lynn Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 My ds freezes during oral reports and a particular class he is taking. What can we do to help him. This is not just a suck it up and do it situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Is his discomfort rooted in the actual physical act of speaking publically, or does it come from a place of just not loving or feeling confident about the material he is presenting? Is it the 12 or the 15 year old? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Is his discomfort rooted in the actual physical act of speaking publically, or does it come from a place of just not loving or feeling confident about the material he is presenting? He knows it technically but not passionately. He says he's not able to stand up to present the material. He said he feels like his legs will give out or shake to much and feel like he's having a panic attack. He's really disappointed with himself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunty Social Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Sounds silly, but my eyesight was so bad that if I took my glasses off, I couldn't see the audience. It really helped with stage fright! After all, every 2 yr old knows that if you can't see it, it isn't there.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Practice. The more you stand in front of others and present your well studied material, the easier it gets. Been there, done that. Being able to speak on a subject you love passionately helps tremendously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I agree that the best remedy is practice. Is there a Toastmasters group in your area? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I'm also in favor of practice. When we started playing music at church I joked that the rhythm section was my knees knocking together. I was SO scared. But each time it got just a tiny bit easier. Now, while I still get a bit of adrenaline jitters, I totally enjoy playing songs at church. The one factor that still plays a big part for me though, is preparation. If I feel that I am prepared and capable of doing a good job, it is much easier. If I feel unprepared or doubt that I am capable of giving a good performance, then I still have trouble with my nerves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 For situations like these, we often use chewable Rescue Remedy. You might do a little research on it and see if it would work for him. It sure calms the nerves! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 He knows it technically but not passionately. He says he's not able to stand up to present the material. He said he feels like his legs will give out or shake to much and feel like he's having a panic attack. He's really disappointed with himself Poor guy - it certainly can't be helping matters that he feels so badly about it. But you know, it's a skill like any other. Some people are born public speakers, but they certainly don't have the monopoly on being successful at it! It's a skill that CAN be learned by any of us. I know this firsthand :D I was self-conscious about my English and about my oft-dissected (by teachers) habit of not making eye contact (which is considered rude in the culture in which I was raised, and to this day still makes me uncomfortable) so those were hurdles I needed to overcome. I'm a perfectionist, so any flaws (real or perceived - by me) would definitely manifest themselves physically when I had to speak publically. To learn how to control my physical reactions to my emotional insecurities, I forced myself to practice speaking publically. Probably the most helpful were impromptu speeches in my living room. I took a stack of index cards, handed them out to my family and asked them to each write one word per card. I didn't look at the cards, but shuffled them and drew three cards from the top. I gave myself three minutes (timed by a sibling) to look over the three cards, and choose one to give an impromptu speech about. THen I went into the living room and gave a five minute speech (or as close as I could to it!) on one of the topics that was written on the card. It was relatively "safe" (being family), but gave me good practice on eye contact and thinking on the fly. Part of my anxiety was if I got "lost" from my script (whether written or memorized) I freaked. Learning to speak on the fly gave me another level of confidence for those inevitable times when I got lost, was taken off-track by my audience's questions or comments (or even just blank stares!), or otherwise felt the need to change-up my presentation on the spot. I did this daily for weeks, and eventually learned how to manage my physical reactions. I learned to speak slowly (rather than rushed, which an anxious person is prone to do) and to annunciate. At first I even set a metronome to help me find a speaking rhythm, rather than my usual way of just babbling incoherently because I was nervous and eager to end the speaking experience! I worked on holding eye contact (finding it was easiest for me to focus on one friendly face in the crowd and just look over the heads of others as I spoke - going back to the friendly face if I felt myself getting anxious again). I worked on finding a way to physically stop myself from allowing my physical reactions to go overboard - sort of the way a smoker might snap a rubber band on his wrist when the urge strikes, kwim? For me (I have long nails), I would pierce the moon of fingernail with another nail. Sounds bad written out, but really it was just a tactic to prevent my anxiety from spiraling out of control. This practice didn't solve my problems, but it sure helped me gain some confidence - of course, there was only one direction for my confidence to go LOL. My job now requires me to speak publically (to hundreds of people each workday, sometimes from a script but usually on the fly) and I'm able to do it with relative ease. Maybe he can practice by finding something he IS passionate about, and giving a small presentation on it. Just to prove to himself that he CAN do it, - maybe give him a camcorder, and assign him to do an instructional video. It can be changing a baby's diaper, making a grilled cheese sandwich, the art of the perfect noogie, the easier/sillier the better. He may have an easier time doing it for an "invisible" audience, at least initially, and then you can replay the video so he can (1) see that he didn't TOTALLy suck at it, and (2) find specific areas that he can work on to improve for visible audiences. I hope he's able to get past the mental block that is causing him to react physically. Being able to communicate effectively is a skill that any willing and determined person absolutely can learn. Keep reminding him of that so he doesn't get too down on himself, poor guy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 For situations like these, we often use chewable Rescue Remedy. You might do a little research on it and see if it would work for him. It sure calms the nerves! I second this. RR is good stuff! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I finally got over my fear of public speaking when I realised that no one other than the teacher was listening to me anyway. Those who had done their presentation already were drawing in their diaries and those who hadn't were having quiet panic attacks of their own. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 There is another Bach remedy that is specifically for confidence. I believe it's alcohol free for kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 My Dad told me to pull your shoulder blades back as far as they can go. Almost until they are touching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claire up north Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I like the idea of taking off glasses (if he's got any). Another suggestion is to allow him to speak from behind a podium (a non-see-through one) for now. It's amazing the amount of confidence a little pressboard can give. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I have to speak to audiences now for professional reasons, and while I won't say I love it, it is rewarding as an accomplishment, and I get pretty good marks. That said, I remember some really, really humiliating experiences as a kid and young adult. So do reassure him that it is a learned comfort zone, and not something some of us are born good at. I really look for minor public speaking and performances for my kids to keep up their comfort level. I find in my own life the more frequently I do it, the more I am comfortable. Speaking in a group is easier than do a solo. Talking to a family and friends group, music recitals or performances, drama classes, etc. We read aloud to grandparents, and have played piano at assisted living homes. My husband totally uses the take off your glasses trick.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 He knows it technically but not passionately. He says he's not able to stand up to present the material. He said he feels like his legs will give out or shake to much and feel like he's having a panic attack. He's really disappointed with himself Talk to the doc about a touch of beta-blocker. I never had it that badly, but I used to go for a long, fast swim just before going to class, eat lightly, too. I used to practice my speech by sitting on the bathroom sink and thrusting my face into the mirror and talking right into my eyes. During my talk, I'd look into people's eyes....not look at them, just the eyes. Practice a lot until it is a very pat thing, and then give it from "a distance" (autopilot) HTH. Tell him he is not alone at all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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