Do you think most men struggle (or experience) lust?

[Jean in Newcastle]

the most powerful aphrodisiac is the mind, and I believe that more general responsiveness diminishes rather than strengthens performance. My own experience (I know, a single data point doesn't prove anything! .. but it's all I've got... and all I want :) at least shows that the ability to filter out inapplicable stimuli doesn't detract from anything...

 

I 100% agree with this.

 

Eliana doesn't say this but I don't think that precludes thinking that a man is handsome or a woman is good-looking. It just means that I don't equate their attractiveness as a sexual stimulant.

[TravelingChris]

My particular problem is when people, including pastors, think that everyone has the same problem. We are all sinners, that's true, but we don't all sin the same way. I hate the sometime given sermon about how all men are wild guys just ready to fall into sexual sin. Some definitely are but other have other sin areas that need attention.

I have been married 24 1/2 years and my dh doesn't have a particular problem with lust. Neither do I. DOes that mean neither of us acknowledge attractiveness? No. I am sure he notices pretty women. However, he does not go out of his way to find them or look for them. His viewing habits aren't puritanical but he isn't into watching scantily clad comedies aimed at teens and 20 yo. He watches engineering, political, Shakespeare, nature, action films, etc, but not hootchie-koo movies. So, no he doesn't have a particular problem with lust.

[Carol in Cal.]

Anyway, my grandmother used to say, "A bird may land on your head, but you don't have to let it nest in your hair." And that is how I feel about temptation (which is unavoidable) vs. lust (which is, to some extent, a choice).

[CalicoKat]

Even married ones? How do you deal with that? If your dh or SO admits to lusting, does it hurt your feelings? Is it a dent in your marriage? Or is it something all men deal with because of how they're wired and as long as there's no acting on the lust, you just deal with it?

 

I'm asking because a male friend admitted he struggles with lust. I've never, ever, in my life had someone admit that to me, so I'm wondering what to do with this, if it should affect how I view this man or it should have any affect at all.

 

Did this make sense?

 

I'd be more concerned with what exactly he's struggling with. Does he let his emotions override his conscience and do things that are morally wrong?

 

Lust is normal. How does he deal with his lust.

[Audrey]

Even married ones? How do you deal with that? If your dh or SO admits to lusting, does it hurt your feelings? Is it a dent in your marriage? Or is it something all men deal with because of how they're wired and as long as there's no acting on the lust, you just deal with it?

 

I'm asking because a male friend admitted he struggles with lust. I've never, ever, in my life had someone admit that to me, so I'm wondering what to do with this, if it should affect how I view this man or it should have any affect at all.

 

Did this make sense?

 

 

Doesn't bother me at all. Lust, for most, is a momentary feeling. Most people have enough self-control to not act upon it. Women lust, too. We all look, have thoughts, some more indepth than others, but so what? Most people don't dwell on it, let it take over their thoughts, act upon it or let it become anything more than the fleeting thought it is.

 

I think it is some people's hang ups with sexuality in general that make lust a struggle for them or their loved ones.

[Laura Corin]

I assume that my husband finds other women physically attractive. I don't expect him to tell me about it, nor to do anything about it. What goes on in his head is his business.

 

Laura

[Jenny in GA]

My husband once told me that, basically, every time a guy meets a woman, he wonders (on some level) what it would be like to have sex with her. Who'da thunk it?

[PinkInTheBlue]

My husband once told me that, basically, every time a guy meets a woman, he wonders (on some level) what it would be like to have sex with her. Who'da thunk it?

 

With sincere respect to you and your husband, I adamantly disagree. I definitely don't think it and my husband ( we have a very honest relationship) also strongly disagrees. Not the experience around here. :)

[tex-mex]

I've discussed this with my dh as well as read Every Man's Battle and another book for women regarding the men in their lives (the title escapes me right now but she's a Christian author). The latter said she had many Christian men admit that to her, I can't remember if it surprised her or not.

 

:iagree: Men are "hard wired" for this -- more common than you think. They are aroused via the eyes. Which is why for most men it is a battle to not think about sex 24/7. With today's TV programming, internet porn, movies... it is very difficult. The internet porn, for example, draws in young men and gets them addicted to images that make Playboy or Hustler look "tame" by standards. Now with viagra being available, there are so many opportunities for the lust to be quenched. The problem is what used to appeal to the senses becomes uninteresting and then the person has to move on to the next level of porn to get fufilled. Dr. Dobson has a great interview with Ted Bundy about this point in the book mentioned above -- Every Man's Battle.

[Hedgehogs4]

I disagree with the statement that our thought life does not matter as long as we don't actually "do the deed." The mind and body are made for the Lord, not for impurity, and so I endeavor to please the Lord in every respect. Adultery starts in the mind. Everyone who is a Christian struggles with lust, in some form.

 

I base this on how I understand the general message of the Scripture, but here are a few texts:

 

Exodus 20:17

 

17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.â€

 

 

Job 31:9-12

 

9 “If my heart has been enticed by a woman,

Or if I have lurked at my neighbor’s door,

 

10 Then let my wife grind for another,

And let others bow down over her.

 

11 For that would be wickedness;

Yes, it would be iniquity deserving of judgment.

 

12 For that would be a fire that consumes to destruction,

And would root out all my increase.

 

 

Matthew 5 (Beatitudes)

 

8 Blessed are the pure in heart,

For they shall see God.

 

 

Matthew 5

 

27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old,[c] ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[d] 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

 

May I comment that I think it is inappropriate for a man to share what he shared with a single (or married) female? It's a guy thing, and it should stay a guy thing! I wouldn't "go there" with a dude, as far as conversation.

 

:iagree: The shoe is on the other foot in my marriage. It has been I, and not my dh who struggles, and I am here to say that lust is "normal" for sinful people, and one's thought life absolutely does matter. It became apparent to me when after a period of when time I was entertaining thoughts (but not acting on them), the words of my marriage vows came crashing into my mind... "keeping only unto you for as long as we both shall live." Ugh. I realized that meant all of me, including my mind. I had some serious work to do in my own heart to repair the situation, and it was very painful, because it involved a relationship with someone we both know. This wasn't a fleeting glance kind of thing, but something that grew over time. If we don't control the outcome of the fleeting glance and how it affects our thoughts, we start down a slippery slope into sexual sin, whether or not it is carried out. There is not just the looking...as was noted, there is the coveting and the idolatry that go along with it.