sadiegirl Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 My husband, kids and I always go to my parents for Thanksgiving which is about a 7 hour drive from our house. We have always traveled over the holidays either to his parents or my parents no matter where we have lived. The problem is that I have somewhat established Thanksgiving as a holiday that we spend with my parents as his folks don't have a big Thanksgiving and we are ALWAYS at his parents on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It will never change(which is another story...). As a result, we try to go to my parents the weekend before Christmas. Now, he has decided that the trip is too long to make on Thanksgiving and then turn around and do it in 3 weeks(weekend before Christmas). I do tend to agree but my parents for some reason want us to come to their house for the holidays. In fact, my husband asked my dad one year to come to our house and my father's reply was, "I did my time traveling...it's your turn now." Not exactly a good thing to say to my husband and believe me, my husband hasn't forgotten that! Anyway, my husband thinks we are the only ones in the world driving on one of the busiest travel days of the year 7 hours...are we? I don't think so. Gosh, I love the holidays but they make me CRAZY!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) Let me see if I'm understanding- You spend Thanksgiving with your parents. You spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with his parents. He doesn't want to go to your parents' house for Thanksgiving. If *I* were in the situation then I would agree to not going to my parents' house for Thanksgiving *only* if he were willing to give up Christmas Eve or Christmas so that I could spend a holiday with my family. eta: We currently live a 10 hour flight away from our families. We aren't going anywhere for Thanksgiving (it's being hosted at my house, with about 6 other families) or Christmas (ditto) this year. It's too expensive to travel over the holidays. When we were able to drive (even when it was a 20 hour drive) we went home for Christmas (Christmas Eve at one family home and Christmas at another, a five hour drive apart) but not Thanksgiving. Edited November 23, 2009 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I agree about not going anywhere for Christmas either... although I've done the same thing to dh this year as your dh has done with you :lol: This year, for Thanksgiving, I plan on traversing the family room multiple times, but don't plan to step outside the front door. For Christmas Eve we're driving 45 min to my sister's house :p Christmas day we stay home, unless I get bored, then I go to my parents' house. My family is way closer than dh's mother though, especially during the holidays when the roads going to mil's are jammed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 When we lived close by our parents, we went to both houses on Thanksgiving - one for lunch and one for dinner. Now we live 500 miles away and stay home on Thanksgiving. I love it! It is just my dh and my children (and soon to be daughter-in-law). For Christmas we spend our Christmas day at home and spend the week after Christmas in Florida, half the time with my family and half the time with dh's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 It takes me about an hour to pick up my mother and then another 2 hours to my brothers where I get to have Thanksgiving with his family and about 30 of his closest friends (none of which I know). My SIL will speak about 2 words to me, my brother will give me a hearty hello and goodbye. I start counting the minutes after the coffee is served till I can make my escape. Not that anyone would notice if I was missing. My family refuses to come to my house because I don't live in a mansion like everyone else. So for every holiday I get the pleasure of driving somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 We have to stay put for the holidays b/c dh has to do the services (priest). My parents are 77 and 76, and they drive 10-11 hours to get here (or an equal amt of time to get to my sil's house in OH--we alternate holidays). I know the time is coming when we will either go there or buy tickets for them. We like this arrangement, mostly b/c dh can stay home and have his assistant trade him TG day service for Christmas Day service, which means he can stay home Christmas morning with us. (He's up until 1:30 am because of Christmas Eve services, anyway.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadiegirl Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 When I share with him the situations that my friends' have with the complications of family and holidays---he still doesn't get it. My parents are good parents, grandparents, and they love him. They live in a 5000 sq ft house where we have the entire top floor to ourselves. We eat great when we are there. They have acreage so the boys drive Papaw's tractor everywhere. They let us bring both Labs and love them. They take us out to eat once and pay for our meal. They play Scrabble, Mexican dominoes and Monopoly with me and kids at night. They also stay home with the boys and we leave on Friday and shop, eat lunch out etc. They have a huge TV for watching the Macy's parade, a huge fireplace and computer to mess with! It's great! He just dreads the drive and gets so upset that my parents won't come our way---I remind him that sometimes it is great that we going to their house because we can leave when we are ready! He is just a baby about it but it has caused major conflict for going on 18 years. He says that next year, we are going to be here no matter who comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 We are currently 14.5 hours away from home so that we can spend Thanksgiving and a few days with my parents. It is important to us that the kids get a chance to visit with their grandparents. My parents are willing to travel but the roads work both ways. My parents usually come in May to visit us. We spend Christmas at our house. No traveling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I travel approximately 300 yards to my MILs house. If I said we weren't coming this year, they would likely walk the 300 yards, grab me, and drag me back kicking and screaming. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 This year, I'm going across town. :lol: However, in the past, we've gone from IL to WV for Tgiving and it was miserable. It was always to see EX's family. We only traveled to see my family one time in the 10 years we were married. They do live farther away, but still. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 When I share with him the situations that my friends' have with the complications of family and holidays---he still doesn't get it. My parents are good parents, grandparents, and they love him. They live in a 5000 sq ft house where we have the entire top floor to ourselves. We eat great when we are there. They have acreage so the boys drive Papaw's tractor everywhere. They let us bring both Labs and love them. They take us out to eat once and pay for our meal. They play Scrabble, Mexican dominoes and Monopoly with me and kids at night. They also stay home with the boys and we leave on Friday and shop, eat lunch out etc. They have a huge TV for watching the Macy's parade, a huge fireplace and computer to mess with! It's great! He just dreads the drive and gets so upset that my parents won't come our way---I remind him that sometimes it is great that we going to their house because we can leave when we are ready! He is just a baby about it but it has caused major conflict for going on 18 years. He says that next year, we are going to be here no matter who comes. And how many Christmases have his parents spent at your house? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faline Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 We're going to my parents this year--2 hrs 15 min Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadiegirl Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 Nobody has ever been at our house for Christmas. We have always taken the kids to the grandparents over the years. But, my in-laws would come if we wanted them to...they know the situation with my folks is stressful and so they would come to our house if it would sort of encourage my parents to come. They all get along really well(in fact, they are going with us over to my parents this week just to encourage my husband to do the right thing and take me and the kids to see my folks) It's a weird situation...it comes out in the worst way around the holidays because my parents expect us to come but they don't make the effort to ever come to our house but will travel to Europe,Hilton Head, Nova Scotia, Branson, MO with friends from church all the time. My mother-in-law makes a point to come up here about every 4-6 weeks and stay 3-5 days and play games, cook, do whatever. My boys are so close to her and they don't feel a strong connection with my parents. Part of the reason is because they don't come here. I want to go to their house as I have an older brother(we are not on speaking terms) who doesn't acknowledge Christmas, and get into the holidays AT ALL and we are the only family my mom and dad have. So, I have issues with making them happy and doing for my family. This makes me sooooo crazy every year that this year as I was driving home from St. Louis last week, I called Dr. Laura Schessinger on XM and asked her opinion(I didn't used my real name!!) She told me that next year to invite my parents and if they don't come...I need to do what is best for my family and say I'm sorry...we will miss you! So, I have another year to get my nerve up to do that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 we are staying home for thanksgiving (also dd's first birthday) and going to Michigan for Christmas, not looking forward to the 16 hour one way drive with little one, but that's what we have to do so she can see her nanna, grandma, grandpa and aunts and uncles and cousins. We don't expect them to come down here because there is just the three of us and more of them so we just go up, hopefully soon the economy picks up so we can just move back up there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 When we lived in Boston, we would drive to visit my IL's in Philly for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. The other holiday we would spend with my folks, who live an hour west of Boston. Now that we're in California, I often will take the kids for 3 weeks in December back East to visit both sets of relatives. I typically spend Christmas with my folks then head down to my IL's on the 26th & stay through New Year's. DH will usually fly out the 23rd or 24th and go back directly from Philly. This year, we're staying in CA for both Thanksgiving & Christmas. My folks are visiting the first couple of weeks in December and my IL's are visiting in January. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) I'm still confused because I'm not understanding what *you* want to do. Do you want to be with your parents on Thanksgiving and/or Christmas? Even if it means going to them? eta: I think you need to figure our what *you* want. Not your hubby, not your parents, not his parents, *you*. Then, you advocate for that through negotiation with involved parties or whatever. If I wanted to go see my family at Thanksgiving and my hubby was being difficult about it, despite the fact we were going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with his family, then *I* would be mad. We mostly go to see my family, all of them live there, in one place. I'm the one who lives far away, they think I should come to them. In the almost 16 years since I left the state where I grew up my mom has visited me 3 times and my dad twice. They definitely would not come at Christmas due to everyone else. I wouldn't expect them to. Edited November 24, 2009 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 We stay home and have our own Thanksgiving traditions. I accepted an invite this year without consulting DH and the kids...oops!...I had to phone back and un-accept because no one wanted to miss 'our day'. (We're heading over for coffee and a visit in the evening...no feelings were hurt) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgm Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) Is your dh's issue the drive itself, or the stay at the inlaws? With the whole top floor to yourselves, it's a great situation; much better than some families who sqeeze into the host's oldest kid's bedroom. Makes me wonder if your dh really wants to stay home. A 7 hr drive when you're not driving back the next day is easy unless you have a lot of backroads -- it's already a tradition and you probably have a few expected stops already. Maybe he could take a nap or watch a few movies to make it go faster? Perhaps a compromise would be to do Tday at your parents, then change the 2nd visit to another week...maybe Easter? Or Jan when there is a better chance of snow? I wouldn't sweat the issue of your parents coming to your house. They've been fine hosts and this hill is not a hill to die on. Edited November 24, 2009 by lgm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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