shinyhappypeople Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 My sweeties are 15 mo. apart. Older DD has 1 year of PS under her belt and is very bright. I teach younger DD phonics and math separately. It's all stuff that's super easy for older DD1, so she sits down with us and starts answering the questions for DD2. This is not cool. I've told her as nicely as I can that I'm proud of how much she knows, but now it's DD2's turn to learn these things so *don't answer.* Doesn't work. I think she hates that DD2 is getting individual attention from me. I've tried have her working on her own stuff, nope. She abandons it to come sit with us. I actually don't mind her sitting there if she'd just keep her trap shut and quit giving away the answers. grrrr. Please help, mamas. I'm pretty sure that from DD1's view it's not a desire to disobey, but is an "I love being with mommy and I really, really want to help" issue and I don't want to discourage either of those desires (in general). But, I also need her to can it sometimes. I feel like I'm walking a fine line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 :lurk5: I have the same trouble. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I'm not known for trying to spare my children's feelings, so take my advice with however many grains of salt you wish. If my older son was doing this I would firmly tell him that his choice is to either sit quietly and do his work in the room with us *or* he will be asked to leave to do his work elsewhere. And then I would follow through the first time he made a peep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnandtinagilbert Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I'm not known for trying to spare my children's feelings, so take my advice with however many grains of salt you wish. If my older son was doing this I would firmly tell him that his choice is to either sit quietly and do his work in the room with us *or* he will be asked to leave to do his work elsewhere. And then I would follow through the first time he made a peep. :iagree: If that's not for you... 1. Perhaps you could allow her to answer every 3rd question only and make sure you beef it up for her. 2. After the lesson, put her in charge of reviewing the lesson with dd. 3. Let her pick out her favorite part and share it with you after the lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Yes, we have had this problem a little too. Usually I tell my older daughter that I know that she knows these things, but I'm working with her sister now. It's not 'helping' to not allow her sister to learn her lessons herself. If she's wasn't quiet after that, I would send her out. With my daughter it is often a desire to show off mixed with wanting to 'help,' so I have to say a lot about how it isn't kind to say things like "It's easy, I know how to do that!" I don't know why it doesn't occur to her that those aren't nice things to say, but it seems to be a general kid thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 If she keeps doing it after you've told her not to, it is disobedience. It doesn't matter if what motivates her to disobedience is wanting to be be with you or to "help". You've told her to stop and were even kind enough to explain fully why you wanted her to stop. Personally, I would tell her that there will be a consequence (leaving the room or whatever) if she doesn't stop the first time after you've warned her. Then I would also schedule a time for her to have one-on-one instructional time with her and let her know that her time is next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jplain Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I think she hates that DD2 is getting individual attention from me. Have you tried sitting down with her for some individual time first? It might help to say something like this: "Now I'm going to work with you while DD2 does XYZ by herself, and then I'll work with her while you do something on your own." Then when you're done working with DD1, you could help her choose something that she'd like to do on her own. If it is something that only comes out during the time you work with DD2, even better! Audiobooks checked out from the library have been a great tool for us when I want to have DD1 occupied . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Another thing to keep in mind is that if you allow older dd to keep horning in on younger dd's lessons, younger dd is liable to get the idea that she is not as smart as older dd, and is somehow "less than" your older dd. Older daughters often have a real desire to help, but that desire often ALSO masks a desire to show how wonderful she is... This is not good for either daughter. If I was raising daughters again, I would work harder to prevent my older daughter from horning in on my younger daughter's activities, lessons, etc. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freerange Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I have this same problem, except that its the younger who will interrupt her sister before she gets a change to answer. I try to get DD2 working on something absorbing, or ask her to go & read by herself if she can't help shouting out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 (edited) I'm with the others for telling oldest dd to leave the room if she can't stop answering the questions. Sending her out of the room will only happen a few times before she realizes that when you say, "Don't answer the question," you MEAN "don't answer the question." I also agree that part of it is: Jealousy-time with mama. Pride-*I* already know that! Disobedience-I'm going to ignore mommy and keep giving answers anyway. And those emotions/traits can be felt goodnaturedly. I'm not making this overly sinister or saying that she's being purposefully devious or sneaky, but those traits are your underlying issues here. They pop up in children and need to be addressed before those traits take over and do become devious or sneaky. When I teach my little sons, I go back and forth between them, so each child has my undivided attention for about 15 minutes and then the next child has it...back and forth...until we're done. Any child who tries to butt in on the other child's time is "banished." But I have boys. They don't like being "banished" but at the same time, they like the word "banished". Especially if I make it a bit funny and point at the door and say, "You are about to be.......BANISHED!!!!" I make the warning funny, but I will follow through if they ignore it. Also, make sure oldest dd has plenty to do on her own while youngest dd is working with you. (Toys or whatever.) Edited August 10, 2009 by Garga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staci in MO Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Another thing to keep in mind is that if you allow older dd to keep horning in on younger dd's lessons, younger dd is liable to get the idea that she is not as smart as older dd, and is somehow "less than" your older dd. Older daughters often have a real desire to help, but that desire often ALSO masks a desire to show how wonderful she is... This is not good for either daughter. This behavior is going to become demoralizing to your younger dd if you allow it to continue. In your efforts not to hurt the older dd's feelings, you could end up hurting younger dd. I would nip this in the bud. You've tried to do it nicely and she hasn't obeyed. I would explain to her that by answering when you've already asked her not to she is being disobedient, then I would follow through on your family's consequences for disobedience. In our house, she would get sent to her room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 (edited) This is just one of those golden homeschooling moments when you have the opportunity to instill character traits in your dd's. Kids can be born smart. But they're not born with good manners. If I were you, I'd shift the focus from telling my child I'm proud of her for being smart to telling her I'm proud of her for showing respect for others (in this case, you and your younger dd). I think you'll be more satisfied with the results. And I agree with the others who say to separate your older dd from the situation until/unless she can show respect for others in that situation. Edited August 10, 2009 by Janet in WA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 So much excellent food for thought. Thank you! I hadn't even thought about how DD1's behavior might be affecting DD2. ugh. :( The thought of that makes my heart hurt. And all this has gotten me thinking. I want to be KIND to DD1 (which is a good thing), but is it kind to allow her to develop the habit of interrupting, showing off and disobeying mama? (no, no and NO) All of these behaviors will come back to haunt her if I don't nip them in the bud right now. I thought I was being kind to her, but ended up being unkind to both DDs. I know they're not scarred for life or anything like that, but wow. I need to adjust my thinking. What does it really mean to be kind to my children? Parenting is hard. (yeah, I know, big revelation :tongue_smilie:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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