Would you ever just throw in the towel and send your dc back to school?

[A home for their hearts]

Sometimes I really feel like I made a big mistake, and maybe my dc would be happier if I sent them back to school. I know now that I made a mistake homeschooling them this year. I should have waited until next year to start, after I had the baby and our financial situation was better. We really haven't made in progress this year, and instead of us coming together as a family I feel like we are still where we were when my dc were in school. I'm constitently dealing with bad attitudes when I say it's time to do school. It's like pulling teeth. My dd8 has mentioned a few times that she wishes she could go back to school. I think I was really disillusioned. I thought it would all work out but it just hasn't. I don't have time to get any kind of lesson plans together so we just wing it everyday. I feel like I'm imprisioned by any kind of education therory I try to go by. I feel like if I don't do it this way, whatever way that may be ie. classical, or CM, my kids won't turn out to be good scholars and so I might as well have left them in school to begin with. I get so overwhelmed with everything that I just end up doing nothing. I feel like if I can't do it right I might as well not do it at all. AGH!

I know I sound like a broken record and have probably posted something about this before. Somedays I can handle myself better than others and today just has not been a good day. I hate having to make my kids do there work. I feel like a bad mom barking at them all the time. I don't want to them to look back on their childhood and remember a stressed out overwhelmed mom who could never get it together. Oh what to do.

[Eleni]

Would you be willing to lay aside the schooling for a couple weeks and just focus on spending time together and doing fun things?

[battlemaiden]

No one can fully "count the cost" of what homeschooling is going to be like in their own home.

 

Theories are just that. They will look different in the variety of homes they are applied. You are going to have to blaze your own trail. Don't look to others to find what works for YOUR family. You have unique circumstances. It is hard in the beginning, but you will build confidence over time---- you'll just have to trust me when I say I speak from experience.

 

Don't give up after one year. You haven't worked out the kinks. There are ALWAYS kinks in the beginning. It's like getting your land legs back after being at sea for a long time.

 

Attitude problems in your children have nothing to do with homeschooling. Sorry, but it's true. You'll have to deal with them sooner or later. I would start there. Focus on making a minimalist schedule and communicate your expectations to your children. For example, "you will complete your math assignment without complaint or grumbling or the consequence will be X" then implement!

 

I think it is far too soon for you to entertain the idea of quitting. But these are simply the observations from an outsider. :o I'm guessing you are much stronger than this, but the "to-do" list is keeping you from realizing this.

 

((hugs)) and }}}}}butt kicks from me! :D

 

Jo

[OnTheBrink]

Not every philosophy works on every child. For example, my son thrived with classical methods, my daughter, not so much. She's a workbook girl. She loves to fill in blanks, answer questions, etc. And, she retains that info whereas my son didn't at all.

 

So, I guess what I'm saying is, maybe CM or classical doesn't fit them well. If they're used to PS and suddenly they're doing things differently, it might be difficult or odd for them to get used to. Maybe do one subject in a way that's familiar to them. Sort of like changing a dog's food. You start adding some of the new food a bit at a time until they're completely changed over.

 

And, bottom line, you're the mom. They must obey, whether they like it or not. I think it's ok to give in a little to make things happy for everyone, but there comes a time when the dc must just do the work, regardless of how they hate it. I mean, out there in that big, cold, real world, bosses won't care if they like a task; they have to do it. So, this is the time to train for that. And, children can sense insecurity like a wolf senses fear. If they know they can wear you down, they will, so don't let them!

 

Good luck and hang on to the towel. :)

[A home for their hearts]

Thanks for the hugs and the butt kicks and helping me hold onto that towel. I think what I really need is a mentor, someone who has been there and can help pull me along. I know the attitudes would still be there, and where there, if I sent them back to school. I know it all has to do with me and my insecurities. I wish I could just throw my insecurities out the window but that is easier said then done. I'm afraid when all is said and done I will have screwed my dc up and people will say 'I told you so, did you really think you could teach them'! Man, I really have some yucky thoughts going around in my brain today. Must be from lack of sleep. I think my baby even senses my unease, she has been very cranky today and usually isn't like this. *sigh*

[Whisperlily]

I strongly suggest you take a break from formal schooling and spend some time formulating your plan.

 

You might try grabbing some basic skill builders, (math and reading), Go get some fun science books from the library, on *whatever they want,* grab a couple fun history books, (it doesn't matter what time period, or how difficult).

 

Let them daydream while looking through the books, reading stories, and maybe a little basic math facts drill for a certain amount of time during the day while you dedicate the time to formulating a plan you like. They will learn things, even if it isn't following a certain schedule, and it will give then, and YOU some time to stop stressing about whether they're *falling behind in a plan you haven't even finalized yet.*

 

After you catch your breath, you'll probably find that by allowing yourself to plan, without the pressure of keeping up, both you and the kids are more ready to start your *dream plan* or some acceptable variation thereof. And I'll bet they've learned a lot more than you thought in the meantime.

 

*Breathe* Unless you feel strongly that you aren't able to homeschool them at this time, you should allow yourself some time to tie up the loose ends in the planning dept. before deciding it doesn't work for you. :)

[mcconnellboys]

I think that setting up a regular schedule of expectations and keeping to that schedule goes a long way in getting children into the proper frame of mind about doing school. If they know that Monday through Friday they are expected to get up at xxxx time, get ready by xxxxx time, and start school by xxxx time, doing a, b, c, etc., then I think it's easier for them to get into a routine and follow it and be happy about it. When things change every day and they never know when they'll be allowed to watch tv, say, for two hours before school, or play for an hour before school, etc., then I think grumbling is inevitable. I have no idea how you schedule your days, so am not saying that you do this. I'm just using examples of problems I've seen.

 

Regena

[Ria]

I recently enrolled four of my sons in school (10th, 8th, 6th, and 5th grades). I have homeschooled for 16 years quite successfully (my twins homeschooled and got into great colleges). For me, however, the passion for homeschooling was gone. My 10th grader asked to go to school, and I realized that I just didn't want to do this anymore.

 

So, I guess you could say I threw in the towel...but I spent many a happy year homeschooling. Not every situation fits every child, or every family. Do what is best for you and your kids.

 

Ria

[Joanne]

I think what I really need is a mentor, someone who has been there and can help pull me along. I know the attitudes would still be there, and where there, if I sent them back to school. I know it all has to do with me and my insecurities. I wish I could just throw my insecurities out the window but that is easier said then done. I'm afraid when all is said and done I will have screwed my dc up and people will say 'I told you so, did you really think you could teach them'! Man, I really have some yucky thoughts going around in my brain today. Must be from lack of sleep. I think my baby even senses my unease, she has been very cranky today and usually isn't like this. *sigh*

 

I'll volunteer to encourage you, remind you and help you. If you'd like me to take the job, know that I am a staunch "keep homeschooling" advocate. I homeschooled through a bad marriage, while running a daycare, during a bankruptcy and as a single mom. I even worked at a public school while homeschooling. I've seen many sides of mothering and educational choices.

 

You have 2 kids where formal school is an issue. And they are both pretty young. I think you may have implied to them too much say and power. If you want to keep homeschooling, remove public school as an option.

 

Pick 4 "good books" to read to them over the next 2 months. During those 2 months, you are going to formulate a plan. Not one as nicely laid out as TWTM, or Sonlight or My Father's World. Just a plan for math, reading, writing, history and science. Nothing where you feel "behind" before you even start. Nothing that makes you feel inadequate because you moved Latin out of the center.

 

We'll include chores, homemaking and other changes to make *life* better for everyone.

 

And, if you don't already know it, I'll talk with you about the skills and behaviors needed to make living and teaching kids full time joyful. It's not happenstance; you must be intentional.

 

I do some of this for pay; but I'll assist you in email for free if you want the help of an opinionated, concise and short on empathy homeschooler.

[Carol in Cal.]

Pick your path and feel good about it!

 

Homeschooling is great in some circumstances and not the best choice in others.

 

I think that it's really crucial to decide to go for it and then do that if you are going to be a successful homeschooler.

 

I have heard of children who schooled themselves, but I have also heard of children who grew up very stunted because they were never asked to learn and did not do it themselves. Self motivation is not a good fallback position for most families. So it's really up to the teacher to make this happen.

 

If I were you, I would take a breather and do some planning. What do you really need to accomplish? What is most crucial? What time of the day is the best learning time for your children? What time is the best teaching time for you? What are your non-negotiable subjects? What are your 'fun' subjects?

 

Then figure out what your schedule needs to look like to get the crucial stuff to happen, consistently. And demand it--don't ask, tell your children what they will do. Be nice, but don't let them argue very much.

 

Also, I would set a few rules around screen time. No computer or TV or videos before 'core' skills work would be the main one. I find that with many children their brain processes information differently after they have received video input, and their attention span is diminished as well. Not a good condition for focussed work!

 

Lastly, I would plan flexibility in where you can--not in the core skills work, but in history, science, art, and field trips. And I would always have something to look forward to, for you and for them.

 

Best to you!

 

You can do this! (and you don't HAVE TO do this!)

[battlemaiden]

I recently enrolled four of my sons in school (10th, 8th, 6th, and 5th grades). I have homeschooled for 16 years quite successfully (my twins homeschooled and got into great colleges). For me, however, the passion for homeschooling was gone. My 10th grader asked to go to school, and I realized that I just didn't want to do this anymore.

 

So, I guess you could say I threw in the towel...but I spent many a happy year homeschooling. Not every situation fits every child, or every family. Do what is best for you and your kids.

 

Ria

 

Your situation is quite different.

 

The OP is in her first year. She hasn't established a routine or schedule. I would hate to see someone quit before they started. Your children are well grounded from years of your devotion and hard work. They were "ready" to enter the public school environment.

 

Don't you think your family would look completely different if you had stopped after one year?

[Ria]

Don't you think your family would look completely different if you had stopped after one year?

 

No. Homeschooling was working very well for us at that point, and for the next 15 years. My kids loved it, I loved it, dh loved it, and every single one of us thought it was the best thing ever.

 

Should the OP continue homeschooling? Only she and her family know the answer to that one. If it's not best for her family, she'll know it in her heart. If homeschooling is best, then she'll know that as well, and she'll stick with it.

 

Ria

[Lizzie in Ma]

so, ((()))) to you and may the Force be with us all. ;)

[Angela in TN]

I think 1st years are hard!! It's our 1st year also and I'm only schooling my 8 yo ds, my 5 yo will start K in the fall so that will also be an adjustment. Sometimes I think it's the image of what homeschooling is "going to be" that hurts us more than the reality of the situation. Unrealistic expectations have hurt me more than anything. I wouldn't give up just yet. Having a new baby and starting homeschooling I can imagine could be overwhelming, but don't give up just yet unless you feel you may lose it mentally. :) I'm sure next year will be much better!!

[Darcy in FL]

But I could've written your post myself today and it looked awfully familiar to the conversation dh and I had right before dinner tonight. Only difference is I'm on my 2nd year and had previously homeschooled when my 5th grader was in 1st. And instead of having a new baby - I'm pregnant with our 4th so first trimester fatigue and hormones are raging around here. We have a great local homeschool support group and frankly it just doesn't seem to be enough. My kids have been in public school before and they both (5th grade & 2nd grade) ask to go to school. I will continue to follow this post as I need the encouragement. But I think this is a difficult decision and only one you and your family can make. I don't have any great words of wisdom but just know that you aren't alone in feeling like this. Hang in there and you will find the answer that is right for your family!

[Colleen]

Ria, I'm flummoxed by your replies here and have to agree with Jo: your situation is not comparable to that of the original poster. Of course there's no one "right" way to educate one's children; of course we can't tell this gal what she should do. But to put your scenario ~ homeschooling quite successfully, and loving it, for more than a dozen years ~ on par with that of a "newbie" seeking advice just doesn't make sense, imo.

[A home for their hearts]

But I could've written your post myself today and it looked awfully familiar to the conversation dh and I had right before dinner tonight. Only difference is I'm on my 2nd year and had previously homeschooled when my 5th grader was in 1st. And instead of having a new baby - I'm pregnant with our 4th so first trimester fatigue and hormones are raging around here. We have a great local homeschool support group and frankly it just doesn't seem to be enough. My kids have been in public school before and they both (5th grade & 2nd grade) ask to go to school. I will continue to follow this post as I need the encouragement. But I think this is a difficult decision and only one you and your family can make. I don't have any great words of wisdom but just know that you aren't alone in feeling like this. Hang in there and you will find the answer that is right for your family!

 

Congrats on your pregnancy, and thanks for your reply. I was really questioning whether or not I should have even posted about this. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who wonders whether this was the right decision or not.

I guess in the beginning everyone may have their doubts. I've just really been struggling becuase we just haven't been able to make it happen yet. I really have nothing planned, I still don't have everything we need, so when we actually do sit don't to work it just doesn't come together. Everything has really been hit or miss. I may take a couple of weeks off, but for me we have really taken this whole year off because, quite frankly, we really haven't gotten much accomplished. I know I need to set a schedule and stick to it, it is just so hard to do with a baby who wants nothing but to be held. Then I feel guilty because I'm not spending the quality time I want with her because I'm worrying about everything else. She is, most likely, going to be my last baby so I really want to enjoy her while I can't instead of resenting her because she won't let me get anything done! Man, motherhood is hard!

Thanks everyone for your support and words of encouragement. Maybe I just need to get a couple of big workbooks from wal-mart and relax for a little while.

[A home for their hearts]

Ria, I'm flummoxed by your replies here and have to agree with Jo: your situation is not comparable to that of the original poster. Of course there's no one "right" way to educate one's children; of course we can't tell this gal what she should do. But to put your scenario ~ homeschooling quite successfully, and loving it, for more than a dozen years ~ on par with that of a "newbie" seeking advice just doesn't make sense, imo.

 

 

I completely understand that Ria is coming from a different point of view right now and although it's helps to know that some wonderful homeschoolers do send their dc back to school, I will not base my decision solely on her post.

I know you are all looking out for me but I do need to make it clear that I know Ria is just stating her situation and the facts of her life. :)

[Colleen]

A few thoughts...

 

Be consistent. Service with a smile. Attitudes (disrespectful ones, that is) not accepted. If you truly want to homeschool, truly believe it's the best choice for your family, accept the fact that it's a Job, capital "J". Sometimes it'll be great fun, sometimes it'll be just the opposite. But you've gotta show up for your Job every day, ready to step up to the plate. Choose your resources and don't curriculum hop. Remember that at this stage in the game, you've got just two children who need grounding in the basics; don't make it harder than need be. Spend a bit of time with the skill subjects (math, reading, etc) in the morning and enjoy the freedom of content subjects (history, science) and exploration in the afternoons.

 

Best wishes!

[Carol in Cal.]

Just pick one thing and do it every day for a week. Then add another, then another, until you've got a real schedule going.

 

I would start with math or reading (them reading, not you reading). Just do that, but do it each day. Pray first, together, at the beginning of the day. Then do that math.

 

You are probably reading to them anyway, so go to the library and pick out 3 books--a historical fiction book, a science book, and a fun fiction book. Read a little from each one each day during your normal reading time.

 

After about a week of this, when it starts to feel kind routine, add one other thing. Copywork, maybe? Do that for a week. Then add teaching reading.

Continue to add classes until you feel that you are doing all that you reasonably can. And, voila! You're homeschooling!

 

If you are very worried about science or history, I would get the SOTW CD's and some Magic School Bus videos and let the children watch them/listen to them on alternating days. And, join a science or natural history museum if you have one nearby, and go about twice a month for half a day. Tell them that they have to find 10 new things that they did not know before. That way they will dig more deeply with time.

 

You really can do this. You don't have to (smile!) but you can!

[Kelli in TN]

A few thoughts...

 

Be consistent. Service with a smile. Attitudes (disrespectful ones, that is) not accepted. If you truly want to homeschool, truly believe it's the best choice for your family, accept the fact that it's a Job, capital "J". Sometimes it'll be great fun, sometimes it'll be just the opposite. But you've gotta show up for your Job every day, ready to step up to the plate. Choose your resources and don't curriculum hop. Remember that at this stage in the game, you've got just two children who need grounding in the basics; don't make it harder than need be. Spend a bit of time with the skill subjects (math, reading, etc) in the morning and enjoy the freedom of content subjects (history, science) and exploration in the afternoons.

 

Best wishes!

 

Excellent advice!

 

It is hard, it is a long, long journey. I have been doing this gig since 1991. Some of the older (as in longevity on the board, I am not calling y'all old) posters can probably attest to the fact that I have done this through some horrid life circumstances. Just keep on keeping on.

 

And do everything Joanne said too, her advice was awesome.

 

But then I am pretty committed to this whole homeschool thing, so I might be a radical!:cool: I just want you to know that many, many homeschoolers have years of intense struggle for a variety of reasons and we have stayed the course. If you want to do this, you can. Nothing worth doing is easy. Nothing in life is free.

 

Lifting my ice tea glass to you Here's to tomorrow and every day is new and fresh!!! Now shovel the toys under the couch and light some candles and relax!

[Colleen]

I completely understand that Ria is coming from a different point of view right now and although it's helps to know that some wonderful homeschoolers do send their dc back to school, I will not base my decision solely on her post. I know you are all looking out for me but I do need to make it clear that I know Ria is just stating her situation and the facts of her life.

 

Well...it's not so much that I'm looking out for you. I certainly hope no one here is basing major life decisions solely on one post. (For that matter, I hope no one here is basing major life decisions solely on an online community in general!;)) Yes, Ria's stating the facts of her situation, no worries there. But imo, she implied a comparison that is just plain misplaced.

[Kate CA]

No. Homeschooling was working very well for us at that point, and for the next 15 years. My kids loved it, I loved it, dh loved it, and every single one of us thought it was the best thing ever.

 

Should the OP continue homeschooling? Only she and her family know the answer to that one. If it's not best for her family, she'll know it in her heart. If homeschooling is best, then she'll know that as well, and she'll stick with it.

 

Ria

 

But your ease of encouraging a newly struggling homeschool family to abandon homeschooling seems unfair to her and frankly, to those who are homeschooling and struggling. Your family situation is so different from hers that I don't really understand why you would even post this. So she is struggling, does that necessarily mean she should throw in the towel? I don't at all see how that helps *her* in her present situation.

 

It does not follow that just because we struggle that we should quit in the midst of it. Life is full of struggles and homeschooling is hard work some weeks. Almost everyone's first year of homeschooling is difficult--it is new and different and sometimes brings out hard things. We should be lifting each other up here when we face the hard times.

[gardenschooler]

While I agree we should be lifting each other up and the circumstances are vastly different, I hope Ria doesn't feel too chastised by posting this. She was relating her recent experience - that she decided to stop homeschooling. Sometimes I answer threads and put a bit more of my personal perspective in there than is necessary or helpful, but I do it because that's where I'm coming from. I'm sure Ria didn't mean to be discouraging to the OP, just coming at it from *where she is now*. And I know she herself could use a little encouragement. This hasn't been all easy for her.

[Tutor]

I had typed out a long, detailed response, and then my internet connection went blewy then my computer decided to restart itself, and I lost it. :( Well, the silver lining is that this will be the short, sweet, to the point version. :)

 

Generally, it seems that there may be some things going on outside of homeschooling that are more of a problem than the homeschooling itself (or causing the problem with the homeschooling).

 

One thing that struck me from your original post and again from your second post concerned about the original thread's rating is that you are a people pleaser. You are concerned about what people think of you, but to a fault. (Guess how I know? Takes one to know one. :)) I found the book When People Are Big And God Is Small very helpful in addressing this issue.

 

Another is your children's lack of respect when you ask them to do something. That is an issue that needs to be addressed whether you are homeschooling or they are in public school (you even implied that it was a problem while they were enrolled in school). Pam gave good advice on how to handle that.

 

The third thing that struck me was your tendency toward perfectionism from your statement (I'm not sure I am quoting this exactly), "If it can't be done right, I might as well not do it at all." I don't really have much practical advice on that since it is probably the biggest thing I am working on. The most helpful advice I have been given so far has been to "pray and do the next thing." :)

 

You and your dh should sit down and evaluate why you decided to homeschool in the first place and come up with a plan to work toward those goals and a means of evaluating how you are progressing toward your goal and setting new goals.

 

Did you take your children out of school part way through the year? Did you take a break before starting homeschool? Maybe you all just need a break and get yourselves on the same page.

 

HTH, and keep in mind that the first year is always the hardest.

[A home for their hearts]

I had typed out a long, detailed response, and then my internet connection went blewy then my computer decided to restart itself, and I lost it. :( Well, the silver lining is that this will be the short, sweet, to the point version. :)

 

Generally, it seems that there may be some things going on outside of homeschooling that are more of a problem than the homeschooling itself (or causing the problem with the homeschooling).

 

One thing that struck me from your original post and again from your second post concerned about the original thread's rating is that you are a people pleaser. You are concerned about what people think of you, but to a fault. (Guess how I know? Takes one to know one. :)) I found the book When People Are Big And God Is Small very helpful in addressing this issue.

 

Another is your children's lack of respect when you ask them to do something. That is an issue that needs to be addressed whether you are homeschooling or they are in public school (you even implied that it was a problem while they were enrolled in school). Pam gave good advice on how to handle that.

 

The third thing that struck me was your tendency toward perfectionism from your statement (I'm not sure I am quoting this exactly), "If it can't be done right, I might as well not do it at all." I don't really have much practical advice on that since it is probably the biggest thing I am working on. The most helpful advice I have been given so far has been to "pray and do the next thing." :)

 

You and your dh should sit down and evaluate why you decided to homeschool in the first place and come up with a plan to work toward those goals and a means of evaluating how you are progressing toward your goal and setting new goals.

 

Did you take your children out of school part way through the year? Did you take a break before starting homeschool? Maybe you all just need a break and get yourselves on the same page.

 

HTH, and keep in mind that the first year is always the hardest.

 

Oh my goodness, you are so on to me! I know I am my worst enemy and I've really been struggling to find a balance with this. Thanks for the book recommandation, I will check it out!

[CactusPair]

Have you thought about using Calvert (or some other boxed curriculum) to get you started? It's expensive, but everything's all laid out for you and you just follow the premade lesson plans. You can also use their teaching advisors.

 

If I could have afforded it for the younger grades, I'd be using it. We will start with Calvert in 3rd or 4th and I'm glad of it. Personally, I wouldn't be able to continue without school in a box. I know some people start with boxed school and learn a bunch of stuff about lesson plans, how to teach, what's enough, etc. and then go on later to do their own thing. It may not be exactly what a homeschooler first envisioned, but at least school's getting done and everyone gets to stay home.

 

It may be a solution.

 

Best of luck and don't give up (unless you really want to!)

[Kate CA]

While I agree we should be lifting each other up and the circumstances are vastly different, I hope Ria doesn't feel too chastised by posting this. She was relating her recent experience - that she decided to stop homeschooling. Sometimes I answer threads and put a bit more of my personal perspective in there than is necessary or helpful, but I do it because that's where I'm coming from. I'm sure Ria didn't mean to be discouraging to the OP, just coming at it from *where she is now*. And I know she herself could use a little encouragement. This hasn't been all easy for her.

 

Ria is a big girl and has always spoken her mind freely. That is what I am doing too. I am not criticising her choice to place her children into public schools. The point is that the OP is not coming from a place even remotely close to Ria's - at least from my own perspective. Ria can, and will, offer whatever she wishes to offer, but I don't have to agree with it. I think it can be very discouraging to promote public school to a brand new struggling homeschooler. This is, after all, a homeschooling board. This is just my opinion and your mileage may vary. I don't mean any offense to Ria.

[WTMindy]

But your ease of encouraging a newly struggling homeschool family to abandon homeschooling seems unfair to her and frankly, to those who are homeschooling and struggling. Your family situation is so different from hers that I don't really understand why you would even post this. So she is struggling, does that necessarily mean she should throw in the towel? I don't at all see how that helps *her* in her present situation.

 

It does not follow that just because we struggle that we should quit in the midst of it. Life is full of struggles and homeschooling is hard work some weeks. Almost everyone's first year of homeschooling is difficult--it is new and different and sometimes brings out hard things. We should be lifting each other up here when we face the hard times.

Well, the poster asked for advice about throwing in the towel and I think we do people a disservice when we all say, "No, keep doing it. It is OK if you don't plan lessons. You have a lot going on. etc...." I'm all for encouraging people through the hard times and it is hard the first year, but I also think that sometimes people need to hear, "If it isn't working for you, and you *know* it in your heart, it is OK to put them in school." Don't get me wrong, please. I'm not telling "A Home for their Hearts" that she should quit after one bad year, but I think it is OK to encourage someone who is struggling to be OK with putting their kids in school.

 

I am the first to give you a big hug, "AHfTH". I know you are struggling with pulling it all together. Many people struggle their first year, and especially with a new baby, etc. But again, you know in your heart of hearts what is best for your family.

[Kate CA]

Well, the poster asked for advice about throwing in the towel and I think we do people a disservice when we all say, "No, keep doing it. It is OK if you don't plan lessons. You have a lot going on. etc...." I'm all for encouraging people through the hard times and it is hard the first year, but I also think that sometimes people need to hear, "If it isn't working for you, and you *know* it in your heart, it is OK to put them in school." Don't get me wrong, please. I'm not telling "A Home for their Hearts" that she should quit after one bad year, but I think it is OK to encourage someone who is struggling to be OK with putting their kids in school.

 

I am the first to give you a big hug, "AHfTH". I know you are struggling with pulling it all together. Many people struggle their first year, and especially with a new baby, etc. But again, you know in your heart of hearts what is best for your family.

 

I understand what you are saying. I guess I just view it differently. I would hope "A Home..." can find the support and help she needs here, but mostly in real life. What if we all gave in when it got hard? No one would ever homeschool. :) I remember those crazy days with new babies - oh my heavens. We have had some very crazy years but my children are not worse for them. If anything they have made them stronger. I feel for her very much. I really appreciated what Tutor said in this thread. There is a great deal of wisdom in her good advice.

 

I am an unabashed supporter of homeschooling and I believe it can be a tremendous blessing to a family--in difficult times and in wonderful times. Sometimes there is more of one than the other and I also know that each family has to make their own choices. I am saying that just because it is hard or feels impossible, does not mean it is or that the answer then defaults to public school. :)

[Amy in Orlando]

I think you've received a lot of good advice and ideas to consider in this thread. I'll throw my two cents in just in case it helps.

 

School will not change your kids' attitudes and/or lack of respect for the better. And, in my experience (my oldest attended ps K-2, my twins K-1) school does not make life less stressful. School schedules, homework, even just packing lunches in the morning can all make life seem very stressful.

 

When we pulled our kids out of school (8 years ago!) I really did not have much of a plan. We had even less money. What I learned is what Joanne and Colleen and others have said. You just have to do it. You don't need to spend a lot of money to teach basic math, history, reading or science. A library card can take you very far. But, you do have to get up and "get 'er done" everyday.

 

Your older two children are close enough in age that you can combine most subjects which I found to be really helpful. And, for me, I have found that my confidence grew with each year. Your kids will hit certain stages/ages and you will see things "click" and you get that boost that you need to keep going.

 

Joanne outlined a very solid plan, imo. Can you adopt it and try to follow it for the next couple of months and see what happens?

[Colleen]

I think we do people a disservice when we all say, "No, keep doing it. It is OK if you don't plan lessons. You have a lot going on. etc...."

 

I agree ~ and I don't hear anyone offering such lip service in this discussion. I am not a homeschooling flag-waver, so to speak. I will say (and have said on these boards) that if people don't have the werewithal to provide their children the most basic education, they should pass the baton. I see a huge, huge difference, though, in context here. The original poster has four young children, only two of whom are even school-aged. She's just started homeschooling. She needs to learn some basics if she genuinely wants to pursue this path. A sound byte ("Well, I quit") from someone fifteen years down the line isn't particularly helpful, imo. Please understand. I absolutely agree that we can and should "encourage someone who is struggling to be OK with putting their kids in school" (as Mindy said). But to my ears, Ria's reply was far from encouraging. It offered no real advice, save for the obvious (e.g. we can't tell you what to do). As for knowing in our hearts what's best for our family, well...apparently some of you have a much easier time reading your hearts than I do mine. Would that life were so simple!

[Kelli in TN]

Do you WANT to be a homeschool parent?

 

Really it is that simple.

 

If you want to be a homeschool parent, then you just do it. Everyday.

 

Some days you will do it very, very well. Some days you will want to put your head through a wall.

 

Some days you will call your husband and at work and scream into the phone "He's reading! He's reading!" or "She turned in research paper! And it's a good research paper!" Some days you will call your husband at work and sob into the phone.

 

Some evenings your husband will come home to a tidy house, clean kids, dinner cooking and you looking like a million bucks. Some evenings your husband will come home and find chaos and you curled up in a corner of couch with glazed eyes.

 

Day after day. Year after year. You count your victories and chose to put aside your losses. If you are faithful, if you work hard, if you love them with words and actions, if you refuse to give in to mediocrity, if you refuse to give into laziness, if you refuse to give in to self-service, if you work through the fears and the 4:00 am panic attacks, if you give all you have, if you pour yourself out, if you see them as individuals and nurture them at their cores, if you remind yourself daily to find joy in each day no matter what....you will win.

 

Your children are so young. At this age, as long as you do not shortchange them on the skill subjects (math, reading (phonics or comprehension depending on their reading level), their discipline (get those attitudes in check!:) ), and their spiritual development, history and science and such can wait a bit until you catch your balance.

 

Get a routine, get a groove. I feel like as my kids have grown up, I have had to get a new routine or groove every year! I feel like I am constantly reinventing the wheel.

 

I hope that some of these posts have encouraged you. I hope that you can see that homeschooling does not come easy to many of us and yet, we do this because we want to do it and feel it is worth the sacrifice.

[WTMindy]

Sigh, I guess I must not have come across like I meant to come across since I got some negative rep for my post. I have great empathy for people who are in the trenches with new babies and toddlers, etc. My goal is always to be an encouragement here, so I'd like to clarify my opinion.

 

Sometimes giving someone support means letting them know that they don't have to continue homeschooling if they don't want to or feel that they aren't doing a good job.

 

I am sorry to "A home..." if I sounded like I was telling you to throw in the towel. Only you and your dh can know what is best for your family, and I certainly didn't mean to be a discouragement to anyone!

[Joanne]

If you want to be a homeschool parent, then you just do it. Everyday.

 

Yes, ultimately this is what needs to be done. But some people, and most people at times, need a plan to get there.

 

Some days you will do it very, very well. Some days you will want to put your head through a wall.

 

Some days you will call your husband and at work and scream into the phone "He's reading! He's reading!" or "She turned in research paper! And it's a good research paper!" Some days you will call your husband at work and sob into the phone.

 

Some evenings your husband will come home to a tidy house, clean kids, dinner cooking and you looking like a million bucks. Some evenings your husband will come home and find chaos and you curled up in a corner of couch with glazed eyes.

 

True. Very true. The thing, IMO, if you want to be a homeschooling family for whatever personal reasons is to remember that "public school" looms as the default solution to any seemingly homeschool problems. It is also (ever)present in our culture, media, TV, grocery store clerk and in laws.

 

That fact, combined with challenging times, often compell homeschoolers to make a public school choice. One very observable pattern is sending boys 9-12 to school when they hit that known challenging time.

 

Day after day. Year after year. You count your victories and chose to put aside your losses. If you are faithful, if you work hard, if you love them with words and actions, if you refuse to give in to mediocrity, if you refuse to give into laziness, if you refuse to give in to self-service, if you work through the fears and the 4:00 am panic attacks, if you give all you have, if you pour yourself out, if you see them as individuals and nurture them at their cores, if you remind yourself daily to find joy in each day no matter what....you will win.

 

I agree. Really. But not everyone can do this alone. Some need encouragement, assistance, help, cheerleading, a kick in the butt. For those people, I just want to be clear that does not mean they "shouldn't homeschool" but that they do have to seek situations and people.

[Melinda in VT]

What helped me the year I homeschooled (a crazy year during which we moved, bought a business, and ran it with no employees) was to get curriculum that only required me to do the next thing. And then I stayed off the curriculum board so I wouldn't second-guess myself. :o

 

So, we had (for 2nd grade):

Saxon math

Spelling Workout

First Language Lessons

SOTW

and a Science Encyclopedia

 

I could open Saxon math to the next lesson and, with no preparation, read the lesson, work the sample problems, and assign my son his math work.

 

For Spelling Workout, we just turned to the next page.

 

For history and science, we just read the next section. No mummified chickens for us, lol, but it was no-stress, it got done, and he learned.

 

When we were able to get to the library and get supplemental books, that was great. But I owned the spines, so if we didn't get to the library, that was ok.

 

My son was reading fluently, so I'd just have him read to me periodically and he did a lot of independent reading. If you need phonics work, I'd recommend something packaged (like Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, which I used successfully with my twins when they were in preschool).

 

The point is to make it as easy as possible for you to get the basics done. Forget the pie-in-the-sky plans. Once you are all into a routine, then you can supplement and expand your plans. But don't get so caught up in planning for the ideal that you don't implement the reality.

 

Good luck! We had a great time homeschooling and consider our homeschooling year a wonderful success.

[Kelli in TN]

Yes, ultimately this is what needs to be done. But some people, and most people at times, need a plan to get there.

 

 

 

 

 

I agree. Really. But not everyone can do this alone. Some need encouragement, assistance, help, cheerleading, a kick in the butt. For those people, I just want to be clear that does not mean they "shouldn't homeschool" but that they do have to seek situations and people.

 

Well, dang, Joanne, I was trying to be that encouragement, cheerleading, kick in the butt. :) She's not alone, she's got us! And we've got her!

[Kate CA]

Sigh, I guess I must not have come across like I meant to come across since I got some negative rep for my post.

 

For what it is worth, it was not me who gave it to you! :) Those negative rep slingers have too much time on their hands. :)

[A home for their hearts]

Sigh, I guess I must not have come across like I meant to come across since I got some negative rep for my post. I have great empathy for people who are in the trenches with new babies and toddlers, etc. My goal is always to be an encouragement here, so I'd like to clarify my opinion.

 

Sometimes giving someone support means letting them know that they don't have to continue homeschooling if they don't want to or feel that they aren't doing a good job.

 

I am sorry to "A home..." if I sounded like I was telling you to throw in the towel. Only you and your dh can know what is best for your family, and I certainly didn't mean to be a discouragement to anyone!

 

Please don't feel like you have discouraged me in anyway, you really haven't. It was good for me to hear that if I do end up sending my kids back to school that I am not a failure as a mother and your post help me see that. :)

 

Now for an update!

Thanks everyone for your advice, support, and encouragement. I have gotten so many replies that I am see going through them and weeding out what will work for me and what will not. I have decided that the reasons I pulled my dc out of school far outweigh the reasons for sending them back. I think, in a way, I was looking for an easy out, and simply there isn't one. Sure I could send my dc back to school and their education, for the most part, would be taken care of but then I would lose so much in doing so. I think I can liken this to having a baby! You think everything is going to be roses while your pregnant and things will just fall into place and be wonderful. Wrong! I really need to step back and find out what is important to me and my family. I need to get a fresher view, and decide what will work without having to worry that if I don't do everything the way it is layed out in TWTM I will end up messing up my dc. I've realized that I am so insecure in myself that unless I have something to tell me to do x y and z I feel like my dc won't be well educated. I love the idea of being able to buy a box curriuclum that has everything we need all layed out for us and all we have to do is show up. However, that is just impossible to do right now. There is no one we can afford it. So for now I'm going to compile a list of items still needed to be bought and through the help of Joanne, come up with an action plan. I will post back and let everyone know how we are doing on our new journey!

Thanks so much everyone!! ((((((GROUP HUG)))))) You really don't know how well you have help me out. :)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I need to get a fresher view, and decide what will work without having to worry that if I don't do everything the way it is layed out in TWTM I will end up messing up my dc. I've realized that I am so insecure in myself that unless I have something to tell me to do x y and z I feel like my dc won't be well educated.

 

I just wanted to tell you something you might not know. You know SWB, right? The co-author of The Book? Well, guess what? *She* doesn't do everything the way it's scheduled in TWTM, either.

 

Does that help? ;)

[A home for their hearts]

For Spelling Workout, we just turned to the next page.

 

The point is to make it as easy as possible for you to get the basics done. Forget the pie-in-the-sky plans. Once you are all into a routine, then you can supplement and expand your plans. But don't get so caught up in planning for the ideal that you don't implement the reality.

 

 

This is definitely what I have been hung up on for some time now. I really don't have time to plan out all these wonderful lesson plans, and implement them as well.

[Kelli in TN]

I just wanted to tell you something you might not know. You know SWB, right? The co-author of The Book? Well, guess what? *She* doesn't do everything the way it's scheduled in TWTM, either.

 

Does that help? ;)

 

 

:D

 

I met with a nervous soon to be homeschooler Sunday afternoon. As I handed her my well-worn copy of WTM to borrow I said "Ignore the schedules, the author really did not want to put them in there. And don't take the curriculum lists too seriously either."

 

I just wanted her to see the heart of The Book and not be freaked out by the details.

[A home for their hearts]

I just wanted to tell you something you might not know. You know SWB, right? The co-author of The Book? Well, guess what? *She* doesn't do everything the way it's scheduled in TWTM, either.

 

Does that help? ;)

 

Yes I do know that! I was completely floored when I read this. So, If SWB doesn't do everything the way it is scheduled in TWTM, than why do I think I have to? I really wish I knew the answer to that question, I think it just all goes back to my insecurities! :rolleyes:

Thanks for remind my that even the co-author of The Book doesn't do it all either!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Yes I do know that! I was completely floored when I read this. So, If SWB doesn't do everything the way it is scheduled in TWTM, than why do I think I have to? I really wish I knew the answer to that question, I think it just all goes back to my insecurities! :rolleyes:

Thanks for remind my that even the co-author of The Book doesn't do it all either!

 

Did you ever read this?

[WTMindy]

Please don't feel like you have discouraged me in anyway, you really haven't. It was good for me to hear that if I do end up sending my kids back to school that I am not a failure as a mother and your post help me see that. :)/QUOTE]

 

Oh good! I don't care about the rep, I just didn't want anyone to feel that I was discouraging! :-) It sounds like you are coming up with a plan of action. Sometimes it is good to revisit the reasons you started homeschooling in the first place in order to renew your enthusiasm. I'm saying a prayer for your family.

[Peggy in Va]

and want what's best for them. And, dare I say, you might be a perfectionist. Believe me when I say I'm not judging you. I only add the perfectionist part because I know I am and it was one of the biggest problems we had when we homeschooled.

 

I have 2 ds (4th & 5th grades) and we hs for 3.5 yrs. Last year we put them in ps. Not because they weren't learning, but because I felt like I was failing and wasn't doing a good enough job.

 

I had made elaborate, well thought out schedules. Great on paper, but when real life got thrown into the picture they wouldn't pan out. Most of it was my own fault for allowing too many outside activities (as wonderful as they may have been) to get thrown into the mix. You may not have the wonderful plans, but you do have a new baby.

 

I am not saying that you should continue to hs or that you should put them back in ps. That is something you have to decide for your own family.

 

We are seriously considering bringing the boys back home next year for a variety of reasons. As part of that consideration, I have had to do alot of soul searching as to what went wrong before. Oddly enough, I found that our biggest problem was me. Holding myself to such high standards for the benefit of my children. We should have high standards for ourselves, but I think we also need to give ourselved permission to breathe. To realize that as long as the basics are getting covered (math, reading, spelling) it will all be o.k. Your children are not not going to get into high school (should you choose to send them then) or college because they didn't have a formal science or history program in 2nd grade. I wish I had realized this when we put our kids in; it just so happened that it was science and history that were stressing me out.

 

I don't know if anything I've said will help. You've been given lots of good advice. Just remember that it's o.k. and absolutely necessary to allow yourself to breathe.

 

Peggy

[Colleen]

I didn't think you sounded discouraging; I just wanted to clarify my response to Ria after reading your response to Kate's response.:p:p:p

[Colleen]

This is definitely what I have been hung up on for some time now. I really don't have time to plan out all these wonderful lesson plans, and implement them as well.

 

I've never created a lesson plan in my life ~ and I'm in my 8th year of homeschooling. Come to think of it, I'm not sure what "lesson plans" even are, LOL. The majority of our schooling has always been a matter of "doing the next thing". I do use Sonlight for history; I appreciate the schedule. (Btw, plenty of folks with tight finances use SL.) But rest assured, lesson plans are not a mandatory part of homeschooling ~ certainly not with children as young as yours.

[G5052]

 

I've never created a lesson plan in my life ~ and I'm in my 8th year of homeschooling. Come to think of it, I'm not sure what "lesson plans" even are, LOL. The majority of our schooling has always been a matter of "doing the next thing". I do use Sonlight for history; I appreciate the schedule. (Btw, plenty of folks with tight finances use SL.) But rest assured, lesson plans are not a mandatory part of homeschooling ~ certainly not with children as young as yours.

 

I did the lesson plan thing for our first five years or so of homeschooling, and now I don't. The only thing I do ahead is to check if I need to get any science supplies for the week ahead on Saturday, and as my children have gotten older, I do preread some of the books that the folks flag on the Sonlight board as more "mature."

 

Even teaching at the college level and in Classical Conversations, the notes I make for each session are usually less than half a page handwritten. Of course both of those have set topics for each week, and my notes are just to make sure I have the handouts/supplies I need and to make sure I highlight certain critical points.