Needleroozer Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 and you let the folks around you know you are feeling small, that your buttons are way out, when you and they all know you are weak and vulnerable...... that is when they choose to poke, poke, poke. To do things they know will cause you to explode, or yell, or cry. Hit them when they are down, and all that. Why can't the folks that are supposed to love you best understand when you are not at your best, and give you the same grace you give them every day? I have to say, I never thought I would be feeling this way about folks that came out of my uterus (2 of them anyhow). It makes me sad and a bit mad at myself for not being able to control myself and my emotions better. Stoopid thyroid disease, and it's stoopid symptoms. Sigh. I know there isn't anything all y'all can do, but it helps just to put it out there. I will make it through this day, and I will not respond to the nastiness, rudeness, or anything else they throw at me. I will not engage, will not get on the roller coaster. I will have faith in me, and will just focus on what I can do, for me. I will engage in self-calming strategies (and on that note, maybe I should start another thread asking about this tapping thing that was suggested to me last night), and will remember to breathe. Just tell me I can do this. And that I want to. Sigh. Whimper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 :grouphug: I know those days. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 :grouphug: Honestly, I think it is because they feel your energy, and it has them on edge too. Edginess is very contagious. Dd2 mirrors my behavior on bad days. The older kids know to stay clear of me, when I am not at my best, but dd2 doesn't have that figured out yet. She stays at my feet and gets sucked into my negative vortex. Since I realized this, I try to get some space from them when I am spinning out of control. We ditch school and play in the mud...or what ever I need them to do to get out of my hair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 :grouphug:I'm sorry things are so difficult right now.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wee Pip Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 AWWW, ((hugs))...that was me last Thurs!!! Dh had been gone on a trip all week & wasn't due back for another day/night. I'd had 3 hrs sleep every night. The baby was in a growth spurt, nursing and screaming in my ear every hour. And finally, I cried tears of anguish and begged my older 2 to be nice, help me, etc. They got smug smiles on their faces and shook their heads no. So I yelled and cried and yelled and punished. And they cried and temper tantrumed and said how mean I was. And then I called a friend and she said, "put the TV on today. It's OK, it won't hurt them. Let them watch TV all.day.long. Do whatever you need to do to get thru today." So I did. And now I'm giving you permission, too:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I know exactly how you feel. Last night, I was at my very limit. I had one poor child willing to sacrifice for me. I'm not very happy with the rest of them right now. Yesterday, I woke up, cleaned the kitchen, took three kids to piano an hour away, then to two hours of band, then to the grocery store. When I got home at 7:30 PM, Dh had made supper. I went out to help with chores, but started throwing up. I asked the kids to bring me one of the new B-6 vitamins I had just gotten at the store. No one could find them. I said that if everyone just left their huge mess in the kitchen for me to do in the morning, I was going to get in the car, and drive away, and never come back. Then I went to bed. At 1:00 am, I heard water, Miss Good had just finished cleaning the kitchen by herself. Dh was asleep on the floor with Miss Bossy. Mr. Clever was in his bed. Miss Beautiful had actually said, "It's 9:00. I'm going to bed, but Mom wants the kitchen clean before she wakes up." At 3:00, I heard Miss Good taking Miss Bossy to the potty. At 5:00, I heard her trying to get Miss Bossy to go back to sleep. Now, they are in the shower together, so Miss Good can attend a full day of classes and volunteer work. I felt so overwhelmed with being pregnant, and feeling sick that I didn't realize that she has even fewer reserves right now than I do. Mr.Clever says he didn't hear me, and didn't wash any dishes because he did not eat. He is doing all of Miss Good's animal chores this morning. He was also already planning to clean her bedroom and bathroom today. Miss Beautiful is going to do some extra work today even though she has a friend coming over. Poor Dh has a big presentation today. I'm sure he was dreaming about cleaning the kitchen, but he was also trying to keep Miss Bossy quiet so I could rest. Then he just fell asleep. Maybe because he gets up at 4:00 every day to earn money for us. How am I going to make it through two more months of this pregnancy without alienating everybody that I love? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 :grouphug: so sorry, sweetheart! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 AWWW, ((hugs))...that was me last Thurs!!! Dh had been gone on a trip all week & wasn't due back for another day/night. I'd had 3 hrs sleep every night. The baby was in a growth spurt, nursing and screaming in my ear every hour. And finally, I cried tears of anguish and begged my older 2 to be nice, help me, etc. They got smug smiles on their faces and shook their heads no. So I yelled and cried and yelled and punished. And they cried and temper tantrumed and said how mean I was. And then I called a friend and she said, "put the TV on today. It's OK, it won't hurt them. Let them watch TV all.day.long. Do whatever you need to do to get thru today." So I did. And now I'm giving you permission, too:) I remember these kind of days from when my kids were little, but ladies, these are teens we are talking about!?! They know better! They are old enough to get that I am under huge amounts of stress, I have explained the medical (thyroid) issues to them hundreds of times, and they are still acting horrible to me. I am finding it very hard to keep caring about folks that are purposefully treating me so badly, when they are old enough to know better. But, that said, I will take your advice to do whatever I can to get *me* through this day. Right now, I am off to a bath, then to the studio for a bit- I have a project that simply *must* get done this weekend. Today is piano lesson day, but after that, I can hopefully come home and get more art done. Thanks for the support. I do appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 :grouphug: Honestly, I think it is because they feel your energy, and it has them on edge too. Edginess is very contagious. Dd2 mirrors my behavior on bad days. The older kids know to stay clear of me, when I am not at my best, but dd2 doesn't have that figured out yet. She stays at my feet and gets sucked into my negative vortex. Since I realized this, I try to get some space from them when I am spinning out of control. We ditch school and play in the mud...or what ever I need them to do to get out of my hair. So why are teens so much like 2 yr olds, anyhow?!?! I will make sure I go outside, breathe the cool fall air, and spend time in the studio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 How am I going to make it through two more months of this pregnancy without alienating everybody that I love? I don't know exactly how, but I know that you will. And so will I (not the preggo part, but the making it through part, lol). We will let ourselves have the yucky feelings, but not focus on them too much. We will remember and focus on all the good, and the positive, and the love that is there. Because deep down, we know it is there. Hang in there baby, you can do it, and so can I. Thanks for posting- hearing that someone else is going through their own emotional heck helps somehow. We can make it though together. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 Okay, so when you find yourself in this "negative vortex", what are some things you do to pull yourself up and out? Let's make a list: Breathe, Pray, Meditate Go outside, listen to birds, look at clouds. Put the music on and dance (works better for toddlers than for teens- they just roll their eyes- ask me how I know) cook something (hot, spicy tomato sauce simmering on my stove right now) call someone, post here, Make art, journal, create something What else?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I don't have teens yet, but in my experience, teens are sometimes worse than toddlers....it's just the learning curve, I guess. I just wanted to give you big hugs and let you know that your mantra says it all. When you feel like you're going to sink....Just. Keep. Swimming. FWIW, my dad always says when you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and swing for a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Okay, so when you find yourself in this "negative vortex", what are some things you do to pull yourself up and out? Let's make a list: Breathe, Pray, Meditate Go outside, listen to birds, look at clouds. Put the music on and dance (works better for toddlers than for teens- they just roll their eyes- ask me how I know) cook something (hot, spicy tomato sauce simmering on my stove right now) call someone, post here, Make art, journal, create something What else?? Good list! Exercise...if you can get out for a walk, do it. Otherwise pop in a DVD and work up a sweat. Write. Dump it ALL on a page. Empty yourself. You can burn the pages if you want or date and stash them somewhere for one of your lucky descendents to find later. Writing is very, very, very cathartic and can be healing. I second make art. There is a direct link from our hands to the feel good chemicals in our brains according to an article in Scientific American Mind a year ago. Doing something productive with our hands lights up our brain's endorphin response system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needleroozer Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 my dad always says when you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and swing for a bit. Love this!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 well, I have heard toddler hood called "first adolescence ". My problem is I have teenagers AND a toddler. I feel sorry for anyone who has to live with me right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 It works nicely with your mantra....Just keep swimming or swinging. :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 :grouphug: Sending hugs and prayers.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Hugs, Needleroozer. I remember feeling this way when the children were younger. They would invariably kick me when I was down, which seemed like THE WORST. I'm sorry your teens are following suit. I would come and give them 50 lashes with a wet noodle if it would help. Teens can be sooooo self-focused. To add to your excellent list: Read an enjoyable, twaddle novel Spend an hour browsing in a nice bookstore Go for an ice-cream sundae Browse for an hour in a cool store (no buying allowed) Walk in the park Sit by the bay or a river Declare a day of rest and bed school (I'm doing this today) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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