swimmermom3 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 My middle ds just registered for our large (2600), local high school for the fall. He was overwhelmed when we left, even though his older sister goes there. He's 4'8" and everyone and everything seemed huge to him. This decision isn't sitting well with me, but I definitely feel the pressure with regards to "socialization". My son has a couple of friends in our neighborhood and he is active in Civil Air Patrol, but that's it. He's run track for years and done competitive swimming but quit all of it this year. I think the breaking point was when he was up on the blocks at a swim meet and he was racing another young man his age who happened to be a foot taller. Someone asked my ds if he was in the wrong age group. Ugh! Anyway, what do your high schoolers do for "socialization"? I feel as though if we could develop a plan then we could continue to home school him for high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in Toronto Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 My 14 yo ds is in private school, but his outside activities include karate three times a week and Japanese language lessons on Saturdays. In both settings, he has made friends and enjoys the atmosphere and social aspects. This is a really awkward age for boys. My son is 5'10" and he has friends a foot shorter than he is. His voice has changed, but many of his friends' haven't. My older son was a late bloomer, so he was often the shortest in his "pack" at that age. Peace with whatever path you follow. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda in NM Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 My son was 6' at 14 (he just turned 15 last month). His life is team sports--he lives for hockey, and hopes to play professionally. He is on track to do so. He doesn't have much time to socialize outside of hockey, but he did manage to play baseball this year (and will be on the senior all-stars if they have one). He texts to stay in touch with his friends, who are all over the US...and a special girl in New Mexico (who he met through a hockey buddy). In his spare time <ha>, he plays classical viola. Had to drop out of the junior symphony, though--no time. Had to give up scouts and karate for hockey... My theme, here, is whether your son has a passion. My son's passion is hockey; all other activities seem to derive from that (although he still has friends at church that he's had for years...) HTH, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 With my dd, it's music, music, music. She's in a few homeschool bands (through a homeschool music program here) and she also plays in two worship bands at church. She attends a high school girls' Bible study and youth group at church, too. Despite all of this, I know she doesn't feel very intellectually connected with other kids her age, which has been true all her life. "Socialization" is a tough thing at this age. Hang in there! P.S. Both of my dd's are on the short side, too, but I know this doesn't carry the "stigma" with girls that it seems to with boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 My 15yo is 5'11" - taller than both of his older brothers. He is my most social child. He has friends everywhere. He loves track and one of his best friends is on the Junior Olympic Track Team with him. He practices 3 x week. On the weekends there are anywhere from 2 to 4 extra teenage boys over here. Once there was 15! He is just a natural people person. The other moms at my dd's gymnastics all asked if C was coming to our gym's family get together this weekend because he is so much fun. We were at a creek tubing with our youngest three last weekend and ran into one of my 10yo ds's friends. He asked where C was (my 15yo). Before I could answer, some random teenage girl said, "Oh, he's at Tylers." I didn't even know who she was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Here's what our 9th and 10th grade boys did this year to socialize: With 6th-12th Grade Homeschoolers: - monthly meeting of Student Council class representatives (plan & execute the monthly social events for all of the 6th-12th graders in our big homeschool group) - monthly Youth social event (theme parties, bowling, game nights, mini-golf, talent show, rollerskating/ice skating rink, etc.) - twice a year group community service events With 6th-12th Graders at Church: - weekly Youth group (Bible study, socials, etc.) - 1 week in a year work church Vacation Bible School - 1 month out of every 4 assist in or teach elementary-aged Sunday School classes With Other High School Students: - members of local public school tennis team - members of local delegation for Youth & Government (semester-long mock legislation meetings and final weekend-long event) Other Socialization: - regularly have friends over to play Rock Band, have nerf gun wars, hang out and listen to music - once every 2-3 months meet with any teens around town interested in having airsoft or paintball wars Other ideas for socialization: - swim team - sports team - book club - 4-H - debate/speech team - public/private school band, jazz band, or quartet, or community teen orchestra - Christian Youth Theater or other teen community theater group - Parks & Rec class - martial arts class Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnitaMcC Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 My middle ds just registered for our large (2600), local high school for the fall. He was overwhelmed when we left, even though his older sister goes there. He's 4'8" and everyone and everything seemed huge to him. This decision isn't sitting well with me, but I definitely feel the pressure with regards to "socialization". My son has a couple of friends in our neighborhood and he is active in Civil Air Patrol, but that's it. He's run track for years and done competitive swimming but quit all of it this year. I think the breaking point was when he was up on the blocks at a swim meet and he was racing another young man his age who happened to be a foot taller. Someone asked my ds if he was in the wrong age group. Ugh! Anyway, what do your high schoolers do for "socialization"? I feel as though if we could develop a plan then we could continue to home school him for high school. Ds starting 9th grade: Monday evening: Kung Fu Tuesday evening: Kung Fu Wednesday evening: Boy Scouts Thursday evening: Kung Fu Friday morning: co-op classes for science olympiad and gym Saturday morning: bowling league Sunday evening: Religious Education confirmation class. Dd starting 9th grade: Monday evening: Kung Fu Tuesday evening: Kung Fu Wednesday evening: Kung Fu Thursday evening: Kung Fu Friday morning: co-op classes for sign language and homeschool band Saturday morning: Sunday evening: Religious Education confirmation class. They also have their friends and they get together with them. This is what we have so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 (edited) Anyway, what do your high schoolers do for "socialization"? I feel as though if we could develop a plan then we could continue to home school him for high school. This thread should be mighty active! There are so many activities available to homeschooled kids (kids in general) that we contantly have to say no. Here are the activities my high schoolers have been or are currently involved with: *volunteering -- Mayo Clinic, local nursing home *debate and speech club *sports -- through the county, private school, private teams (swim) *church youth group *Pure Fashion -- a group that promotes fashion and virtue for teen girls *outside classes -- through co-op; stand alone classes I've organized; dual enrollment *home school support group activities *spontaneously organized activities with their friends -- swing dancing, movies, fun at each other's houses, etc. Do you know other homschooled high schoolers? Is there an active group in your area? Are you part of a church or other youth group? When we moved to a new city 5 years ago, I felt so isolated! We had left very good friends. I purposely sought out other families, especially older homeschoolers. I put together a book club, helped to start a speech and debate club, offered a biology class/lab and other activities to help get connected with high schoolers. You can do it. My bet is that if you research your area, you will find lots of outside opportunities for your ds. Best wishes, Lisa Edited June 18, 2009 by FloridaLisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 online: - The Rebelution website/chat forums (based from the book "Do Hard Things" written by twin teen boys; the website is for teens to encourage one another to not "live down" to low expectations but to choose to challenge themselves and take hold of the unique time/talents they have as teens to "do hard things") ministry/socialize: - check out this teen girl's idea for socializing AND ministering simultaneously: http://gnuhaus.com/reachout/ do something of mutual interest together: - some teen girls I know meet once a month and make some recipes together for dinner and then eat/talk/laugh together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Our sons' primary social outlets were church and Boy Scouts. They also played various sports in park and church leagues. We never got very involved in homeschool groups. Just didn't work for us as well as the other things mentioned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Thank you everyone. This gives me a few more ideas. We haven't found any home school groups in our area that have older kids in them and we aren't part of a youth group. He gave up Boy Scouts for Civil Air Patrol. I feel that if we could convince him to pick up his sports again that would be a big help. We've been so focused on the academics the past few years that I've let the social slide. He does volunteer at the library, but usually he's the only one under 30. That will change with summer. I forget that he could still take advantage of some of the school's clubs like Speech and Debate. "Socialization" is the one reason I feel like he maybe needs to go to ps. But it seems like such a poor reason. Do I have confusion and worry oozing from my thread?:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb in NZ Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 His social life revolves around gymnastics (2 hours daily training M-Sat. + occasional competitions on sundays) & seascouts (2 hours on mondays + 2-3 weekend events every month). He, also, plays drums in the local pipeband, is learning Muoy Thai, & sails his P-class sailboat on tuesday evenings during our summer months. Ds#1 has just begun attending venturers with his sister some friday evenings. My 17yod is a social butterfly. She sees a blank box on her calendar & sees it as a place to do_____, get together with_____, etc. She is a Young Mariner, SeaVenturer & member of our combined Ventuer unit, representative to the regional Venturer council, plays flute in the Youth Music concert band, does fencing (winters) & sails her Starling sailboat (summers + occasional winter weekends), volunteers weekly at SPCA & monthly at a local nature reserve, & takes part in homeschool activities through out the year when available. Socializing has never been the challenge for us, its more the staying home to do the schooling that is hard. Blessings, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen in VA Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 No homeschool groups here either! My four kids have been involved with -- * Civil Air Patrol * Fifing (substitute any musical group) * Debate (NCFCA -- very social!) * Volunteering at a historic site -- highly interactive. Not great for making friends but good for polishing social skills. * Boy Scouts * Youth group at a local church * Swing dancing (Our younger two's passion!) * Celtic dancing As the mother of kids ranging from EXTREME introvert to pretty serious extrovert, I have come to realize that kids may or may not "need" a huge number of friends. It may be that one or two friends their age and a bunch of social interaction with other people suffices. Kids differ in their need and in their ability to make friends. (If I leave my youngest in a room with other teens for any length of time at all, she will emerge with email addresses, phone numbers, and several friends. A different child of mine will sit in the corner and read!) Family history does play a role here too. Our oldest was entering 9th when we moved here, so she had no connections socially at all. Due to a lack of homeschool groups and the fact that our church not only didn't have a youth group but didn't have any girls around her age, she had very very few friends in high school. She had lots of social interaction due to her various activities, and she has blossomed socially at college. I'd like to encourge you to help your son pursue his passions, and if that results in his having few friends, that's okay -- so long as he is interacting with people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Ours do the Chess Club at our local high school, their church youth group, and a local Campus Life (Youth for Christ) group. Then they work next door at a local U Pick farm (work from spring to fall). When available, they take mission/work trips (with their groups) both in the US and overseas. We've never had socialization problems with any of them. They get along well with all ages. We've only been homeschooling the past 3 years... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda in NM Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 That was our issue last year as well--between traveling for hockey, special goalie practices and conditioning, and trying to get home (seven hours away), our schedule was very erratic. That's why we're seriously considering a year of highschool hockey in Michigan rather than travel...we'll have to see what happens. (He'd have to take three courses through the highschool, and I think they could include online courses...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 My guys are active in our church youth group (one ds also goes to another church's youth group), they play soccer, and we are involved in our homeschool co-op, which has several outside social activities, such as boardgame nights, community service opportunities, mini-gold outings, etc. Within co-op, 15yos is on staff for both the newspaper and yearbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace is Sufficient Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Both of my kids are shy, and unfortunately, most of the kids in our neighborhood are significantly younger. So, neither of my kids fits the current model of popularity and frequent interaction with their peer group. HOWEVER, I'm not sure that's a bad thing. I alternate between worrying about it, and realizing that it's my own public schooled "popularity and friends are the most important things in life" background that worries me. Frankly, both of my kids get along much better with adults than with their peers because they don't really share in many of the shallow interests of teens. And I'm okay with that. In fact, I see it as a head start on their future, not the opposite. $.02 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 We think along the same lines as "Grace Is Sufficient". Some of ours were quiet, some were talkative. Surrounding them with other people only made the quiet ones more quiet and the talkative ones more talkative. No surprise there. As far as sports/lessons though, which so many have cited for socialization purposes, I always had the attitude that they were there to learn - not socialize. I wasn't paying big bucks for them to socialize. That I can find for free. Now if they happen to strike up a friendship whilst in the process of learning, fine. But they better be doing the learning to the best of their ability, since that's why we were there in the first place. No way was I paying for them to socialize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 I pay for gymnastics for them to learn gymnastics, yes, but I also know that I am paying for them to learn to learn from someone else, and learn to get along day after day with other people, people whom they don't particularly like, or whom they even actively dislike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 My husband and I were shy enough that we weren't in the in crowd in high school. We had a few friends and that was it. We tolerated everyone else and they tolerated us. It was no big deal. We got out of high school and discovered that people were nicer outside and that the high school social scene had nothing to do with real life. We aren't at all worried about ours missing out on that. I'm much more worried about mine learning to get along with the people they don't like than learning to play with ones they do like. They can learn the latter very nicely (much more nicely in my opinion) at home. I can see how you might worry about what your child was missing if you had fun with the social high school scene, but honestly, I don't think you need to. -Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Katia Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Maybe your ds doesn't need a lot of social time. If it were my dd, just being in the CAP and volunteering at the library would be good! My teen dd also volunteers at the library twice a week, and yes, she is by far the youngest there, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have social time. She loves the gals at the library and they are a new set of friends for her! Age truly doesn't matter when it comes to socializing. We don't count dd's piano lessons as social time, because it's just her and her teacher, but it is, none the less, time out of our schedule to *go*. That makes it a break from home and school. The only other thing dd does is during the school year she is part of the community college choir class. It meets twice a week. She loves it! Fun songs, fun kids, fun teacher......oh and because of the choir class she got involved in the college musical production last semester. That was social time for sure, and she met a lot of new friends. Our church youth group has three other kids besides my dd....so.....sometimes they meet and do stuff.....other times; not. It's not a social activity we count on, kwim? And the library, choir and piano lessons are enough for her. She doesn't crave more social time, so.........I'm good with it. If your ds isn't complaining and wanting more social time...why put him in ps? He doesn't have to be with same-age people all.the.time. to socialize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 I agree that how much social time is desirable varies a lot by child. Mine are not teens yet, but their social calendars are quite different. My 10 yo is a competitive gymnast. She spends 16 hrs a week at the gym, plus going just for fun (open gym times). While I agree I expect her to work hard and learn during those times, I also think these are great social skill building times. There certainly are a lot of personalities to contend with and some just plain mean kids that have to be dealt with. There are also multiple coaches, so she gets to learn from multiple teachers. She is a super social kid and goes home with or brings home a friend as often as possible - which will be a couple times a week during the summer. My ds is quite the recluse. He does homeschool orchestra and some swimming, but he is not an athlete. We make sure he gets together with a friend weekly, but thats about it. As a family we are actively involved in church and the kids have more social opportunities there and as they get older that will continue to increase, but my son will continue to choose not to do much and my dd will do everything she has the opportunity to do. It is a personality thing. I don't think because one is not outgoing they have to be forced out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Something else that I want to throw out there is that my son has a more social summer than school year. It seems that many of his friends have become very busy with high school obligations, jobs, etc., but summer opens things up a bit. When my son was younger he played hockey, a great outlet for physical energy, but also a social one as well as a learning opportunity for getting along with (or tolerating) all sorts of different kinds of people. Now that my son is taking courses at the CC, he sees certain people regularly, socializing between classes or at lunch. Regular 4-H activities provide another social outlet, but I must say that many of my son's social experiences are with family. We often attend concerts, films or lectures together as a family. Sometimes we bring a friend along, but with the sports, school and church schedules that busy high schoolers have, it is often hard to find convenient times for everyone. I think that a driver's license brings a new freedom in high school. The other day, one of his friends stopped by after she finished working. The two went off for a game of Frisbee golf before returning to the never ending school work in my son's case and home chores for his friend. Perhaps things are different for high schoolers who have friends in easy walking or biking distance. Another interesting thing is that my son enjoys the company of many of our adult friends. For example, we had a house guest recently. My son was eager to join in the after dinner game playing that transpired. I will never understand why some adults feel that all teens must rove in packs. Some do, many don't. The latter often seem to have comfortable relationships with adults--or perhaps I am generalizing. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My dd15 is realy craving being part of the hustle and bustle of school. I phoned up to enrol her yesterday, but after talking to dh, we are going to try harder to fulfil her needs at home. Not that she doesnt already do plenty. She does Venturers, which is the teen section of Scouts here- both sexes. They are a water group, so they sail regularly. She does a science class where she gets to spend social time with other homeschoolers. And on Wednesday evenings she does a gymnastic class where she enjoys the social interaction as well. She also works part time and does music lessons, and an art class, but these are not particularly social activities. However, it doesnt seem to be enough. I know many parents would scoff at that, but when you have a very social kid who wants to be part of the group....the alternative is a depressed teenager who mopes through her days and feels achingly lonely on the days she doesnt see other teens. So, dh is encouraging me to get her into a drama academy, and/or a soccer club, both of which she feels positive about. They just need to fit into our schedule, which is getting harder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jibaker103 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My ds wants to go back to school because he misses his friends but he doesn't make an effort to step out of the house and meet them when they live in our neighborhood! I try to get him involved in different clubs and he barely talks to anyone. I think it is the puberty/hormonal imbalance that occured as soon as he turned 13. I have higher hopes for this 8th grade year. I will start him off gently with a sport and book club at the local library! Jennifer Mother to Noah Age 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaof2andtwins Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Lisa, I am sure every family is different, but my 15 yo is part of youth group at church. He plays hockey almost year round, and we are part of a homeschool gym and swim group. This seems to keep him very busy. Jennie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maura in NY Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Besides the obvious - hanging out with a friend - my non-sporty boys' social activities included the following this year: Film Club (2 -- one more formal than the other. Find a group of kids who are interested, and rotate houses. Set some parameters, provide a little adult supervision, and try to get a discussion going.) Various book clubs Kid-driven drama activities ("Hey, I know! Let's put on a show!" It always makes me think of those old Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland movies, but the kids have a great time, and the group they've been involved with puts the shows on for a good cause.) Chemistry coop - I know that doesn't sound social, but when it was 3 families, with students ranging from 8 to 13, plus siblings, it was very much a social activity. Youth Group activities Basketball clinic run by one of the dads, for all ages and experience levels The hard part is finding a group (or better yet, several different groups) that your teen is comfortable with. I don't know how many homeschoolers are in your area, but one of the best things you can do is find a way to meet as many as possible. In my area we have a variety of different homeschooling groups (unschooling, Evangelical, Catholic) which all serve different needs in different parts of the homeschooling community. But some wise ladies decided to set up a yahoo loop for EVERYONE who homeschools in the area so that we could share ideas. All kinds of social activities come across the loop -- some I would never consider for my own kids, but others than turn out to be something great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 20, 2009 Share Posted June 20, 2009 My middle ds just registered for our large (2600), local high school for the fall. He was overwhelmed when we left, even though his older sister goes there. He's 4'8" and everyone and everything seemed huge to him. This decision isn't sitting well with me, but I definitely feel the pressure with regards to "socialization". My son has a couple of friends in our neighborhood and he is active in Civil Air Patrol, but that's it. He's run track for years and done competitive swimming but quit all of it this year. I think the breaking point was when he was up on the blocks at a swim meet and he was racing another young man his age who happened to be a foot taller. Someone asked my ds if he was in the wrong age group. Ugh! Anyway, what do your high schoolers do for "socialization"? I feel as though if we could develop a plan then we could continue to home school him for high school. They both take several outside classes. There are several options where we live, so the same kids aren't in each class. That gives them a group of about 30 peers. It's in the classes where they make their new friends. The kids have organized proms, etc. too. The kids decide what to do on Saturdays--usually the mall or a movie, sometimes tennis or a pool. They self-direct their socializing. BOth our kids are in youth group at church. They've known a lot of the kids there for a number of years. Both take karate, but with mostly college students, so that's not a source of friends. They've played a couple sports, but if they weren't friends going into the team, practices are rarely the times to establish friendships. One son is on an Odyssey of the Mind (OM) team--that is friendship-building. And they participate in Toastmasters. All told, I'd say church, OM, and their "entrepreneurial" get togethers are most important for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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