Reading...to push or to lay off?

[mo2]

Dd6 has no interest in learning to read. None whatsoever. Whenever I pull out ETC, Phonics Pathways, or the flash-card based games I made up for us to play, she throws a fit. She doesn't complain if I get out science, math, copywork, or history, but she absolutely reverts to her toddler-stage temper tantrums when I bring out the phonics.

 

Do you think I should push it, or back off for awhile? If I back off, when should I try again? How will I know she is ready? Is it something I'm doing, the methodology, her attitude, or is she just not ready?

 

Of course you can tell by this point that she's my first, and I'm totally stressing teaching her to read. I could read before I went to kindergarten, and reading has always been so easy for me, I guess I don't really see how it can be so hard for her, and I don't know how to make it easier on her. Any advice would be appreciated! TIA

[Kathy in MD]

Did your dd ever have a speech problem? Or was she delayed in developing speech? If she did, it may be difficult for her to hear the subtilties of sounds to associate with the correct letter. Sound Reading CD is a good way to help this (I've been told to avoid the rest of their reading materials). Reading Reflex also has some pre-phonics work, I understand.

 

On the other end of the spectrum, some parents have reported their dc didn't want to learn to read because they thought their parents wouldn't read to them anymore. Sometimes a promise is what is needed. :p

 

Whatever, unless there is an underlying problem (dev. vision can also cause problems, but if she can do written math I wouldn't expect it to interfere with phonics), I'd push on, either with ETC or a different program.

[Momof2kids]

My son is 8-1/2 and only now is he realizing that reading is a good skill to have. I think he really had to realize the value in reading or else it was just some thing to do that served no purpose. He is very good in math and saw the value in money and how it works in his life so he was always good with numbers and money. But he didn't see the value in reading and how it can enhance his life until recently.

 

My son also never liked the whole reading curriculum, flashcards, phonics worksheets approach.

 

Finally I did just back off and left it up to him. There were times we did no reading at all because the more I pushed, the more he resisted. It just wasn't worth the fight to me. It just wasn't that important that he read by a certain age. He was learning in other ways though and he is very good in math so I focused on that and let reading slide.

 

My son also threw some fits and was very resistant to reading. When he got a little older (7) and he could verbalize better, he explained to me that reading was hard for him and that's why he didn't like to do it and would throw fits. Now he is 8-1/2 and he still says it's hard for him but he is more mature and I can reason with him that he should do a little reading practice each day and he will improve. (He reads from the McGuffey Readers every weekday). And since he is now more mature he now understands that some things you just have to work a little harder at. Now at 8-1/2 I am more comfortable pushing him a little harder and our reading time is more like a partnership and not me "doing something to him" by forcing reading upon him.

 

I know how you feel though. It's tough, especially when you hear of kids teaching themselves to read at 5 and your kid has no interest in even opening a book. I finally just had to stop comparing my son to these kids and focus on what he was good at and wait for reading to come later.

[mo2]

Hmmm...

I don't remember at exactly what age she did start speaking, but I remember thinking she was never going to talk! People always used to says, "Well, maybe she just doesn't have anything to say yet." Otherwise, no, nothing unusual. As far as I can tell, her vision is fine too.

[coffeegal]

My suggestion is to keep pushing gently. My youngest went through a stage of resisting phonics and I pulled out the m&m's! :eek: Everytime he said a sound correctly he got an m&m. You can use tea & cookies, little bits of cheese and apples, anything that makes it more pleasant for your dd. Also, a friend had a dd who did not want to read but was more than happy to learn to write. My friend slowly taught her dd to read by teaching her to write. She showed her how to write letters and put the letters together to form short vowel words. Eventually her dd showed an interest in reading, once she'd learned the basics.

 

Another thought, my young dc become resistant and wiggly when school gets difficult. I've found backing up to the beginning and starting over, or backing up 10-20 lessons works wonders for our schooling. My dc remain willing workers and gain confidence recovering the material. Once we've reached the 'weak spot', the children are usually confident to keep moving forward for a time. I call it the 2 steps forward, one step back method of schooling. :p You might consider backing up and restarting phonics from the beginning. :rolleyes:

 

Best of luck!

[Momof2kids]

If you have access to Home Education Magazine (the library maybe?) they have an article in July/August 2007 written by Tamra Orr who talks about her 4 children and when each one learned to read. It's a comical read. One of her kids was 13 when he learned. :eek: Another was 12. One was 9 and one was 6. This poor mother wanted to tear her hair out since reading was such a huge part of her life.

 

This article came at a time when my son was almost 8 and I needed a reminder that some times it just works out this way.

 

My daughter learned around 6 or 7. But she was willing, had a good attitude and was a bit of a "pleaser". My son is very stubborn and has his own ideas!

 

Anyway, Home Education Magazine has all the articles on their website but it only goes up 2006. I don't know when they will post 2007.

[hana]

I'm with relax and encourage. Encourage any aspect of reading she does like--going to the library, perhaps, snuggling for read-alouds, etc.

 

BUT, does she have younger siblings? If so, you may want to push a little so that she stays ahead. I don't mean that to sound competitive, but what I found with two of my older children was that when the younger learned to read, the older was really put off and chose not to read. This seems to be about to happen with my two youngest, so I'm really working with the older. Hmmm... maybe it's just my family. :o

[Momof2kids]

Found it!!!

 

http://homeedmag.com/pr/?p=76

[Narrow Gate Academy]

At 6, I would push ahead gently. When my girls throw a tantrum at something school related, I usually tell them that I'm sorry they don't want to do whatever but that's its a skill they need to learn and I try to explain why. I then remind them of my expectations, that they give it their best effort for x amount of time each day without complaining. When they give me their best effort without complaining, I praise their good attitude and try to point out how I see them improving so they understand that they are making progress even if it's very slowly. At the same time, I watch very carefully to see if they are really struggling with a concept. If they are then we generally back up and review. The two steps forward, one step back method mentioned above.

[Closeacademy]

When my dd was resistent I would back off or even drop formal instruction for a month or two. When she was interested I would follow her lead.

 

Some thing that we did that I have found really helps:

 

Word window--have your child tell you words to write on the window with window markers or crayons.

 

Look for sounds in the world--right now my dd is searching out words with ch and oo sounds.

 

Fun phonics worksheets--I print them out and let her play with them on her own or with help if needed. I have links on my blog to a whole slew of sites for these.

 

Leap pad videos and other phonics videos to just reinforce sounds.

 

Starfall--this site can be a lot of fun and a phonics diversion for a few days.

 

Basically, when they resist--I back off. And then just provide enrichment. You know when they are ready by the fact that they will be trying it on their own or asking you for it. That is when I pounce and work with them.

 

When I know that my dc know the sounds and can blend without pain. I will stick them in a corner and have them read every day with books that are too easy like Bob books and such. I am nearby but not listening unless they ask for help with a word. I also use incentives at this point--small prizes for every 25 books and a large $25.00 prize for 100 books/stories read.

 

Good luck!:)

[JennW in SoCal]

I'm good at telling others to relax and wait, but often will panic and push when it comes to my own kids! So, understand that I know how hard it is to put away the phonics programs, but perhaps that is what you should do for now. Leave it for a few months, then try again.

 

Don't forget reading and phonics is in everything else you are doing together. There are lots of easy reader books you can read aloud, keeping you finger on the words as you read. Don't limit your reading aloud to those, of course. If she can handle listening to longer chapter books, go for it! If she likes to draw or write, you can sound out and spell out what she's writing. My youngest son learned lots from watching the PBS show "Between the Lions" (is that what it is called?).

 

My oldest son didn't read fluently until he got a Playstation, and he wanted to read the instruction magazines that we got to go with his first game. All those phonics games and phonics readers, and it was Crash Bandicoot that got him reading! For the youngest son, it was joke books that got him reading fluently, because he loved being the first to tell us the jokes. We suffered through a few months of bad "knock knock" jokes, but it cemented his reading! They both were about 7 when these reading leaps took place, and are excellent readers now, handling material far above grade level.

 

Its like potty training. Just when you think they are going to be heading off to college in diapers, they finally get it. Watching them learn to read is very similar! Just provide a rich language environment, and she will read.

[LadyAberlin]

My sister wasn't interested in reading at that age and my mom didn't push. Then when she was * she decided that she wanted to read and my mom pulled out the Alpha phonics and ETC and she was reading in no time. She reads more than anyone I know and it is classics that she reads for fun, not the junky novels. So I'd take a break for a while.

[Ellie]

I would also pick one method and stick with it, and I wouldn't do flashcard-based games.

 

Dd6 has no interest in learning to read. None whatsoever. Whenever I pull out ETC, Phonics Pathways, or the flash-card based games I made up for us to play, she throws a fit. She doesn't complain if I get out science, math, copywork, or history, but she absolutely reverts to her toddler-stage temper tantrums when I bring out the phonics.

[RootAnn]

I once had a homeschool mother of 7 tell me that if my child didn't seem to "get" what we were doing with reading to back off for a few months. Just like potty training, there is something in their brain that just "clicks" when they are ready to put everything together for reading.

 

I know you didn't say that she has trouble doing it, just that she resists. There must be a reason she's throwing a tantrum. I won't psychoanalyze it. But, I'd leave off for a couple of months. Now, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't tease her a bit. . . .

 

I've been known to stop reading aloud in a book at the end of a chapter and then read silently to myself one more chapter - making sure the kid knows I am doing it. This makes her SO MAD because SHE wants me to read it to her. I will then hand it to her and she can read it to herself. I don't do it a lot, but it helps increase the desire to read without you actually pushing it.

 

And, I can't say enough good things about Spell to Read and Write. It is a tough start for a teacher, but we've achieved flight altitude and are gliding along nicely! We used 100EL last year (all 100 lessons) but DD6 still struggled to read "fluently." This year, using SRW, she has just taken off in her reading ability.

 

When she wants to, she'll stop fighting you. IMO, the more you push, the more she'll fight.

 

I swear potty training & learning to read are similiar in so many ways! Good luck!

[Hestia]

I have had similar problems with my almost 6 year old and found that backing off and playing some word games for a week or two helped to raise his confidence and then I began to use 'The Ordinary Parents Guide To Teaching Reading'. We started formally at section 3 but also learnt the vowel and consonant rhymes which I just casually sang to 'myself' whilst fixing dinner and he began singing along to when he thought we weren't listening. He likes that he can see the end of the lesson coming. (sometimes he is clearly overwhelmed by it all, so we do half the lesson and then either do it later or the next day.)

We use Oxford Reading Tree's early readers and he now asks to read them after his 'reading' lesson.

 

For word games I would suggest:

Hiding cvc words around the house and have her find them

Making up word searches to do together whilst you 'stuggle' to find the words

Leaving her special messages under her pillow and helping her to sound them out.

Having her 'write' notes on her magnadoodle or make name cards for cuddly toys.

 

Most of all I would not let her see that it frustrates you in the slightest, but make sure to applaud even the smallest of progress.

[Mrs Mungo]

My middle daughter flipped on her switch when I sat her down one day with a pile of flashcards and bowl of M&Ms. Bribery, sometimes it works.

[Carol in Cal.]

It takes forever to teach kids to read until they are ready, and then it tends to move pretty quickly.

 

My inclination would be to back off, but in such a way as not to give the impression that you're backing off BECAUSE he resisted--that would be a fatal error, LOL!

 

I remember having to do this with my DD. I think that what happened was that I stopped having her only read to me for 30 minutes in our 'next level' book, but instead had her read to me for 15-20 minutes in that book and to herself for 15 minute in a book that she found easy. Then she would read one page to me that she picked, and one that I picked, from the 'easy' book--these were very short Dr. Suess pages, so that was not onerous. That way I knew for sure that she was reading during the time of the SSR.

 

I did this because I thought that it was hard for her to work at her limit all the time, and that she would benefit from consolidating her skills and also from realizing that she had, in fact, progressed quite a bit--something that is not clear when your only experience with reading is struggling with new material. I did this after we had plowed through 100 eZ lessons, and had moved on to some Scholastic easy phonics readers.

 

I also told her that she could stay up as late as she wanted as long as she was in bed, reading.

 

And I convinced her that I was afraid that she would learn to read, because then she would be able to figure out all my secrets. This was difficult, as I had been reading to her and in front of her forever. If there was one thing she knew about me without question, it was that I loved reading and enjoyed sharing it. But this really helped, because by that time she kind of had her back up about the whole thing. After that she was willing to admit (gloatingly) that she LOVED to read, and that she was not about to let herself forget how to do it just so I could keep some old secrets from her, ha ha!

[Mom0012]

I went to a homeschool convention a few years ago and heard Jessie Wise speak. When beginning to teach a child to read, she recommended saying to the child, "Now, would you like to go and take a nap or would you rather do a little phonics with Mom?" Everyone got a chuckle out of this, but her point was that not all children want to learn to read, but all children need to learn to read.

 

That being said, I've had one eager beaver and one that was more reluctant. I encouraged the reluctant one by telling her that she was going to work with me for a while and then I would read her a story she had picked or spend a little time working with her on the potholder she was making, etc. This really made a difference in her attitude.

 

Lisa

[Kathy in MD]

Hmmm...

I don't remember at exactly what age she did start speaking, but I remember thinking she was never going to talk! People always used to says, "Well, maybe she just doesn't have anything to say yet." Otherwise, no, nothing unusual. As far as I can tell, her vision is fine too.

does have some mild problems with phonemes (pre-cursors to phonics). It wouldn't hurt to drop back and focus on rhyming and the activities I mentioned earlier for a while. Or just drop back to an easier stage in phonics.

 

I have a major problem with backing off entirely. Your dd is reaching the age where even the Scandanavian countries deem almost all children developmentally ready to read. If they're struggling at age 7 chances are that there is a major reading impediment (and there are tons of them). Keep working at a gentle pace, but keep working at reading in some form.

 

And now I'll climb onto my soapbox and rant - a lot :eek:

I hate it when people advise others to wait and talk about late "bloomers". Often you will see posts about this or that late bloomer. However we often see parents on the Special Needs boards asking for reading help after waiting for years for "the bloom" :rolleyes: Had I waited for when many posters would consider it a good time to look for help, my almost 14yo still wouldn't be reading. It's taken years of therapy to correct all of his physical problems. Now my ds is exceptional, aren't we lucky :rolleyes:, but the damage of trying and trying to read is devestating to any child. My ds started phonics at 3.5 yo. For years, I listened to others tell me "He's almost reading. Just be patient" Finally at age 7 we went looking for answers - 1 year too late. The damage was already done.

 

Coming off my soapbox. By no means do I think your dd has major problems given what you've posted. But my blood boils everytime I hear "Just wait..." How many children have suffered unnecessarily because of that phrase? I guess I didn't get off my soapbox after all. :rolleyes:

[Momof2kids]

Kathy in MD I can see your point but I don't like it when I hear of my neighbors kids in public school who are in remedial reading classes in K and 1st grade and being "labeled" as slow readers.

 

Also, like you see a "just wait" attitude running rampant, I so often see "LD" and special needs being the first thing out of someones mouth if a child can't read by 6. That too is very frustrating to keep bumping up against.

 

Anyway, my sons friend is only a few months younger than my son and he is in one of these remedial programs at school and I talk to his mom about all the extra help he's getting. And he still reads no better than my son at this point. So what's this extra help getting him besides frustrated?

 

I asked my friend how her son feels being put into a program like this and if he feels funny or less smart than the other kids. And do you know what she said!!?? She said "Oh no not at all. Almost all of the kids are in one program or another getting extra help!" Yeesh.

 

Listen to your gut and your instincts and you'll feel it inside if there is really something wrong that need special attention. Read books about reading and about teaching reading and about reading problems. I did all this research and concluded nothing was wrong with my son. Sure, I worried about it. It's only natural to worry some.

 

Reading to me is just so personal an issue. It IS like potty training, like the other poster said. It's like there's this whole psychological/physical thing that surrounds it that the child needs to get through and some take longer than others.

 

Oh well, good luck with all of this. Take it all in and you'll know what to do next.

[WTMindy]

I would not reward a tantrum by giving it up. However, have you analized what it is she dislikes? I guess my suggestion would be to not move forward but continue to practice what she has already learned for as long as she needs it in order to master the concepts. I would tell her that a good effort gets a reward and a tantrum earns her more practice. I would actually be more concerned about a tantrum than the lack of reading.

[kellycbr]

I'm almost finished with the book "Read Right" by Dee Tadlock. Google her name and you will find her website. She has a doctorate in reading education, taught herself how to read at 3 or so, came from a family of high achievers, is married to an excellent reader, and ended up having a bright son who couldn't read. It became her passion to figure out the problem by researching how brains work and coming up with a solution that helped her son become an excellent reader very quickly. I'm encouraged by her book, and am going to try out her techniques with my dc. My son hates to read, and am hoping her gentle, sublte, and effective methods will change his attitude. Her Read Right curriculum is in many schools, and I wish it were offered at our local school, as well. Good luck!