Skeptical family

[jillian]

So being as this is a homeschooling board I have a question on how to handle the skeptical parents/grandparents/even husband. This post is multi-fold due to the fact that I am a major worrywart.

 

Question 1: How do you handle the skeptical parents/neighbors/grandparents/etc? I have been handling the discussions of "preschool" by saying that Jennifer is not ready to be out of the home for so many hours per day and that I can teach her just about anything she needs to know at this point. I get a lot of the "are you going to enroll her in preschool/daycare" (she's 2 on Sunday) questions. I have handled it to the point that we are going to keep her home until the state's age of mandatory education but honestly I don't know how the family will really handle that. It is mainly my in-laws not so much my family. So how do you handle the skeptical family/neighbors/friends?

 

Question 2: I have a skeptical husband. His skepticism doesn't come so much from the thought that he doesn't find me capable but that we will need 2 incomes to support our lifestyle. This I fundamentally disagree with. We are currently trying to pay off our debt (we have about $3k in credit card debt and car payment...we rent our home right now) and it is going well. We are paying what we can and saving the differences so we can have a nice little "down payment" when we get out of the military. I am in graduate school but so far am debt free. Dh feels that it would be an extreme waste of time (studying and away from the family), and money. However, I have always seen that anything beyond my bachelor's degree was more of a contingency just in case. He feels that I will need to work in order to help us keep the lifestyle of more or less frivolous spending. I feel that there are only a few things that are essential beyond food/water/clothing/shelter/medical care. How can I show him that it is possible to live a full and joyous life without all the extras that we don't even use (seriously we have so much "sh!t" that we couldn't use it all in a year).

 

Question 3: This ties into curriculum and husband issues. I have been on a spiritual path back to the Lord and am leaning towards doing a Christian curriculum for some if not most of our homeschooling. I don't know how to broach the topic of using Christian curricula with an agnostic husband (acknowledges that there is something/someone greater than us but doesn't know what or how he/she influences life; also a hardcore evolutionist). How would you broach this subject? Obviously our dd is quite young so it would be more informal at this point.

 

Okay so I have a lot of questions and text and details there and I apologize. Any insight/help would be awesome!

[happi duck]

I don't have any answers but I think it's great that you are already researching and considering your plan. We starting homeschooling without any planning at all and it made things tougher than they needed to be.

 

Regarding preschool: As a former public school kindergarten teacher I saw students who came from preschools, daycares and homes. There was no difference in their readiness or progress. (there were kids from each situation that were ready and not ready; kids from each situation that made great progress and not so great progress)

 

Hang in there!

[jillian]

I may get some online flames for this but I feel like "preschool" (unless your child is really struggling socially) is just glorified daycare in most cases. I figure if I at least have a "plan" or "goal" in place it will placate some of the nay-sayers :)

 

BTW I absolutely adore how quickly things get answered here

[tex-mex]

Question 1: How do you handle the skeptical parents/neighbors/grandparents/etc? I have been handling the discussions of "preschool" by saying that Jennifer is not ready to be out of the home for so many hours per day and that I can teach her just about anything she needs to know at this point. I get a lot of the "are you going to enroll her in preschool/daycare" (she's 2 on Sunday) questions. I have handled it to the point that we are going to keep her home until the state's age of mandatory education but honestly I don't know how the family will really handle that. It is mainly my in-laws not so much my family. So how do you handle the skeptical family/neighbors/friends?

 

I think you just need to ignore the queries. They will always be there. If not your family, then the cashier at the store, or the nosy neighbor. Either work on a "scripted" answer and let it roll off your back -- or -- be prepared to argue over this one. IMO it isn't worth it to argue. Simply smile when asked about the preschool question ("Bless your heart!") and change the subject ("So, what do you think of _______?"). After a while, they will get the hint. :D

 

Question 2: I have a skeptical husband. His skepticism doesn't come so much from the thought that he doesn't find me capable but that we will need 2 incomes to support our lifestyle. This I fundamentally disagree with. We are currently trying to pay off our debt (we have about $3k in credit card debt and car payment...we rent our home right now) and it is going well. We are paying what we can and saving the differences so we can have a nice little "down payment" when we get out of the military. I am in graduate school but so far am debt free. Dh feels that it would be an extreme waste of time (studying and away from the family), and money. However, I have always seen that anything beyond my bachelor's degree was more of a contingency just in case. He feels that I will need to work in order to help us keep the lifestyle of more or less frivolous spending. I feel that there are only a few things that are essential beyond food/water/clothing/shelter/medical care. How can I show him that it is possible to live a full and joyous life without all the extras that we don't even use (seriously we have so much "sh!t" that we couldn't use it all in a year).

 

Hmmmm. Well, to be honest... it sounds like both of you are young and are coming from 2 different points of view. Your budget if not in check may force you to go back to work to pay off debt or sudden emergencies? Just be flexible to option B should things change -- hubby loses job, illness, more kids, bigger budget, taxes and so on. The one good thing regarding homeschooling in the early years is that it is really easy and should be only a few minutes a day for the Pre-K ages. One thing that if hubby is not open to you staying home is talking with a counselor or Pastor. If he is not on the debt free plan -sounds like he is a spender- you will have a tough time controlling the budget. Both of you are at odds? :confused: Just be careful as this could be a dealbreaker for each of you if conflict arises.

 

Question 3: This ties into curriculum and husband issues. I have been on a spiritual path back to the Lord and am leaning towards doing a Christian curriculum for some if not most of our homeschooling. I don't know how to broach the topic of using Christian curricula with an agnostic husband (acknowledges that there is something/someone greater than us but doesn't know what or how he/she influences life; also a hardcore evolutionist). How would you broach this subject? Obviously our dd is quite young so it would be more informal at this point.

 

 

One thing you need to realize at the Pre-K and early Primary grades (I used to teach these areas) is that you are not limited to Christian only curricula. It would be unwise to buy a "boxed" $$$ set by a Christian publisher and then realize you do not like the product. Do your research, visit a HS Book Fair, visit a HS Park Day, read a HS magazine or book, and begin deciding what you would like to do. You can incorporate your belief system using anything. Again, this matter may need counseling if hubby is dead set against hsing or Christianity. You both may need to come to a compromise? In time, he will see the fruits of hsing and be very supportive. For now, simply enjoy your child -- read and sing to her, teach her the ABCs/numbers & sign language, go out on a "field trip", explore kinesthetic activities (i.e. fingerpainting, playdough, water/sand table), and meet new friends in a playgroup. She can be enrolled in AWANA as a cubbie when she turns 3 for learning Christian principles -- and it is very fun. No need to rush into anything. But do your research! HTH

Edited December 15, 2009 by tex-mex

[Rosie_0801]

With the religious you approach the religious curriculum issue by laying it on very thick, then backing off to the minimum you're prepared to do. Something about how excited you were to find all this great Christian curriculum and how the biblical approach really spoke to you and how wonderful it would be to provide such an experience for your kids. Then pause so he has time to panic, then, before he has time to actually say anything, launch into how you knew that wasn't the right thing for your family, which is a shame, but you fully respect his views, being your husband and the father of said children so you did more research and you are quite sure you have found something that will meet his approval, and you'll just toss in a bible curriculum for their spiritual education.

 

Convincing him to homeschool is the first hurdle. Worry about religion later. Most likely, once he's on board with homeschooling, it won't be long before he settles down and is happy to leave the curriculum planning all to you, and won't even mind if you want to purchase bible based curriculum as long as you assure him it'll be secular all the way for science.

 

Now for convincing him to give up the extra wage... If he's a spendy kind of guy and you've been a spendy kind of girl, you'll have to take this slowly. A sudden change of personality in a spouse is rather difficult to deal with, especially if the change seems to suggest that he is wrong/lazy/irresponsible with money or any of that. (And you don't have to be implying this for someone to think you are, as I'm sure we've all experienced...) Tactics to use depend on what sort of spender he is. If it's a love languages thing, make sure he gets enough of the stuff he wants, and encourage him to buy homeschooling resources for you if he's in a gifting mood. If he is in the habit of spending money on eating out, make your food better than the restaurant. It's hard to beat fast food for convenience, but if he knows there'll be something tasty at home, he might learn to wait. Or pack a lunch box of cheaper/home made snacks, so they'll be more convenient. Then there are ways of shopping that save money and he doesn't need to know about. It's not going to bother him if you and the kids shop at thrift shops. You might even be able to cater to his need for stuff by making a Saturday morning ritual of heading out for garage sales. Sure, people still come home with stuff, but at least it was cheap stuff :)

 

As far as kinder goes for a 2 year old, home is best. There is nowhere else my dd is allowed to climb onto the back of the sofa :lol: and clearly that's what being two is all about!

 

Rosie- glad she started convincing her hubby early on, since it took about two years. :)

[Peela]

Question 1- this is an area many of us just get strong and you have to not care os much what they think. Its your life, your kids, and they had their chance at parenting.

 

Question 2- its a hard one. Pehaps you can agree to one year at a time and see hoe it goes? My dh gave me 6 months, and within 2 months he was hpapy that I quit my part time job, and he support us all full time so we could homeschool. I gave him lots of information about homeschooling that I printed off the internet and left on the kitchen table. From a sceptic he became my greatest supporter. We too are frivolous spenders with a lifestyle many would envy. I ended up getting work from home..it just all worked out when the priority was to homeschool.

 

Question 3- I think you can just work it out as you go and not worry too much about it. We are secular and have often used Christian curricula, and many Christians use secular curricula. You can teach both evolution and creation theories. I would venture to say its more what you are living that what curricula you use.

[Stacie]

So being as this is a homeschooling board I have a question on how to handle the skeptical parents/grandparents/even husband. This post is multi-fold due to the fact that I am a major worrywart.

 

Question 1: How do you handle the skeptical parents/neighbors/grandparents/etc? I have been handling the discussions of "preschool" by saying that Jennifer is not ready to be out of the home for so many hours per day and that I can teach her just about anything she needs to know at this point. I get a lot of the "are you going to enroll her in preschool/daycare" (she's 2 on Sunday) questions. I have handled it to the point that we are going to keep her home until the state's age of mandatory education but honestly I don't know how the family will really handle that. It is mainly my in-laws not so much my family. So how do you handle the skeptical family/neighbors/friends?

 

Question 2: I have a skeptical husband. His skepticism doesn't come so much from the thought that he doesn't find me capable but that we will need 2 incomes to support our lifestyle. This I fundamentally disagree with. We are currently trying to pay off our debt (we have about $3k in credit card debt and car payment...we rent our home right now) and it is going well. We are paying what we can and saving the differences so we can have a nice little "down payment" when we get out of the military. I am in graduate school but so far am debt free. Dh feels that it would be an extreme waste of time (studying and away from the family), and money. However, I have always seen that anything beyond my bachelor's degree was more of a contingency just in case. He feels that I will need to work in order to help us keep the lifestyle of more or less frivolous spending. I feel that there are only a few things that are essential beyond food/water/clothing/shelter/medical care. How can I show him that it is possible to live a full and joyous life without all the extras that we don't even use (seriously we have so much "sh!t" that we couldn't use it all in a year).

 

Question 3: This ties into curriculum and husband issues. I have been on a spiritual path back to the Lord and am leaning towards doing a Christian curriculum for some if not most of our homeschooling. I don't know how to broach the topic of using Christian curricula with an agnostic husband (acknowledges that there is something/someone greater than us but doesn't know what or how he/she influences life; also a hardcore evolutionist). How would you broach this subject? Obviously our dd is quite young so it would be more informal at this point.

 

Okay so I have a lot of questions and text and details there and I apologize. Any insight/help would be awesome!

 

How wonderful that you are researching and preparing while you have very young children. You sound very committed to do what is best for their education. As for your questions, I suggest:

 

#1 I agree with tex-mex's idea of a scripted non-answer. Just come up with something that sounds acceptable, then change the subject.

 

#2 Two words...Dave Ramsey. Read and work through his plan together or you will always be pulling and pushing against one another.

 

#3 If your dh is like mine, once you get him on board with homeschooling in general you lose him on the details. When I begin a curriculum information session with him his eyes glaze over and he seems to be listening to the Charlie Brown teacher (wawa wawa). If I do the research, investigating, and legwork to know which curriculum is best for each child, he trusts me. He has veto power, but if he wants to pick it he does the research involved. Another thought is to have your plan narrowed down to two, possibly three alternatives that are acceptable to you and let him help you choose one of them. Don't give him the Rainbow catalog!

 

Good luck to you!

[Caribbean Queen]

I would not ask for my husbands comments on whether or not he wants Christian curriculum. I would just use what I want to use.

 

For now, I recommend some teaching some Chrisitan songs, reading a story Bible and doing prayer. You don't need to buy a packaged curriculum for your little one.

 

Maybe your in-laws want your daughter in day care/preschool. You do not want her enrolled and you aren't going to do it. There is nothing to worry about there. You are having it your way. You win.

 

I think you can show your husband how you can live more frugally by example. You cut your spending as much as possible, and in that way, you have done all you can to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. That means that unless you have free babysitting and full scholarships, quit school. That means you only spend money on food at the supermarket. Ouch! I know.

 

You may feel that is is not fair for you to be frugal and your husband is still able to waste money. Been there, done that - and you know what? It isn't about whether or not we both get to spend money. It is about me making sacrifices in order to be a stay-at-home mom. I am the one who doesn't want to get a job, so I make the sacrifices. Wouldn't it be better if he would sacrifice also? Yes, but he doesn't want to be frugal, so I have to work with the reality of who he is.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

So being as this is a homeschooling board I have a question on how to handle the skeptical parents/grandparents/even husband. This post is multi-fold due to the fact that I am a major worrywart.

 

Question 1: How do you handle the skeptical parents/neighbors/grandparents/etc? I have been handling the discussions of "preschool" by saying that Jennifer is not ready to be out of the home for so many hours per day and that I can teach her just about anything she needs to know at this point. I get a lot of the "are you going to enroll her in preschool/daycare" (she's 2 on Sunday) questions. I have handled it to the point that we are going to keep her home until the state's age of mandatory education but honestly I don't know how the family will really handle that. It is mainly my in-laws not so much my family. So how do you handle the skeptical family/neighbors/friends?

 

I don't worry about skeptical people! I let our families know that we had decided to homeschool and just let it go from there. Our families were a little bit disturbed! But, I can tell you that they aren't now after 10 years and seeing the results. You just need to come to a decision with dh and just not worry about other's reactions.

 

Question 2: I have a skeptical husband. His skepticism doesn't come so much from the thought that he doesn't find me capable but that we will need 2 incomes to support our lifestyle. This I fundamentally disagree with. We are currently trying to pay off our debt (we have about $3k in credit card debt and car payment...we rent our home right now) and it is going well. We are paying what we can and saving the differences so we can have a nice little "down payment" when we get out of the military. I am in graduate school but so far am debt free. Dh feels that it would be an extreme waste of time (studying and away from the family), and money. However, I have always seen that anything beyond my bachelor's degree was more of a contingency just in case. He feels that I will need to work in order to help us keep the lifestyle of more or less frivolous spending. I feel that there are only a few things that are essential beyond food/water/clothing/shelter/medical care. How can I show him that it is possible to live a full and joyous life without all the extras that we don't even use (seriously we have so much "sh!t" that we couldn't use it all in a year).

 

 

I would NEVER homeschool without dh being even a little bit on board--especially when your family won't be thrilled with the idea. What you don't need to hear is, "Why don't we just put her into school." everytime you have a hard day or something. It's something you should be in agreement on. You still have a few years to worry about getting him on board. It might be good to attend a few meetings or get to know another homeschooling family he could see. It would help for him maybe to talk to another dad.

 

Question 3: This ties into curriculum and husband issues. I have been on a spiritual path back to the Lord and am leaning towards doing a Christian curriculum for some if not most of our homeschooling. I don't know how to broach the topic of using Christian curricula with an agnostic husband (acknowledges that there is something/someone greater than us but doesn't know what or how he/she influences life; also a hardcore evolutionist). How would you broach this subject? Obviously our dd is quite young so it would be more informal at this point.

 

I would be sensitive to this. Choose your battles! If you don't have his support to homeschool, then the curriculum you want to use is a mute point.

 

Okay so I have a lot of questions and text and details there and I apologize. Any insight/help would be awesome!

 

 

Good luck to you! Have a wonderful Christmas season!!!!

[Kathleen in VA]

I may get some online flames for this but I feel like "preschool" (unless your child is really struggling socially) is just glorified daycare in most cases. I figure if I at least have a "plan" or "goal" in place it will placate some of the nay-sayers :)

 

BTW I absolutely adore how quickly things get answered here

 

You have gotten some excellent advice so far. I just want to say that, like Dayle, I would absolutely not homeschool if I didn't have the support of my husband. I love that you want to homeschool and that you're getting a plan in order long before the first day of kindergarten, so you have lots of time to pray about this and ask the Lord to give your husband a heart for homeschooling, though. Perhaps you could buy a copy of TWTM and read it together? I especially like Susan's chapter about socialization at the end of the book.

[jillian]

I believe I am getting WTM for christmas from him as a matter of fact. He is getting more "on board" as I do more research and show that I am not the "unschooling" type. He is still skeptical but has given me the go ahead to homeschool as long as we are in the military (at least until 2015). DD should be around 2nd grade by then/maybe 3rd.

 

I wouldn't homeschool if DH was 100% set against it but he is trying I think to see that I am not doing it for the wrong reasons. Next spring/summer we probably will be addressing it in a way of "should dd go to preschool/pre-kindergarten" since she'll be 2 1/2 and approaching that time (at least in several people's eyes). DH also has his mother to contend with who taught public school for 30 years and thinks homeschooling is for "freaks" and "religious fanatics". I promptly told her off about that one lol (seeing as I was homeschooled it shut her up pretty quick).

 

I appreciate all the help and advice. I am constructing my logical "game plan" and/or "goal" to show to dh since he is very list/long term oriented.

[Stacy in NJ]

Next spring/summer we probably will be addressing it in a way of "should dd go to preschool/pre-kindergarten" since she'll be 2 1/2 and approaching that time (at least in several people's eyes). DH also has his mother to contend with who taught public school for 30 years and thinks homeschooling is for "freaks" and "religious fanatics". I promptly told her off about that one lol (seeing as I was homeschooled it shut her up pretty quick).

 

I appreciate all the help and advice. I am constructing my logical "game plan" and/or "goal" to show to dh since he is very list/long term oriented.

 

Not everyone sends their toddler to preschool, especially not at 2 1/2. Look around your community and start searching for a few social outlets, activites at the library, church, YMCA, that are available to pre-school aged kiddos. They don't need to cost any money - free is good. Participate in a few of these. When your MIL or others question you, just say....."Oh, dd loves (insert activities here). Our schedule is full; we don't really need the extra cost of preschool, or the extra germs."

 

:D

[kpupg]

#1 -- what they said, the other posters. Come up with a scripted response for people whose opinions you don't really care about. If there are family/friends whose opinions you really value and they are not on the same page with you ... well, you may need to tighten up your boundaries ...

 

#2 -- you and your dh need to be on the same page. No two ways about it. I think Rosie had some great advice on this. Money was not our issue, but my dh was a home schooling skeptic, too. Our son's experience with his elementary school was so bad, dh decided to agree to home school for one year and then re-evaluate ... by Christmas of that year, he was 100% on board ... so skeptics can be won over by home school success :)

 

#3 -- Christian curriculum can range from every little item having a particular religious "agenda" to just adding in a Bible study curriculum as its own subject. If your husband can respect your faith, you need to respect his as well ... if indeed he objects to "too much" religion, which may not be the case at all ... you don't say whether you and dh have discussed the religious upbringing of your children. That's a fundamental issue that you need to be on the same page, and it will inform your curriculum choices later on.

 

Prayers,

Karen

[plimsoll]

I wouldn't worry about skeptical parents, grandparents, neighbors, etc. Mostly you can ignore them/agree to disagree. I do think you and your husband need to be united on making homeschooling work.

 

Here's what I said in response to a similar query regarding resistant/hostile relatives:

 

Don't get into it with them. It's more important to save your energy for homeschooling.

 

You may need to politely but firmly reiterate that while you thank them for their opinion, you have made up your mind and the decision is yours to make, not theirs.

 

Do what you can to change the subject, defuse things, and lighten things up. Eventually they'll agree to disagree and leave you mostly alone on the subject. But above all, do not let them suck you into unending arguments that you cannot win - they are already convinced that they know best. That's ok - you do not need their approval to succeed.

 

Better to use your time and energy in the bright, happy, and wonderful task of homeschooling your children. Eventually the results will speak for themselves.

[Peek a Boo]

#1: if they are seriously interested and not just antagonizing you, a simple "it's good enough for Stanford, harvard, and MIT" should do quite nicely, then send them links about homeschool admissions/ homeschoolers at those colleges. Surely those organizations have more experience in the field of education wrt homeschoolers than your family does ;)

 

You can also toss John Taylor Gatto at them: surely someone w/ as much experience as he has in the public school system in NYC [not out in the boondocks] and as someone that has the respect of other teachers [multiple teacher of the year awards], SURELY he has an inkling into why homeschooling is so profitable over institutionalized schooling...... check out his books and online site.

 

#2: start living it. keep a record of what you have saved and where He can save.

 

#3. i like Rosie's answer :)

[Ellie]

Question 1: How do you handle the skeptical parents/neighbors/grandparents/etc?

It doesn't matter that they are skeptical. Keep it light: "Oh, I don't see a reason to send Daffodil to school at such a young age." Say this cheerfully and smilingly, and change the subject.

 

Question 2: I have a skeptical husband. His skepticism doesn't come so much from the thought that he doesn't find me capable but that we will need 2 incomes to support our lifestyle.

This is a really personal family issue. Y'all will have to work this out. Maybe you can negotiate with him on it, along the lines of let's-see-how-things-work-out-before-putting-dc-into-preschool-and-all-that-it-costs-for-that.

Question 3: This ties into curriculum and husband issues. I have been on a spiritual path back to the Lord and am leaning towards doing a Christian curriculum for some if not most of our homeschooling. I don't know how to broach the topic of using Christian curricula with an agnostic husband (acknowledges that there is something/someone greater than us but doesn't know what or how he/she influences life; also a hardcore evolutionist). How would you broach this subject?

I'm thinking you could just not make a big deal about it. He doesn't *have* to be involved in the decision making--not that you need to feel deceitful or anything, but you know, the one who's doing the teaching should get to make the decisions, don't you think? You could sort of ponder aloud about some things, and if he's really agnostic, he shouldn't care all that much, right?

[Impish]

You've had some good advice already, so I won't repeat it.

 

I will repeat that without my husband's backing, there's no way I could hs the kids.

 

I would pray about it. Your dh sounds as though he's a bit intimidated carrying the full load financially for the family. It *is* a daunting task!

 

As much as my dh supports our hsing, he couldn't give a hoot about the curric we use. I mention it to him, his eyes glaze over, and he implores me to call SpecialMama and talk to her about it. He trusts me to make the best decisions for our kids.

[TxMama]

Q 1. Skeptics will always be there so just ignore them. My oldest is over 19 and I've been listening to them since he was your daughter's age. Just ignore the skeptics.

 

Q 2. You do have more options than working FT and being a SAHM FT. I hs and have a PT job and it is absolutely the best option for my family. Since your dd is quite young could you cut back slowly over the next few years until you find the comfortable balance for your family? Perhaps with each increase in his pay so there isn't an abrupt drop in funds?

 

Q 3. Would he be that involved? Most of the dads I know honestly aren't involved enough to know what curriculum their wives are using....mine included. Mine gets a little glassy eyed if I start talking about curriculum.:lol: Get him onboard with hsing and then worry about curriculum.

 

Best of luck, mama!

[jillian]

You've had some good advice already, so I won't repeat it.

 

I will repeat that without my husband's backing, there's no way I could hs the kids.

 

I would pray about it. Your dh sounds as though he's a bit intimidated carrying the full load financially for the family. It *is* a daunting task!

 

As much as my dh supports our hsing, he couldn't give a hoot about the curric we use. I mention it to him, his eyes glaze over, and he implores me to call SpecialMama and talk to her about it. He trusts me to make the best decisions for our kids.

 

see he already is carrying the full load and a lot of the worries and stress come from our lifestyle and debt which we are working on getting out of and such ya know. i am a firm believer in appreciating what you have with less and am trying hard to live that :) thanks mamas for all the help i really appreciate it