us), the kids were sooo excited. Their new bedding was perfect for their personalities (Austin got spiderman3, Ceilidh was a typical preteen teal and lavendar set, Hunter got tools design and Isabelle got Dora, Mine is more of a paisley). I cried when it was all brought in, the generousity of so many to gift us with this stuff is amazing. Following all the excitement of that I had to get AUstin to an emergency dental appt. He woke up with an abcessed tooth, unfortunately the only opening was at 6pm. We got it checked, got him antibiotics, and T1's and go back next week on the 23rd to have it pulled and then hopefully that will be that. Off to check on them, and enjoy the peace that has come into our home this week. There is no telling how long it will last so I will celebrate it while it is here. :grouphug: my kids always acted up when the social worker came for her weekly visit to check on our then foster kids. They were catching my tension and acting out. At first I tried to save something for them to do while she was here that would catch their attention, like a craft that would keep them at the table and busy. Sometimes it was a cut, color & glue type project. Other times we'd have a snack ready to sit down and share with her. It helped me channel some of my nervous energy and kept the kids busy nearby. We did weekly visits for 3 years. I'm very glad they're over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 You guys bring up a good point. I do think that nervousness/worry is at play when they are acting up, as well as feeding off my own emotions(which range from worry/nervousness to anger when dealing with this SW) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Is there a way to be more diplomatic about not sending the kids to ps and continuing to nurse and cosleep? :grouphug: That sounds so awful. I bet the kids are picking up on the anxiety too. Does the social worker need to/ have to know about breastfeeding or cosleeping? I don't mean lie, but just not mention it, say you're considering options or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 Is there a way to be more diplomatic about not sending the kids to ps and continuing to nurse and cosleep? :grouphug: That sounds so awful. I bet the kids are picking up on the anxiety too. Does the social worker need to/ have to know about breastfeeding or cosleeping? I don't mean lie, but just not mention it, say you're considering options or something? I had been diplomatic during the first 3 visits, but she kept pushing it, went to my mother about it etc. I had to put my foot down this time because she only wanted it her way. She knows about the bfing because the little one would ask to nurse when she was here, and when the kids were with my mom she knew I was staying there to nurse her at night. She asked about the co-sleeping because it was fairly obvious(dd does not have a bed of her own at all at this point). This woman has no understanding of homeschooling in my province and even said her concern was that the kids didn't have desks. She says it was obvious they weren't schooling because the table was covered in books. My response on that one is they were sick they weren't schooling at all, the books were out because I was reorganizing my shelving in preparation for the new term after xmas. She has told me she is against all co-sleeping, and breastfeeding is pointless after 6 months. SHe says she wants me to stop those to force dd2 to be more independant, that it is not normal for her to be so attached to me at 2 years old. The woman is a loon and unfortunately I have to put up with her for 7 more months apparently. So it was time to put my foot down on things I feel are non-negotiable. We are also bumping our move up by 4 months. I have confirmed that I will have the $$ I need for the move on Jan 20th. The move date is rescheduled for May 1 rather than mid August, I am contacting the housing places I applied to to let them know I am interested in an open suite starting April rather than end of summer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I am sorry that the SW has to come weekly for 7 months. UGH! I hate that you are going through all of this! *hug* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Is there a way to be more diplomatic about not sending the kids to ps and continuing to nurse and cosleep? :grouphug: That sounds so awful. I bet the kids are picking up on the anxiety too. Does the social worker need to/ have to know about breastfeeding or cosleeping? I don't mean lie, but just not mention it, say you're considering options or something? This is exactly what I was going to say. Don't say they'll go to ps over your dead body; say you're exploring all the options. Find someone "official" to quote saying that ps is not necessarily better for your kids (but don't use that till you have to). Even the occasional, "You know what, I'm going to think about that" might go a very long way. Or "Yes, I'm working on a plan to gradually wean her" - - very, very gradual ;). The co-sleeping thing? "Look, we have her big girl bed all set up with new Dora sheets! We're banging on all cylinders now." Should you have to dissemble or outright lie? No, of course not, but these people have the power to take your kids away. I'd try to play nice while making as few changes as possible. Also, I can't remember if you're American? If so, what about HSDL, or something similar? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 See the problem was she wasn't letting me look at the options she was ready to enroll them herself and was just trying to gather the necessary information on how to terminate my homeschooling registration. She was trying to do it against my wishes, without me even being able to check out schools and decide. She wanted to register them by Friday to have them start Jan 4 when school reopened for next term. No time to explore options, which is why I opted to stop being diplomatic. I had told her I was researching schools for the fall which was true, but she wanted it done instantly with no thought put into it all, on her whim because they didn't have desks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachskittles Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 It is really amazing to hear about the generosity of the school board and all the people that donated...It is so great to read about these kind of things happening... I am really sorry about the social worker...As I said in one of your other posts, I had an issue as well and ended up with CPS banging at my door...Due to me being opinionated, I ended up with parenting classes at home...I think the only reason I didn't have them up my rear further is because I went out and bought a bed for my 2 yo and swore the baby would never sleep with me again (yea right)...I feel for you...We were looking at a YEAR of parenting classes at home...One thing I learned quickly was to make sure the kids knew that the lady was coming over...I made it seem like it was fun and just a part of the schedule, instead of stressing over it...It worked quite well but I am so glad to have moved to a new county where they can't harass me anymore... I hope moving gets them off your back...The woman sounds like a complete wench...I can see why you are so stressed over this though...Will they leave you be if you move to a new place? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 I hope moving gets them off your back...The woman sounds like a complete wench...I can see why you are so stressed over this though...Will they leave you be if you move to a new place? That is what I am hoping. We are moving clear across the country. The move was planned even before all of this, and the SW knows about it (the kids are uber excited and are telling everyone that will listen), so I hope that it will close the book on this chapter of our lives. Whether it is her or another SW coming each week is for the same thing, a once a week parenting course. The stupid thing is they have said over and over that they have no problem with my parenting until yesterday's meeting. They even told my mom they had no problem with my parenting, they had a problem with the mess which was short term(and confirmed by multiple sources) and that I left the kids inside while I was outside. The whole thing is a huge PITA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 See the problem was she wasn't letting me look at the options she was ready to enroll them herself and was just trying to gather the necessary information on how to terminate my homeschooling registration. She was trying to do it against my wishes, without me even being able to check out schools and decide. She wanted to register them by Friday to have them start Jan 4 when school reopened for next term. No time to explore options, which is why I opted to stop being diplomatic. I had told her I was researching schools for the fall which was true, but she wanted it done instantly with no thought put into it all, on her whim because they didn't have desks. Okay, that's nuts. I thought it was a situation of her advising you on what to do, and using your response as part of her overall recommendations re the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 See the problem was she wasn't letting me look at the options she was ready to enroll them herself and was just trying to gather the necessary information on how to terminate my homeschooling registration. She was trying to do it against my wishes, without me even being able to check out schools and decide. She wanted to register them by Friday to have them start Jan 4 when school reopened for next term. No time to explore options, which is why I opted to stop being diplomatic. I had told her I was researching schools for the fall which was true, but she wanted it done instantly with no thought put into it all, on her whim because they didn't have desks. Can she legally force what she wants? Wouldn't she have to get a court order to have them forcibly enrolled in school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 If you move, will you still have social services visiting you in the new place? I like the idea of "we're working on gradually weaning" and setting up a new big girl bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 If the visits are court ordered, not voluntary, you CAN NOT move. If its voluntary, all bets are off. Be warned though, that depending on the social worker, if they think you need further intervention, they *can* get a court order on a whim...even to apprehend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 If the visits are court ordered, not voluntary, you CAN NOT move. If its voluntary, all bets are off. Be warned though, that depending on the social worker, if they think you need further intervention, they *can* get a court order on a whim...even to apprehend. So far nothing is court ordered, this has all come on so suddenly. I did not know they could get a court order on a whim. You know what gets me about this. While talking to the SW I told her about the psycho stalking my son, I told her about this woman's actions, the fact I had called them after witnessing her beating her son on the front lawn only to be told I couldn't possibly be seeing that, I told them about this woman's drug use and the name of her dealer. Her response is "That's too bad" Why not investigate a home that needs the intervention and leave the rest of us alone. Even with the move date bumped up they will still be coming here weekly for 4 months which sucks rocks big time. I am going to assume they will see in those months that the kids are just fine and not needing intervention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 QUIT TELLING HER EVERYTHING. Seriously. She's not going to believe half of what you say, and any and all disclosures CAN be used against you. She hears you talk about your son having a stalker, and she's going to likely think you are making it up. Keep your mouth closed, except for 'yes ma'am' or 'no ma'am'. This woman has the power to remove your children. Arguing with her, provoking her is NOT the way to go on this. Seriously. Some social workers are great. Others have a power complex, and it sounds like this one has a power issue. Act submissive, be cooperative, and count the days til you're gone in your head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 QUIT TELLING HER EVERYTHING. Seriously. She's not going to believe half of what you say, and any and all disclosures CAN be used against you. She hears you talk about your son having a stalker, and she's going to likely think you are making it up. Keep your mouth closed, except for 'yes ma'am' or 'no ma'am'. This woman has the power to remove your children. Arguing with her, provoking her is NOT the way to go on this. Seriously. Some social workers are great. Others have a power complex, and it sounds like this one has a power issue. Act submissive, be cooperative, and count the days til you're gone in your head. :iagree: Have you talked to a lawyer? I would try to get some professional advice. This is scary stuff, and I'm worried. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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