The Governess Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Ugh. I am having major issues with my 5yo and 3yo. They pester each other and push each others' buttons all.day.long. I don't think we went more than a 3 minute stretch today with both of them in the same room without an occurrence of screeching, whining, or tattling because one of them was doing something to bother the other. It is getting worse every day. It starts as soon as they wake up in the morning and the only time they stop is when they are away from each other, or asleep. I have the book Sibling Rivalry but most of the tips in that book are geared toward older kids that you can talk things out with, rather than a 3yo that can't really be reasoned with. I'm about to re-read it anyway, out of desperation. Advice? Sympathy? Chocolate? I'll take anything. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Ugh. I am having major issues with my 5yo and 3yo. They pester each other and push each others' buttons all.day.long. I don't think we went more than a 3 minute stretch today with both of them in the same room without an occurrence of screeching, whining, or tattling because one of them was doing something to bother the other. It is getting worse every day. It starts as soon as they wake up in the morning and the only time they stop is when they are away from each other, or asleep. Some help: Routine, structure, planned play, planned downtime, planned group play, chores, school and responsibility. While I don't schedule or routine babies, I have discovered that older kids need structure, routine, supervision, parent imposed play ideas and help to not create the tone you are talking about. I'd create a routine around hygiene, chores, eating, food, play and school. That will help a lot of the problem you are talking about. Make sure to limit screen time and maximize outside and large motor and sensory play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 If it makes you feel any better, we started out the day with the regular bickering and ultimately ds writing "in your rear end" 50 times and dd writing "shut up" 75 times. Can't wait to see what they have to write tomorrow.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I like Joanne's reply (as usual!) and I'll add to it: If my boys aren't playing nicely together, I separate them immediately. Pick two rooms and then send them into those two rooms (separate from each other, of course.) This might not work for you. It only works for me because, at heart, my boys love to be together. If your guys really honestly don't like being together, then separating them won't necessarily help them to learn to get along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I have an almost 5 year old and a 2.5 year old. I offer you this: :grouphug: My two are either loving each other or at each others throats. There is no in between. It drives m batty. It seems that the days go one way or the other... they fight ALL day, or they play well ALL day. I can't figure out what makes the difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyWImom Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I like Joanne's reply (as usual!) and I'll add to it: If my boys aren't playing nicely together, I separate them immediately. Pick two rooms and then send them into those two rooms (separate from each other, of course.) This might not work for you. It only works for me because, at heart, my boys love to be together. If your guys really honestly don't like being together, then separating them won't necessarily help them to learn to get along. :iagree::iagree: My two also get along really well-most of the time. But, like any of us that are together ALL OF THE TIME, they get on each others nerves. Just like the days when everything dh does that totally annoys me, I'm sure it's the same with them. (Dh works from home) When the dc have those days, separating is the best thing. In your case, since they are younger, maybe even just having them play/work separately. Do school with the 5 year old, and have the 3 year old play nearby. Give your 5 year old lots of one on one when the 3 year old is napping. (hopefully still naps??) I know my dd who is older had a real jealousy thing going on at about your dc's age, and the special attention for her helped. Good luck-I feel your pain.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Oh, honey, I feel your pain, except mine are 8 and 6. I'm hoping moving into a bit bigger home will help. I'm also looking for them to have seperate bedrooms when we move (hopefully!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 OMG! I could totally have written this post today! I personally think it is partly that stupid time change...they have been getting up at the crack of dawn and are tired and cranky all day. Mine went to nap/quiet time early today because I just couldn't take it anymore. Its also getting really cold and wet to play outside which just adds to the problem. I hope it gets better for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Feeling your pain. :grouphug: I just finished a good half hour cry over my 7 kids (well, 6 if you don't count the baby) not getting along. Not just not getting along, but all.day.long. being outright NASTY to one another. Hitting, poking, tripping, calling names, bickering, putting down. It is AWFUL. Only my dd4, ds6, ds8 and ds1 are home during the day but they still fight. When ds11 and ds9 get home, the stress level is upped by at least 200% b/c ds11 starts in on ds8 RIGHT AWAY! Dd12 is home before ds11 and ds9 and tries to start her homework right away but can't b/c of all the bickering! I'm at my wits end. I've read the books, tried just about everything from punishments to rewards and nothing works. They really hate each other. Somebody told me that they might act that way at home but when push came to shove, if another child were picking on one sibling, the others would jump in to rescue him/her. Not in my house. My kids would all join in on the teasing/bullying or look the other way or worse...just laugh. They really hate each other. I'm sorry I don't have advice. I just feel your pain. I'm still crying over it and just begging God to help us and do something. I'll pray for you, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 If it makes you feel any better, we started out the day with the regular bickering and ultimately ds writing "in your rear end" 50 times and dd writing "shut up" 75 times. :lol: Thanks for the laugh! My mother used to tell me those horrible brothers would end up being my best friends, and how right she was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 I have five girls which are all pretty much three years apart each. They were always BFF with the one closest in age and just like real BFF they frequently bickered as well. However, the older they got the longer the periods between bickering. All the older girls get along great now and the youngers only bicker every once in awhile. So there is hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevs4him Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Well something must be in the air :D Yes, get this our dd 19 just stomped off and went to bed because she told me her 7 yo ds is not nice to her and I am the cause :glare: Now they go round and round yes can you believe it 12 years apart and for years she can't walk by him and keep her hands to herself. And yes he has gotten bigger and does the same to her. (we do get after both of them) Then it is me :tongue_smilie: Guess so cuz I never have gotten her to stop. And boy she was mad when I told her that and that she should really reflect on herself and when she gets herself all straightened out then she can come on back and tell me how to run her borthers life. Well stomp stomp off she went - what did I say? :lol: Anyway :grouphug: to you - just have to love our children :) Maybe try taking something specail away or better yet give them some kind of special time together with you for going so many minutes with out conflict.;) Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted November 4, 2009 Share Posted November 4, 2009 Certainly something in the air. My kiddos are playing up big time today too!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted November 6, 2009 Author Share Posted November 6, 2009 Some help: Routine, structure, planned play, planned downtime, planned group play, chores, school and responsibility. While I don't schedule or routine babies, I have discovered that older kids need structure, routine, supervision, parent imposed play ideas and help to not create the tone you are talking about. I'd create a routine around hygiene, chores, eating, food, play and school. That will help a lot of the problem you are talking about. Make sure to limit screen time and maximize outside and large motor and sensory play. Thanks, Joanne. They do have a lot of structure in their day, we are involved in a lot of extra-curriculars this year and so our days are broken up quite a bit. I planned this because like you mention if they are bored or don't have their own time or activities to look forward to each day their behavior goes downhill. Our time in between at home isn't always as structured but I do try to keep to a loose schedule with meals, quiet time, school time, play time, etc. And maybe it is time to add a more consistent chore routine. I've also figured out that my 3yo is getting a molar in (she's a late teether!) and this makes sense because she acts out a lot more when she is teething and is driving my 5yo bonkers. She tends to act very emotional and immature when she is getting a tooth. So I'm hoping that after the tooth is in she will calm down a bit on the obnoxious behavior, for all our sakes. :001_smile: What do you suggest as a discipline tool to use when they start bickering? Things like "she's looking at me" "I don't want to hear her singing" "she's copying me" and related tattling, etc.? And the accompanying whining and screaming? I'm wondering how involved I should be in this and how much I should let them just work it out on their own. Sometimes I can separate them but it also happens when we are eating dinner, at the store, in the car, etc. when separating is not always a good option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted November 6, 2009 Author Share Posted November 6, 2009 Thanks so much everyone! Things have been better the last couple days, thank goodness. :001_smile: It's so nice to know that this is a common problem, most of my friends have younger children that aren't old enough to be bickering with each other all day, so sometimes I feel like I'm the only one dealing with this. Thanks so much for sharing. As for separating them, I do use this as a tool. And they aren't together 24/7, dd3 has preschool a couple mornings a week and they are both in several other activities too, most of them separate from each other. And thankfully dd3 still takes a nap so dd5 gets time on her own then too. So they do get breaks from each other. The hard thing is, I think they both really want to play and have fun with each other, but they are very different personality-wise and I think that they just grate on each other because of this. Dd5 is always trying to control dd3, it's just in her nature, and it's in dd3's nature to be uncontrollable. :D The scary thing is, I'm starting to think this is going to be a life-long issue. :001_huh: Ack!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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